[Mike Tyson]

As hinted at in the title, I have fallen off the bouldering wagon and ended up being in a situation I desperately wanted to avoid.

I have become a slave to the everyday life of sleep, work, drink, sleep. My day consists of getting up at 7am, sorting myself and child out, dropping the Mrs and child off then going to work, getting home at 6pm, making supper, washing dishes and then finally sitting down to watch mindless crap on sky at about 9pm and drinking around 4-6 cans of beer before heading to bed about midnight. I then repeat this for 5 days a week. My 2 days off are taken up catching up on the masses of washing and general tidying up in the house and looking after the kids.

My beer gut seems to be increasing as quickly as my strength and drive for climbing is vanashing. I just don't seem to have the time or motivation to get out climbing anymore. Every day is the same and it is driving me crazy. I do get small bursts of keenness, where I think I'll try and do some training but it soon disappears when the first can is in my hand and the TV is on.

The only upshot of this is I have rediscovered my decks, and started mixing again. It makes me wonder that this just could be a time in my life when climbing takes a back seat and I can enjoy another of my hobbies. I have drifted away from climbing once before, for about a year and a half as enjoyed boozing and partying instead. I started climbing again and was probably stronger than when I stopped, but the difference this time is I really don't wanna stop climbing to make way for other things!

Anyhow, I'm not really sure what to do now. The obvious thing would be give myself a slap and get sorted, but its easier said then done.

HELP!!!!

[GCW]

You live exactly the same life as I do.  God, it's depressing.
Hope that helps.

[Mike Tyson]

At least I'm not alone fella!!

It does suck though.

[Paul B]

Don't buy any beer at the supermarket and then it won't be as easy to drink 

[GCW]

Don't buy any beer at the supermarket and then it won't be as easy to drink 

 

[Houdini]

Build yourself a  B I G  woodie as soon as possible.



Move to wine.  Keep only the skankiest spirits in the house, for example, a selection of herb liquors, Czech slivovice (sp?) and schnapps; stuff that's tough to drink and enjoy on it's own.  (Seems weird, but it works for me).

And don't fall into the trap of eating smeg just because you're tired.  You'll be in better shape when some motivation returns.

[SA Chris]

First you say you aren't motivated, then you say.

the difference this time is I really don't wanna stop climbing to make way for other things!

You need to try and kick out of this downward spiral, as the longer you are in it, the harder it gets! Kick the booze, no matter what happens it is doing you no good, and the longer you are crinking the harder the habit will be to break.

Here is a photo for you to stick on the fridge door



Try making a change from the old climbing routine; do some trad or sport or go to a different wall. I f yeou really want to give it a break, then do some road biking or something for a while. Anything to remain active and not degenerate, I have done it before during periods of injury and it's a pig to get out of.

And good luck.

[lagerstarfish]

Golt,
the quantity of alcohol you are drinking is doing more than giving you a beer gut. The NHS guidelines for safe drinking are something you can look up for yourself - what you are doing is not safe. You should be thinking about your future health for the sake of your own happiness and that of your partner and kids.

Something that is not so well publicised is the effects that drinking regularly has on your mental health. Alcohol is a depressant and the amounts that you are drinking will make you depressed - if not now, then sometime in the next couple of years. This effect will vary from person to person, but at the very least it will effect your ability to enjoy the good things in life apart from alcohol (family, bouldering etc) so don't be surprised if you find it hard to get into other things straight away. One of the main effects will be a difficulty in being able to sort out what your priorities really are.

As far as practical advice - voicing your desire to get out of the situation will make it easier to move on - well done for posting, thats a start. Have a go at not buying/drinking alcohol. Doing 3 days/nights in a row is what I find hardest after getting into regular drinking. It is interesting to observe all the funny justifications my brain comes up with for buying and drinking beer on the 2nd and 3rd night. You will probably find it difficult to sleep properly at first, but that should be seen as an indication of how much the alcohol is doing to your brain and so try to make you more determined to change.

In theory, a steady reduction of the amount you drink each night is the way to go, but it doesn't work for me.

One thing that does work for me is that when I find myself really wanting a beer I tell the people around me and even shout it out - the feeling then subsides a little and hopefully those around me remind me that I don't really want a beer as much as I want to loose my gut and stay healthy.

You are probably a million miles from needing AA, but I would advise not getting any nearer than you already are.

Climbing is ace, do more of it.

[Houdini]

The three day thing is true.



The Frau won't let me drink w/ out a dry 3 day gap in between these days.  I'd be made up if I could get high on nagging . . .

There's a lot to be said for staying in.  I hardly ever go out to socialise these days;  it stops me taking drugs at parties, drinking in pubs (THE way to murder your wallet); breathing lungfuls of skank-smoke (even though it's meant to be illegal to smoke indoors here; it will take years to impliment/change habits) and the icing on top of the cake:  no drunken squabbles w/ bums!

Beer gives you the munchies bad.  It's a great way to be a fat c*nt.  Look at GCW 

(PS. RE: Wine.  We find it better (when looking to cut down) to buy much more expensive wine and blow your booze budget very quickly ie 2 bottles a week tops.  They must be disceribly expensive, enough to make you realise you've broken the booze bank and more purchases are excessive.  Till next week!)

Asking you not to drink fullstop is unlikely to work.  I've been looking into the guidelines myself and the health pro/cons to it all.  A little red wine (the active compound is in the grape skin) has a positive effect on ones health in the way it helps reduce the amount of arterial plaque AKA fatty smegma that can break-off in clumps and block vessels & cause strokes.  Beer does not do that.

[rich d]

this was pretty much my life too for about six months after our first child came along - but minus the sleeping. I know it sounds cheesy but setting ST goals helped and a medium term climb to be done. I put up a finger board in the garage - and try to spend 4 days a week on it if only for 30-45mins a go. It does mean that I often eat later, but itstops me sitting in front of the sofa with my wife moaning about how rubbish Holby is.
I've got a couple of mates who are in the same boat. One is starting to get out of it now, the other is turning fatter by the day. I keep myself motivated by texting him on rests when I'm training to wind him up. I also use it as a chance to listen to music.
What really keeps me going is logging it. It's amazing that I can think it's only a day since I was on the board and see it was three - shames me into it I suppose.
By the way I haven't stopped drinking, and although I've doubled the number of pull ups etc I can do, I'm still rubbish -but not as rubbish as my mates   

[fatdoc]

I've been near here in times gone by..


I think you just got bravest post ever award BTW

here's a random selection of ideas for you Golt:

- dont stop drinking, drink less. do this by either time (NO beer till 8pm etc... or events... kids in bed, AND been on fingerboard) oh, buy less as well... half your intake overnight... re assess after 1 month.

- do somthing NEW... roadbiking for instance... it's got to be somthing your shit at... cos the rapid gains will lift your depression fast.

- you must do some aerobic exercise every week, it's very good for your brain... endorphins etc... a 15 min run will suffice... you DO have the time for this... it WIll stop your depressive cycle of life.


- You MUST stop watching shit TV, it depresses your entire fuckin existance. Ban all soaps NOW. I did this after my 1st kid, the amount of time it then frees is incredible.


- eat well, lots of it.... dont diet.... exercise instead... much better  to live in a pavlovian cycle of reward then one of guilt and futility.



enjoy life, if your not enjoying it neither will your family. make sure everyone gets there own time every week, kids in park, missus to the gym, you to the wall... it took me years to realise that effective time management is the way to live....

the washing / cleaning can be done in 30mins, by running around like a nutter full of endorphins / serotonin from the first 5 km you've run in 30 mins by NEXT week mate!!!, you'll still get out the wall AND have a cold beer later on that evening....


this can be done.



do it.

[Jaspersharpe]

Train / climb - then drink beer. It tastes twice as good and you have less time to drink as much before going to bed (which you will do earlier as you are tired). I can relate to being stuck in this kind of rut. In some ways I still am but I manage to train / climb about 3 times a week on average and it keeps me sane.

EDIT - beaten to it by fatdoc

[Houdini]

Train / climb - then drink beer fine wine.

Sorted.  Beer is for hobo's man. 

[Vitamin K]

I've only just picked up on this and it's a scenario that is very, very familiar to me...

My kids are older now so it has got easier, but I remember back then that the best thing I ever did was build a woodie in the garage - it meant I could train (sometimes at ridiculous times) and have a bit of quiet time, without coming over as too er, anti-social?

It also meant/still means that when I actually do get out on some rock I can pull down at a respectable level. One thing I have done and you can do too, is to incorporate some running/aerobic activity into your days - this can have a dramatic effect; I've lost a stone since Christmas and feel really good off it. I don't diet, but don't drink much either. Finding the time is the greatest challenge so sit down have a natter with your other half and work something out so you both win.

I did say it has got easier, but the bane of my life is now cricket - I watch so much bloody cricket that I could give you chapter and verse on the intricacies of spin, flight and bowling the right line, playing straight, going aerial, picking the wrong 'un....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This is what now fills my days and getting out climbing is still just as hard - I go running it's easier to fit in, with the odd bouldering session the icing on the cake.

[The Sausage]

All the advice sounds good. The only thing I can add is about goal setting.

There's a chap called albert bandura, a psychologist, who wrote masses about a thing called 'self-efficacy' (SE). SE is a person's belief in their ability to accomplish a specific task, let's say not drinking sunday to wednesday. He also reckoned that goal setting (when used correctly) is THE most powerful psychological tool for behavioural change.

Goal settig has 3 important stages: setting, appraisal of result, re-evaluation of goal (sorry if this isn't 100% accurate, it's over 10 years since i studied it).

Goal setting: now, we all know about SMART goals, but this is important. You must set a SPECIFIC goal, i.e drink 1 can of beer after 9pm each night from sunday to wednesday, 2 cans on thursday/friday/saturday (one at 9pm, one at 10pm). The goal must be measurable: Setting a goal of 'drink less beer' is useless, you can't decide whether you've achieved it or not, which is the most important part. It must be achievable - you don't want to fail in the early stages. Don't set a goal of "no alcohol at all, ever." You'll fail and hate yourself even more than you already do. Decide how long to do it for. Do this regime for 2 weeks, then you can re-evaluate and tighten the parameters.

So, you manage 2 weeks of this regimen. OK, last saturday a friend came round and you had 4 beers, but overall you stuck to it. Now you know that you can control your drinking habits. Decrease the amount further. Another 2 weeks down the line and you really are in control.

It is important to write your goal down, and advisable to keep a log of what you have managed. You should take pride in ticking the days you have managed to stick to your goal. When you look back, it is there in black and white.

Do this for other elements of your life - eating, training, sleeping. Be as specific as you can. If you say you're going to train from 7-8.30pm, you'll do it. If you say 'train this evening' it can quickly get too late and before you know it, it's time for bed. Again, make sure it's achievable - you'll obviously need to sort out logistics with your partner.

Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't achieve your goal every day, but decide why you didn't, and write it down. There may be a genuine reason (a friend's birthday), or it may be an excuse (i opened another can by mistake), but you can look back and spot a pattern if there is one.

Anyway, hope this helps. Good luck!

[slackline]

My wife has been nagging me for years about having kids and claims her clock is now ticking.

None of this is helping to convince me to come round to her way of thinking.

Hope things pick up for you Golt, sounds like some useful advice from those who have been there.

[Jaspersharpe]

I only started climbing again after our son was born. It's not about having kids it's about mental attitude and structure as pointed out above. The point fatdoc made about making time for everyone is the most salient with respect to a relationship where you have children.

[SA Chris]

Train / climb - then drink beer fine wine.

Sorted.  Beer is for hobo's man. 

Maybe, but you can't deny there is anything more enjoyable than an icy cold beer after you have done some strenuous exercise.

[travs]

After my son was born I didn't climb outside for about 4 months. I had a woodie in the cellar and went on this for 30 minutes virtually every night. I had a traverse with hands holds in the roof and feet on small edges on the back wall and just went backwards and forwards on this. When I eventually came out into the daylight I was so motivated I was like a dog with two dicks. I can remember going to the Tor in mid July, hot as hell, and polishing off Chimes and Out of my Tree in an evening session. I couldn't get enough of it. Sometimes it's better to entrench for a while, get stronger, fitter and most importantly motivated for what you're missing out on.

[Duma]

I've got no kids (though probably not for long), and work shifts which gives me a lot off time off, so am in a much easier spot than most on this thread, but still loving a lot of the ideas re time management and goals. The two things I've done that really helped was throw away the tv, and start running - like fatdoc said, something new really helps as you see the improvements quickly - also as someone else pointed out running is a lot more time efficient way to exercise than climbing.

[The Sausage]

I don't have kids, but most of my friends do now. I notice a massive difference between the happiness (of the parents and the children) of those who seem to have got themselves 'sorted', and those who haven't. I suppose in terms of climbers, this means dads/mums who have time to climb - particularly specifc times when they can go off and do their own thing, unencumbered by the family. As an observer, this is entirely different to the whole family being at the crag, which although a nice thing to do, it is ultimately a family day out with a bit of climbing thrown in.

Obviously, when you have kids time is precious, but I would have thought a couple of short evening sessions and half a day at the weekend is not out of the realms of most people, and certainly enough to stay strong.

also as someone else pointed out running is a lot more time efficient way to exercise than climbing.

Perhaps, but I also think many people are very ineffective (time-wise) with their climbing training. If you have space in your cellar, you can set up a small systems board, plus some dead-hanging rungs with attachments for pulleys and have a very effective session in an hour (including warm up). As it's at home you could conceivably warm up, put the kids to bed, then go back down to train (or something like that). Creativity is important in these situations; you can't say "I can't do what I used to do, so I may as well not bother". Also, running won't get you up your project.

[Nibile]

apart the drinking and kids i'm in a similar position now. i go out at 8 am and get back home at 8 pm. it's so fucking difficult to warm up and train on just a fingerboard, and alone, but i do it because i know it makes me in a position to enjoy more my climbing outside.
i set micro goals for every session: one more pull up, two seconds more dead hanging.
print into your mind the feeling of joy and pride you had when you topped out your hardest problem; print pics of you bouldering.
i think it will work.
and maybe go to the pub with some other climber.

[Vitamin K]

At one time I did take my kids to the wall, but to be honest they are far more sociable than me and prefer team sports - hence the cricket. This is fine by me and climbing has become my time; my wife has her time and we both have our time - it seems to work and everybody is happy.

Having the board means I can do a little bit most days - I'm always going into the garage moving a hold here, tweaking a sequence there. I started with  1 8x4 set up as a systems board, this expanded to 2 sheets of 8x4 plus a finishing board/ fingerboard in-between the roof trusses (I haven't smacked my head on them yet). Some of the best problems I've done have been on my board and to be honest it sometimes becomes an end in itself - it's sad, but there you go.  I can identify with Travs; when you get outside it tends to be all out, get lots done, try and do something hard, note projects down to be returned to that kind of thing - it keeps the training fresh and goal oriented. It might only be Brownstones for me usually, but it can be deep and meaningful for all that.

It does help to be structured in all aspects...which is difficult for me because that is not my natural inclination.

[moose]

RE: Wine.  We find it better (when looking to cut down) to buy much more expensive wine and blow your booze budget very quickly ie 2 bottles a week tops.  They must be disceribly expensive, enough to make you realise you've broken the booze bank and more purchases are excessive.  Till next week!)

I went for the same approach with beer: "less, but more expensive".  Instead of 8 packs of Fosters I'd limit myself to a "gourmet" beer or two: Belgian trappist trippels, obscure real ales etc.  The main thing was a change in attitude though.  Rather the beer just being routine sustainance - something to be bought cheaply and consumed in bulk every night - it became a luxury treat to be savoured at the end of the day.  Whether with beer or wine, what made the difference for me was getting a book (CAMRA's Good Beer Guide in my case).  It's a bit nerdy but drinking with some absurd "tasting notes" handy makes you feel less like a wino and more like a connoisseur (slows down consumption too).  It's a slippery slope though.... next thing you end up ticking off beers in your guide and being asked to judge dark milds at the Doncaster festival!

[richdraws]

Experiment with some of the low alcohol beers out there. I was semi convinced I was alcoholic until I switched my mid week drinking to to becks low alcohol or bittburger drive. I found I dont really crave the alcohol as much as I just wanted a bloody good drink. Especially after a session on the board or a quick evening session at the crag. Plus I have discovered mornings! I can actually talk to people at work now before lunch time.

The low alcohol beers are better than no alcohol beers taste wise.