[Houdini]

Sub / contractors who insist on wearing their hi-vis vests to hotel breakfast tables. 


Must I see a vis-vest at all times?  Do you sleep in it?  Shit in it?  Go down on your wife in it?  Did you marry in it?  Will they bury you in it? 

 

[SA Chris]

Right...not sure if this is just me but...people who record gigs they're at on their digital camera / mobile phones.

Fuck yes, all you see these days at gigs is mobile phones held above people's heads. More interested in letting their mates knwo they were there, and sticking shitty video on Youtube than actually enjoying the gig. I was at the Lemon Tree (small local venue) recently and had a good spot right at the front and there was a bloke (hair styled like a vaguely powerful Pokemon*) who was more interested in phoning his mates and telling them where he was, and then holding up his phone so they could hear, than listening himself.



* (c) Frankie Boyle

[jfw]

Sub / contractors who insist on wearing their hi-vis vests to hotel breakfast tables. 

oh this is me sometimes - no wait it's not - let me add

hotels that don't do breakfast when i have to go to work at shit o'clock in the morning

[Munkii]

ok this may be a stupis question but what is a room 101?

[butters]

ok this may be a stupis question but what is a room 101?

Room 101 - Wikipedia is your friend...

bluebrad

[milksnake]

can i nominate crab sticks for room 101? one bite and I puke, who the fuck eats that shit?

[Munkii]

ok i dont realy know how this works but can i nominate people who shove their litter down cracks in the rock. i hate it

yesterday i went to hand jam in a nice little crack only to find my hand coverd in mouldy sandwhich!

why would you do that? just take it home ffs!

[fatdoc]

you got the jist mate, no mistake.

litter at crags is NOT on.

[Jim]

religion gets my vote
crock of shite

[GCW]

religion gets my vote
crock of shite

[Jovial Geordie]

Gillian FuckFace McKeith.

Anyone who thinks McDonalds and Pizzahut are restaurants.

Pikey families who get rushed through A&E in hospitals by the police because they can't handle there drink at weddings and the groom has stabbed the father of the bride, or something similar, while I sit there for six hours with a fucking dislocated ankle. Bastards.

[nik at work]

Pigeons.
The little find-a-way-into-your-house-despite-you-spending-hours-blocking-up-every-conceivable-hole-then-shitting-everywhere-flying-rat-cunts.

And also strong winds in the region of my roof for blowing open a skylight and allowing the afforementioned shitting machines entry into the homestead. This is a completely different type of wind to the quickly-dry-the-rock-after-rain wind, thats my favourite type of wind and can come round for tea and cakes any time it wants.

[slackline]

Pigeons.

Rats with wings, I reckon they should stay in.

[moose]

....while I sit there for six hours with a fucking dislocated ankle. Bastards.

So fella... is that your first climbing injury, or a more mundane mishap.  Sounds very familiar anyway, a couple of years ago I spent 6 hours in Durham A&E waiting for my head to be glued back together (after a bloody and slightly dizzy drive from Almscliff where I had slipped from Patta's Arete).   

What really pissed me off though was being charged £11 quid for hospital parking.  Still, it could have been worse - if hadn't have had the cash on me I would have had to drag my bleeding carcass a couple of miles back into the town centre to find an ATM!

Agree re Gillian McKeith... I am generally too lazy to build up any real hatred but she really pisses me off, along with all the po-faced quackery she represents.  Since most of my friend are fairly sensible, I hadn't realised how prevalent that crap was until I was exposed to the newspapers my parents buy (Mail, Express etc).  There seems to be an insatiable appetite for bullshit pseudo-science that divides everything into either causes-cancer or cures-cancer categories (the new Manichean dualism).  So far as I can tell, it's all just a mixture of idleness and hypocrisy.  A deluded desire to believe that eating fucking goji berries and using cholesterol-lowering margarine will make up for a life spent doing no exercise whatsoever and eating cake for breakfast.  Incidentally, exactly when did cake become a normal breakfast item, the shops may call them muffins but they sure look like cakes! 

And don't get me started on all that new-age therapy rubbish: every week a new diagnostic / treatment for the rich and credulous.  Usually with a purported basis that's a dogs-dinner of confused quantum mechanics and words like "holistic", "vibration" and "aura".  Everyone of them seems to result in the same verdict too: "you're generally fine but a bit run-down, this can be cured by spending £60 on these vitamin pills and homeopathic potions" (in the Mail on Sunday's case the pills always seem to be sold by columnist's own website!).  It never seems to occur to the "journalist" that the "startlingly accurate diagnosis" is always this same bleeding obvious platitude.  And strangely, enough, given that every therapy is described as being very successful, the columnist is always in need of another the next week!   

Frankly, the entire field stikes me as no better than the psychic one, with the therapists being just cold-readers with framed certificates from fake health schools and a clientele too gullible to see that it takes no real insight to guess that a patient probably feels tired (just like everyone "feels undervalued sometimes" or "occassionally has money worries").

[Zods Beard]

I hate McKeith, you wouldn't believe how many people believe her cod scientific bullshit. Her Doctorate is off some internet site, and her lawyer husband? makes sure no one questions it. But what really pisses me off is her high and mighty attitude, and the way her programs are really a excuse for smug middle class tossers who believe her bullshit to sit back and laugh at poor people and how unhealthy they are. "Oh my god those people don't eat organic watercress, and there dining table isn't made of locally sourced wood" WA**KERS!

You can also chuck in Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley Twatingstall.

[Jovial Geordie]

My injury was football related, gravity is not my friend.

McKeith sums up allot about what I hate. Her program, along with all these other Diet/Makeover/Make you life better shows. The presenters should all be shot. The idea that if we don't conform to a certain set of rules regarding diet/lifestyle/fashion that somehow we will become social outcasts and our children disease ridden chavs pisses me off.

For a sick kick I can recomend How to look ten years younger. Where people undergo various forms of torture to look younger. One of the most popular treatments is a chemical peel followed by botox. Which the regular fuckwits on the show think will magically reduce there hideous deformities obtained through constantly being bathed in UV tanning light. Now I am not sure about other people but the idea of having my face splashed in acid followed by botoulism injections directly into my muscles in order to paralyse them, does not strike me as fun. Then being dressed up to look like a colour blind clown also doesn't help.

Sometimes I feel pity for the people on the show, that they lack so much self confidence they are willing to undergo treatment that was banned under the Geneva Convention due to a deep routed mental pain obtained through years of abuse is unfortunate, but then I think fuck them. If they stupid enough to do it I can recomend my shit kicking procedure. Which, for a small fee, I will beat the living daylights out of you. This will increase blood flow to the injured areas and stimulate magic zen energy to aid in the regeneration of damaged nerves. Remeber No Pain No Gain.

Twats

[SA Chris]

Pigeons.
The little find-a-way-into-your-house-despite-you-spending-hours-blocking-up-every-conceivable-hole-then-shitting-everywhere-flying-rat-cunts.

Same category as shitehawks. Agression, noise, smell, shit everywhere and rancid lice infected heaps of twigs they refer to as nests rendering many of the seacliffs round here unclimbable for most of the summer.

[galpinos]

You can also chuck in Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley Twatingstall.

Can we keep them out please? I'm right with you on McKeith but these two?

Is Jaimie Oliver that bad? Yep, he's absolutely everywhere, yep his voice and general mannerisms are damn annoying but I reckon (maybe I'm taken in by the hype) that his '13' restaurants and school dinners shows are good ideas, well meaning and are a geniune effort at trying to do something pro active.

Same with Hugh, yep he can come across as a poncy twat but his general message is good.

We can still burn McKeith.

[slackline]

We can still burn McKeith.

Or make a bridge out of her...



Agree with galpinos on the Oliver/Fern front, both annoying but good intentions.

[Bonjoy]

Whittingstall is a hero in my book. Yes he's rather plummy, but his message is well thought out, on the money and seems to be genuinely his own work rather than scripted. The River Cottage Meat and Fish books are absolute essential reading, both as encyclopedic cooking aids and for anyone who doesn't want to go vegetarian but does care about the consequences of their consumer choices.
It is easy to slag him off on the 'another posh twat telling poor people to eat cake' ticket, but a lot of his message is about using cheaper cuts better, making what you do buy go further, growing your own, foraging your own and making stuff from fresh rather than wasting money on pre-prepped shit. Ok the message has to be dummed down somewhat for TV and to try and influence the averagely stupid man on the street. Ok he makes a good living out of it, doesn't everyone on TV, does that make them all twats?

[dave]

I'm with lovejoy here, Hugh FW deserves more props than a mineshaft.

[SA Chris]

Indeed.

I thought his series called "lets not eat the last few remaining cod you boring fucks, there are plenty more (tastier) fish in the sea"

was pretty good, and enlightening.

[nik at work]

5 metre tapes that in reality only let you pull out 4.8 metres of tape when you need to measure something 4.9 metres-ish long.

[SA Chris]

I can see that being a life destroying event.

[GCW]

Spaghetti in a tin that's long lengths.
The Spaghetti hoops are ace, as are the straight bits that are 3 or 4cm long.  Perfect lazy food.
But I had some today from the supermarket- each piece is about 20cm, and this means you have to cut it up to eat it.  It ruins the simplicity.
Nowhere near as traumatising as Nik's issue I admit, but still a badly thought out design.