[Houdini]

Fraudini returned home w/ a €10 blood pressure monitor.



Apparently I should see a doctor immediately . . .      155/94.

Other info:


* Drank 1/3 bottle red ~ raises pressure.

* Eaten a minimum of 12 small cloves of pickled garlic w/ our evening salad ~ lowers pressure.

* Not smoked fags in 7 months + no weed for 2 months.

* Bit under the weather, no massive shakes - but very healthy diet - and getting quite fit.




* Eating 80% chocolate the now to con the machine into believing I'm not a zombie ~  pending results.



What's good and bad w/ blood pressure? 

Yrs, 

Not that paranoid at all  hOU

[nik at work]

100 + your age/80 is considered the norm (or was when I did bp) so yours is a bit raised. A 10 euro monitor might not be the most accurate....

[Houdini]

So I'm 20 points over the odds?

Just been retested again.  Similar figures. 

*pours more wine*

I'll take a 36 hrs off from booze and retest. 

[Houdini]

But tomorrow is Friday and a booze-free Friday is both unwanted & unlikely . . .   


How long is one supposed to go w/ out booze before testing ones pressure?

[Houdini]

And indeed, when David faced Goliath w/ nowt but a sling and a loincloth - did he give two flying fucks for his blood-pressure or that Palastinian hooch he'd been caning the night before? 

 

[lizzy]

The home monitors aren't that accurate. I wouldn't worry too much... Take it as an excuse to relax some more.

[nik at work]

Both your systolic and diastolic are raised, and by similar amounts. I don't know anything about how the machine works but could there be a error in measurement? Assuming all else is well in Houdini land and given that your ramblings have suggested that you follow a reasonably (if somewhat ethanol fueled) healthy active existance it is my professional opinion that the machine needs to see the doctor more than you.
Of course I'm not a professional so you might be as well talking to one (or at least borrowing a sphygmomanometer).

[Houdini]

*Reads the above*


*Shoots up some Horse*




Chills w/ his negroes . . .

(B-in-law is a Doc, will have him check me over fo sho)

[GCW]

So you're hypertensive at 155/94, listen to techno and guzzle alcohol constantly?
I'm surprised you haven't stroked out so far, especially as your age is against you.

I would suggest giving yourself a cold water enema and rechecking it.  If your blood pressure goes down, you need ice water up the jacksie four times a day.


Alternatively you could stop believing cheap-shit machines.  If you're worried see your GP equivalent.

[Paul B]

I got a cheap (almost free) bodyfat testing machine which gave different answers depending on whether you held it upside down or not!

[Houdini]

Ah . . .     Irony . . .    You've come to the right place.



Gentleman, I've noticed that when people are asked to give an honest account of their drug abuse they lie through their teeth.  I've been interested in drugs for years:  mostly reading about them; checking-out druggy art;  listening to Frank Zappa etc..    Along w/ c. 3g of coke in my life / c. 3g MDMA / approx. 60 E's / a few hundred mushrooms / three acid tabs / 1 mescaline tablet / 2 Ketamine pills - a few kilos of JPS / Dunhill & Golden Virginia tobacco.  And a few hundred grams of pot. 

That's what I've consumed.  Truthfully - I've never felt the need to deny it, it was fun.   Why some of my pals live in total denial about what they do and how much they drink is baffling to me.  So what if our bouldering heros used to train their nuts off on speed?

Fact - it's only in the last 6 months I've even liked booze.  Probably on 4 bottles of red wine a week now.  Used to be a bottle of Port every 4 or 5 days.

Anyway - this is sounding all very defensive (which it isn't intended to be) as I've enjoyed my drug decade hugely.  Just want to point out that from what I can gather by talking to and being around caners and even what I've  read on here - people consume quite a bit and have done for years.  I'm small fry.  Look at the figures again:  the big one is smoke.

I add this so that you can compare and contrast w/ your own experiences.

*reads again*

(Garrr!!  You cunts it does sound defensive!)

But!  I run 3 half marathons a fortnight.  I can power-skip for an hour.  Swim lengths for an hour.  And climb everyday for 3 months.

*notices decanter is empty*

*farts*

*curls nose*

*remembers there's a bottle of Austrian red in the cupboard*

*mumbles bitterly . . .*




 

[GCW]

No need to get defensive 
Blood pressure is just one risk factor for cardiovascular and cerebrovascular disease.  And a one off reading means squat.  Check it again tomorrow when you are relaxed, and then again over the weekend.  If all 3 readings are up see someone.
I don't smoke anymore, never drink alcohol and never took illicit substances.   

[Houdini]

Me too.


Everything I wrote above was a lie intended to smoke you riteous cunts out of your hidy holes. 

[GCW]

<cough> <choke>

Bastardos.

[Houdini]

Where's Captain Last- Word-Webbo when you need him?

[Houdini]

OK!



This Saturday, Fraudini will match the blood pressure monitor against her Doctor brother-in-law and his sphygmomanometer, and we'll see who can measure pressure more accurately.  Till then.

[GCW]

Let's just hope you can make it until then.

Do you get discounts on smaller coffins for shorties?

[nik at work]

If you're small enough you can fit in a childs coffin then there's no VAT to pay. Like shoes innit?

Probably...

[Houdini]

I've arranged to leave my body to that freak doc who does weird shit to your embalmed body w/ your tendons and muscles exposed.

I shall be preserved on a life size replica of Duel, Cuisiniere. 

[GCW]

I've arranged to leave my body to that freak doc who does weird shit to your embalmed body w/ your tendons and muscles exposed.

Bit like this guy?
HH Holmes was more famous.  Read this Houd, then check your BP....

[Houdini]

No.

Gunter von Hagens

[GCW]

Really?  Goodness me I didn't realise.  How silly of me.  I do feel so foolish now.   

[webbo]

Where's Captain Last- Word-Webbo when you need him?

he was busy doing research on whether a mixture of red and white wines raises your blood pressure more than tap dancing on a short persons grave.

we used to use those cuff b.p. machines at work.but because they are so crap they took them off us.so if you are prescribed cardiotoxic,psychotropic meds by our service you can't have any cardio problems till they agree whos gonna pay for the proper ones.

[Houdini]

They must be shit:   154 / 78  (61 bpm)

[webbo]

we used to use those cuff b.p. machines at work.but because they are so crap they took them off us.

mind i did once take someones b.p. who had a reading like yours i just thought the machine was fucked.as he was seeing his quack later that day i suggested he might want to get him to check it to be on the safe side.

guess what.