[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

It's a recipe for deterministic non-linear behaviour, I tell ya!

I stand corrected

[tomtom]

It's a recipe for deterministic non-linear behaviour, I tell ya!

I stand corrected

there probably should be a  after my last post... 

[slackline]

A man goes to see his doctor.."I am addicted to Twitter", he says....Doctor says: "I am sorry, I don't follow you"

[Baldy]

I stand corrected

says the man in orthopaedic shoes.

[Jaspersharpe]

Roses Are Red, Deadly Nightshade Is Purple, There's Some In Those Chocolates, Bye.

[Clart]

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", I said to the Muscular dystrophy patient.

[Idol eyes]

I would like to share a Valantines poem that has never failed to get me into a chicks pants....
Roses are Red,
Violets are blue.
I have a knife, get in the van...

[peewee]

This line is good also,


Roses are red

Ivy is twisted

Bend over darling

Your about to get fisted.

[lagerstarfish]

[SA Chris]

Jenius.

[slackline]

I took a dyslexic bird home the other day, she ended up cooking my sock.

[Clart]

Christianity: One woman's lie to her husband that got seriously out of hand.

[lagerstarfish]

There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said, "I'm a Jehovah's Witness".

I said "Come in my son and sit down. What do you want to talk about ?"

He said, " Buggered if I know. I've never got this far before."

[tomtom]

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!

[Jaspersharpe]

A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit claimant share twelve biscuits. The banker takes eleven and says to the Daily Mail reader "Watch out! He's after your biscuit!".

[grimer]

You know, when you know something's funny, but you don't get it...

What do you do?

[slackline]

You know, when you know something's funny, but you don't get it...

What do you do?

a) Feign humor.

b) Denigrate its as wank and not funny.

c) Ask for an explanation.

[metal arms]

A chicken and an egg walk into a bar.  Barman say's "Right, who's first?"

[SA Chris]

You know, when you know something's funny, but you don't get it...

If you've never had to joy of buliding any flatpack furniture from your local friendly scandanavian furniture store, then I envy you.

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

So I'm in Boots and this woman who's working as a demonstrator hawking "Dove for Men" says to me, "excuse me sir, but can I ask what you use for grooming?"

And I shrugged and said, "the same as everybody else - 'Facebook' and a bag of sweets"

 

[butters]

Decided to wind up the new lad at work so I sent him out for a tin of tartan paint! Bastard had the last laugh though when he turned up with a tin of Dulux and a prostitute.

[grimer]

You know, when you know something's funny, but you don't get it...

What do you do?

a) Feign humor.

b) Denigrate its as wank and not funny.

c) Ask for an explanation.

should i do all 3 or take my pick?

[slackline]

Mix and match as you please.

[philo]

I didn't realise they took bins out on a bank holiday

[slackline]

A Policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day and said "My dog tells me you're on drugs"


"ME!" I replied  "You're the one with the fucking talking dog!!"