Adult ADHD

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Wellsy

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Mar 30, 2021
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I've long suspected that I have always had some form of ADHD. This is something I've thought about for years but upon reflection the symptoms have been present for my whole life. I've always struggled to focus, I've highly disorganised, forgetful, fidgety and impatient. I have huge, sometimes viscerally noticeable mood swings where I feel my mood changing in a moment. I interrupt people and am "a bit much" as friends have lovingly said at times

This is something I'd contemplated but never really thought posed an issue or something to deal with, and I've often thought that people can be too quick to medicalise perfectly normal personal quirks of behaviour. recently however I've began to think that it's actually caused me issues with personal relationships, at work, in my career and hobbies etc, that are much more severe than I first thought. I'm considering exploring the referral process, and wondered if anyone else on here has gone through it, has experience with living with ADHD, has their own feelings or suspicions etc regarding this sort of thing
 
My sister recently (2 years ago) got diagnosed and has really benefited from it. Medication has really helped and I think also having the diagnosis has given her some clarity etc. Im very similar to my sister but I havent been through the process of getting a diagnosis, but its not something Id rule out in the future if I feel its impacting work and other aspects of my life! Hope you get something sorted soon + If it helps I think she went through a charity Psychiatry UK or something (would need to check) for her diagnosis as standard NHS waiting lists are unsurprisinglu pretty long!
 
I would caution against Psychiatry UK. I have been waiting nearly a year for an ASD diagnosis, when they told me it would take 3 months.
Meanwhile it took my girlfriend almost two years to get an ADHD diagnosis through them. Since diagnosis she's had a pretty poor experience with them, with her provider being very unprofessional and appearing to hardly bother reading her messages.
Furthermore they have a policy of only giving 12 weeks to titrate, upon which they threatened to remove her from the program, a policy which is not mentioned in any of the documents she signed, in fact we have only found it mentioned in a single blog post. This 12 week policy is a problem if you discover that the medication you are trying does not work for you when they up the dose (by doesn't work I mean she had a resting heart rate over 110 and constant pins and needles and nerve pain).
Having discussed with other friends who have gone through them it seems that experience is very hit or miss dependant on the provider you are assigned.
 
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I don’t know what the fuck I am. I know I’ve had issues since childhood, but hadn’t considered it anything “medical” until around 11 years ago. My son was was having issues socially and behaviourally. Five years old, biting, extreme tantrums, hiding under school desks and refusing to come out etc. We were getting called into school almost weekly. School counsellor referred him for assessment. It was hard to work out what was trauma from his mother’s illness and death, two years before and what was, perhaps, something else. There was a significant level of clumsiness, quite extreme, visit to A&E type stuff. Dyspraxia was bandied about. I had to take him for the assessment (things were so bad, we jumped the queue). It was an almost all day affair, my partner was not allowed to come with us. He breezed through all the coordination tests, which shocked me. Anyway, late in the afternoon the psychologist in charge, took me into her office, leaving him playing with one of the others. Long conversation short: “ He’s almost certainly ASD, just like you.”
Bit taken aback, I protested.*

She laid out all my tells and masking behaviours, apparently she’d been assessing me as much as my son.
Anyway, just realising, has helped me moderate my behaviours. I have considered getting a formal diagnosis, even medication, but I’m a bit scared that I will lose my edge, the flashes of inspiration that have made me “successful “. Does that make sense? It costs me dearly, my relationship is falling apart, we’re essentially separated (putting up with me for 12 years is a big ask). I basically live alone, half way around the world. 🤷‍♂️
So, my son was removed from the SENs register in Year 7. Got straight 9’s in his mocks (except the 6 in Eng Lit , which he hates), Captain of the school Rugby team, taller than me at 16, steady girlfriend for almost two years, friendship group seems to be almost all climbers and a couple years older than him etc etc. Hopefully he won’t have the shaky start to adult life I did. Going through military basic training at 18, put me on the right path; but I think the early understanding and learning to manage his behaviours, as a child, is a much better start.

I think I exhibit some ADHD characteristics but more ASD, a little worried that there’s a hint of Bipolar, seem to have managed with a few short (12 monthish) bouts on Fluoxetine over the last three decades. Only once truly experienced suicidal feelings, 25 years ago now, but climbed back to the correct side of the 14th floor balcony railings, without help. Oh, and I was P7R (medically downgraded) on discharge (1997) with PTSD, but not had much issue with that after a short resurgence during my wife’s late stage illness and death, 13 years ago.

Sounds like I’m a complete mess, doesn’t it? Not at all.

I function very well, 90% of the time. Never crumble during a crisis, though I might need a quiet room to scream in when things calm down. I have learned to see the bad stuff coming and move to mitigate, even avoid. Simply knowing why I feel the way I do, helps me to suppress it and redirect. Recognise an angry rant is rising and shove it into a stand-up routine. Grab a pencil and start drawing. Throw myself into a difficult, absorbing, problem. So, I’m only a bit odd, quirky, not a raving lunatic.

I should not, probably, have written that, publicly. However, I’m fairly sure, after all these years, I’m not particularly different from many of my colleagues. When I first got to the Boardroom, 25 years ago, I was quite shocked by the prevalence of angry, sweary, rants; from all around the table. A quarter of a century late and a few different tables, seems the same. So, I just call it” being passionate and driven” and get on with shit.

* I mean, I’m Mr Successful, Mr Take Charge, blah blah blah. Ok, so I crash occasionally (literally sit in a dark room for a couple of days, hardly eat). Ok, so I have jumped from job/role to job/role over and over (that’s just how I got my “broad experience and knowledge base, right? Literally having to rebuild my life from scratch, losing partners/relationships and friends). Obsessing over my latest hobby, spending vast amounts on it, racing through training phases to get to the highest point I can, then, after doing something reasonably top level in that field, decide I’m never going to top that and dump the whole thing. Ranting like a lunatic in the workplace is just normal, right? Being unable to write or speak without a bewildering number of segues, nested clauses and superfluous detail, isn’t the least bit odd, yeah? The arm waving thing is just my (actually quire remote) Italian ancestry and all passionate people stamp their foot like a toddler, when frustrated, don’t they? I’m fucking lucky I actually produce results and have the odd good idea, because even I know I’m a nightmare to work with or for. My team, I think, forgive me, because my Denis Leary style rants about shit that’s pissing us all off, seem to release tension and have most in hysterics.
 
Can't comment re: ADHD, but from my experience as someone with autism, I'd like to add:

You need the official diagnosis in order to get ADHD meds if you need them (and things like work accomodations if you need those). And it can be important and validating to have that professional opinion.

But while you're fighting your way through the referral process to get a diagnosis, nothing stops you from reading up on ADHD and learning all the various tips and tricks and tools that other people with ADHD and professionals have developed. If you read up on ADHD and go "shit, that sounds like me," and you try a particular coping strategy and find that it works for you, no-one can swoop and say "You don't have an official diagnosis yet so you're not allowed to do that."

And honestly, in my experience with autism, that "holy shit I'm reading a description of myself" self-diagnosis moment is actually fairly reliable.

Doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing a formal diagnosis or that a full assessment can't give you more and different information, just that you don't have to twiddle your thumbs and feel like you're not allowed to do anything while you're on the waiting list.

In my experience, just having a better understanding of how your own mind works (and how your perspective/experience may be different from that of other people around you) can make a huge difference, and enable you to adapt and cope a lot better.
 
I do not have ADHD but this is a topic that interests me a lot. Please take all the below in the spirit of enquiry/interest and assume a high level of ignorance on my part!

Slab Happys post is a good one and a good strategy for learning coping strategies - but does one have to be slightly careful with self-diagnosis? I gather there is quite a big influencer presence around ADHD and many have not been formally diagnosed by a professional, which leaves me a bit uncomfortable. Similarly, in a recent interview with The Times Nadine Dorries said that her ADHD was diagnosed by her daughter, who is a psychotherapist. To me there are 2 major problems with that diagnosis - the family connection and the fact that again, as I understand it, psychotherapists cannot actually formally diagnose the condition. Is this sort of 'diagnosis' helpful to neurodiverse people as a community?

I read this article a few years ago and found it quite convincing. You will need to run it through 12ft.io to get round the paywall. I would be interested in any critiques from posters on here.
https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2022/12/rise-adhd-diagnoses-attention-deficit-disorder

Ultimately anything that helps people feel more confident and sure in themselves is good and I have no skin in the game- but Wellsy's comment about medicalising normal behavioural quirks reminded me of a line from that article about 'medicalising the trials of life' which got me thinking (actually it wasn't that article so must be from somewhere else). This may be better in a separate thread, so if so apologies for hijacking Wellsy!
 
Similarly, in a recent interview with The Times Nadine Dorries said that her ADHD was diagnosed by her daughter, who is a psychotherapist. To me there are 2 major problems with that diagnosis - the family connection and the fact that again, as I understand it, psychotherapists cannot actually formally diagnose the condition. Is this sort of 'diagnosis' helpful to neurodiverse people as a community?

I mean, I think the major issue there is that it's Nadine Dorries ...

You are entirely correct that psychotherapists aren't qualified to diagnose ADHD, and even if they could, it'd be utterly inappropriate for them to diagnose a family member! Though obviously, for some people, a relative saying "yeah I think you might have this" might be a starting point for exploring the question and maybe ultimately getting a diagnosis.

But "Nadine Dorries says she has it because her daughter says so" is not an indication that there's a widespread problem of people across the UK leaping to the conclusion that they have ADHD purely because random relatives say so and they think that's equivalent to a formal diagnosis.

It's like Boris Johnson claiming he can be "a bit spectrum-y" on the grounds that he supposedly sometimes struggles to understand other people's feelings, you know? Whereas he is in fact by all accounts a very socially-adept person who's just a massive twat.

Or the allies of Elon Musk who've claimed he's a poor widdle autistic who's just too innocent and pure to know what a Nazi salute is.

(Musk may or may not actually be on the spectrum, I have no idea of his diagnostic history, but it's irrelevant because obviously he knew exactly what he was doing and anyway he can fuck right off. It's hilarious how much the autistic community haaaaaaates him at this point.)

These are not serious people, and we don't have to take them seriously as if it's a counter-argument against the person who's had lifelong significant problems and has started reading up on ADHD or autism and had that "oh shit I think this is a description of me" moment.

The latter is at least indicative enough for me to say they should feel entitled to test out some of the strategies that work for people with ADHD or autism (as applicable) and see if it works, you know?

And if they try that and it doesn't seem to help or mesh with their problems at all, and using the lens of autism or ADHD doesn't seem to make any more sense of what they're dealing with -- that's obviously a reason to reconsider.
 


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