[Oldmanmatt]

Katy Forrester on her struggle and way back:


http://katyforrester.com/i-had-a-black-dog/

Good isn't it?

(Possibly not the right way to put it).

[DAVETHOMAS90]

Katy Forrester on her struggle and way back:


http://katyforrester.com/i-had-a-black-dog/

Good isn't it?

(Possibly not the right way to put it).

I think it's fantastic. And courageous.

Using the description "Black Dog", avoids all the unnecessary jargon and absurd medical labels, allowing us instead, to communicate something more of the human experience.

[Oldmanmatt]

As an aside, does anyone know the origin of the "Black dog" analogy? It was already in common usage, when I was first floored in '95, amongst the Psychologists.
And people have been singing about it for quite sometime.

"Black Dog On My Shoulder"

There's a black dog on my shoulder again
Licking my neck and saying she's my friend
Solitude the one thing that I really miss
Guess my life is a compromise

There's a black dog on my shoulder again
I'm playing with it but it's gone to my head
Like Carlito's way there are no exit signs

Freeze me there until I am numb
My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There's a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog's a coming tonight

My dilemma but not my choice
Winston Churchill can you hear my voice
Melodrama there in my kitchen sink
Double vision the way it is

Am I coming home to you again
Or am I stupid just by design
Does it matter if you really ever know

This black dog is out of control
My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There's a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog's a coming tonight

Am I coming home to you again
Or am I stupid just by design
Does it matter if you really ever know

This black dog is out of control
My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There's a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog's a coming tonight


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[slackline]

As an aside, does anyone know the origin of the "Black dog" analogy?

...with its claim that "Black Dog" was the name [Winston] Churchill gave to "the prolonged fits of depression from which he suffered"<sup>1


1</sup> Lord Moran, Winston Churchill: the Struggle for Survival 1940–1965 (Constable)

[tomtom]

Interesting interview. especially the last paragraph.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/may/13/sacked-childrens-mental-health-tzar-natasha-devon-i-was-proper-angry

[fried]

Another song from a long time ago that was hard listening once.

[Oldmanmatt]

Interesting interview. especially the last paragraph.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/may/13/sacked-childrens-mental-health-tzar-natasha-devon-i-was-proper-angry

Good piece.

But...

Robertostallioni is that you in the comments?

[lagerstarfish]

so this week has seen everyone asking me if they should eat magic mushrooms

some science

http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(16)30065-7/fulltext

[cjsheps]

I think I should get some help.

This is the second time in two years that I've found myself properly depressed - the kind of state where happiness doesn't last long before laughter starts sounding like monkeys shrieking. This time it boils down to a lot of unpleasant surprises, but they're ultimately small things in the grand scheme.

It worries me that trivial things - often just time away from my usual distractions of climbing and studying - are enough to leave me feeling so low. I've always been quite an unbalanced person (chronically low self-esteem, inferiority complex,...) and I'm scared that if anything goes properly wrong in the future, I could do myself some serious damage.

I'm guessing I should just repeat this to a mental health professional from my university. Aside from that, does anyone have any other tips about getting to the bottom of the issue?

[Oldmanmatt]

There is the part of you that wrote the post. Try to let it do the driving for a while.

I guess I up my Fluoxetine dose these days, but head to the Quack and try to get as much sun as possible. I still do the "count your blessings" exercise before sleeping, where you (mentally or physically) write a list of the things you find positive in your life and compare it to your major worries. How's the sleep? I would be irresponsible to recommend a dose of Piriton at 2am when you wake randomly feeling stressed...
I always find the insomnia the biggest bug bear, as it makes everything else such a drag. If I can beat that, I'll usually be ok in a couple of weeks. Temper is hard work and causes friction at home and the only thing that helps me there is, simply, counting to ten and getting control of my breathing. Not alway effective, so really it's just waiting for the increased Fluoxetine to kick in.



All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. Looking at you, here, Dense. 

[tomtom]

A really quick reply (your post deserves a longer one - but sorry, screaming baby, cooking dinner etc..)...

I work in a University, and MrsTT is a counsellor -  go and speak to the professionals at your Uni - they are where I work a really good bunch of people, used to talking to many different people with different circumstances. Also, (maybe if the Uni doesnt resonate for you) go and see your GP - they may try and give you antidepressants (which may help - or not) or may instead/as well refer you for some counselling (you get a certain number of sessions free on the NHS etc..).. Also, finding the right counsellor, therapist, whatever they are called is important, so don't worry if the person you first see isnt right, or not a great deal of help - if you can find the right person with who you feel comfortable, or I dunno just seems to click with you then that can make big difference (its a bit like dating in a weird way!).

[cjsheps]

head to the Quack and try to get as much sun as possible.

Good call. I've just moved back from Spain so lack of sunlight may have brought it on in part.

I still do the "count your blessings" exercise before sleeping,  How's the sleep?

That exercise sounds like a good idea. My sleep is pretty good actually - I get 7-8 hours a night with 2-3 hours deep sleep.

Tomtom, your advice sounds good. My best friend in uni sees a mental health professional and says it helps. I might go and speak to him once term time starts. I'd like to see if I can learn to control the problem and, if possible, pull up its roots.

[webbo]

What Tom says.
However the lack of sunlight will not have caused your poor self esteem/ self worth. Understanding that and coming to terms with it is likely to be way forward.

[lagerstarfish]

I think I should get some help.

This is the second time in two years that I've found myself properly depressed - the kind of state where happiness doesn't last long before laughter starts sounding like monkeys shrieking. This time it boils down to a lot of unpleasant surprises, but they're ultimately small things in the grand scheme.

It worries me that trivial things - often just time away from my usual distractions of climbing and studying - are enough to leave me feeling so low. I've always been quite an unbalanced person (chronically low self-esteem, inferiority complex,...) and I'm scared that if anything goes properly wrong in the future, I could do myself some serious damage.

I'm guessing I should just repeat this to a mental health professional from my university. Aside from that, does anyone have any other tips about getting to the bottom of the issue?

like Tom said, getting the right person to talk to makes a big difference, and it's not clear how to find that person - try different people and approaches until it works - the person can be at least as important as the method

also, having an idea of what you want from help is a good starting point - from what you wrote, it looks like learning some coping skills would be a good starting point - life will continue to throw stuff at you

for something to do right now, maybe start moodscope (the free version) as a way of tracking your mood - you may benefit from the facility for your scores to be emailed to other people who can keep an eye on you - or you may just benefit from having a long term mood record that you can present to a professional when it matters. at first it might seem trivial and a bit pointless, but hopefully you will get to a point where it takes very little effort to produce some useful data about yourself

[k2ted]

What others have said already. Ask for CBT at your docs, not sure where youre located but I've been referred three times over 20 years and can't rate it highly enough when combined with antidepressants. For me self esteem is/ was (still is when tired or thinking like I used to) linked to relationships at work, socially etc, so CBT helped me examine how I act around others and slowly change learning new skills. Be patient, it doesn't happen overnight, at least not for me. Be open to it and keep a diary if possible. I have a cbt file on my desktop at work that I continually update. Can only give you my friend experience....don't suffer alone though, there are people who can help and starting at you docs is worthwhile.

[Falling Down]

What the others have said.  First stop is to and talk to someone, if you're working or a student you should/may have access to counselling or therapy services.  Like Lager's said it may take a few tries to find the right one so try a few out.

[tomtom]

Counselling services should still be there out of term time btw.

[marcpontin]

Please consider the following ideas, they are the result of long personal experience and are sent in the spirit of genuine concern:

Recognize that until you 'pull up the roots' you will live on a knife edge, utterly dependant on benign circumstances for your well being and reliant on various distraction techniques to temporarily forget your troubles.

Use this fact to dedicate yourself to self-analyses. Read, study, reflect. Do not rely on haphazard free services provided by the state. Work extra shifts, save every penny to afford the fees (£50/wk) of a highly skilled professional, preferably psycho-dynamically and existentially oriented. Be wary of short term CBT style interventions, they will give you skills to manage your pain but not to go beyond it.
A book to get you started:
Why Do I Do That – Joseph Burgo,

Recognize this will take time and a great deal of hard, tough work, make it your lifes passion to understand what is going on. Your earnestness and dedication to the task will be the deciding factor in your success.

One of the most useful metaphors for this work is to see yourself as made up of a committee of sub-selves: you have an inner child, an inner critic, an inner controller. Also there is a voice in you that wants to be happy. All these voices vie for control of your inner world. Try to frame your experience as 'a part of me is depressed' as opposed to 'I am depressed'. Just this type of re-framing can be immensely liberating. Another way of looking at this from a developmental point of view could be to picture yourself as a set of russian dolls made up of the 2yr old you, the 8 yr old you, the teenage you etc. All these young yous still exist within your psyche, with all their fears, desires and issues. See it as your job to nurture and integrate all these parts of yourself into a mature adult self. Be the chairman of the inner committee!!!

I don't know you but the above is sent with genuine concern and compassion. They represent lessons from my journey over the last two decades. Go for it – there is no more worthwhile way of spending your life.

xx

[cjsheps]

Recognize that until you 'pull up the roots' you will live on a knife edge, utterly dependant on benign circumstances for your well being and reliant on various distraction techniques to temporarily forget your troubles.

You've hit the nail on the head. I reckon that these slips are brought on by something deeper - the dark thoughts are always there, waiting to take the reins.

Use this fact to dedicate yourself to self-analyses. Read, study, reflect. Do not rely on haphazard free services provided by the state. Work extra shifts, save every penny to afford the fees (£50/wk) of a highly skilled professional, preferably psycho-dynamically and existentially oriented. Be wary of short term CBT style interventions, they will give you skills to manage your pain but not to go beyond it.
A book to get you started:
Why Do I Do That – Joseph Burgo,

As a nearly-broke student, I'm going to try my lower-cost alternatives first and take it from there. Just downloaded the book and I'll start reading it today/tonight.

Recognize this will take time and a great deal of hard, tough work, make it your lifes passion to understand what is going on. Your earnestness and dedication to the task will be the deciding factor in your success.

I've had a lot of time to reflect about what my issues are, as well as their roots. I've already realised that thinking deeply and being proactive is helping. Interestingly, these ideas became clearer after my first LSD trip this summer.

Thank you so much for the thoughtful responses. It really means a lot right now.

[Plattsy]

To add to what the others above have said. If you find yourself having a particularly bad day and you don't feel you have anyone to talk to but know talking to someone would help. You can call the Samaritans 116 123. It's a free number. There'll be someone there to listen without judgement and without lots of advice.

You won't always feel this way.

[JamieG]

I think you've made the hardest step already, which is admitting that not everything is peachy and you need some support to work through your problems. Re-iterate what has been said above, seek some professional help, counseling, doctors etc.

I would also try to stay clear of drugs especially psychedelic ones. I find if i drink too much (or when I've smoked joints before) and am in a fragile mood, i feel great for a while but then the come down is much worse. But everyone is different.

Good luck and keep climbing (makes the biggest difference to me by miles!)

[Falling Down]

Bit of a YYFY on this front.  I got accepted on a five year part-time Diploma (and hopefully MA) in Psychotherapy at the CCPE in London starting next January.  I was thinking about it seriously for the last couple of years as a result of my own therapy and couldn't get my head around how I could do it at the same time as my job when the stars aligned last December with the opportunity to go self employed and create the capacity in my head and schedule to take it on.  I visited numerous schools this year and spoke to a few practicing therapists about their own experiences and it all felt right and plumped for the Transpersonal Diploma at the CCPE as it ticks all the boxes for me.  I'm really excited about it and looking forward to starting a new second career that'll see me through into a ripe old age. Psyched! pun intended...

[tomtom]

Nice one. MrsTT retrained via a PT MA in Psychotherapy at Manchester (finished last year)... They've canned the course now but she's found it a very positive experience (and got a job at the end of it).

[Falling Down]

That's good to hear TT.  More congrats to Mrs TT

[Oldmanmatt]

An attic clear out, lead to a picture framing/hanging frenzy today.
And this resurfaced, a self portrait I made only a few months before my breakdown, RTU and eventual P7R discharge. So I guess mid '95, to mid '96 ~ ish.
Needless to say, Polly refused to have it hanging on the house, but damn; I'd forgotten how much I was hurting then.



I think I would have gone, completely, then; if I hadn't had the release of art, climbing and surfing.
Though I kept the art pretty quiet at the time...


All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. Looking at you, here, Dense.