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stone said:
James Malloch said:
Time to go and spend some time with my dad…
That's such an inspiring response from you. Best wishes through it all.

It seems like the only thing to do now. Nothing that’s happened can be changed, and it is up to him to decide on a treatment plan that he’s happy with.

He never expected to be a dad, and now he’s got an 8 week old granddaughter. So it’s important for him to spend more time with her, get to know her, and maybe (if he wants) try to work out how he can be a part of her future (maybe write some future birthday cards, get lots of photos, find out what he was looking forward to and make sure we fulfil those - I’m sure he’d have take her to a Blackburn game, for example).

And also for me to get to know more about him and his life. I’m sure there’s loads of stories that I’ve never heard.

All of this stuff seems like the most important stuff in the world now. Just try to help him, and me, find some peace and closure.
 
Oh James, I don't really know what to write, I'm just so sorry for you. Despite the massive cliche, what you say is absolutely right, make the very most of your time together.
 
Gutted to hear this, James. It sounds like you've already got a good grasp of the priorities going forward. If you need any help making sense of any medical advice you guys get in the weeks/months ahead, feel free to DM me.
 
PeteHukb said:
Gutted to hear this, James. It sounds like you've already got a good grasp of the priorities going forward. If you need any help making sense of any medical advice you guys get in the weeks/months ahead, feel free to DM me.

Thanks, Pete. And everyone else. Still doesn’t seem real.

Biopsies are next week to work out what chemo could help, then the Oncologist to discuss options. I guess by that point there will be a better idea of how things are looking.

I’ve only had some texts with him as he’s not up for any calls or visitors yet. So not sure what he already knows yet. But hopefully he’ll be home from hospital today and i can go across soon.

It seems crass to say it now, but I’m definitely going to need advice on inheritance though, if anyone can recommend someone to speak to. It worries me a lot as, due to all sorts of history/reasons, I will get all of his assets (which isnt loads) including the house, but my step mum can live there as long as she wants. It feels like it could get very messy if I essentially become an indefinite landlord and I’ve no idea what the implications would be. It is something i would really like to get to grips with whilst there is time to discuss things and even make changes if needed.
 
Hi James, that doesn't sound too dissimilar to my grandads situation. When he died last year, he and his partner had agreed that whoever survived the other would continue living in the house. If it's potentially useful I can ask my dad how it was set up and the practicalities of it legally speaking and see if there's anything useful for you there. Drop me a DM if so.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's crass at all. It's important; the less stress you have the better and it's worth discussing it with your dad and step mum.
 
James Malloch said:
It seems crass to say it now, but I’m definitely going to need advice on inheritance though,

It’s not crass, it’s responsible. I’ve been an executor, getting advice is the right thing to do. A solicitor will have an initial chat with you before any chargeable work. I wish you well.
 
My wife’s mum died just before Christmas, she had been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in July and chose not to have treatment other than pain relief.One of things we should have sorted out was power of attorney as her mum wanted to pay for her funeral before she died. However when she wrote a check for this the bank wouldn’t except the it because the signature was so shaky. She was in hospital at the time.
My wife and one of her cousins were executors for her mums estate but in reality my wife has done it all. It’s just come through that everything is sorted so now she can give everyone what they have been willed and now sell her mums house.
I would talk to your dad about getting the McMillan nurses involved as the nurse who supported my MiL was fantastic. My MiL was admitted to a local community hospital and told she would end her days there as they did palliative care however she rallied but was unable to be cared for home so had to go in to a care home at £1010 a week and pay for this out of her assets.
Within a week the McMillan nurse sorted out the funding and she was no longer self funding.
This might be a bit rambling but I hope there are things you can use.
 
I would recommend everyone with elderly parents to at least consider getting power of attorney. Sometimes things can go downhill and it makes life very much easier.
 
James, I'm so sorry for you.
I would recommend that everyone with dependents / long term partners gets power of attorney. There are 2 different ones, for (i) health and welfare and (ii) property and financial affairs.
Note: being married does not (as I understand it) confer that. My wife's a doctor and at the start of covid we did power of attorney for each other (in our 30s) as doctors otherwise would not necessarily take our opinions into consideration if the other were in a coma for example.
 
Really sorry to hear this news even though I have never met you personally. I had similar news about my own father nearly 10 years ago now (cancer that presented as a sudden brain tumour). Living at home and helping to care for him (and emotionally supporting my mum) it was a difficult time however I am so glad that I got those 11 months with him.

All I would say is take care of yourself and those around you as well as your dad. I very nearly messed up some relationships (one with my now wife) due to the situation.

Also Macmillan nurses are definitely worth contacting, also I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later, we put it off for too long (probably due to it all making it feel too real) and it would have been much better if we had involved them sooner.
 

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