[saltbeef]

fuck yeah, now get out of my fucking way

[Johnny Brown]

And he's a doctor. A bum doctor. You don't want him crashing in to you. He probably has dinner parties with lawyer friends n'all.

[saltbeef]

Rupert fancy dinner?

[Sloper]

Are those his middle names?  Poor chap.

[mrjonathanr]

1. wearing a hat in the car 'beware the twat in the hat' other than in utterly freezing conditions a strong correlation.

Being a slaphead I wear a hat 90% of the time ...

Another good indication of a shit driver is .......

Interesting that you should confirm the correlation as a hatted-driver yourself...

[tomtom]

i wear a hat in my car because it takes a while for the car to warm up when its -12. Therefore I must be a shit driver. I also drive a bmw therefore I must be a cunt. (or maybe i just wanted a reliable, economical ((55+mpg))car,) it is however shit in the snow. It is great other times and of course I've got fucking right of way.

  as in I also wear a hat when warming up the car - and I drive a Black BMW. And I'm a cnut 
Now get the fuck out of my way Saltbeef.....



Bluebrad was right - BMW's have been the wankers choice of car for years until in the last 3 or 4 years when the 'I'm a cunt and driving up your chuff' type drivers now all seem to be in Black A4's or A3's.... This was also pointed out in top gear. Incidentally, I've got a Clarkson book I was given for xmas (honest) that I dont really want. Any takers?

[lagerstarfish]

Incidentally, I've got a Clarkson book I was given for xmas (honest) that I dont really want. Any takers?

Video yourself ripping it up and using it as toilet tissue and then video yourself sticking the shitty sheets to caravans in your neighbourhood followed by setting fire to them ramming Clarkson's head through the shit/paper/caravan.

I call that Win-Win   

[lagerstarfish]

I am a shit driver. Not dangerous, but just a bit incompetent most of the time. I drive an AWD vehicle and wear a hat when cold. I have de-modded my vehicle; removing the surplus skirts, bumpers, bug shields, steps. My vehicle is also an automatic (due to my forgetting to change gear when driving manuals).

Process that in your stats machine.

[tomtom]

Incidentally, I've got a Clarkson book I was given for xmas (honest) that I dont really want. Any takers?

Video yourself ripping it up and using it as toilet tissue and then video yourself sticking the shitty sheets to caravans in your neighbourhood followed by setting fire to them ramming Clarkson's head through the shit/paper/caravan.

I call that Win-Win   

Unfortunately I dont own a video camera - nor a wood burner (any more - sob) which would be the obvious option - so I may see how it performs as a de-icer-scraper and I could rip pages from it and use them to obtain purchase when stuck in ice. Both of which would be pleasantly ironic given the top gear links etc..

Though I like the idea of linking the arse wiping to caravans... good arrows..

[grumpycrumpy]

1. wearing a hat in the car 'beware the twat in the hat' other than in utterly freezing conditions a strong correlation.

Being a slaphead I wear a hat 90% of the time ...

Another good indication of a shit driver is .......

Interesting that you should confirm the correlation as a hatted-driver yourself...

I'm shit and I know I am .....

[cowboyhat]

Driving a BMW 

This is true in Brixton.

I think driving in London generally changes your attitude to shit driving and the misdemeanours that are covered by this expression. Its the same with cycling, expect the worst and don't let it get to you.

[Canary M Burns]

This is true in Brixton.

I think driving in London generally changes your attitude to shit driving and the misdemeanours that are covered by this expression. Its the same with cycling, expect the worst and don't let it get to you.
[/quote]
Tis true! Green lane has the highest concentration of P reg toyotas with broken indicators on earth, they normally have elaborate tissue boxes on the parcel shelf too

[tomtom]

I think there is also a correlation between Pious Prius drivers and tentative, slow annoying driving. Coupled with the fact you cannot hear the f*ckers coming in urban environments....

[Jim]

best car in the snow is a fiat panda 4x4.
tyres too wide on my audi a4 quattro to be good in the snow, although its a lot better than 2WD

[Paul B]

You're right Jim, they were all over the huge passes in Switzerland etc. Not always the new ones either 

[saltbeef]

I'm fairly certain malc owned one of these. whcih is probably reason enough to own one in itself

[Sloper]

I forgot the Christian Fish speed limiter and driver competence retarder, close to a perfect correlation.

[lagerstarfish]

I am a shit driver. Not dangerous, but just a bit incompetent most of the time. I drive an AWD vehicle and wear a hat when cold. I have de-modded my vehicle; removing the surplus skirts, bumpers, bug shields, steps. My vehicle is also an automatic (due to my forgetting to change gear when driving manuals).

Process that in your stats machine.

Forgot to say that my two previous cars were BMW 3 series coupés - different kind of shit driving.

[Andy F]

In no order:
1) Volvo drivers. Useless tossers. Older models, the estates in particular, have the highest rate of stupidly slow driving on a country road stats ever. Fact.  Volvo drivers should be shot on sight.
2) Rovers. All of them. They make tractors pulling horse boxes look like Pagani Zonda's driven by the Stig with 2oz of Colombia's finest up each nostril.
3) Audi's. Poor mans' BMW. Company whores trying to climb on the back of the dead.
4) Modified Vauxhall Nova's/ Citroen Saxo's. Take a shit car, add more shit, with shit behind the wheel. Shit.
4) Honda Jazz/Accord. Only driven by people to old to realise that they are already dead. They make lame tortoises look like a Saturn 5.

[Paul B]

In no order:
1) Volvo drivers. Useless tossers. Older models, the estates in particular, have the highest rate of stupidly slow driving on a country road stats ever. Fact.  Volvo drivers should be shot on sight.

T5's/D5's.... Shirley an exception to that rule?

[lagerstarfish]

Anyone know where I can get a black-market/fake christian fish?

Do I have to find a martyr in prison for this sort of snide motor bling?

[Andy F]

Ok, the T5 was a tidal wave masquerading as a car, but they're not nice when tailgating you at 85. Particularly if they are painted white, red and blue.

[Sloper]

The first few variants of the T5 were subject to sudden lift off over steer which could be very unpleasant ina kind of 'ohh here comes the ditch sort of way'.

PS Fiend have you still got the Volvo estate?

[Houdini]

Audi's are nice cars made by a great historic company (NSU) and can cost a fortune, what drugs are you on?

[Andy F]

Audi's are nice cars made by a great historic company (NSU) and can cost a fortune, what drugs are you on?

Some of them (RS4 for example) are very nice, it's the drivers who aren't.  Let's be honest, the Audi driver is annoyed because what they really wanted was the equivalent BMW/Merc but couldn't stretch that far.