[hairich]

all you guys who know me , know i could write about 10 pages  of this stuff.so i  am gonna leave it locked away in the dark place where it resides

[dave]

going to thailand.

[chillax]

Might be in the middle of one of these ideas right now. Time will tell 

[robertostallioni]

Go for the easy pink.

[SA Chris]

Thought this could make for an interesting thread.
So tell us, what is the worst idea that you've had, that seemed like a good idea, right up until after the moment you decided to execute it?

I notice the thread instigator is carefully keeping his beans in his tin?

[JamesD]

Haha, ok i'll drop another one....

Sex in the living room, in a shared flat, near the doorway early in the morning/late at night....not always the best idea!

Anyway, Me and the missus got home late from a club, we were both pretty horny so went at it in the living room, and I had her bent over the sofa, when one of my flatmates decided that he fancied a spliff at 4am in the morning, anyway he burst into the living room knocked me off the missus onto the floor, she fell back onto me, she screamed, he screamed, I started laughing uncontrollably...we were both laying on the floor, pants by our ankles, looking like stranded turtles, and my flatmate ran back to his room faster than usain bolt on a speed binge.
Good times glad we don't live there anymore though!

[Fultonius]

That really doesn't sound like you regret that very much...

[fatdoc]

Taking a job in medical management,  18 months in and extrnal auditors are comin in, I'm gonna lose the trainees drs, I have no one to fulfil the rota, service reviews are threatening healthcare to a point where trusts will close.

14 hr workin days... For near fuck all.

I'd rather be in the Verdon...

Golt, that's the post of the year mate

[Sloper]

A number of years ago I was out having a convivial evening in London when we decided to move on to another bar in search of some female companiship, the door staff took exception with my attire and refused us entry.

I retorted with the line 'well who's your fucking tailor' and the doorman responded 'are you taking the piss' to which I replied with an unnecessary degree of truth 'yes, but I thought you'd to too fucking stupid to notice'.

Just as things started to get emotional a friend dragged me clear and the old bill came around the corner.

Other events include elbowing a DS from Essex Police in the face twice (playing rugby) and lashing out about £400 on foie gras to resell at a profit (resulting in a minimal financial loss and the gain of about 4kg) and unintentionally bending a flag poll during a drunken attempt to win a bet with a bullshitter at a divisional training depot a day before a passing out parade.

[Paul B]

From the blog:

However we don't like leaving an area without trying our best at ticking an epic or two. If you've been to the tarn you'll know that a large number of companies offer canoeing down the river Tarn. The price of such an outing outraged the both of us and that was how we came to be at the top of the river (after hitching) with a supermarket "SHARK BOAT" and two flimsy looking paddles that would probably work better as spatula's. It didn't start well, the boat bottom popped on the first set of rapids and we were left spinning around shouting at each other (sangria being towed from the back for maximum refreshment). As the day or should I say late evning wore on it was clear we hadn't left enough time for what we thought was a 7km journey (actually it was 13km). The river is shallow and the boat didn't really work well. Most of our time was spent in a crab like stance to equally load the boat, letting the river take us wherever the hell it wanted.
After what felt like an age we started planning our exit strategy, the road seemed close but it had a large wall and often barb wire between us and it. We carried on. As the light began to totally fade we quit and ditched our badly damaged "SHARK BOAT" at the local château. Two bedraggled figures, soaked to the bone didn't make a good team for hitching and thus we had to walk the majority of the remaining 6 km or so barefoot on the tarmac, me in swimshorts, her in a Bikini. About 1km from our van a local stopped, he'd obviously seen similar stupidity before. All he said was "En Vacance?" laughed and then dropped us off.

[jordysi]

on a DIY front... fitting an electric shower, stop for 1/2 time coffee, turn on electric for the coffee machine.... drink coffee, tell mate to turn off electricity again, back to the shower, touch red wire.... big flash, catapult self out of shower cubical right acrss bathroom and end up laying in the bath....

Also touched a back box whilst wallpapering in a house in Wales which was live with a similar result...

now tell me... how come i can 'jump' up and across a room using only my leg muscles (and a bit of electrricity) and not dyno for toffee

 

[john horscroft]

Fuck me.  Apart from anything else, this thread's enough to put you off drink and drugs..........

[andy_e]

Fuck me.  Apart from anything else, this thread's enough to put you off drink, drugs and DIY.............

[Bubba]

14 hr workin days... For near fuck all.

This is obviously some new, strange definition of "fuck all" that is quite different to mine

[Jaspersharpe]

I thought "fuck all" was universally accepted as being £2.50.

[SA Chris]

I thought "fuck all" was universally accepted as being £2.50.

Approximately, once normalised to compensate for global downturn in market.

[fatdoc]

TBF,

it really is.

The recompense in hrs worked in management means I would earn more if the time i spend trying to keep this dept afloat if I spent it flipping burgers would make me better off, less stressed,  and less grey.

I do however fully man up to the fact that my base salary is a wad.

[SA Chris]

all you guys who know me , know i could write about 10 pages  of this stuff.so i  am gonna leave it locked away in the dark place where it resides

You can do better than this.

[tomtom]

Other events include lashing out about £400 on foie gras to resell at a profit (resulting in a minimal financial loss and the gain of about 4kg)

Gaining 4kg of fois gras, or is that how much heavier you were after troughing the profits? 

and unintentionally bending a flag poll during a drunken attempt to win a bet with a bullshitter at a divisional training depot a day before a passing out parade.

related to the above?? 

[meatball]

about 18 with a bunch of mates, we managed to get our hands on a load of acid. 8hrs walking the streets laughing at just about anything. the urge for a joint was now pretty strong, so the logical place to build one was outside the police station where my uncle happened to be stationed. needless to say the police took issue with us building a joint outside of the gaffe. who was the police that came out? my bloody uncle! we ran off. two days later my uncle comes round to our house for a little chat about drugs being used in the neighbour hood. wonder what brought that on?

[mrjonathanr]

Going on a night out, invited anonymously, for 'The Sporting Gentleman of the College'. Read Bullingdon, a few doors down, called the Chevrons. Banned, obviously (blocking the quad drain and filling it with petrol - lit, of course, throwing a TV out of the JCR window which was closed at the time, that sort of thing).
Funny how every member of the group that night was summoned to the Dean's office on the Monday.

[Sloper]

Indeed, at one point in a less than glorious academic career I was being castigated for waking up a senior academic and his family, including the 16 year old daughter. . . . when he mentioned this I heard myself say 'well you should of sent her over to party' or similar . . . I was part of the way through the sentence when I knew the world was going brown, smelly and expensive and yet I was compelled to finish the sentence.

It didn't end well.

[Nibile]

when i used to mountainbike alot, one day it seemed a good idea to try and go down a flight of stairs with my bike without touching the brakes.
i swear, it seemed good!

[lagerstarfish]

Just remembered this from a couple of years ago 

For what seemed like the millionth time, my TV watching was interupted by yet another showing of the same bit of home video footage of Madeleine McCann taken before her parents sold her to the Nike factory she disappeared. As I cursed the excessive amount of media coverage that Mr and Mrs Maddie were hogging I noticed that at one point it looked like young Maddie was mouthing "Fuck You". Suddenly I had a potential way to vent my frustration at the whole sorry media circus. I wondered how other people might react to my observation - would people find this observation sickly amusing? So, I downloaded the bit of video off of some tabloid website and cut/stabilised/speeded up the relevant bit. I put a little subtitle at the bottom saying "fuck you" and rendered it in a format suitable for uploading to Youtube. Before upping it to a new account with a suitably offensive username I decided to turn it into a gif to use as an avatar.... on this forum; with a bit of personal text that read Maddie says "fuck you".

"Hmm, I wonder what people will make of this very bad taste bit of internet foolery" I thought; then went to the pub. On the way there it struck me that many people would actually find my actions very offensive. It crossed my mind that I might cause some distress to other forum users who do not all log on to revel in the ugly, primitive, juvenile and offensive ramblings that can sometimes be found on UKB.

On returning from the pub I thought I'd better remove the avatar. Unfortunately some damage had already been done. Dire indeed.

http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,8458.0.html

I never did get round to upping it to Youtube and now only use the footage as evidence to show visiting Jehovah's Witnesses when enthusiastically explaining my various conspiracy theories (as soon as they get to the bit about how all the bad things in the world are just like it says in Matthew 24)

[Fiend]

I hope I gave you a wad point at the time for that, Lagers