[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

Government computer systems should communicate to each other rather than working in isolation in my opinion, it would work for benefit of the people whom it serves (NHS desperately needs thus but that's essentially now been canned after throwing shed loads of money at it if I remember correctly).

I didn't care much for the PS, but was to lazy to delete it when copying and pasting.

I disagree.

Disparate systems should be atomic, and stand alone - especially government ones - information stored on one isn't for the purpose of being used on another.

[Clearly, exceptions would apply for, for example, criminal investigations - but if you give your information to someone for a specific purpose, I don't believe it should be disseminated]

- Anyhoo. Back to the merry japes funsters.

[tomtom]

Went to the doctors the other day and he said I had to stop wanking. I said "why!" And he replied "cos I'm trying to examine you"

That's a limp effort.

[slackline]

I'm not thinking of it in terms of information being freely disseminated between different bodies though, rather that with explicit consent information between systems could be linked/shared.

A topical example is that I was out last night with a friend who had had their application for a disabled parking badge initially declined, but they'd appealed it.  This is after having been injured climbing seven months ago and having to have three operations to pin their spine back in place and they have trouble walking and find long distances painful as a consequence.  They had to go for a physical exam to have this checked/verified .   That in itself is wasteful as someone is employed to do those checks when the opinion of a clinician should suffice.

[tomtom]

I'm not thinking of it in terms of information being freely disseminated between different bodies though, rather that with explicit consent information between systems could be linked/shared.

A topical example is that I was out last night with a friend who had had their application for a disabled parking badge initially declined, but they'd appealed it.  This is after having been injured climbing seven months ago and having to have three operations to pin their spine back in place and they have trouble walking and find long distances painful as a consequence.  They had to go for a physical exam to have this checked/verified .   That in itself is wasteful as someone is employed to do those checks when the opinion of a clinician should suffice.

This is being covered / is relevant to the google shit thread... Maybe move it there?

My dog has no nose....

[tregiffian]

That must be terrible.

[slackline]

A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him water, but can't make him drink.

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

That must be terrible.

WE DON'T GIVE HIM ANY!!!

[Oldmanmatt]

What do you call a Chinese Philosopher with a very loud sound system?


Lau tzu Wai.

[slackline]

I've just been accused of being a plagiarist!



Their words, not mine.

[slackline]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders a pint of beer.

The second one orders a half pint and the third one orders a quarter pint.

The fourth one orders an eighth of a pint.

Before the fifth one can order, the bar tender says "You're all idiots." and pours two beers.

[tommytwotone]

Sorry fella, not being in possession of an Oxbridge Applied Maths 1st I don't get that one...need to to show your workings! 

[mrjonathanr]

Zeno's paradigm, isn't it? (+initial pint ordered)

[psychomansam]

Zeno's paradox, isn't it? (+initial pint ordered)

One of many, but the one he's currently famous for.

[Oldmanmatt]

Always approaching 2, never quite reaching it.
Bit like my mental age...

[tregiffian]

They put a clock  on the tower of Pisa; no good having the inclination if you haven`t got the time.

[SA Chris]

I'm not sure how my wife and I will make ends meet after she lost her job as a bukkake pr0nstar and cancelled her insurance policy.

She's no longer getting fully covered income.

[rodma]

I'm not sure how my wife and I will make ends meet after she lost her job as a bukkake pr0nstar and cancelled her insurance policy.

She's no longer getting fully covered income.

was she miss-sold pee-pee-eye insurance 

[butters]

"G'day mate, Aussie Helpline. What's the problem, cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the vag by a wasp. It's now completely closed up."

"Bummer mate!"

" Thanks mate. Hadn't thought of that. Bye."

[butters]

ROYAL BABY WATCH: Duchess going into labour quoted as saying "I hope it's as easy as an Aussie batsman to get out".

[lagerstarfish]

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch and sit with them, so she put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"Any of you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused. Then one of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled back down, "Why?"

The worker yelled back, "’Cause his mum's here with his lunch."

[masonwoods101]

What's the difference between Michael give and a plastic surgeon?...a plastic surgeon tucks features...

[JackAus]

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.
It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, standing beside me.
I gave her a loving smile and said "Get that trolley over here love. They're doing 3 cartons of beer, for the price of 2".

[slackline]

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

 At 1:00AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

 "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

 "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

 "Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket."

 After a moment of silence, he farted.

[SA Chris]

I'm now a full member of the Tourette's Society. They just finished swearing me in.

FFYF!

(apologies if this has been on here before)

[rich d]

Two lads wearing Man Utd tops smashed my car windscreen this morning.
I cold have swerved, but I thought fuck em!