[205Chris]

"Excuse me", I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "you have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt."

"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't tend to ejaculate yoghurt."

[masonwoods101]

(just seen robbie williams say this on tv) "my wife just had a go at me for not opening the car window for her, i just panicked and swam to the surface"

[Big Dave]

Just bought some beef burgers from Tesco's.....and THEY'RE OFF!!

[slackline]

Tesco burgers: low in salt and high in Shergar

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

To save anyone else the trouble:

Tesco burgers -  just say "neigh"

So there's horse DNA in the burgers. - Relax, doesn't mean it's meat, could be semen.

Bought some burgers from Tesco's last week, tried to cook them last night, And, They're Off!

Meanwhile, a low-cost supermarket competitor is now branding their burgers as "My Lidl Pony"

Tesco Value Burgers - part of a stable diet.

These product recalls are really just closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Morrissey and Jack Nicholson have issued a joint statement - declaring "meat is Red Rum"

Buying low-cost burgers by Tesco, Aldi, and Lidl is turning into a right 'mare for their marketing people.

Ate some of their burgers last week - they gave me the trots.

Value burgers don't say on the "serving suggestion" whether they're to be cooked "rare or well done", just "good to firm"

Anyway. These burger jokes are becoming passé, talk about flogging a dead hor…

I'll get my coat.

[slackline]

I'll get my coat.

I don't get this one?

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

I'll get my coat.

I don't get this one?

The rest of that conversation is equally entertaining -

https://twitter.com/spireite72

wayne whitehead ‏@spireite72
@UKTesco my local store is Clowne Derbyshire.

[willackers]

Tesco Burgers - Galloping off the shelf!

[fried]

Very punny.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21011778

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

Apparently it's got worse for Tesco - they've now found out their vegeburgers are made from UniQuorn…
 

[slackline]

Apparently it's got worse for Tesco - they've now found out their vegeburgers are made from UniQuorn…

FD found a sea-horse in his fish finger the other day.

[tomtom]

I have some tesco burgers in the fridge - I went to check their best before date..

And they're off.....

[SpanishJuan]

Traces of zebras found in Tesco barcodes.

[CBA]

Tesco self service till..."Unexpected item in bagging area." Yes,it's a fucking horse.

[Big Dave]

Tesco have recalled 10,000 pairs of leggings after traces of camel toe were found in them.

[slackline]

Bit late so it doesn't really work but I only just clocked this one, it is rather good and since no other jokes have been posted fits in well in the thread...


Primark are horrified to find there are camel toes in their leggings.

[andy_e]

Up one post?

[slackline]

    Didn't realise Tescos even sold clothes.

[namnok]

  Didn't realise Tescos even sold clothes.

Yeah, a large selection of men's women's kids and jockies

[slackline]

Took a few seconds for the penny to drop, very good.

[Dexter]

apparently tescos have a new deal of double points on petrol and burgers


its called only fuel and horses

[SpanishJuan]

its only a matter of time before someone edits a tesco advert with one of my favourite songs of all time

[Oldmanmatt]

Untitled (2013-02-03 21:59:17) by oldmanmatt, on Flickr

Well... At least he probably knows how to find it...

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

To celebrate finding the remains of Richard III in a Leicester car park, the archaeology team have errected a large marquee over the site and have announced they're holding a dance and party -

Now is the winter of our disco tent…

[andy_e]

Wow, nobody's mentioned the Ex-Benedict joke yet.