[lagerstarfish]

decent array of self help guides from Sheffield IAPT services

I may have posted the link earlier in the thread?

anyway, no harm in repeating myself

http://www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/iaptsheffield/

[Oldmanmatt]

This Saturday last, was the annual Xmas party for the Children and Families in Grief charity.
My partner and I are both widows and have gone through their counselling and their "Grief retreat" weekends  etc.
I'm a huge sceptic of much of this but grudgingly admit to getting a benefit from the process as a whole, whilst sneering inwardly at some of the more "airy-fairy" activities. Not just with them, but all the stuff I've done over the years including the PTSD/Depression counselling I had from the Navy mid '90s.

However, this year something was different.

Mid way through, looking around the faces of the other "patients", I started to feel really out of place. The exaggerated concern of the counsellors and staff, started to grate. An exchange of looks with my better half and I realised she felt the same.
We snuck into a corner and simultaneously blurted out the same thing, "I feel like a fraud!"
And that's it.
I don't feel sad anymore.
I mean, there are painful memories, but they're not agony.

I just re-downloaded Soundgarden's  Superunknown album and listened to Blackhole Sun without flinching!


Now, I also ran out of Fluoxetine this morning and I'm thinking I might not renew the prescription. I might see how the temper goes. Possibly I might not be so aggressive and intimidating these days.
I hope.
Light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't a train!


All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. I always forget to put those smiley things...

[SA Chris]

Good man Matt, a moving post. Might be worth seeing your consultant / specialist before dropping the meds though.

[lagerstarfish]

I also ran out of Fluoxetine this morning and I'm thinking I might not renew the prescription. I might see how the temper goes. Possibly I might not be so aggressive and intimidating these days.

abruptly stopping it can be a bit rough

[Oldmanmatt]

Was down to one a day anyway and often forgot. But you're right.


All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. I always forget to put those smiley things...

[Bubba]

Luckily I'm good atm but for those who are in a bad place "Christmas Cheer" can be a fucking nightmare.



Stay strong 

[SA Chris]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04yy0r8

Some interesting views on here about running (and exercise to a larger extent) and depression and other mental issues.

[Andy F]

Okay, here goes...

I've lived with the black dog for over 6 years and recently its been a very constant companion. Things came to a head last night and ended with the police giving me the choice of taking myself to hospital or being sectioned under the mental health act. I went today, saw a specialist mental health nurse, have been prescribed sertraline 50mg to begin with and lined up for CBT. Going was hard, admitting that I was depressed and suicidal even harder. But, I feel better for it.

Thanks for the thread.

[SamT]

You've taken the first and usually hardest step towards making things better - well done.   

Good effort for sharing too.

I've never been 'that' bad, but simply the act of going to the docs and admitting I was suffering a number of years ago was an enormous relief and set me on the track back upwards.

[lagerstarfish]

Good effort Andy F

in case you've not experienced it before, CBT works best if you do the homework - and if you don't feel up to doing the work, be honest about it - it also works best if you understand the mechanism by which it works, so it is worth asking for the process to be explained again if you aren't convinced that there is a mechanism that can work

also - it's pretty normal (not necessarily every time) to come out of a session feeling knackered and worse than when you went in - so it can be helpful to have a plan of what you are going to do after a session so you can just go into auto pilot and do what you planned

if you feel that there is a missing connection between you and the therapist, or that one of you is not understanding the process, be bold and say something - well trained therapists know that the relationship is important - this can be hard to do, so ask here if you need backup

[user deactivated]

Good effort Andy, it's great to hear. Have you seen the WHO black dog videos? Available on YouTube a great watch and really de-stigmatising of depression while importantly recognising it as a very common and treatable illness. Good luck with the treatment! Just backing up what Lagerstarfish said if CBT isn't for you Interpersonal Therapy for Drpression is also very effective, you can access it on the Nhs via your local IAPT service and it's homework free!

[Oldmanmatt]

I had to go back in the Fluoxetine, about a week ago.
Andy's post prompted me to ask about temper.
I'm big, ugly, scary and have a face that betrays my emotions way too clearly.
I'm sort of on a final warning for my explosive temper. I'm not actually violent, in fact I have quite good control of my fists. But, my partner is aware of my past and has witnessed me take on and put down a gang of 15 men that attacked our elderly neighbour. She never looked at me the same afterwards and doesn't grasp the difference between my vocal outbursts when frustrated and the other thing (which comes with little rage, actually).
I've never been able to hold it in or keep my tongue in check. Lately it's really out of control and I'm scaring my family.
So, any tips on anger management? Because I never get enough time to try the counting to ten thing, I've gone before I know it's coming; I'm thinking it would need to be chemical...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lagerstarfish]

or mutual counselling, like Relate, Matt?

it can make "final warnings" something that all sides understand

starting or restarting Fluoxitine can be pretty shit for the first couple of weeks in terms of anger and self destructive outbursts

[webbo]

I might be teaching you how to suck eggs here. However don't let things fester deal with issues that are causing you grief at the time I.e. don't leave it then other things add to the frustration. So when you go you go big.
Also try to think where and when it started.
Many years ago I did counselling course part of which was an encounter group. One time I got be arsey with one of the other group members who made a very controversial statement and then would not reply or comment I.e would not listen to anyone else.
In a tutorial I was asked who or what she reminded me of. At first I couldn't think but then it clicked it was my history teacher who refused to teach me because I put in some homework he felt was not satisfactory even though I was in the top five for history and would not even give me the chance to justify myself. I ended doing religious education instead.
So when people are not prepared to even listen to what I have to say, I tend to lose it.
The choice I have is whether I let it go that far.

[lagerstarfish]

similar to what Webbo says

it can be very helpful to review in as much detail as you can remember the times when you have become scary - and run through the better alternatives to how you could have behaved/felt

try to recall the full details of what happened and how you felt and then replay the situation with the optimum alternative reaction from you and imagine how it would have worked out better - you probably have a reasonable stock of memories/evidence to work with; that is what you can learn from - go through them methodically

*I am not a counselor, psychiatrist etc.

edit - it can be a bit painful thinking through times when you have not been the person you want to be, but it does pay off spending a bit of time remembering those events in order to imagine how you might have reacted better - and run though that better alternative until you are sure it would be what you would do if it happened again

[webbo]

What I was trying to say is look for the triggers and excuse me for maybe being presumptuous( I blame the red wine) given your military background and the way you reacted in the situation with your defence of your elderly neighbour. It seems a bit like the guy charging the machine gun post. The vikings used call it the berserker, right place right time it's appropriate and to me it sounds like it was at the time. But I wasn't there and I guess your partner who was felt it was over the top.
I suspect that most men are hard wired to be the hero but but in modern society you have to channel it else where but in a world full of arseholes it isn't easy.

[Catcheemonkey]

The best advice I've had on controlling anger, from a therapist a few years ago, is to simply remove myself from the situation.

Calming myself down or bottling it up might work 9 times out of 10 - but simply excusing myself and immediately leaving is much more reliable in the heat of the moment. (I've also learnt it is best to make it clear you're coming back when you've calmed down).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Andy F]

Lagers, Dan, Matt, Sam,

Thanks for the advice and support. I know it's going to be a long battle but hey, I've always liked a good old siege.

[Falling Down]

Hi Andy,

Good for you for taking that step.  Things will get better...

The book I mentioned earlier in this thread "Depression: The curse of the strong" helped me understand what was going on.  It's quite cheap on Amazon.

[andy popp]

I don't have any advice Andy but just wanted to say good luck. That can't have been any easy post to make, and even harder to admit to your feelings. Hopefully this will be the turning point.

[SA Chris]

All Strength to you Andy. Holler if you need any of us.

[Monolith]

Lagers, Dan, Matt, Sam,

Thanks for the advice and support. I know it's going to be a long battle but hey, I've always liked a good old siege.

Andy, sending you all the best mate and props to you for airing your thoughts. Always happy to chat when you want to beast.

[roddersm]

I've never been able to hold it in or keep my tongue in check. Lately it's really out of control and I'm scaring my family.
So, any tips on anger management? Because I never get enough time to try the counting to ten thing, I've gone before I know it's coming; I'm thinking it would need to be chemical...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This might be worth a read:-

https://www.amazon.com/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Program-Confidence/dp/039916359X

[Oldmanmatt]

The best advice I've had on controlling anger, from a therapist a few years ago, is to simply remove myself from the situation.

Yep, trying that one now.

This might be worth a read:-

https://www.amazon.com/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Program-Confidence/dp/039916359X

Will do.

similar to what Webbo says

it can be very helpful to review in as much detail as you can remember the times when you have become scary - and run through the better alternatives to how you could have behaved/felt

try to recall the full details of what happened and how you felt and then replay the situation with the optimum alternative reaction from you and imagine how it would have worked out better - you probably have a reasonable stock of memories/evidence to work with; that is what you can learn from - go through them methodically

*I am not a counselor, psychiatrist etc.

edit - it can be a bit painful thinking through times when you have not been the person you want to be, but it does pay off spending a bit of time remembering those events in order to imagine how you might have reacted better - and run though that better alternative until you are sure it would be what you would do if it happened again

I do the whole reviewing my actions thing at ~4am, which leads to further poor reactions a few hours later when my tired arse comes up against that day's irritating dick head...

I might be teaching you how to suck eggs here. However don't let things fester deal with issues that are causing you grief at the time I.e. don't leave it then other things add to the frustration. So when you go you go big.
Also try to think where and when it started.
Many years ago I did counselling course part of which was an encounter group. One time I got be arsey with one of the other group members who made a very controversial statement and then would not reply or comment I.e would not listen to anyone else.
In a tutorial I was asked who or what she reminded me of. At first I couldn't think but then it clicked it was my history teacher who refused to teach me because I put in some homework he felt was not satisfactory even though I was in the top five for history and would not even give me the chance to justify myself. I ended doing religious education instead.
So when people are not prepared to even listen to what I have to say, I tend to lose it.
The choice I have is whether I let it go that far.

This has made a difference. A week ago, I couldn't see any way out of the hole we were in. I was constantly knackered and not sleeping properly (4am awake, sweating and running through all the shit in my mind). I was in and out of the hospital, another arthritis flare up, a nasty eye infection, severe and abrupt Reynauds. Problems with my boy at school etc etc etc. Work took a huge dive in April, with the good weather and the Easter holidays (that are usually a boom) saw a reduction of 50% on our normal monthly footfall/takings and left us having to reorganise staff rotas to save money. I had thought we were going to have to let go some staff and that kills me; when ever we've had to do it before I get really worked up and stressed. Fortunately we dodged that bullet as one staff member switched to part time.

I've also torn my MCL, only a grade 1/2 (I think) but it's been giving me enough gyp to keep me grinding my teeth. It's in the same leg as my Hallux rigidus and (apparently) likely a result of "unusual " movement of my leg because of the arthritis. They are now compounding each other exquisitely... [emoji53]

But, it's now been almost three weeks since I went back to the Quack for the Fluoxetine. That felt like such a failure. It's been 5 years since my nadir and I was sure I'd crossed the bridge on my grief etc and I should be "normal". And, this isn't grief related; I'm just not able to cope as I once could. Every little thing feels like the start of something huge. Every lump or pain is a potential Cancer. Every brown envelope is a herald of financial misery. Every domestic tiff is the end of the world. It's all never ending. It's all huge.
Then the Fluoxetine kicks in. It feels like that happened, suddenly, yesterday.
Both of us, Polly and I. Possibly just a blip, but feels more. I will be heading back to the quack to ask for counselling and anger management, though. I've not had any formal counselling since leaving the mob in '96 and it might be overdue...

[webbo]

As ex forces you should be able to access the Veterans Mental Health outreach team. It's part of the NHS and they might be able to see you quicker than main stream mental health/ counselling services.
However like any NHS service it's can vary from region to region. In Yorkshire and Humber it's no longer a project as there is funding for 3 years but they've only coughed up enough for half a team.
If nothing else you should be able get an assessment by Mental Health Professional who understands the military and then either offered therapy or directed to the appropriate therapist.
I might be able to get you your local teams number tomorrow when I go into work, if you let me know what area you live. I know you are in Devon somewhere.