[Bubba]

Fog light whores are really annoying. One whiff of mist and on go the fogs despite there still being a mile of visibility.

People who drive cars at about 53mph in the slow lane on the motorway causing every truck to pass them snarling up the whole motorway.

[Drew]

most people doing this think it will make the crossing cycle come around quicker. same goes for people who do it when waiting for a lift.

You mean it doesn't? Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!      




 

[GCW]

Bubbs, as someone with two kids, I completely agree with you.  The wife wouldn't, but she always gives me verbal GBH of the earhole whenever I park a bit far from the supermarket door.

One from today:  Supermarket with kids.  Car park almost empty.  I park in a swathe of empty spaces.  I return from shopping and some knob jockey has parked right next to me to the degree that I have to move the car to get the blobs in their car seats.  I mean what the fuck?  Is that just stupid or did the cunt do it on purpose?!?!?

[Drew]

some knob jockey has parked right next to me to the degree that I have to move the car to get the blobs in their car seats.  I mean what the fuck?  Is that just stupid or did the cunt do it on purpose?!?!?

Oh no... you've just started me off again! People who park badly. At all. Anywhere. Random High Street and they're sticking into the road. Tesco's car park, and there's one front wheel in one bay, one front and one rear wheel in another, and a final rear wheel in another bay! Or people who park in the "Pick up and Drop off" point for half an hour while they do all their shopping! Or people who don't understand slanted parking bays and reverse into them! 

[fatdoc]

People who park in mother and baby parking spaces when their offspring ain't with them.  The spaces are for parents AND children together, not for people who happen to be parents.  I've heard this justified by a woman who said when asked why she'd parked in one of these spaces, "I do have a young child you know".  So fuckin' what, they're somewhere else.

Sorry, i totally disagree with this one

I don't park in disabled places but I don't see why I should be discriminated against just because some fucker has decided to breed. If you decide to have kids then you can fucking walk across the car park with them like everyone else has to

interesting point.

if you've got kids you need to teach them road awarness, it's a common cause of serious injury in children. car parks seem like a good place to start.

If you've got a babe in arms that needs carting about then having  a place close to the shop seems as fair as some oldster that cant walk to easy coz of a dodgy hip etc..

seeing kids gambole out of a 4 by 4 and stride into the shop whilst some mum is hefting her babe in car seat accross the carpark is so obviously wrong.

the kid / family spaces would be best renamed baby car seat only spaces IMO... and as I've been dragging kids to supermarkets for a decade I reckon i've a fair insight into it!

[nik at work]

Agree with Bubbs about Parent and Child spaces. And I'm a father.

However people who park in disabled spaces without displaying a badge should be shot, then shot again, then kicked, then set fire to, then shot, then spat at, then hung from a pole on the road in to town as a message to other potential unauthorised disabled space users, then buried in a unmarked grave which is subsequently used as the site for a public toilet or sewage treatment works....

I pressume these scum are already in room 101.

[Jaspersharpe]

Fatdoc is right, they should just be for small kids who can't get in and out of the car on their own. Before I had a kid I thought "lazy fuckers, why do they need to be nearer to the shop" but now I know that that's not actually what they're for.

The point of those spaces isn't to be nearer to the supermarket it's so you can get the sprog in and out of the car. The distance from the shop is unimportant - carrying a baby isn't exactly difficult - but, as mentioned, with the level of spasticity at parking shown by so many people, having a wider space to work with is.

Put the kid spaces further away from the shop for me, or just make all the spaces bigger so the car park can't fit as many cars in it and there are fewer people to get in my way when I'm shopping. 

On the bad parking tip, I had an amusing encounter with a complete prick the other week. Parking in the local shop/petrol station car park there was only one space and it was quite small as a bird with a bright yellow mini piece of shit was parked at a bit of an angle next to it and a big volvo estate was in the other adjacent space. I squeezed into the space, got out and was about to walk to the shop when Mr Complete Prick who was evidently the volvo driver turned up and shouted "How am I supposed to get in there!". Obviously the fat old twat was too lardy to squeeze his fat arse between my car and his to get in. He could have walked round to the other side and got in, he could have been polite but no. Shouting and pointing were obviously easier. By this time the bird had moved the yellow piece of excrement so I said to Mr Prick "No problem, there no need to be rude." got in my car and moved it across a bit (he was still shaking his head and muttering).

At this point I realised that the reason for the space being so small was not just the bird's parking but that Mr Prick's Volvo was about a foot over the white line. He'd hastily got in his car as I was getting out again but I was still in time to say "What the fuck were you complaining about!? You parked a foot over the line." "Well I had to." he replied. "You are a fucking idiot." Was the only response I could think of that was appropriate and I left it at that. CUNT! 

[lagerstarfish]

Jasper,
you will be pleased to hear about the parking rules in force at the M&S car park at the railway station in Ilkley - there is a sign up stating that each car must park between the white lines and that a fine may be imposed on anyone not following this rule. Furthermore, they actually enforce this rule! People who park over the lines are fined £60. Plenty of complaints about this in the Ilkley Gazette, but this is completely legal and M&S are sticking to their sense of what is right.
This is not just parking, It's M&S parking 

[SA Chris]

However people who park in disabled spaces without displaying a badge should be shot, then shot again, then kicked, then set fire to, then shot, then spat at, then hung from a pole on the road in to town as a message to other potential unauthorised disabled space users, then buried in a unmarked grave which is subsequently used as the site for a public toilet or sewage treatment works....

Or just beaten until they are in such a state that they are eligible for disabled parking.

I personally think once kids are able to walk on their own the parents shouldn't be able to use the parking bays. At least it might mean the kids will get some exercise.

[Jaspersharpe]

Jasper,
you will be pleased to hear about the parking rules in force at the M&S car park at the railway station in Ilkley - there is a sign up stating that each car must park between the white lines and that a fine may be imposed on anyone not following this rule. Furthermore, they actually enforce this rule! People who park over the lines are fined £60. Plenty of complaints about this in the Ilkley Gazette, but this is completely legal and M&S are sticking to their sense of what is right.
This is not just parking, It's M&S parking 

Class.

[GCW]

I personally think once kids are able to walk on their own the parents shouldn't be able to use the parking bays.

Yeah, but you still need to plonk them in their carseat and lean in the door to strap them in until they can go in a booster (age 3 or 4), so the width of spaces is still an issue.
If they put wider spaces in for "parent and offspring" at the end of the car park it would do the job.  Personally I always park as far away from the entrance as possible- you always get a space 'cos most other people are lazy twats.

[Jaspersharpe]

So in summary, I think we are all in agreement - people who park like twats - in you go. 

[nik at work]

However people who park in disabled spaces without displaying a badge should be shot, then shot again, then kicked, then set fire to, then shot, then spat at, then hung from a pole on the road in to town as a message to other potential unauthorised disabled space users, then buried in a unmarked grave which is subsequently used as the site for a public toilet or sewage treatment works....

Or just beaten until they are in such a state that they are eligible for disabled parking.

And then have their application for a disbaled badge denied, cunts.

The M&S thing is brilliant. I wish more shops would police their parking.

[GCW]

[SA Chris]

The M&S thing is brilliant. I wish more shops would police their parking.

I'm sure in a place like Ilkley there must be hundreds of anal pensioners gagging for the opportunity to do a job like this. Probably for free too.

[GCW]

I have a picture of Nik at work Bateman, something like this:




Nik wanders up to someone in Asda car park, bag of doughnuts held in his tightly clenched fist, blood vessels prominent on his brow:

You are a fucking ugly bitch and I want to stab you to death and play with your blood.

My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfil my needs.

[Jaspersharpe]

I'm sure in a place like Ilkley there must be hundreds of anal pensioners gagging

Remind me not to visit. 

[SA Chris]

I'm sure in a place like Ilkley there must be hundreds of anal pensioners gagging

Remind me not to visit.  

You might find trembling hands and toothless gums to be pleasant?



"Hmmm, today is a good day"

[dave]

So in summary, I think we are all in agreement - people who park like twats - in you go. 

heres a good one:  few weeks ago I was off out climbing after work but had to stop for some juice on the way out cos i was nearly empty. Unfortunatley this was the day some idiot on the radio had said "theres going to be a fuel hauliers strike, DO NOT PANIC BUY" so when i got to the garage every other fucker was panic buying, so there was a massive queue. I pulled into the queue, just getting my back end off the road, and waited in line with everyone else. So up front some guy had finished at one pump and drove away and some dick in a Merc pulls off the road and nips into that pump before anyone else in the queue had chance. "cunt" i think to myself. but then, and to my total antonishment, he gets out of the car, locks it, and strolls over to the garage to do a bit of shopping, bottle of milk and a paper etc, he wasn't even getting any petrol. fucking dick, basically cos he coulnd't be othered to park in a proper space he takes up a pump for 5 minutes while people are queuing, and I'm going to get to the Tor 5 minutes late as a result. fucking shitbag. it was a shame I was too far back in the queue to give him some verbal GBH of the earhole.

[SA Chris]

I love it when people at garages can't figure out that if you park properly, must hoses on fuel pumps can reach across the car and can fill up on the other side of the car. So you have about 4 people waiting in line on one side, when the other is empty.

[Jaspersharpe]

The usual British tradition of queuing properly (unheard of in the rest of Europe) goes completely out of the window at petrol stations and pubs.

[SA Chris]

And in goes BMI. Do you reckon charging £6 per person if you don't check in on line before you go to the airport is taking the piss. On top of the £8 per item of checked in baggage? Fucking tealeaves.

[Houdini]

The oboe and all champions of this most ghastly of instruments. 

Anyone watch Mozarts' oboe concerto on the Proms last night?  Fucking horrid! 

[butters]

GQ magazine - gop straight to Room 101 and burn in hell!! Somebody left a copy round our house and the only thing that I can say about it is what a load of fucking trash that magazine is - designed by wankers in London to be read by bigger wankers in London!

Just in case there are further reasons required for the inclusion of said organ of wankerish style and grooming the Hunter S Thompson "inspired" photo shoot should be more than ample. Getting some floppy haired skinny tosser of a male model and dressing him up to resemble Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing... replete with floppy hat, aviator style sunglasses, cigarette holder, shiny replica gun and pulling gurns inspired by the film makes my piss boil. God only knows what Hunter would have said but the vitriol level would have been on a par with that reserved for GW Bush or J Edgar Hoover hopefully.

bluebrad

[grumpycrumpy]

GQ magazine - gop straight to Room 101 and burn in hell!! Somebody left a copy round our house and the only thing that I can say about it is what a load of fucking trash that magazine is - designed by wankers in London to be read by bigger wankers in London!

Just in case there are further reasons required for the inclusion of said organ of wankerish style and grooming the Hunter S Thompson "inspired" photo shoot should be more than ample. Getting some floppy haired skinny tosser of a male model and dressing him up to resemble Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing... replete with floppy hat, aviator style sunglasses, cigarette holder, shiny replica gun and pulling gurns inspired by the film makes my piss boil. God only knows what Hunter would have said but the vitriol level would have been on a par with that reserved for GW Bush or J Edgar Hoover hopefully.

bluebrad

his oft used phrase ' whipped like egg stealing dogs with no warning or reason at all ' comes to mind .....