Alain Robert antics... (Read 19756 times)

tomtom · February 17, 2009, 08:01:57 pm

Not sure if this should go here or in in 'Da News' but some piccies from the Guardian about Roberts most recent escapades.... usual spiderman bollocks from the paper, but some fun piccies...

In particlar I liked his in flight buildering.... esp the guy in the foreground dead engrossed in whatever...

dave · February 17, 2009, 08:09:09 pm

I don't really see how his exploits are "raising awareness of climate change". more like raising awareness that he's a weapon. leather trousers for fuck sake = midlife crisis.

nik at work · February 17, 2009, 08:11:42 pm

Dave how can you comment on his trousers and ignore his footwear, jesus fucking christ...

tomtom · February 17, 2009, 08:12:40 pm

Quote from: dave on February 17, 2009, 08:09:09 pm

I don't really see how his exploits are "raising awareness of climate change". more like raising awareness that he's a weapon. leather trousers for fuck sake = midlife crisis.

Not to mention the mullet and the shades... it'll be a motorbike and banging the secretary next...

chillax · February 17, 2009, 08:15:20 pm

Must admit, I've always fancied hanging out of those overhead luggage jobbies. Other than that, he's a spanner.

shurt · February 17, 2009, 08:16:09 pm

poor mans patrick swayzee and thats saying something...

lagerstarfish · February 17, 2009, 08:25:10 pm

tomtom · February 17, 2009, 08:31:54 pm

Quote from: lagerstarfish on February 17, 2009, 08:25:10 pm

Genius.

lagerstarfish · February 17, 2009, 08:44:57 pm

Oh, if your reading this Mr Robert - I hereby chalange you to a front lever competition, a handicap race against time with each contestant having to drink enough Stella to bring their weight up to 95 Kg and then see how long we can hold a good front lever without throwing up.

Come on then Eco-Twat!

* on reflection this isn't fair to the skinny dude with the mullet, so we'll make it a more reasonable "drink 10% of your bodyweight in 5% lager" before hitting the levers - can't say fairer than that, eh ego-man?

hongkongstuey · February 18, 2009, 05:07:01 am

he was up to his antics again in Hongkers yesterday - second time he's done this one now...

doesn't he know that only on-sights count...

SA Chris · February 18, 2009, 08:03:18 am

Padpointing bastard.

So he flies around the world in jet airliners in order to climb buldings to raise awareness of climate change. Way to go Hawkins.

slackline · February 18, 2009, 08:15:21 am

Quote from: SA Chris on February 18, 2009, 08:03:18 am

Padpointing bastard.

So he flies around the world in jet airliners in order to climb buldings to raise awareness of climate change. Way to go Hawkins.

Not just any buildings though, the tallest and biggest ones that have HUGE air-conditioning systems and require a sub-station just to power them.

lagerstarfish · February 18, 2009, 08:38:38 am

Quote from: alain@spiderman.fr

Dear Mr Starfish,
I am very amused to be receiving your message of yesterday. As you know, I am the greatest climber that the world has ever known and this hero is ready to accept your very easy for me small challenge. In March I shall be seeking to raise awareness of the launch of my new fashion collection and a great victory such as I will surely gain by beating you with my perfect front levers seems to me to be just the type of pointless stunt that could make more people look at me. I will be in England on February 27 to sign copies of the book I have written with your famous Jade Goody "How To Gain Respect and Fame The Easy Way". On this day we can meet to discuss the rules of your competition idea.
As you say
Bring it ON

Alain

tomtom · February 18, 2009, 10:14:29 am

In light of Lagers captions.. is it worth starting a UKB caption competition thread? Or is that a bit too 'have I got news for you'? I think Alain's picture would be an ideal starting point?

BB · February 18, 2009, 10:23:39 am

"Alain desperately tries to turn on the reading light with his tiny little penis."

tomtom · February 18, 2009, 10:34:17 am

"french twat forgets to put seat belt on during turbulence"?

slackline · February 18, 2009, 10:50:32 am

"I sooo should have got the part of Dr Jekyl in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"

BB · February 18, 2009, 11:05:24 am

"Monsieur, you 'av, ow zey say, a teet on your tete."

"Yeah? Well you're a twat de chien. Lagers said so."

Dolly · February 18, 2009, 11:20:37 am

Great thread this.
I've always disliked Alain Robert for some reason. This thread has helped me understand why

SA Chris · February 18, 2009, 11:29:09 am

Quote from: Dolly on February 18, 2009, 11:20:37 am

I've always disliked Alain Robert for some reason.

Is this reason other than when he went soloing with his kid in a baby carrier on his back? That was enough for me.

Dolly · February 18, 2009, 11:33:49 am

Quote

Is this reason other than when he went soloing with his kid in a baby carrier on his back?

Actually I hadn't remembered that.
But yes why would I need any other reason than that ?

Fiend · February 18, 2009, 11:50:06 am

I don't dislike him, he does what he does and fills a climbing/media crossover niche. I saw a documentary on him recently, wasn't particularly endearing, but *SHRUG*.

In fact he's brought some positivity into my life by inspiring Lagers' latest masterpiece

cowboyhat · February 18, 2009, 11:51:08 am

Quote from: BB on February 18, 2009, 10:23:39 am

"Alain desperately tries to turn on the reading light with his tiny little penis."

Pretty sure none of us would fit into that space; he's a primordial dwarf.

lagerstarfish · February 18, 2009, 11:54:42 am

I'm up for soloing Flying Butress Direct with Alain in a baby carrier on my back. See how the cunt likes that.

slackline · February 18, 2009, 11:59:04 am

Quote from: SA Chris on February 18, 2009, 11:29:09 am

Quote from: Dolly on February 18, 2009, 11:20:37 am

I've always disliked Alain Robert for some reason.

Is this reason other than when he went soloing with his kid in a baby carrier on his back? That was enough for me.

Ahh, the Micheal Jackson angle.

magpie · February 18, 2009, 12:25:21 pm

Quote from: Fiend on February 18, 2009, 11:50:06 am

I don't dislike him, he does what he does and fills a climbing/media crossover niche. I saw a documentary on him recently, wasn't particularly endearing, but *SHRUG*.

Stop trying to be nice; the documentary was shit and he's a cunt, that's all there is to it.

Nibile · February 18, 2009, 12:54:25 pm

i'm so fucking happy he's french!!!

DubDom · February 18, 2009, 01:02:05 pm

Quote from: SA Chris on February 18, 2009, 11:29:09 am

Is this reason other than when he went soloing with his kid in a baby carrier on his back? That was enough for me.

that's just something that he said in an interview that he'd like to do, as far as I heard it's not something that he ever did (or is it???)

lagerstarfish · February 18, 2009, 01:11:06 pm

I'm pretty sure he really did solo an 8a with a baby attached to him. I did a very quick search last night, but couldn't find any pics.

lagerstarfish · February 18, 2009, 01:24:09 pm

Quote

On January 18, 1982, at 19, he fell 15 metres (49 ft) when his anchor and rope gave way during training. He fractured his wrists, heels and nose and underwent three operations.

On September 29, 1982, at 20, he fell 15 metres (49 ft) when his rope came undone during rappelling, (abseiling). He was in a coma for five days and fractured both forearms, his elbow, pelvis, and nose. His elbow was also dislocated and a nerve was damaged leaving him partially paralyzed. He also suffered cerebral edema and vertigo. He underwent six operations on his hands and elbow.

In 1993, he fell 8 metres (26 ft) while showing students how to rely on their legs when climbing. He kept his hands behind his back on an easy route but lost his balance and fell headfirst shattering both wrists. He went into another coma and spent two months in the hospital.

In 2004, he fell 2 metres (6 ft 6.7 in) when climbing a traffic light whilst posing for a photo in an interview. He landed on his elbow and needed forty stitches,

The first two falls were due to the fact that he can't tie knots, the second two were due to showing off. You couldn't make it up.

SA Chris · February 18, 2009, 01:49:32 pm

Quote from: lagerstarfish on February 18, 2009, 01:11:06 pm

I'm pretty sure he really did solo an 8a with a baby attached to him. I did a very quick search last night, but couldn't find any pics.

I'm almost certain I have seen pics too, but googling yielded nowt.

simes · February 18, 2009, 02:33:39 pm

Quote from: SA Chris on February 18, 2009, 11:29:09 am

Quote from: Dolly on February 18, 2009, 11:20:37 am

I've always disliked Alain Robert for some reason.

Is this reason other than when he went soloing with his kid in a baby carrier on his back? That was enough for me.

I was wondering why so many people seemed to dislike him. Then I read the above. What a dick.

lagerstarfish · February 18, 2009, 03:51:57 pm

Quote from: Lagerstarfish Media Events

Dear Mr Robert,
Further to out telephone conversation earlier today, I have noticed that you seem to have your head shoved quite firmly up your own arse. A proper front lever can only be achieved if you can extract yourself from this position and hold your whole body flat/straight. If you cannot commit to this then I see no reason in beginning our competition.
Also, I was looking for information about your solo climb that you did with a child on your back - can you send me pictures or any other information? thanks

Quote from: alainr@narcissus.fr

Dear Lagers,
it is not possible for me to get my head out of my arse - this is an affliction that makes me up to 60% disabled, but I am still able to do levers from this position. I feel sorry for you that you cannot accept my disability for the sake of our competition.
It is true that I have made the worlds most extreme free climb by climbing with my son in a bag on my back. I am no longer able to do this because instead I carry my enormous ego around with me instead which leaves little room for anyone else. I have removed all evidence of placing my children at risk from the internet to prevent social services from getting me arrested again - it is bad enough that they have found all the photos of me in handcuffs and bad Lycra^tm.
Yours, The Greatest
Alain