[Houdini]

Oh I dunno, man; I've always rather like them

[dave]

new entry - people who seem to be oblivious to the fact that they're watching TV at the wrong aspect ratio (or even worse, just too lazy to correct it).

[SA Chris]

the lass always adjust the TV so that it fills the screen, so we end up watching most things in wide angle and everyone looks like fat fuckers.

[Jaspersharpe]

Are you sure it's not just that most people nowadays are fat fuckers?

[Jaspersharpe]

To the fuckwit at Attercliffe this morning who approached a junction from the opposite direction to me indicating right (as was I) and then switched to left approximately half a second before turning left and after I was already turning right resulting in you nearly hitting me. The fact that you waved your arms about as if it was me who had done something wrong does not make it so. Running the red light at the next junction also did nothing to rectify this situation. You total fucking cock.

[Bobling]

OK, how about when you have just got to the last page of this thread and you still have half an hour of the most tedious job in the world to go before the end of the day? 

Oh, and people who take a dump/piss at the crag, leaving horrible little piles of unburied soiled tissues to moulder.  1st crag I go to in the UK and I find these little calling cards everywhere, didn't see one in Kiwiland.

And Kathmandu (the shop, not the city).

Great thread!

[lagerstarfish]

Virgin Mobile

The great news for you is that our standard costs are now even simpler and better value than before! From 28th September 2009 any calls you make outside of your monthly allowance will be charged differently. ....  if you’re calling a UK landline or another Virgin mobile, it’ll cost one simple flat rate of 20p a minute, instead of 15p for the first 5 minutes each day and 5p a minute after that.

Great news everyone! You can pay a simple 20p/min instead of that pesky 15p/5p combo that you had to put up with before!

How is this "great news" for me? How is 20p better value than 15p or 5p?

Cocks

[lagerstarfish]

emails that contain the words

require something by tomorrow lunch time mate!!

and are read by me after 2pm.

[slackline]

emails that contain the words

require something by tomorrow lunch time mate!!

and are read by me after 2pm.

Easy, mark it as unread, move it to your Trash/Spam.  When they come and find you at lunch time...

Lagers disorganised work colleague : "Hey Lagers, you got that stuff I asked you for?"

lagerstarfish : "Stuff, what stuff?"

Lagers disorganised work colleague : "You know, I emailed you yesterday around 15:00 saying I needed it by lunch time today"

lagerstarfish : "Sorry don't remember seeing any emails like that, let me check and see if my spam filter has trashed it........oh, is it this one?  Looks like it got sent to the Trash"

Lagers disorganised work colleague : "Damn, any chance you could do it now?"

lagerstarfish : "No, fuck off and do it yourself, and in the future be more fucking organised!!!"

[SA Chris]

emails that contain the words

require something by tomorrow lunch time mate!!

and are read by me after 2pm.

Story of my life. Also "Hi, this came into my inbox about a week ago and I only got a chance to look at it today. The deadline is tomorrow, can you have a look at it". Estimated time to do what is required, 10 hours. Thanks fuckstick.

[Mr Cat]

another one - I used to sometimes get these urgent mails from od old boss - who always used to have a read reciept on it (Outlook client) - I would use the preview pane to read it then delete the fucker...

he would receive notification that the email had been deleted without being read... :D

he'd normally stroll into where I worked with a right strop on...

[slackline]

"Hi, this came into my inbox about a week ago and I only got a chance to look at it today. The deadline is tomorrow, can you have a look at it".

"I can have a look at it, but since its going to take 10 hours to complete you've fuck all chance of having it done by the deadline.  Might I suggest in the future you read your emails when they arrive instead of leaving them for a week [you fucking idiot!]"

[SA Chris]

Trust me, it's been tried. Water off a ducks' back.

[slackline]

another one - I used to sometimes get these urgent mails from od old boss - who always used to have a read reciept on it (Outlook client) - I would use the preview pane to read it then delete the fucker...

he would receive notification that the email had been deleted without being read... :D

he'd normally stroll into where I worked with a right strop on...

You know you can configure your mail client to block the "return on receipt" and "return receipt on read" that people use?

That way you could have denied all knowledge of ever getting the emails, and your old boss would have made poor IT hell

"Why aren't my emails getting delivered!!!"

[dave]

people at work who question me incredulously when they see me filling up my water bottle in the kitchen. "oooh that looks healthy". Its not healthy, its just normal.

[fatboySlimfast]

Bus drivers(easy target I know but ) who are incapable of using that big round thing that there sat in front of to turn the bus the extra 500mm into the bus stop that enables the stream of traffic to pass them that inevitably builds up cos some old dears trying to use her bus pass before the allotted time. Said bus driver now gives a cheery thumbs up to the waiting cars who have no fucking choice in the matter.
I would feel less passionatley about this if i didnt already hate bus drivers as a bike rider on the tail end of there murder attempts at rush hour

[Jaspersharpe]

people at work who question me incredulously when they see me filling up my water bottle in the kitchen. "oooh that looks healthy". Its not healthy, its just normal.

What a hippy freak you are dave. You could at least have spent a quid on a bottle of Evian rather than drinking that free stuff. Get with the program.

[Plattsy]

people at work who question me incredulously when they see me filling up my water bottle in the kitchen. "oooh that looks healthy". Its not healthy, its just normal.

The same people who say "Ghee or" and then wander off perplexed when I explain using my own tumbler to fill up from the water fountain is better for the environment than using and recycling 10 plastic cups a day, every day.

Also, while I'm at it. People who spend 10mins of their lunch on a tremor board machine at the gym and claim it is the equivalent to a 1 hour workout. What this one hour workout is they don't know!

People who replace breakfast with a slimming shake and then snack on the free office birthday buns/biscuits all day.

Anyone who owns these and claims to be getting fit.

I enjoyed that.

[dave]

Bus drivers(easy target I know but ) who are incapable of using that big round thing that there sat in front of to turn the bus the extra 500mm into the bus stop that enables the stream of traffic to pass them that inevitably builds up cos some old dears trying to use her bus pass before the allotted time. Said bus driver know gives a cherry thumbs up to the waiting cars who have no fucking choice in the matter.
I would feel less passionatley about this if i didnt already hate bus drivers as a bike rider on the tail end of there murder attempts at rush hour

my brother-in-law has an anecdote of seeing a bus driver cut up a cyclist near the university. The guy on the bike was livid to the extent of going up to the bus to remonstrate, throwing his bike at the driver's window and doing his level best to get him out of the bus to kick the shit out of him. genius.

people at work who question me incredulously when they see me filling up my water bottle in the kitchen. "oooh that looks healthy". Its not healthy, its just normal.

What a hippy freak you are dave. You could at least have spent a quid on a bottle of Evian rather than drinking that free stuff. Get with the program.

There's a war on you know.

[SA Chris]

Anyone who owns these and claims to be getting fit.

It should be made legal to stab anyone who tries to extol the virtues of these fucking clownshoes. There's a woman in our office who is annoyingly smug about hers, as though they were her own invention and she is making a mint out of selling them, not one of the gullible fuckheads who spends money on them.

And the comedians who make comments like "are you drinking that neat?" when I fill up waterbottle at tap in kitchen.

[lagerstarfish]

emails that contain the words

require something by tomorrow lunch time mate!!

and are read by me after 2pm.

Since I have prepared a work of outstanding value for you in time for your deadline, my luch break starts now.

[Clart]

Don't know if this has been in before but: Fucks who play music out of their mobiles; found on buses, trains (especially quiet carriages) and walking around the street with their arse hanging out of their jeans. Buy some fucking head phones, or better still, die.

[Jaspersharpe]

Don't worry they're already in!

Fucking people playing music at the crag on their micro wogbox/mobile fucking phones.
 

Bangin choonz

Fucking people playing music at the crag anywhere on their micro wogbox/mobile fucking phones.
 

Bangin choonz

[slackline]

I'll throw in fucking numpties like the guy who's just started here at work and has been going through some tutorials......asking me the answers to all the fucking questions 

No, I won't tell you the answers as you're going to learn dick all that way you twat.

[Bubba]

Ok, I've had enough

Autotune, you're in.

Fuck you T-Pain. It's bad enough that a load of singers use it surreptitiously to pretend that they can really sing, but this recent trend of using it as an effect is now so rife I can barely listen to daytime radio without going into a a rage.

It sounded shit when Cher did it years ago, and it sounds just as shit now. Stop it you bandwaggon-hopping cunts.

(I'll let off the "Autotune the News" crew for their marvellous parodies)