[dave]

Next time your on a train i dare you to do this!




1- Remove your lap top from its bag

2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully

3- Turn on

4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching

5- Turn on the Internet

6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer

7- Take a deep breath and open this site:
http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

8-Observe the facial expression of your neighboring passenger


 

only just seen this, its well Menezes.

[namnok]

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
‘How come you are sweating?’ he asks.
The parrot replies, ‘Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?’

[Jaspersharpe]

What's pink and goes round and round on a carousel? Stephen Gately's suitcase.

[slackline]

Went with a bird last night who had eczema......








....she had cracking tits!

[jern]

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanse man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

"So...you not Nissan Main Dealer?"

[Fex wazner]

Whats black and got 8 legs?







the Jackson 5

[slackline]

Whats black and got 8 legs?







the Jackson 5 4

[slackline]

What did the hungry clock do?











Go back four seconds 

[SA Chris]

Terrible.

Reminds me of the scarecrow who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. He was always out standing in his field.

[slackline]

Reminds me of the scarecrow who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. He was always out standing in his field.

 

It's going to be a great Christmas party in Heaven this year.....

Stephen Gatley is going to sing,

Patrick Swayze is going to dance,

Keith Floyd is preparing the food,

and Michael Jackson is minding the kids

[slackline]

Why do the french never eat more than one egg at a time?




Because one egg is un oeuf

[Houdini]

Slackers, I fird heard that joke in an episode of Grange Hill.




To the Naughty Step w/ you!

[slackline]

 

[cofe]

-Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Tony the spider.

[SA Chris]

Apparently people are starting to share cars more, and as a result there are some nasty fungal foot infections being transferred around.

Doctors are referring to it as Carpool Toenail Syndrome.

[cofe]

(pinched from adam and joe)

- Can you recommend me a guitarist who could make me a yeast-based snack?


- No, but Johnny Marr might?


Boom boom.

[SA Chris]

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultra sound guy (nicked from R1).

[chillax]

Who was the coolest person in the hospital after the ultra sound guy got the sack?

The hip replacement guy.

[dave]

what's india's spiciest bird of prey?


the mulligatawny owl.

[slackline]

Why did god create yeast infections?




So women can know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

[SA Chris]

So it looks like it's a musicians vs actors contest this year.

First was Michael Jacskon 1-0 to singers
Then Patrick Swayze pulled it back to 1 all
Next the actors dropped behind with Stephen Gately making it 2-1
And now it's Edward Woodward, he's the equalizer.

[tomtom]

What does Katie Price put in insect bites?

Tomato Ketchup




(groan)

[SA Chris]

? ? Don't get it.

If this is some reference to celebrity jungle I will have to smite you.

[tomtom]

? ? Don't get it.

If this is some reference to celebrity jungle I will have to smite you.

Its bad - referring to Price having to eat so many insects (bites referring to snacks I guess..).

I shall self smite.... 

[Tris]

Its bad - referring to Price having to eat so many insects (bites referring to snacks I guess..).

It's bad when you have to explain the joke.... now you have explained it, I still don't get it 

I am forced to watch the show by the missus, it is funny watching her eat insects though - 1 week later and she finally clicked 'I think the public might hate me'