Esoteric ‘backwater’ lifetime grit tick list

UKBouldering.com

Help Support UKBouldering.com:

Soooooo, the editing team here at UFCK base are canvassing opinion on the MateRial so far. BeinG as UkB proviDE the only readership Base this seemed a good place to start. What do people think. It appears to be in line with Will’s Global CliminG worlD view. Yet go straight over The heads of Tomtom and Many others. What would people like to see more of. PlaNned in the Next issue.

UFCK lifestyle- recipe’s on a budgeT with our editor in cheiFs all time favourite- ‘wah u wah?’ ‘Playt ‘O shit?’ Flapjack
And instantaneous enema Quinoa salaD

There Will be a serieS of NON interviewS with ToP BriTish SporT climBers, hagandas alternatives and StaFfordshire baseD Wisemen. We will literally transport U all Back to the Halcyon days of corporal and Capital Punishment, the Miners StriKe and Gadaffi at the height of his Powers
 
Now then now then I’ve just received a text from Slarty Bart Fast, editor in chief at UFCK and his partner in crime the DuDNoiD that a new interview is due to be published. Under great duress from a Wicker Gimp basket in the DuDnoiDs power Cave the self-styled, self-proclaimed, self-righteous extremely strenG Lancashire Power House. JjjjjjjjjAckPaL
 
Being hassled to share this, sorry guys, spider, Duma, t-stubb etc I know u don’t dig this stuFf


https://thelifetimeesotericticklist.wordpress.com/2019/05/13/lancashirepowerhouse-aka-streng-as-fuc/
 
Cheers Duma, that’s much appreciated. I’ve stopped all that silliness now and will be fully into Power Club posts and keeping it a positive vibe.
 
A strangely unpopular route and unfortunately one to go back for after blowing the onsight it was simply Unbearable PaiN

https://thelifetimeesotericticklist.wordpress.com/2019/05/19/the-pain-the-pain/
 
If you want a mixture between Free Solo and Hard Grit, well here you go. Chad Meetham on Feet Neat Left Hand Obverse Direct Variant Pitch 2, E6 6c, at Rivelin Quarries:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D6XadQU_Vc
 
Somewhere hidden in a dingy dell, a little known gnome sits, in his own hell. Reciting poetry.



Tuesday Nights

Core, plank, rings and 1-4-7
Lycra leggings, she’s climbed V11
Sweat, throat, bad breath Social anxiety
‘I’ve got a boyfriend and he climbs 8B’

Out in gen-pop the MuscleFucks roam
Yoga party on the mat I call home
There’s that chap from the BMC
Please god I hope he talks to me

MuscleFuck walks past, nipples erect, chest bare
Hot under my T-shirt is matted body hair
Brushing a hold with a tear in my eye
Bald head, fat back I begin to cry

Turning to run and escape this hell
I stub my toe on a kettle bell
Red blobs overhead, laughing at me
Pitied by MuscleFuck and Mrs 8B
 
SA Chris said:
Better than the stuff those Volgons write.

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me, (with big yawning)
As plurdled gabbleblotchits, in midsummer morning
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles, grumbling
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and stipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,mashurbitries.
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
 
Bet no girl doing 147 only climbs v11 though.. need to run the poetry through the lattice database next time to align the metrics ;)
 
Being as it’s an old tick list thread and sand is the new grit, while Shropshire is the new Chew, and Barrows is on about lattice metrics, I dug up this....

The tick list

Extending from me
A limbless tree
Listed the things
I hope to be

Get with the program
For another day
Limit max goals
Flush life away

This is the peak?
Or maybe a trough
Periodised life
The soul is lost

Oh for a tick list
How I yearn for thee
Fuck you Lattice
At last I’m free
 

Latest posts

Back
Top