[slackline]

I nominate people who can't read and understand signs that say "Fire Door. Keep Shut" and insist on wedging the fucking things open. 

I have to admit that I do this ....... But when you're carrying heavy lumps of scenery into a building having to put them down , pick them up ad inffuckingnitum because of fucking fire doors wedging them   open is the only way forward ....

Sorry I'm referring to the idiots at my work place who sit in an office all day with the fire door wedged open.

[Jaspersharpe]

Fat people who go on about being on a diet all the time. Either eat properly, do some exercise and lose some weight or admit that you have no willpower and stop talking about what salad you're having for your tea and how Weight Watchers bread is actually really nice.

I don't care what you eat or how fat you are but stop fucking lying about it all the time and face the fact that YOU LOOOVE A BIT O CAKE!!! and that isn't going to change.

You fat cunts.

[SA Chris]

Or tell everyone in a loud voice that they did some excrcise on the weekend and walked to the park with the kids; a whole two blocks! And expect praise for it.

[mr__j5]

Or tell everyone in a loud voice that they did some excrcise on the weekend and walked to the park with the kids; a whole two blocks! And expect praise for it.

... and congratulating themselves with just a little slice of cake that contains 5 times the calories that they used exercising.

[Wipey Why]

You fat cunts.

 

[andybfreeman]

You fat cunts.

 

  too!

[robertostallioni]

Honestly, I've just got big bones.    

[slackline]

SCIENCE to the rescue!!

Its the increase in portion size and snacking frequency thats to blame (BBC news regurgitation)!!!

If ever there was a piece of research that was self-fucking-evident then this would be it (although what they're actually saying is that it is this and not an increase in the energy density of foods that have resulted in an increase in average daily energy intake, but the size and frequency of these higher energy dense foods that has had the largest influence).

[Fultonius]

Arrrggghhhh I've had it, it's now time to add another one!

All forms of the word utilise when used inappropriately (i.e. most of the time) shall be banished, from now untill the end of time!

A guy at work seems to like to shoe-horn it into every sentence possible. Methinks he may be trying to overcompensate for a lack of intelligence...

So, next time you feel like making use of  the word utilise, stop, and think:

No, I'm not a pompus, pretentious git!

and instead plump for use.

Aaaaannddddd rrrreeeellllaaaaxxxxx! 

utilize
(also utilise)

verb

"make practical and effective use of"

[SA Chris]

Sitck it in with the word iconic. Which gets used to describe just about anything at the moment.

[grumpycrumpy]

Sitck it in with the word iconic. Which gets used to describe just about anything at the moment.

  Pretty iconic word though 'iconic '

[tomtom]

Bags with wheels. Especially 'carry on bags' with wheels at airports, that wankers trail around behind them without a clue where they go. Unless you are an old lady (in which case you are excused) pick up your fucking bag and carry it properly dickwads.

[SA Chris]

If anyone walks past in front of me trailing one I "accidentally" trip over it and give it a right good kick so they get the message.

[tomtom]

If anyone walks past in front of me trailing one I "accidentally" trip over it and give it a right good kick so they get the message.

That's exactly what I do kick, 'oh sorry...'

Fucktards.

[SA Chris]

Just be careful who is watching you when you do it. Although I did it in Schipol once and someone saw me do it and though it was hilarious.

[tomtom]

Just be careful who is watching you when you do it. Although I did it in Schipol once and someone saw me do it and though it was hilarious.

Excellent, start the revolution..

Now Schipol is a good airport in many ways... But, they take it to the next level, by having those double fucktard wankmeister fucking stupid little hand luggage trolleys. So you then get people bumbling around with a daft little trolley thing in front of them JUST for their hand luggage. It's like a fucking scene out of WallE. How fucking lazy are people!! The Dutch have come up with some good ideas but those trolleys should all be rounded up and pushed into the nearest canal.

[Oldmanmatt]

HMRC...

Nominated for,

Uh, well...

Every bloody thing you can imagine!!!

Daft sods.

My wife (who speaks English as a second language) calls them last Oct, to tell them I've got a job (for the Tax credit thing...)

I'm at sea, working on a ship.

Tax credits stop (what happened to "shouldn't affect this years payments"?), no letters, no calls etc.

We don't receive any renewal papers...

Turns out, the idiots have been writting to the port in Spain, where I got on the ship (not to the ship, or the company that owns it).

Apparently, the conversation went like this:

HMRC "Where is your husband now?"
My Wife "In Spain, but we still live here, at the same address."
HMRC "Yes, but we need to contact him."
My Wife "Well, write here and I'll send it to him."
HMRC "No, we have to send it to him direct."
My Wife "Then send it to his employer."
HMRC "No, direct. Where is he now?"
My Wife "Well, in Spain for a couple of weeks, in Barcelona. But, you have to write to the employer, for it to reach him. This is still our home address."
HMRC "OK, I understand."

What kind of idiot sends out mail addressed to "Mr X, Port of Barcelona, Spain"!!!!!

And when we call to find out what the hell is going on they say....

"Oh, we thought you'd emigrated"!!!!

[SA Chris]

I think HMRC have a permanent desk in Room 101.

[tomtom]

You're lucky Matt, I've never got through on the phone. After no replies to letters too I engaged the services of SFS that seemed to chivvy them along

[Jaspersharpe]

It's a total mess and they know it:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8672510/Tax-boss-says-sorry-for-poor-performance.html

This is one good bit of news with regard to HMRC though. Seen plenty of these letters, often chasing completely incorrect amounts:

http://www.totallymoney.com/news/index.php/2011/08/hmrc-told-to-stop-sending-threatening-letters-to-taxpayers/

[grumpycrumpy]

Fucking Yahoo Mail and it's fucking forced fucking upgrade ....... The cunts have not only deleted all my messages , but all my contacts too ....... Cunts , cunts and thrice , cunts   

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

It's a total mess and they know it:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8672510/Tax-boss-says-sorry-for-poor-performance.html

This is one good bit of news with regard to HMRC though. Seen plenty of these letters, often chasing completely incorrect amounts:

http://www.totallymoney.com/news/index.php/2011/08/hmrc-told-to-stop-sending-threatening-letters-to-taxpayers/

Rather than having just one huge department, wiouldn't it make sense to split the tax-gathering part and the excise and duty levelling branches into two sepearate organisations?

[butters]

Fucking Yahoo Mail and it's fucking forced fucking upgrade ....... The cunts have not only deleted all my messages , but all my contacts too ....... Cunts , cunts and thrice , cunts

Gmail - that is all.

[Jaspersharpe]

Rather than having just one huge department, wiouldn't it make sense to split the tax-gathering part and the excise and duty levelling branches into two sepearate organisations?

Two departments for two completely separate operations!? Madness, how could that possibly work? No, no, what we need is to centralise everything as much as possible and sack half the staff. That's bound to improve things.
 

[tomtom]

It's a total mess and they know it:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8672510/Tax-boss-says-sorry-for-poor-performance.html

This is one good bit of news with regard to HMRC though. Seen plenty of these letters, often chasing completely incorrect amounts:

http://www.totallymoney.com/news/index.php/2011/08/hmrc-told-to-stop-sending-threatening-letters-to-taxpayers/

Rather than having just one huge department, wiouldn't it make sense to split the tax-gathering part and the excise and duty levelling branches into two sepearate organisations?

Hmm.. divide and conquer??