[nik at work]

Fucking Delia twatting Smith should be taken outside and shot like the mangy old dog she is.
She's on MY fucking telly showing me how to cook spag bol using tinned fucking mince, and jar of tomato sauce and some dry pasta.
Thats not fucking cooking you stupid bitch, thats warming up. My fucking dogs turds can manage to do that without a shit-for-brains tv programme.

Fuck-off

Then fuck-off again.

A while back Kim suggested I should write a cookery book, I'm seriously considering doing it now if this what passes for teching people to prepare decent food.

My fucking licence fee is paying for her to show me how to lower my cooking standards.

Twat.

[Bubba]

Let me guess, you're not impressed?

[Yossarian]

"You don't want to overheat your soup, cos it makes it taste a bit rubbish and stuff..."

Or words to that effect.

Shall we take her out? I know a man with a Barrett .50 cal.

(He is in Helmand unfortunately....)

[Fatleg]

Didn't watch the old hag but read the review in the papers a few weeks ago. got to agree doesn't sound like cooking - my spag bol I knocked up from leftovers this evening sounds a damm sight better.

[nik at work]

Wasn't she the one who did the how to boil an egg?

I suppose at least that was an ingredient, rather than a meal in a jar. Why not just tell people to buy ready meal and then run through the basics of using a microwave?

Few enough people use fresh ingredients to cook without this vacuous bint suggesting people live out of tins.

I'd much rather watch Mockney Oliver or Gordon Sweary than this haggard witch.

To think this is the same channel that gave us the genius that is Heston...

[GCW]

I hate to be controversial, but why are you guys watching "Cooking for Morons"?  If it offends you, switch channels.  I'm sure there's many people out there that are learning a great deal from the mindless pap she's spouting.

"You don't want to overheat your soup, cos it makes it taste a bit rubbish and stuff..."

Just 'cos she's down wid da kids, give her some slack Yoss.  If you don't she'll start acting like Nigella Lawson, sucking chocolate from her finger, pouting and generally being a slut.  And you wouldn't like that.

[Bonjoy]

 Never trust a cook who says they don't like the taste of coriander. Burn the witch, burn the witch, burn the witch....

[Houdini]

Hmmm . . .

Strange one is Delia, if only she was consistent.  (Love her bread and butter pudding recipe.)  Don't care for her business practices, fanhood & patronage of Norwich City FC.

I say we maim her.

(Bavarian mate of mine has a .44 Colt Desert Eagle.  Big Pimpin', it hurts your wrist to shoot it.  Maybe we could pay him & his crim pal to shove a bunch of fusilli up her bottom?  Or maybe just blow her thigh off?)

[underground]

I hate to be controversial, but why are you guys watching "Cooking for Morons"?  If it offends you, switch channels.  I'm sure there's many people out there that are learning a great deal from the mindless pap she's spouting.

"You don't want to overheat your soup, cos it makes it taste a bit rubbish and stuff..."

Just 'cos she's down wid da kids, give her some slack Yoss.  If you don't she'll start acting like Nigella Lawson, sucking chocolate from her finger, pouting and generally being a slut.  And you wouldn't like that.

I dunno, she might lez up with that saucy minx Sister Wendy and a tub of ready whipped cream and the femur of a catholic saint... 

[underground]

(Or maybe just blow her thigh off?)

Like I said, Sister Wendy could do that.... 

[tommytwotone]

I've just got back from the supermarket - while I was there I noticed that a number of prepackaged jars of sauce etc had a big, shiny "Delia's cheat ingredient" label on the shelf.

Think I'm beginning to see how her road to Damascus moment about using ready-made ingredients came about.

Wasn't it her that caused a nationwide shortage of goose fat following a recommendation on her last series? I'm assuming that the precentage margin the supermarkets make on ready made spag bol sauce is significantly greater than that on goose fat...

[nik at work]

Yeah OK fair point well made GCW, there is just one thing.....







....YOU'RE WRONG
Kill her, kill her now.
The frustrating thing is that she is perceived as a cook for the people. As you say "down wid da kids". And what does she, as a reasonably accomplished cook, do with this incredibly influential position? Absolutely nothing to promote good food, she is a wankstain on the duvet cover of the culinary arts.

[GCW]

Time to roll out the old fave:

[GCW]

Nik, for many years my Cousin couldn't make beans on toast.  She maintains it was because she couldn't get all the items ready at the same time.  I shit you not.
If these are the people she's (Delia, not my cousin) aiming at, she's probably fairly on target.  Some people don't know how to cook pasta, never mind heat up a sauce at the same time.

I think that says more about this nation's teaching of "home economics" than anything else.

Just feed her 3 of Nik's cheesecakes and watch her have an infarction on the spot.  The Underground can have his wicked way with her......

[Yossarian]

I hate to be controversial, but why are you guys watching "Cooking for Morons"?  If it offends you, switch channels.  I'm sure there's many people out there that are learning a great deal from the mindless pap she's spouting.

"You don't want to overheat your soup, cos it makes it taste a bit rubbish and stuff..."

Just 'cos she's down wid da kids, give her some slack Yoss.  If you don't she'll start acting like Nigella Lawson, sucking chocolate from her finger, pouting and generally being a slut.  And you wouldn't like that.

Nooo. She didn't say "rubbish and stuff". She said something like "it makes it rather unpalatable", or something.

I watched that programme for no more than ten seconds. In that ten seconds it summed up everything about her that I loathe.

She is single-handedly responsible for the utter culinary mediocrity of the (seemingly) millions of "fans" that tune into her shit show come what may.

I cannot believe that the British public understood and appreciated Elizabeth David, and then accepted Delia.

It's all tins, cheats and cons.  She is so far out of date she makes Mrs Beeton look like Ferran Adria...

[Houdini]

Yes yes yes to Yoss BUT:

Most eat TV dinners and Maccy D's.   Most are obese.  

She can make decent wholesome food.  Has printed umpteen books to prove that.  I guess here she is selling out on some TV exec's trip for a spazztard show as she wants a new yacht or Croatian island.

She's a business woman!

[GCW]

Bring back Cradock.
We all love a bit of Fanny.

[Bubba]

Where's his other hand?

[GCW]

Stuffing the bird?

[nik at work]

Forget Delia, if I was you I'd be more concerned about genetics (unless it is some distant cousin several times removed)

I accept that some people struggle with the most basic cookery skills, and maybe Delia should address this. Which is why the egg boiling whilst slightly ridiculous was at least valid as cooking. Re-heating a ready made sauce is not cooking. She is not teaching people to cook, she is just saving them the job of reading the reheating instructions on the side of the jar. It is just a blatant cash in by her sponsored by A N Other supermarket, supplemented by my license fee of course. A sad abuse of her power to educate people.

[GCW]

You are so cynical.
I don't worry 'bout my genes, this side of the family is fine.   
Least I ain't short with tiny knees 

[grumpycrumpy]

Being a long time Tractor Boy I already thought  that she was the anti-christ ..... But she really has hit an all time low with this new project of teaching the hard of thinking how not to cook ........

[Fiend]

Fucking Delia twatting Smith should be taken outside and shot like the mangy old dog she is.
She's on MY fucking telly showing me how to cook spag bol using tinned fucking mince, and jar of tomato sauce and some dry pasta.
Thats not fucking cooking you stupid bitch, thats warming up. My fucking dogs turds can manage to do that without a shit-for-brains tv programme.

Fuck-off

Then fuck-off again.

A while back Kim suggested I should write a cookery book, I'm seriously considering doing it now if this what passes for teching people to prepare decent food.

My fucking licence fee is paying for her to show me how to lower my cooking standards.

Twat.

I've been trying, for about half an hour, to find something to add to that, but no, it really does say it all.

[Sloper]

Nik fear ye not.

I will be bringing my collection of sarcaarsm (tm Alexi Sayle) and decent 'cheffing' skills and knives to show you a proper meal on Saturday night.

In the meantime chill with da proles

[Houdini]

I've been trying, for about half an hour, to find something to add to that, but no, it really does say it all.

You've got some balls McFiend!  "Maccy D's"

In the meantime chill with da proles

Ignore Slopes, he wouldn't know an honest pound or a non-overflowing waistline if it bit him on the bell.


You guys ain't understanding the predicament Little Britain is in.  This is the country faced w/ school kids that would rather bitch to Mum to pack them a lunch o' Jaffa cakes/Walkers/Coke than eat subsidised fine lunches (cf.  Oliver tragedy).  Evidently you guys are overpaid - if not that, certainly over fed . . .   You're idea of good food is a heart attack  in waiting.  Pfftt!


Wake up & smell the coffee, bloaters.  Delia may not be Michelin starred but she's trad, wholesome, wealthier and more successful that all of us.  She's also a better cook, deny it.  Tell me you know more about cooking than Delia Smith.  I think not!