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only joking (Read 390974 times)

dave

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#425 Re: only joking
October 11, 2009, 08:39:36 pm
Next time your on a train i dare you to do this!




1- Remove your lap top from its bag

2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully

3- Turn on

4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching

5- Turn on the Internet

6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer

7- Take a deep breath and open this site:
http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

8-Observe the facial expression of your neighboring passenger


 :lol:

only just seen this, its well Menezes.

namnok

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#426 Re: only joking
October 14, 2009, 08:11:06 am
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
‘How come you are sweating?’ he asks.
The parrot replies, ‘Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?’

Jaspersharpe

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#427 Re: only joking
October 14, 2009, 02:43:33 pm
What's pink and goes round and round on a carousel? Stephen Gately's suitcase.

slackline

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#428 Re: only joking
October 16, 2009, 04:08:58 pm
Went with a bird last night who had eczema......








....she had cracking tits!

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#429 Re: only joking
October 16, 2009, 05:17:18 pm
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanse man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

"So...you not Nissan Main Dealer?"

Fex wazner

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#430 Re: only joking
October 18, 2009, 06:00:48 pm
Whats black and got 8 legs?







the Jackson 5

slackline

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#431 Re: only joking
October 18, 2009, 08:49:15 pm
Whats black and got 8 legs?







the Jackson 5 4

slackline

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#432 Re: only joking
October 21, 2009, 01:55:44 pm
What did the hungry clock do?











Go back four seconds  :P

SA Chris

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#433 Re: only joking
October 21, 2009, 02:17:18 pm
Terrible.

Reminds me of the scarecrow who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. He was always out standing in his field.

slackline

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#434 Re: only joking
October 23, 2009, 12:46:19 am
Reminds me of the scarecrow who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize. He was always out standing in his field.

 :lol:

It's going to be a great Christmas party in Heaven this year.....

Stephen Gatley is going to sing,

Patrick Swayze is going to dance,

Keith Floyd is preparing the food,

and Michael Jackson is minding the kids

slackline

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#435 Re: only joking
October 24, 2009, 05:45:49 pm
Why do the french never eat more than one egg at a time?




Because one egg is un oeuf

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#436 Re: only joking
October 25, 2009, 08:24:56 am
Slackers, I fird heard that joke in an episode of Grange Hill.




To the Naughty Step w/ you!

slackline

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#437 Re: only joking
October 25, 2009, 08:31:37 am
 ;D


cofe

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#438 Re: only joking
October 29, 2009, 01:43:33 pm
-Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Tony the spider.

SA Chris

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#439 Re: only joking
November 03, 2009, 02:37:44 pm
Apparently people are starting to share cars more, and as a result there are some nasty fungal foot infections being transferred around.

Doctors are referring to it as Carpool Toenail Syndrome.

cofe

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#440 Re: only joking
November 04, 2009, 12:12:16 pm
(pinched from adam and joe)

- Can you recommend me a guitarist who could make me a yeast-based snack?


- No, but Johnny Marr might?


Boom boom.

SA Chris

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#441 Re: only joking
November 04, 2009, 12:15:46 pm
Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultra sound guy (nicked from R1).

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#442 Re: only joking
November 04, 2009, 11:28:59 pm
Who was the coolest person in the hospital after the ultra sound guy got the sack?

The hip replacement guy.

dave

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#443 Re: only joking
November 06, 2009, 12:57:24 pm
what's india's spiciest bird of prey?


the mulligatawny owl.

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#444 Re: only joking
November 12, 2009, 12:02:58 pm
Why did god create yeast infections?




So women can know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

SA Chris

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#445 Re: only joking
November 20, 2009, 11:59:48 am
So it looks like it's a musicians vs actors contest this year.

First was Michael Jacskon 1-0 to singers
Then Patrick Swayze pulled it back to 1 all
Next the actors dropped behind with Stephen Gately making it 2-1
And now it's Edward Woodward, he's the equalizer.

tomtom

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#446 Re: only joking
November 23, 2009, 01:53:06 pm
What does Katie Price put in insect bites?

Tomato Ketchup




(groan)

SA Chris

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#447 Re: only joking
November 23, 2009, 02:19:54 pm
? ? Don't get it.

If this is some reference to celebrity jungle I will have to smite you.

tomtom

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#448 Re: only joking
November 23, 2009, 02:38:07 pm
? ? Don't get it.

If this is some reference to celebrity jungle I will have to smite you.

Its bad - referring to Price having to eat so many insects (bites referring to snacks I guess..).

I shall self smite....  :spank:

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#449 Re: only joking
November 23, 2009, 02:44:24 pm
Its bad - referring to Price having to eat so many insects (bites referring to snacks I guess..).
It's bad when you have to explain the joke.... now you have explained it, I still don't get it  ;D

I am forced to watch the show by the missus, it is funny watching her eat insects though - 1 week later and she finally clicked 'I think the public might hate me'


 

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