Adult ADHD

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Wellsy

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I've long suspected that I have always had some form of ADHD. This is something I've thought about for years but upon reflection the symptoms have been present for my whole life. I've always struggled to focus, I've highly disorganised, forgetful, fidgety and impatient. I have huge, sometimes viscerally noticeable mood swings where I feel my mood changing in a moment. I interrupt people and am "a bit much" as friends have lovingly said at times

This is something I'd contemplated but never really thought posed an issue or something to deal with, and I've often thought that people can be too quick to medicalise perfectly normal personal quirks of behaviour. recently however I've began to think that it's actually caused me issues with personal relationships, at work, in my career and hobbies etc, that are much more severe than I first thought. I'm considering exploring the referral process, and wondered if anyone else on here has gone through it, has experience with living with ADHD, has their own feelings or suspicions etc regarding this sort of thing
 
My sister recently (2 years ago) got diagnosed and has really benefited from it. Medication has really helped and I think also having the diagnosis has given her some clarity etc. Im very similar to my sister but I havent been through the process of getting a diagnosis, but its not something Id rule out in the future if I feel its impacting work and other aspects of my life! Hope you get something sorted soon + If it helps I think she went through a charity Psychiatry UK or something (would need to check) for her diagnosis as standard NHS waiting lists are unsurprisinglu pretty long!
 
I would caution against Psychiatry UK. I have been waiting nearly a year for an ASD diagnosis, when they told me it would take 3 months.
Meanwhile it took my girlfriend almost two years to get an ADHD diagnosis through them. Since diagnosis she's had a pretty poor experience with them, with her provider being very unprofessional and appearing to hardly bother reading her messages.
Furthermore they have a policy of only giving 12 weeks to titrate, upon which they threatened to remove her from the program, a policy which is not mentioned in any of the documents she signed, in fact we have only found it mentioned in a single blog post. This 12 week policy is a problem if you discover that the medication you are trying does not work for you when they up the dose (by doesn't work I mean she had a resting heart rate over 110 and constant pins and needles and nerve pain).
Having discussed with other friends who have gone through them it seems that experience is very hit or miss dependant on the provider you are assigned.
 
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I don’t know what the fuck I am. I know I’ve had issues since childhood, but hadn’t considered it anything “medical” until around 11 years ago. My son was was having issues socially and behaviourally. Five years old, biting, extreme tantrums, hiding under school desks and refusing to come out etc. We were getting called into school almost weekly. School counsellor referred him for assessment. It was hard to work out what was trauma from his mother’s illness and death, two years before and what was, perhaps, something else. There was a significant level of clumsiness, quite extreme, visit to A&E type stuff. Dyspraxia was bandied about. I had to take him for the assessment (things were so bad, we jumped the queue). It was an almost all day affair, my partner was not allowed to come with us. He breezed through all the coordination tests, which shocked me. Anyway, late in the afternoon the psychologist in charge, took me into her office, leaving him playing with one of the others. Long conversation short: “ He’s almost certainly ASD, just like you.”
Bit taken aback, I protested.*

She laid out all my tells and masking behaviours, apparently she’d been assessing me as much as my son.
Anyway, just realising, has helped me moderate my behaviours. I have considered getting a formal diagnosis, even medication, but I’m a bit scared that I will lose my edge, the flashes of inspiration that have made me “successful “. Does that make sense? It costs me dearly, my relationship is falling apart, we’re essentially separated (putting up with me for 12 years is a big ask). I basically live alone, half way around the world. 🤷‍♂️
So, my son was removed from the SENs register in Year 7. Got straight 9’s in his mocks (except the 6 in Eng Lit , which he hates), Captain of the school Rugby team, taller than me at 16, steady girlfriend for almost two years, friendship group seems to be almost all climbers and a couple years older than him etc etc. Hopefully he won’t have the shaky start to adult life I did. Going through military basic training at 18, put me on the right path; but I think the early understanding and learning to manage his behaviours, as a child, is a much better start.

I think I exhibit some ADHD characteristics but more ASD, a little worried that there’s a hint of Bipolar, seem to have managed with a few short (12 monthish) bouts on Fluoxetine over the last three decades. Only once truly experienced suicidal feelings, 25 years ago now, but climbed back to the correct side of the 14th floor balcony railings, without help. Oh, and I was P7R (medically downgraded) on discharge (1997) with PTSD, but not had much issue with that after a short resurgence during my wife’s late stage illness and death, 13 years ago.

Sounds like I’m a complete mess, doesn’t it? Not at all.

I function very well, 90% of the time. Never crumble during a crisis, though I might need a quiet room to scream in when things calm down. I have learned to see the bad stuff coming and move to mitigate, even avoid. Simply knowing why I feel the way I do, helps me to suppress it and redirect. Recognise an angry rant is rising and shove it into a stand-up routine. Grab a pencil and start drawing. Throw myself into a difficult, absorbing, problem. So, I’m only a bit odd, quirky, not a raving lunatic.

I should not, probably, have written that, publicly. However, I’m fairly sure, after all these years, I’m not particularly different from many of my colleagues. When I first got to the Boardroom, 25 years ago, I was quite shocked by the prevalence of angry, sweary, rants; from all around the table. A quarter of a century late and a few different tables, seems the same. So, I just call it” being passionate and driven” and get on with shit.

* I mean, I’m Mr Successful, Mr Take Charge, blah blah blah. Ok, so I crash occasionally (literally sit in a dark room for a couple of days, hardly eat). Ok, so I have jumped from job/role to job/role over and over (that’s just how I got my “broad experience and knowledge base, right? Literally having to rebuild my life from scratch, losing partners/relationships and friends). Obsessing over my latest hobby, spending vast amounts on it, racing through training phases to get to the highest point I can, then, after doing something reasonably top level in that field, decide I’m never going to top that and dump the whole thing. Ranting like a lunatic in the workplace is just normal, right? Being unable to write or speak without a bewildering number of segues, nested clauses and superfluous detail, isn’t the least bit odd, yeah? The arm waving thing is just my (actually quire remote) Italian ancestry and all passionate people stamp their foot like a toddler, when frustrated, don’t they? I’m fucking lucky I actually produce results and have the odd good idea, because even I know I’m a nightmare to work with or for. My team, I think, forgive me, because my Denis Leary style rants about shit that’s pissing us all off, seem to release tension and have most in hysterics.
 
Can't comment re: ADHD, but from my experience as someone with autism, I'd like to add:

You need the official diagnosis in order to get ADHD meds if you need them (and things like work accomodations if you need those). And it can be important and validating to have that professional opinion.

But while you're fighting your way through the referral process to get a diagnosis, nothing stops you from reading up on ADHD and learning all the various tips and tricks and tools that other people with ADHD and professionals have developed. If you read up on ADHD and go "shit, that sounds like me," and you try a particular coping strategy and find that it works for you, no-one can swoop and say "You don't have an official diagnosis yet so you're not allowed to do that."

And honestly, in my experience with autism, that "holy shit I'm reading a description of myself" self-diagnosis moment is actually fairly reliable.

Doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing a formal diagnosis or that a full assessment can't give you more and different information, just that you don't have to twiddle your thumbs and feel like you're not allowed to do anything while you're on the waiting list.

In my experience, just having a better understanding of how your own mind works (and how your perspective/experience may be different from that of other people around you) can make a huge difference, and enable you to adapt and cope a lot better.
 
I do not have ADHD but this is a topic that interests me a lot. Please take all the below in the spirit of enquiry/interest and assume a high level of ignorance on my part!

Slab Happys post is a good one and a good strategy for learning coping strategies - but does one have to be slightly careful with self-diagnosis? I gather there is quite a big influencer presence around ADHD and many have not been formally diagnosed by a professional, which leaves me a bit uncomfortable. Similarly, in a recent interview with The Times Nadine Dorries said that her ADHD was diagnosed by her daughter, who is a psychotherapist. To me there are 2 major problems with that diagnosis - the family connection and the fact that again, as I understand it, psychotherapists cannot actually formally diagnose the condition. Is this sort of 'diagnosis' helpful to neurodiverse people as a community?

I read this article a few years ago and found it quite convincing. You will need to run it through 12ft.io to get round the paywall. I would be interested in any critiques from posters on here.
https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2022/12/rise-adhd-diagnoses-attention-deficit-disorder

Ultimately anything that helps people feel more confident and sure in themselves is good and I have no skin in the game- but Wellsy's comment about medicalising normal behavioural quirks reminded me of a line from that article about 'medicalising the trials of life' which got me thinking (actually it wasn't that article so must be from somewhere else). This may be better in a separate thread, so if so apologies for hijacking Wellsy!
 
“psychotherapists cannot actually formally diagnose the condition”

That’s correct. Psychotherapists do not diagnose.
 
Similarly, in a recent interview with The Times Nadine Dorries said that her ADHD was diagnosed by her daughter, who is a psychotherapist. To me there are 2 major problems with that diagnosis - the family connection and the fact that again, as I understand it, psychotherapists cannot actually formally diagnose the condition. Is this sort of 'diagnosis' helpful to neurodiverse people as a community?

I mean, I think the major issue there is that it's Nadine Dorries ...

You are entirely correct that psychotherapists aren't qualified to diagnose ADHD, and even if they could, it'd be utterly inappropriate for them to diagnose a family member! Though obviously, for some people, a relative saying "yeah I think you might have this" might be a starting point for exploring the question and maybe ultimately getting a diagnosis.

But "Nadine Dorries says she has it because her daughter says so" is not an indication that there's a widespread problem of people across the UK leaping to the conclusion that they have ADHD purely because random relatives say so and they think that's equivalent to a formal diagnosis.

It's like Boris Johnson claiming he can be "a bit spectrum-y" on the grounds that he supposedly sometimes struggles to understand other people's feelings, you know? Whereas he is in fact by all accounts a very socially-adept person who's just a massive twat.

Or the allies of Elon Musk who've claimed he's a poor widdle autistic who's just too innocent and pure to know what a Nazi salute is.

(Musk may or may not actually be on the spectrum, I have no idea of his diagnostic history, but it's irrelevant because obviously he knew exactly what he was doing and anyway he can fuck right off. It's hilarious how much the autistic community haaaaaaates him at this point.)

These are not serious people, and we don't have to take them seriously as if it's a counter-argument against the person who's had lifelong significant problems and has started reading up on ADHD or autism and had that "oh shit I think this is a description of me" moment.

The latter is at least indicative enough for me to say they should feel entitled to test out some of the strategies that work for people with ADHD or autism (as applicable) and see if it works, you know?

And if they try that and it doesn't seem to help or mesh with their problems at all, and using the lens of autism or ADHD doesn't seem to make any more sense of what they're dealing with -- that's obviously a reason to reconsider.
 
My sister went through the process for adhd a couple of years ago and ended up with a two for the price one adhd and autism diagnosis. She’s convinced all three of us siblings are, whereas i had separately concluded that i was probably autistic. She doesnt take any meds that i know of but its helped her frame her life in a way that she feels more comfortable with herself. I don’t think i’ll ever bother trying tbh as like my sister, just having that lense to see through and understand things is actually quite helpful in itself. I also have a supportive partner, a job that mostly involves working with other autistic people and a life that feels manageable without medical intervention. It seems like the only way to get a diagnosis quickly is privately, so there’s that, if you choose that route. Good luck
 
Thank you everyone for the thoughtful and helpful responses.

I am not looking for a tick-box experience where I pay someone to just tell me what I want to hear. I think the NHS process, from speaking to someone I know who works at the trust, is essentially so backed up with a multi-year waiting period as to be pointless, but regardless I probably will speak to a GP for advice and so on. For any kind of actual appointment in a reasonable timeframe, doing it privately seems to be the only option.

As far as whether I have it, I do not know. I suspect it is possible, but I am not an expert and do not wish to diagnose myself other than the initial thoughts of what things could be. Nevertheless it has been a strong lingering suspicion for many many years now and therefore it is worth considering that I might have it, if I do, it would be better to know than not, and the opposite is also true! I would say my executive dysfunction at times, my struggle to be organised, my forgetfulness, my mood swings etc have got to the point where at 35 I would rather resolve or mitigate these in some sense that just live with them. Also while I don't want to medicalise quirks... I also don't want to ignore what might be a genuine example of ADHD if I have it!

Certainly as you mention slab, when I read a list of ADHD symptoms it is painfully, somewhat embarrassingly accurate :D

I am also not convinced that medication is the solution; I do like who I am in many ways and I am aware that medication is both not a long term solution and also it can adjust you in other unexpected ways. I'd rather undertake less drastic and more conservative interventions before going down that route. So even if I had a diagnosis, I wouldn't then be like "can I have some pills then please" but rather okay, how does that make me feel, what can I change about my life and routine that helps with that etc.
 
What’s a psychotherapist?
In the UK, anyone who wants to call themselves one.

Context, in case this is useful info for someone: it's not a protected title, so if you actually want your therapist to be qualified and regulated in some way, you have to look for one who's at least registered with UKCP or BACP.
 
And the UKCP has a much higher bar for entry criteria, registration and ongoing supervision, CPD etc. than the BACP. That’s not to infer any implications of quality or experience for BACP registered psychotherapists, it’s simply that UKCP registration is more demanding and rigorous in terms of clinical experience, length of study and also requires experience in a psychiatric setting.
 
As far as whether I have it, I do not know. I suspect it is possible, but I am not an expert and do not wish to diagnose myself other than the initial thoughts of what things could be. Nevertheless it has been a strong lingering suspicion for many many years now and therefore it is worth considering that I might have it, if I do, it would be better to know than not, and the opposite is also true! I would say my executive dysfunction at times, my struggle to be organised, my forgetfulness, my mood swings etc have got to the point where at 35 I would rather resolve or mitigate these in some sense that just live with them. Also while I don't want to medicalise quirks... I also don't want to ignore what might be a genuine example of ADHD if I have it!
I'm certainly no expert on ADHD but I did spend quite a bit of effort trying to educate myself on the subject a few years back as I was a secondary school teacher at the time and was dealing with a large number of children with ADHD diagnoses. In particular I think it's important to note that there is no clinical diagnosis for ADHD. It's really just a label applied to a set of behaviours. Also those behaviours aren't especially abnormal. Everyone exhibits levels of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. People labelled with ADHD are on one end of a normal continuum of the prevalence of a set of behaviours. Nearly 5% of boys are now labelled as having ADHD, which seems very high to me for it to be considered a disorder. I guess the main issue is whether the set of behaviours cause you to be dysfunctional and whether viewing yourself as having ADHD actually helps or not. There was a neurologist discussing this on the Today Programme this morning (Radio 4 go to 2 hours 40). Dr. Suzanne O'Sullivan stating dangers of overdiagnosis. Basically saying that labelling people as having a disorder who are not at the extreme end of the spectrum can in fact be detrimental rather than helpful.
 
In particular I think it's important to note that there is no clinical diagnosis for ADHD.

There's no blood test or scan that can confirm whether someone has it, if that's what you mean, but it absolutely is a "clinical diagnosis", with formal criteria and assessment processes to decide if someone qualifies, as evaluated by a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist.

It's really just a label applied to a set of behaviours.

This is the case for most psychiatric diagnoses (with the usual caveat of ruling out anything else that might be causing them first).

Also those behaviours aren't especially abnormal. Everyone exhibits levels of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. People labelled with ADHD are on one end of a normal continuum of the prevalence of a set of behaviours.

I guess the main issue is whether the set of behaviours cause you to be dysfunctional

Yes, that's why the diagnostic criteria for all these conditions include the requirement for it to cause "clinically significant" levels of impairment.

If you're a bit inattentive or impulsive sometimes (i.e. a perfectly average human), you are not going to get diagnosed with ADHD.

Nearly 5% of boys are now labelled as having ADHD, which seems very high to me for it to be considered a disorder.

Or alternatively, neurodivergence of some kind is pretty common and there's a lot of us about, and identifying kids early is more likely to result in them getting adequate support and being more functional as adults.

When it comes to all the people going "well, back in my day there weren't any kids with ADHD or autism in my class!", you can ask them and there will always, absolutely have been that one kid who never paid attention and always got in trouble and was always getting detentions -- or who forgot their homework and stared out of the window and daydreamed and was considered a bit thick because of that -- or that one weird quiet kid who had no friends and hid in the library at break times and got bullied because they would only talk about dinosaurs and couldn't tell when people were joking (speaking from Team Autism over here).

So 1 in 20 is a pretty reasonable figure.

I mean, you could be approaching it from a different angle, i.e. "Given that these appear to be very common human variations which might not always be negative, or where the problem is partly that our systems aren't adapted to them, do we want to frame them as disorders rather than simply different ways of functioning neurologically?", in which case you'd have a lot of neurodiversity activists happily agreeing with you.

But they're still real. And if you have one of them at the level where it's causing you "clinically significant" problems, having the label can be really useful when it comes to learning how to adapt and make things work for you.
 
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Thats because she's got a book out, which has been quite well received. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2...gnosis-by-suzanne-osullivan-review-do-no-harm


This doctor's previous book on psychosomatic illness included a chapter on ME, ignoring research that strongly suggests that ME is a physical illness. As the US National Institute of Health put it: "Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), is a serious, chronic, complex, and systemic disease associated with neurological, immunological, autonomic, and energy metabolism dysfunction..."

Her new book covers Long Covid. Given the overlap between that and ME, and this doctor's previous unwillingness to engage with ME research, I would be less than convinced that her analysis holds as often as she thinks it does.
 
But they're still real. And if you have one of them at the level where it's causing you "clinically significant" problems, having the label can be really useful when it comes to learning how to adapt and make things work for you.
I certainly wasn't suggesting that they weren't real. What Suzanne O'Sullivan was claiming (and suggesting she had evidence for) was that labelling people at the less extreme end of things with a "disorder" could be detrimental. I've not read her book yet (I may well have a look at it) but that latter claim seemed pretty plausible to me. Also from my limited teaching experience there were certainly cases where children having the ADHD label didn't always seem to be helpful, and the fact that they were also then strongly medicated felt worrying to me. Suggesting that a condition has the possibility of being overdiagnosed and perhaps being overmedicated does not suggest that the condition doesn't exist or that for many people the diagnosis and treatment isn't vital.
 
This doctor's previous book on psychosomatic illness included a chapter on ME, ignoring research that strongly suggests that ME is a physical illness. As the US National Institute of Health put it: "Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), is a serious, chronic, complex, and systemic disease associated with neurological, immunological, autonomic, and energy metabolism dysfunction..."

Her new book covers Long Covid. Given the overlap between that and ME, and this doctor's previous unwillingness to engage with ME research, I would be less than convinced that her analysis holds as often as she thinks it does.
It has been well reviewed in a lot of different places though. You're obviously very well informed on ME/ long covid, far more so than me, but the above is playing the (wo)man not the ball until we've read it surely. The review I linked above actually covers long covid and is written by a sufferer, and still thinks it's a good book.
 


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