[JohnM]

The other day I overheard an old man telling his wife that Parisella's cave was home to the first Christian pilgrims arriving in Wales and that there is in fact a donkey buried in there. It must have been carrying the dynamite!

Anyone else got any funny things they have overheard at that the crag?

[philo]

once over heard someone discussing which is better, a good wank or a banging shit.

made me think about it for a good 30 minutes

[Fultonius]

Clearly never heard of a Pank then 

The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.

To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.


I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.

[Paul B]

I was trying on boots in outside the other weekend when a pair turned up and started looking at 'new fangled' harnesses. One said to the other, "I don't like these new fangled double buckles, I've seen them fail a lot in my sailing days" 

[tomtom]

"I think I've just jiggered my buttock"

Name the infamous climber who said the above....

[lagerstarfish]

One bit of crag chat that has stuck in my mind is John Dunne's expaination about why he wouldn't go to Glastonbury: (in Bradford accent) "why would I want to pay to sit in a field with eighty thousand fucking crusties?"

[nodder]

its not hard its just timing...

not at the crag but funny,

can I have a bit of that spliff
there you go
fukin hell thats strong
mmmm
sorry you do know its crack?

[rp]

that's my actual toothbrush

[205Chris]

As an excuse for not doing a problem: "The pads are conspiring against me"

[Charles]

One bit of crag chat that has stuck in my mind is John Dunne's expaination about why he wouldn't go to Glastonbury: (in Bradford accent) "wah wud ah wun' uh pay uh si' inna field wi' eigh'y thowsund fuckin' crusties?"

[Stubbs]

"why would I want to pay to sit in a field with eighty thousand fucking crusties?"

If one added 'and listen to shit music' then that would match my sentiments entirely, I guess it was different in the good old days...

At Sheppard's in Borrowdale 'Ah shit, ah shit I'm gonna fall..... aaaaarrgh (blood curdling scream followed by two foot fall)...... aaaaaargh my ball got trapped in my harness'

[SA Chris]

"Watch me"

" "

"Watch me!"

"I am watching you"

"No you aren't watching me you're drinking fucking water"

[Falling Down]

"I went surfing last weekend and it was double overhead"

[rodma]

In Fontanbubble, mrs Rodma had a bit of an epic trying to top out on a reasonably high problem (10 minutes or so), before back climbing one move and jumping off. She then proclaimed to an old blowzard that was walking past "I almost died up there", to which he retorted, grinning "it (to almost die in font) is a privilege, non?"

[Tris]

Not at the crag but, was at the wall a few years back and heard one guy say to his mate 'yeah been climbing too much outside recently, it's ruining my indoor climbing skills'

What like finding the next colour 

(he was struggling on an F4)

[rodma]

Clearly never heard of a Pank then 

The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.

To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.


I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.

Never heard that one before, is it a roger melly thing?

You could always call it an 'Emeline', I'm sure it's what she would have wanted to be associated with, I mean what's 'suffrage' FFS

[GCW]

Reminds me of this:



And this:

[Norton Sharley]

Walking across the top of curbar yesterday I was accosted by a walker who pointing at my pad asked "Is that a flying machine?" wtf?

[tomtom]

Walking across the top of curbar yesterday I was accosted by a walker who pointing at my pad asked "Is that a flying machine?" wtf?

You weren't flying low and have your chopper out by any chance? 




(sorry thats a really crap joke but I couldnt resist - its been a long day...)

[andy_e]

You should have let them have a go and jump off the top of Curbar and see what happened...

[lagerstarfish]

Walking across the top of curbar yesterday I was accosted by a walker who pointing at my pad asked "Is that a flying machine?" wtf?

I've taken to telling those who ask about my pad, something along the lines of
"well, I was reading The Gospel of John this morning coz I felt my life was lacking something and I really felt that Jesus was talking to me when he said 'take up thy bed and walk'; so here I am".

I am hoping for someone to ask me how I feel now, so that I can say "whole again".

So far I have had mostly polite, slightly nervous nodding smiles and no more conversation, but one old chap laughed raucously, patted me on the shoulder and said "well done" a lot - not sure if he meant the humour or the religious experience. We were both laughing too much to continue the conversation.

If the Pope asks, I'm quite happy to be Saint Lagers, patron saint of bouldering pads.

[TobyD]

overheard at Malham the other week from the typical 'knowledgable' looking Dad holding forth to a credulous family:
"of course it still becomes an actual waterfall some winters"

[andy_e]

Most of the crag does doesn't it? 

[Johnny Brown]

I've taken to telling those who ask about my pad, something along the lines of
"well, I was reading The Gospel of John this morning coz I felt my life was lacking something and I really felt that Jesus was talking to me when he said 'take up thy bed and walk'; so here I am".

Genius 

On a few occasions bouldering with Idol Eyes I had to maintain a straight face whilst he explained, at length, how our pads were for making plaster casts of dinosaur footprints, commonly found within the rocks hereabouts.

[tomtom]

Walking across the top of curbar yesterday I was accosted by a walker who pointing at my pad asked "Is that a flying machine?" wtf?

I've taken to telling those who ask about my pad, something along the lines of
"well, I was reading The Gospel of John this morning coz I felt my life was lacking something and I really felt that Jesus was talking to me when he said 'take up thy bed and walk'; so here I am".

I wondered if it was your stall and you were heading to set up a new pitch for @lagerstarfish industries...?