[Houdini]

Reproduced from Resident Advisor.

Q:  What do you think?





Sounding off: No smoking please, we're British

The smoking ban is killing the atmosphere in English clubs, writes Lee Smith.

OK, we know it’s been around in other countries for a while, years in some cases, but speak to anyone whose main clubbing territory is England about what 2007 was like, and one topic will come up again and again: the smoking ban. Arriving amid a relentless surge of publicity in July, the ban was predicted by every non-smoker in the land to be some kind of alpine-fresh utopia, a resounding victory for common sense, and a step in the right direction for the well-being of society as a whole. Indeed, many smokers—myself included—supported the arrival of the ban, reasoning that it may be just the spur we needed to kick the habit once and for all.

Little did we realise that six months later, we would be spending our nights out straggling around aimlessly on a suddenly-barren dancefloor, queuing endlessly to get out into the howling wind and rain for the inevitable ‘quick’ one, having our drinks stolen/knocked over/necked rapidly since we’re not allowed them on the street, and then queuing again to get back in to the club—to find that even if the dancefloor has become busy, it now smells like a medieval sewer filled with wet dog hair and rotten cabbage.



Take it outside: How are DJs coping with the ban?

Ivan Smagghe: “The physical effect is manageable but it is annoying when you play four hours and can’t have a fag. People need those freedom spaces, even if it is the freedom to hurt themselves.”

Surgeon: “Personally I'm glad that it has been banned. One downside is that the crowd can be in a constant state of flux with people going outside for a cigarette then coming back to the dancefloor. This makes it much more difficult to build sets that don't just rely on instant gratification.”

Miss Jools: “On a personal level the ban has not made me quit, nor am I smoking less. Rain, snow, gale force winds, zero temperatures have not stopped me taking my ass outside and lighting up. As a smoker and as a DJ, it sucks. But I have embraced it, learnt to respect it, and adapted to it. Ain’t going kill me to go outside to light up. Although one day the smoking itself might!”


A brief skim of various club message boards reveals that it needn’t be this way. Many of our American counterparts have been similarly prohibited from smoking for more than a decade, but don’t seem too bothered. “Maybe you guys just don’t wash properly?” was one of the more direct explanations they offered for the UK’s deeply odious predicament. Similarly, Scandinavian, Irish and Italian rave fans seemed bemused by our bleatings, reckoning that everyone there just dealt with it. “You British smokers are pathetic,” they seemed to be saying. “And you also appear to have questionable personal hygiene. No wonder you lost your Empire.”

It’s not just the stench that’s the problem, however, although interestingly, that’s the one aspect of the whole affair that non-smokers now dislike even more than the smokers, since their breathing and smelling apparatus is generally in much better condition than our fag-addled, tar-clogged insides. In smaller clubs (the lifeblood of up and coming artists, scenes, DJs, and exciting new music in general) profits are said to be universally down, with some punters choosing to leave early rather than complete the bar-smoking area-dancefloor-bar circuit yet again. Others are simply staying at home altogether. And unless you’re listening to the rare breed of DJ who inspires a slavish following wherever you go, you can pretty much bank on him or her losing the floor if they decide to ‘go deep’. All it takes is for a handful of slightly bored dancers to drift away, then everyone decides to piss off en masse, so each time the DJ looks up from the decks, they’re playing to an entirely different crowd. Bye-bye sense of flow, bye-bye artfully-considered set structure, hello yet another massively obvious floor-filler thrown on in a desperate attempt to regain the atmosphere.

In the short term, it looks like things will get worse before they get better. Winter hasn’t reached its bitterest peak here yet, and that’s guaranteed to kill off a good portion of less hardy souls. But who knows, other nations have told us we’ll get used to it, and maybe, for once, we whinging poms will grudgingly accept that it’s actually good for us, and learn to go without. But for anyone who lives in a country that has yet to implement the ban, my advice is this: invest some money into a local company that manufactures heavy-duty air-conditioning units. Like the tobacco industry itself, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.

I'm a reformed toker-large; I concede I crippled myself for years and selfishly hurt the health of those around me.  I hate the atmosphere of the smoky club.  Especially when all they need do is leave for 2 minutes - then return.  I've more scars on my body from being burned by cigarettes than I can count.  Fuck it, and fuck you smokers.  I wised up and chose to live.


Question? ^TM (Dave/Beyonce.)

[GCW]

Us ex-smokers are the worst.
It's great to go to pubs/clubs etc without the smoke.

[Houdini]

I'm all for allowing people the chance to smoke - if their own private/outdoor atmosphere - but when it's shared it's wrong.  I always knew this, just never gave a fuck about non-smokers.  No great shakes to go outside for a drag is it?

Your bad breath is another matter mind . . .

[Houdini]

Now this is interesting.  Crazy.  Will promote the black market further, but . . .

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7247470.stm

[Will Hunt]

I love the smoking ban. No more do I have to come back from the pub stinking like an ash tray.

[magpie]

I love the fact you don't smell like an ashtray but then again it's true, before you never realised just how bad other people smelled, pubs and clubs were smokey not stinking of half decaying humans like they do now, who knew people were so vile.

A major benefit of the smoking ban is the quality half cut chat and camaraderie you get when you do go outside (fresh air and nicotine make the booze work faster).  In fact there is even a name for it, which I can't remember now, but may go and look up, oh no wait, my brain kicked in smirting - the act of chatting someone up while out for a fag.

It does make going to the pub a bit like being back at school though, do you join the cool kids out the back of the science block for a fag or stay inside with the good kids?   

Also, if you want to know the true agony of club inflicted fag burns, try being 5ft and having eyes and face at just the right height! 

[Houdini]

Went out last w/end.  Smoky club, kinda got used to it.  Came back coughing for most of the morning and sometimes found it hard to speak.  Could croak pretty good though, far cry from the days of hot-knives etc..

Soon in Germany any establishment wishing to serve smokers must provide an alternative smoking room.  I can see this taking decades to get right mostly as health is covered by insurance here.  So far there are only 13 people employed across the country checking that establishments comply w/ the new rules.  But then, this is The Reich, and people tend to do as they're told here.

Actually I don't mind if people smoke - I just don't want them near me when I go out for a night.  Consequently, I hardly go out these days, which is a bummer, but c'est la vie.

[Jim]

hot-knifes takes me back. remember the last time we did buckets, a good couple of years ago now, I was almost scared. years before we used to have them for breakfast and then go to work.

As an ex-smoker/part time smoker, I think the smoking ban in this country is great. I've not noticed this smell of rotting people that a lot of people seem to mention. Maybe your going to the wrong places

[GCW]

hot-knifes takes me back.

Always seemed a silly method with a high injury potential to me.  Bit like Turbos.  Buckets were the way.  Wooo.
i gotta say that since I stopped the Gnarlboro Reds I find the smell of smoke most unpleasant.  I've not really been into smoky pubs much (the ban came soon after I quit), but I suspect I wouldn't like it.  Bad enough fighting through the 6 deep bunch of smokers outside work.

[Houdini]

Being dumb, decade back I purchased one of these, cost 50 quid back then (45 now).  Thought it was great, but really it turned out to be a party piece, everyone was scared of it, and it's red light...  Adam Wainwright mostly... If I recall correctly. (It gave people the fear and muggins was always left to finish it off.  Got a bit wearing in the end...  1st time I used one of these I walked back from Bangor to Menai Bridge w/ my eyes closed; and recall a well-known stumpy-type insisting in extremis that his eyebrows had gone all bushy, and that he was turning totally wolfish.)



Soldering iron inside a jam jar, really.    Gave it away to a guy who lent me some $ one time I was broke and needy.  W/ luck he's used it to get off the baccy.  But then he's under 50, has already had two recreation-induced strokes, and spent a year in an Indian prison for being caught w/ a pound of charas...  Somehow don't think he's off the smoke. 

But yup, the smoking ban is such a sensible human thing to do.

[Zods Beard]

Aren't these called vaporisers ? Those were the days. I'm a smoker and don't mind the smoking ban, smoking less is good. If the dj's play a good enough set, surely people won't leave?

[Jim]

I always thought that vaporisers were a bit shit really. bongs and buckets were the way forward

[GCW]

I always thought that vaporisers were a bit shit really. bongs and buckets were the way forward

 

[Houdini]

The problem w/ bongs/buckets et al is the gear gets burnt (ie - some of the THC gets destroyed, which is not what you're after: you're looking for it to be liberated in useable form).  Vapourisers are pathetic w/ weed.  Soft, oily ie: very high quality hashish is the deal eg:  genuine Indian/Pakistani charas, Nepalese Temple ball etc..   

Vapourisers are for people who want to get high w/ out tobacco or the murderous feeling of dropping a bucket.  These days they're cordless/rechargeable/fully portable; these models cost a fortune (€200+).

I've never seen them in a club, mind.

When I'm old, fucked w/ Alzheimer's etc.. and not long for this Earth, I'll make a pilgrimage to Turkey or some Himalayan opium den come nightclub and have a social hookah smoke w/ some crazy toothless freaks as the bhangra or Ravi Shankar slowly does our heads in.  I'm sure a total fug atmosphere will be encouraged here though.

[Houdini]

Cool avatar by-the-by, Zod   

Your comment regarding sets:

Surgeon: “Personally I'm glad that it has been banned. One downside is that the crowd can be in a constant state of flux with people going outside for a cigarette then coming back to the dancefloor. This makes it much more difficult to build sets that don't just rely on instant gratification.”

[Zods Beard]

Surgeon: “Personally I'm glad that it has been banned. One downside is that the crowd can be in a constant state of flux with people going outside for a cigarette then coming back to the dancefloor. This makes it much more difficult to build sets that don't just rely on instant gratification.”

While I can see how it would be a bit dis-heartening, Theo Parrish played such a good set on Saturday I only felt like going outside once, so it can be done.

With regards to vaporisers I didn't think much of them, tho it sounds like we used the wrong weed. Does anyone remember lungs tho? Bottles with a plastic bag on the end to draw smoke thro. Awesome.

Thanx for the avatar praise too, it was a tough choice.

[slackline]

Does anyone remember lungs tho? Bottles with a plastic bag on the end to draw smoke thro. Awesome.

Yep, improvised one of these whilst on holiday on Lundy last year for smoking some Salvia divinorum, certainly did the trick