[SA Chris]

The UKB Pad Retrieval Service will come up trumps eventually.

Motto "No foam shall not be returned"

[BenF]

I think we need a mascot. 

[Monolith]

Crimewatch's Nick Ross is surely the man for the job. Word on the street is that he got word of this thread, commenting


"Of all the rapes, tortures, burglarys, abductions and massacres we come across within the show, nothing has saddened me more than the loss of that young lads grey bouldering mat - It's just sickening. In conjunction with Bernard Manning, I'm lobbying for a step-up in the search and also personally bankrolling the mountain rescue teams of North Wales to seek until they find. Sleep well."

[BenF]

How will yesterday's tragic death of Bernard Manning affect this scheme Mono?  Could you give Nick Ross a call and see if he has anyone else lined up to help fund the reward/ransom money?  I feel that the loss of Bernard from the team means that we need a new compassionate celebrity face for the publicity campaign.  I was thinking maybe Jade Goody?

[SA Chris]

In light of this news, I now suspect Bernard Mannings death as being suspicious. I reckon this mat has fallen foul to an eastern european mat peddling ring. It has been abducted and is being forced to work as a safety mat for former female soviet shot put champions now trying to learn gymnastics, as this is one of the few sports where there is no drug testing. They have wiped him out by poisoning him with Einsteinium or Californium (the two best sounding elements).

If Bernard Matthews had died, however, I would have suspected fowl play.

(I know it's a joke worth of the late BM)

[BenF]

I know it's a joke

Are you sure?

[Monolith]

Didn't know Manning had died actually. God rest his racist soul.

The plot thickens..

[BenF]

Didn't know Manning had died actually.

And there was me thinking you were up to date and abreast of all significant events in current affairs.

[Monolith]

Did the post-mortem reveal kidney failure due to Cake overdose?

[BenF]

I didn't realise that Manning was a cakehead!  The things one learns eh.

[Ena]

And now Ross goes. This must lead to the highest levels...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6767463.stm

[SA Chris]

abreast

Fnarr Fnarr

See, there is a conspiracy here. In order to create a lack of credibility in Crimewatch thus causing a lack of faith and reducing leads to throw off the UKBPRS, Nicky has been made to leave by higher up members of the BBC, as I they too are involved in the mat peddling ring.

If I stop posting here you will know they have got to me too. If so, continue the quest without me!

[BenF]

If I stop posting here you will know they have got to me too. If so, continue the quest without me!

If I continue to post on here it's because they have abducted me and replaced me with a clone (albeit unlikely to be able to demonstrate the same awesome climbing prowess as the current BenF).  If so, just sack the quest off, it's not worth the bandwidth.

[Ru]

In all truthfulness I have voted "no".

[SA Chris]

If I continue to post on here it's because they have abducted me and replaced me with a clone (albeit unlikely to be able to demonstrate the same awesome climbing prowess as the current BenF).  If so, just sack the quest off, it's not worth the bandwidth.

How do I know if they've done the same to me?

[andy_e]

I think some people might appreciate re-reading this thread, and that others should read it for the first time.

[iain_cbr]

Duly read for the first time. I consider myself en-fucking-lightened.