[cofe]

So this SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish bar, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor.

[slackline]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain he's had a better education than any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense.

Glasgow cop says, ' Licence and registration, please.'

London lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

London lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please.'

London lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop; that's the law, Licence and registration, please!'

London lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living daylights out of the lawyer and says 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?'

[Fultonius]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain he's had a better education than any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense.

Glasgow cop says, ' Licence and registration, please.'

London lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

London lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please.'

London lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop; that's the law, Licence and registration, please!'

London lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living daylights out of the lawyer and says 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?'

 

[andy_e]

http://www.sickipedia.org/

[fatdoc]

 


nice one!

here's a rather special one from there:




I don't understand rich people. They get to go out killing pheasants and foxes with rifles and people clap and cheer.

I killed a horse, which is ten times the size of a pheasant and people just cried.



Plus I didn't even have a gun, I had to use a hammer.

[slackline]

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says "No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

I don't know whether this is the right place for this or not.

I'm at the end of my tether:

There's no end in sight and I can't see any escape.

And now I've got no home.



I really do need to get myself a new keyboard

[grimer]

And now I've got no home.

No chance of escape? There's nothing for it. You'll have to put your caps on and return to the Space Bar.

[Jaspersharpe]

Gary Glitter has applied to Aston Villa for a coaching role. He heard their strikers were Young, Bent and maybe Keane.

[slackline]

WARNING:

If you get an Email saying you can get swine flu from tinned Pork. Delete it.









It is Spam 

[tomtom]

Thats almost a punterable offence to joking Slackers!! 

[SA Chris]

Especially as that joke is at least a year old.

[Jim]

went to a bulimia party the other night







it was heaving

 

[SA Chris]

Reminds me of another old one (even older than Slackers')

How do you know when you are at a bulimic's party?

When the cake comes out of the girl.

(sorry that's a bit sick )

[slackline]

The old ones are the best 

[Jaspersharpe]

Roses are red, violets are blue, i've got alzheimers, cheese on toast.

[slackline]

Kate Middleton asked The Queen the secret of a long and happy marriage. 
 


The Queen told her to always wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off.

[tomtom]

  

Jasper - you sick puppy 

[slackline]

Did you know that the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stands for 'Benoit B. Mandelbrot'?

[Duma]

 

very good

[Ian W]

Probably a bit out of date now, buuuuuut;

The Fernando Torres move almost didn't come off, but John Terry eventually managed to agree terms with Torres' wife..........

And Andy Carroll wasn't happy with the personal terms on offer at Liverpool. He insisted that that any pay deal must include the option of 3 fights per week......

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

Did you know that the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stands for 'Benoit B. Mandelbrot'?

[sulk]
Mine was better

http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,10191.msg282247.html#msg282247
[/sulk]

[tomtom]

Did you know that the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stands for 'Benoit B. Mandelbrot'?

I'm feeling alot of affinity for this fractal humour...

[aLICErOBERTSfANkLUB]

It's a recipe for chaos, I tell ya!

[tomtom]

It's a recipe for deterministic non-linear behaviour, I tell ya!