[slackline]

Paedophiles eh?

If you ask me, they're fucking immature arseholes.

[tomtom]

So Peter and Jordan have split up. Bet Harvey didn't see that one coming.

  That deserves a drum roll and cymbal crash Jasper..

[Jaspersharpe]

I've got about twenty more on the same subject but none are postable! I'm sure most of you have heard the Madonna one which was a personal favourite.

[Nibile]

well, now i can laugh on this:
yesterday i had to undergo an ecography, due to an infection i got some time ago.
i was pretty nervous and scared, so i was just laying there watching the roof. the doctor is a friend of my girlfriend, so she was also there, watching the eco screen.
at some point, just from nowhere, my girlfriens asks the doctor: "hey marco, what are those two black stains there?"
naturally i immediately had a heart attack and nearly died, luckily the doctor immediately pointed out that they were two big arteriae, seen from above, so they appeared like black rounded holes.
pretty funny uh?

[Plattsy]

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling
you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu. Ignore it ...
Its spam.

Sorry. sorry. sorry.

[slackline]

What have the Atlantic Ocean and the Conservatives got in common?













They both gained 200 seats last week!

[Jaspersharpe]

NEW CREDIT CARD ADVERT

 
New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashiers face as you pay: Priceless

[Jaspersharpe]

What have Man United and a high class prostitute got in common?

Both of them know how to make huge amounts of money by selling their cunts.

[slackline]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?


























Look for the fresh prints!

[Houdini]

 ???

[SA Chris]

I like it.

[slackline]

???

Where were you in the early-mid 90's hOUD?

[slackline]

--------MAY 2000-------

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan, Jim.

[Zods Beard]

Good to see Jim defending his sexuality with such vigour.

[slackline]

This is similar to the guy who tried to pay an outstanding pill with a picture of a spider with seven legs. 

[Houdini]

???

Where were you in the early-mid 90's hOUD?

Ah ...   Duh ...   Sorry, I could never stomach that crass, trite program.

[andy_e]

This is similar to the guy who tried to pay an outstanding pill with a picture of a spider with seven legs.  

  I like the way she just gives up in the end...

[Jaspersharpe]

Yeah David Thorne is a genius.

[slackline]

I really wish this were a joke, but I have a suspicion its 100% genuine 

[GCW]

Should be called "Thicko mingers of the BNP".

Whatever happened to Jim G o' the SNP?   

[Sloper]

That's got to be a fucking joke.

[account_inactive]

I think it could well be real.  Vice would have come up with something WAY more ridiculous if not

I love how that first hottie wanted to move to Spain, but send all of our immigrants home.  Good solid choices

[Jaspersharpe]

My vote is that it's real.

I love how that first hottie wanted to move to Spain, but send all of our immigrants home.  Good solid choices

Yeah she's got it all worked out.

When I went to Lanzarote, I felt more English there than I do here, and that’s no exaggeration.

That'll be because the English people there have integrated so well into Spanish society though wont it? Not that they've set up their own little bit of England of course cos from what you've said you'd be dead against that? Right?

When people say the BNP is a fascist party, what do you think?
Fascist – I don’t understand that word.

Think of Nazi Germany, or 1930s Italy.
I can’t even remember when that happened really, but I’m against them anyway.

 

[account_inactive]

I've just had to google Tinchy Stryder.  Does that make me old?

[GCW]

Depends if you know who Al Jolson was.....