[masonwoods101]

Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says 'I think I'll have an H2O'. The second one says 'I think I'll have an H2O too' ... and he died.

[tomtom]

What do you call a man with a spade?


Doug.



What do you call a man who's lost his spade?



Douglas.

[masonwoods101]

what you call a man who got hit in the head with a shovel? doug....

[dave]

What do you call a bloke with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

[masonwoods101]

Irish Paralympic Swimming Trials
50mtrs free style
Lane 1, Paddy with no arms
Lane 2, Mick with no legs
Lane 3, just a head
Gun goes off & they all dive in. Mick
with no legs takes the lead from armless Paddy. The head sinks 2 the bottom. Armless Paddy pips the legless Mick 2 win the race.
They fish the head out & ask what
happened. The head spluttered & screamed "6 FUCKIN months 2 learn 2 swim with my ears & some cunt puts a swimmin cap on me "

[lagerstarfish]

France: bringing you topless royals since 1793

[rodma]

What do you call a man between two buildings?

Ali

Similarly, what do you call somone that's just done the crux on a sport route?

[grumpycrumpy]

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?


Sister Matic ........

[masonwoods101]

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but its going to take a long time and the lightbulb has to want to change

[twoshoes]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs trying to swim?

Bob.

[dave]

What do you call a man with an invoice on his head?

Bill

[rich d]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel 

[dave]

What do you call an idiotic mormon presidential candidate with a glove on his head?

Mitt.

[peewee]

Why does it take 7 women on PMS to change a lightbulb?  IT JUST FREAKING DOES OK!!!

[slackline]

Why does it take 7 women on PMSto change a lightbulb?  IT JUST FREAKING DOES OK!!!

[SA Chris]

What do you call a girl who can balance a pint on her head?

Beatrix.

What do you call a girl who sets fire to a parking fine?

Bernadette.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lighbulb?

Fish.

[tregiffian]

What do you call the head of the Cats Choir?

Chairman Miaow.

[Jaspersharpe]

What do you call an idiotic mormon presidential candidate with a glove on his head?

Mitt.

Very good. But the actual answer is "cunt", isn't it?

[masonwoods101]

no thats the answer to the question "what do you call mitt romney"

[dave]

What do you call a bloke witk a six sided head?

Allen

[andy_e]

What do you call a man who converts sound energy into electrical energy.via kinetic energy?

Mike.

[dave]

What do you call a scottish cloakroom attendant?

Angus McCoatup

[Serpico]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

What do you call a dog with no ears?
It doesn't matter - he won't come.

[chummer]

I have strongly resisted puntering you Serpico for the shittest most dated joke this side of TV. The only reason I didn't was because you sound like you might be foreign and thus not aware of just how shit and dated it was. 

[grumpycrumpy]

Why does Noddy have a bell on the end of his hat ?


'Cos he's a cunt .........