[Nibile]

so, hard hard winter and fall are gone now. lots of driving to the gym, lots of dark days spent dangling from the fingerboard, stop watch in front of me, breathing before another series. lots of falling from the campus board, lots of icing.
those days are gone, these are the days for climbing.
before uncle came here, i had not climbed outdoor for six weeks, and was feeling shit. then i slowly started to get into it again, and even if i was feeling weak because i wasnt training, now i feel ace. i have been climbing four times a week or more in the last weeks, and its just great.
im absolutely obsessed by getting into troubles with hard problems that will give me a hard time, and im happy about that. yesterday, i went to the gym. today bouldering, tomorrow gym again cos i feel like.
this is what i want to do for the rest of my life.
work has no meaning now besides giving me the money to put gas for going bouldering. friends are a good family to be met once in a while, maybe after a long trip abroad. social relationships are long forgotten.
i feel like im in trouble, and still i dont care.
at 35 this is prolly the best moment in my climbing and life, and i want to go on.
this morning instead of the usual password on the pc "arrostino" (the cats name) i typed "arrampicata", that means "climbing" and still im not scared. i pass my time climbing or thinking about it. i could leave tomorrow and be away for weeks without thinking a second, if my girlfriend could come with me. she is the only person i really try not to hurt or disappoint with my current mindset.
i often dont succeed in that, and after i have to think about what am i doing. the answer is just trying to climb harder, no matter what. i feel like im really addicted, still dont know if in a positive or negative way. i hope for the best. i hope to go to the dolomites, to find a job, and my g/f to pass all her exams. i hope to do that problem in cresciano and another one in ceriola.
i once read a stefan glowacz quote that said "every morning im happy cos i know that i will climb or train": this is how i feel now.
am i doomed?

ps: apologies for all the nonsense, but i wanted to share this feeling.

[unclesomebody]

doomed? No. Inspired? Yes. An Inspiration? Yes.

Keep riding the wave lore because while it's this good there is no way you can get off. If you wake up happy everyday then there isn't anything else you could ask for. If you fall asleep satisfied then your days are perfect.

Thanks for posting that bit of pure psyche.

[a dense loner]

go on nibs

[Richie Crouch]

Yes 

[Jim]

shit man, I'm starting to get really psyched for climbing again
I'm going start training really hard, start dieting, climb all the time and become a beast and crush all the blocs in sight... yeah

what am I saying? I hope I will do this but the truth is I just got back from the pub.
Damn it, I'll never be strong
 

[andy_e]

Inspiration. I might print out your words and take them with me to the crag so I can read them and gain extra power... 

[Andy F]

Pure, unadulterated f*ck*n genius Nibs  . Live for the moment.

[andy popp]

You are truly 'His Nibs'. Psyched now for today's planned board session.

[SA Chris]

I see your path as being bright and shining.

I suspect losing the psyche is the path of the doomed.

[saltbeef]

i think you're pining for keith.
we all are...

[a dense loner]

i get inspiration from uncle in mysterious ways

[Monolith]

Psyche at its greatest. Get shaving down those holds and pull hard!

[Greg C]

I would be psyched but I now feel knackered from watching Uncles avatar.   

[ned]

I like how his head moves from one side of the bar to the other, mid pull!

[dobbin]

Its like how andy earl took his shirt off mid problem in font. These uber wads can all do it.

[Fiend]

Good post Nibile, and a good question. I don't think it's as simple as "yay for psyche" like everyone is saying. Climbing is only one part of a healthy life. One of the very most important parts admittedly. Being super-psyched is great (I would be if the British weather wasn't such a CUNT), but there needs to be balance. Not necessarily balance at any particular moment, but balance overall. Do you feel like you're losing that balance? Or do you feel like it's becoming unbalanced now but the balance will swing back later where other aspects of life re-gain prominence (but not dominance!)? If it's the latter then you can take heart that the other stuff will come back, or can be rebuilt, and it should be fine to focus purely on climbing now - BUT look after your relationships and your health, those I think are the most painful or hardest (respectively) things to make a mess of.

All IMO.

[Monolith]

Climbing is only one part of a healthy life.

im absolutely obsessed by getting into troubles with hard problems that will give me a hard time, and im happy about that.

Therein lies the dichotomy between balance and obsession.

Personally, I find my mental state completely inseparable between 'regular' life and climbing life. Sure, I'd guess that's not particularly healthy but I simply cannot separate the two nor would I want to. If I'm to get up the two things I am obsessed with, I'd even go so far as to say that that mindset is neccessary.

I don't remember a period of my life thus far where passiveness got me anywhere - where I have been obsessed I have succeeded; although, of course I understand what you are attempting to convey Fiend. I just don't think I can let a chance to say "yay for psyche" pass me by.

[Paz]

I don't really go in for any of that healthy life and relationships bollocks.  I just shamelessly use and exploit people as belayers.  I really don't know why they put up with me, I must just be good for a beer or they're too young to know better.

I'd just say that firstly I find it difficult to be psyched both for work and for climbing, but if I do do work I don't do it by halves.  If I'm working hard
I could go out and do stuff I've done before or have an easy day or go down the wall as a bit of a break, but most of the time these days I can't be arsed unless the weather's special. 

Secondly I find it wierd that after I've had dark thoughts about something, seen a route in the flesh, or had unfinished business (gotten my ass spanked) then the psyche I get for that specific route only lasts about a week or so.  When really for redpoint projects I think you want to get a cople of trips in about 5 days apart, rest up for nomore than twice that, then get the clips in and send.  It's also werid how quickly I forget runs of form, all the good routes I've done that are hard for me, even in the last few months, and think about a more recent lower grade failure instead and want to rectify that first before I get on something harder. 

[Nibile]

ragazzi,
thanks alot the nice words. i wasnt even drunk when i typed that!!!

i think im doomed in some sort of positive way: wanting to always improve. ive learnt that i cant do anything good if i feel bad for something, if i left behind my girlfriend or work. in all these years, ive never left for a climbing trip without being sure all my work was done, and done properly. ive never switched off my phone during work days, even if i was on vacation. thats typical of me.

so, if i feel a worthless burden for society i cannot improve my climbing, and the same if theres one girl crying at home. but if, like now, from both these things i can get more energy, focus, and determination, i feel so much pressed to do what i like, that sometimes its scary, but i cannot leave anything spoilt.
i think this is why this moment is so great, because despite all the mess, a few things and people around me are giving to me great moments of undefinable inspiration, that i can translate into climbing. and if i can, i will.

[erm, sam]

Dodging some important work, I came across this thread via Gym Jones and somewhere else, and I thought about you Nibbo.

http://www.bensaunders.com/archives/2007/06/03/better/#comments

 
Its got a bit by the original -burning focus to acheive, forget all esle- geezer Mark Twight and then some discussion on what it means to define a goal and persue it to the exclusion of all else.

I found it quite interesting, especially as we get the older Mark T commenting on what he wrote as young firebrand.......

[SA Chris]

Nibile, I seriously think you should do a prolonged UK tour and spread some psyche around in exchange for beta and accomodation.

[Fiend]

Nibile, I seriously think you should do a prolonged UK tour and spread some psyche around in exchange for beta and accomodation.

For sure.

Nibs, I have a spare room in Sheff and seriously fucked-up psyche after all the weird weather. It's a simple swap

[Nibile]

just too simple to let it pass...

[Nibile]

again on the matter, sorry.
i found out what made me write the first post. i was watching stone love, and was and still am, impressd by the last bits when malc does la prou. after saying "fucking excellent", he sits down, his eyes lost, whis brain god only knows where. i think that images really inspired me more than the actual climbing. as everyone may have experienced, he, in that moment, is alone. alone in the world. while all the others may admire him for the effort, and with good reason, only he knows how much its been difficult. only he knows how much did it cost to him to embark in the quest to be the strongest. thats what inspired me.
in another level of difficulty, i have experienced that, and i think so did everyone who wants to improve becasue he loves climbing, or whatever else.
only every single one of us knows really what moves him or her, what the reasons he fails or does. only every single one of us knows how much he put into it, and how much hell get back from it. the effort, the suffering, the depression, the joys, the doubts, although may become evedent at some point for others too, are deeply known only by one person. and in that we all are alone, in our single pusuits, despite doing them with others.
so i always search that lost look, that miles away look, that is the single moment when your thoughts shift from, "ive done well, i deserved it" to "i want to do more, im ready to give more". there, in that moment you are fully happy because its like if this world would be a better place, in which peoples efforts are always paid, and noone gets nothing for free.

[Fiend]

in another level of difficulty, i have experienced that, and i think so did everyone who wants to improve becasue he loves climbing, or whatever else.
only every single one of us knows really what moves him or her, what the reasons he fails or does. only every single one of us knows how much he put into it, and how much hell get back from it. the effort, the suffering, the depression, the joys, the doubts, although may become evedent at some point for others too, are deeply known only by one person. and in that we all are alone, in our single pusuits, despite doing them with others.
so i always search that lost look, that miles away look, that is the single moment when your thoughts shift from, "ive done well, i deserved it" to "i want to do more, im ready to give more". there, in that moment you are fully happy because its like if this world would be a better place, in which peoples efforts are always paid, and noone gets nothing for free.

Is it any wonder you keep getting wad points, Sir Nibile??