[cheque]

Reading this thread has become one of my favourite past times.

[Will Hunt]

A friend needed some paint thinner so went off to Manby's in Widnes.
"I'm looking for some turps, have you got any?"
"Halfway down the end aisle".

But there wasn't any. He went back.
"Sorry, I couldn't find it. Are you sure it's there?"
"Halfway down the end aisle"

Still none there. He went back. The shop assistant, now in a huff for having to leave the till, leads him to halfway down the end aisle.

"There! Turps!", he declared crossly, pointing at the tape measures.
"Thanks... do you have any turpentine?"

[Will Hunt]

Have we had the simple yet totally pervasive "of" instead of "have" yet? When spoken, I can just about live with it, but to see it written down makes me despair. How can the education system have failed someone so badly that they do not know how to use such a fundamentally important word as "of"?

Another one from a work email: "...would satisfy some of the concerns that have been banded around".

 

[tommytwotone]

I used to work with a project manager who was the master of the management speak  / mangled metaphor cocktail.


Two of my favourites of his were:


1. When apologising to someone whose project hadn't been progressed to their liking:


"I'm sorry - think this one just fell off the back burner"


(like the idea that it was such a low priority, it was on the back burner already, then we paid it so little attention that it fell off. And we still didn't notice.)


2. Speaking after a slightly tetchy meeting with a supplier:


"They're just trying to pigeon-hole us into a corner"


(whoa - now that is a bad negotiating position!)

[Falling Down]

Did you manage to keep a straight face?

[highrepute]

From a meeting yesterday...

"they do a lot of blue cloud thinking"

Noted this one down with a carefully concealed smirk 

[duncan]

Some top draw egg samples. 

[cheque]

From work yesterday: "They haven't battered an eyelid".

[Monolith]

Heard a good one yesterday. "I'd asked for that pacifically".

[SA Chris]

Manager in meeting yesterday;

"So, in the most simpleton terms" (glances were exchanged around the room)

[andy_e]

Heard a good one yesterday. "I'd asked for that pacifically".

Depends. Either they asked for it calmly, or it's an eggcorn.

[SamT]

I think Torturous is often used when in fact folks mean to say Tortuous. 

e.g. "its a torturous drive over the snake pass"

Though to be fair, being stuck doing 29mph behind someone who hasn't realised that putting their headlights on full beam offers them a much better view of the road ahead can be a form of mental torture.

[Will Hunt]

I think Torturous is often used when in fact folks mean to say Tortuous. 

e.g. "its a torturous drive over the snake pass"

Though to be fair, being stuck doing 29mph behind someone who hasn't realised that putting their headlights on full beam offers them a much better view of the road ahead can be a form of mental torture.

 

I knew this was coming - the time when I would have to fess us to being guilty of something featured on this thread. But thank God I now know that "tortuous" is a word.

[Monolith]

Heard a good one yesterday. "I'd asked for that pacifically".

Depends. Either they asked for it calmly, or it's an eggcorn.

True, true. Although I sense the subject in question wouldn't be aware of that word.

[Steve R]

tortuous is news to me too - thanks SamT.  Another demon someone helped me to exercise relatively recently was sliver vs slither.  As in, I thought it was a thin slither of cake.  When spoken in Hullish they're pronounced the same so can probably tribute it to that. 

[SA Chris]

Another demon someone helped me to exercise relatively recently

Fantastic.

[Will Hunt]

Another demon someone helped me to exercise relatively recently

Fantastic.

I can't tell whether this is intentional or not. In either case it gets a wad point.

[SA Chris]

Likewise, benefit of doubt either way.

[Steve R]

dunno what your on about 

[Stabbsy]

tortuous is news to me too - thanks SamT.  Another demon someone helped me to exercise relatively recently was sliver vs slither.  As in, I thought it was a thin slither of cake.  When spoken in Hullish they're pronounced the same so can probably tribute it to that. 

Double eggcorn? They’re pronounced the same so you can probably tribute attribute it to that

[mrjonathanr]

I read in the Guardian yesterday about Geoffrey Cox giving his legal view 'in no certain terms'.

About what you'd expect from a government minister I guess.

[shurt]

Just on the radio "well I wasn't the sharpest spanner in the box"?!

This has all reminded me of the string of total cunts I've worked with over the years. Having 'wash up meetings', 'singing from the same spreadsheet', 'taking proaction' it just goes on and on. It's beyond me how any of them are delivered with a straight face. Blissful ignorance to irony I guess...

[andy_e]

'singing from the same spreadsheet'

This is incredible. May have to start using it.

[shurt]

'singing from the same spreadsheet'

This is incredible. May have to start using it.

Someone I worked with came up with this as a joke and slipped it into a meeting amid much sn**gering. Our idiot boss then started using it as a genuine thing. Unbelievable

[andy_e]

Looks like a storm's coming so we'd best batter down the hatches.