[Yossarian]

glancing over architectural digest this morning (as you do), i noticed that andre agassi and steffi graf have "joined forces" with kreiss furniture to bring their definition of style and grace on the tennis court to a distinctive line of furniture...

now, how come none of our superstar climbing heroes haven't managed to pull off anything like this?  i mean, there's so much potential...

sheffield? cutlery? david mellor presents the ben moon collection. featuring elegantly tapered handles and a unique bend in the middle, this fully-featured range of spoons will ensure that you always have the right tool for the job.  excellent for mushin' peas and school room dinners.

in association with yamaha, the jerry moffat trumpet.  a yamaha spokeman said "jerry has been blowing his own trumpet for many years now, and we wanted to offer him a new sound.  he wasn't convinced at first, being a firm believer and fan of his own voice. however, after extensive development we have produced an instrument that will enable jerry to broadcast his unique noise with much greater volume and clarity." jerry only had one word to say, "ace!"

lets hear your best...

[Bubba]

Nice

[Yossarian]

Boreal present the H.O.A.X. shoe in association with si o'connor.  featuring a number of unique developments, including our new Fiction® soles, TallStory® heelpad, and Imagination Lacing - We made them up so you don't have to!

[Andy F]

B+Q give you the Pete Livsey Hammer. Helps you be 'creative' on the rock. Particulary suited to long classics in Yorkshire and The Peak

[SA Chris]

Parker Brothers present the new boardgame; Gary Gibson's First Ascent. You try and bluff your routes into assorted magazines and guidebooks, and the other players have to guess whether you led it, dogged it, bolted it or are just making up the whole ascent. You need to be convincing and keep a straight face.

[Houdini]

Forgive the non-climbing diversion but it's great to know that Britains' psychotic killers get the tools of their trade. 

Thank God for www.fredwestgardeningcrafts.co.uk

An absolutely fabulous resource brimming with Weapons of Death, poison, acids (and other erosive chemicals, including a new addition to their infamous Flesh Eating Enzymes catalogue, Flesherase!TM).

Products include the unforgettable Sutcliffe ball-pein in classic hickory 16oz*


@ a tasty 8 quid it'd be rude not too.
*(What else?- Jimmy "The Hammer" Singh. Notorious for bringing hammer death into modern age with his savage roundhousin' twin hammer and shoe-knife attacks in Bombay during the late 80's and author of Mace, In Ya Face CUNT! a terrifying glimspe of life under the hammer.)

(Currently in development by Peter ("Wouldn't see me dead with a claw") himself are the new Ripper signature series!  Features will include a solid and engraved vanadium clasic ball-pein weighing in at a hefty record 22oz!  That's just the head alone, baby.  And a 10" drilled tungsten shaft with our patent Hold-it-Tight grip.  They're not releasing photos yet but rest assured, it'll knock 'em dead!

And let's not forget the man with his wicked range of turf products, as ever, proving he knows a thing or two about fertilizer, Mr. Fred West himself - I don't fuck around when it comes t' me lawn.



(Andy you git you got a hammer thing going while I was typing!  Phoo-ey!)

[Yossarian]

And who could forget Rosemary West's seminal reference book, Gardening for Deviants!  The 2006 edition features a new chapter, "Herbs for the modern cannnibal", including perennial favourites Thyme to die, Rosemary Skewers, Unsavory Tale, and Sweet Little Basil.