UKBouldering.com
the shizzle => bouldering => Topic started by: Johnny Brown on January 29, 2004, 11:00:51 am
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So we seem to be decided on the Great...
But what about the worst famous problem. Britain seems to be littered with these. Shit problems that people rave about :lol:
I'll start the ball rolling - Jerry's traverse. The arse-drag epitomised. How is this so admired? I don't get it - the crux isn't climbing it, its clenching your arse hard enough to stop it touching the ground :o
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The Joker? The Ace is okay as its free. But the Joker, stepping off a block isnt really classic is it... Though when i actually stick the top it will be the best problem in the world :roll:
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Now i never said I liked the thing, but it is of historical significance, and the epitome of its kind (arse dragging traverses :wink: ).
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The Villain at the Bridestones?
Ok, it's a nice enough problem but it's not *that* good. I think people rate it because they're on some sort of Don Whillans worship tip. Never understand this coz Whillans sounded like a right cnut.
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i'm going to have to go for Bearclaw at the tor, closely follow by Harvey Oswald (milestone) and hampers hang.
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Hamper's Hang would be vastly improved if the back snapping block wasn't there.
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and if it wasn't shit. (the trough is the best part of it). I mean ok its a good line, but the moves are shit shuffling on slopers that cut your palms to shreds, prefixed by boring footless swinging on hand-slicing jugs. what a bag of toss.
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I kinda like it :P
Can I nominate everything on Peak Limestone (dons flame-suite) :wink:
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Blind Date - Thrutchy nasty moves.
The Arete (Roaches) - Glass, glass, glass
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Blind Date - Thrutchy nasty moves.
The Arete (Roaches) - Glass, glass, glass
Yeah yeah, i reckon we have a winner. Blind Date! :clap:
Anyone agree
For one thing, if your tall its piss! Thats got to be a bad thing
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fuck that, i like blind date.
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has to be bens roof at tor! can't even bring myself to write about it. :roll:
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The Arete (Roaches) - Glass, glass, glass
It is a bit polished, but it's not as bad as just about anything on Peak limestone and is a pleasant move.
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The Arete (Roaches) - Glass, glass, glass
Word on that, I don't even bother doin it any more cos its just not enjoyable
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Less of a problem, more of a boulder.
What the fuck is the point in the trackside boulder? What does it actually do, apart from sit in a field like a giant turd, with a completely piss back face and a boring front one? As if that wasn't enough, the only decent problem is too reachy to be worthwile. Sack of arse.
Failing that - rock attrocity. A line of drilled crimps in a piss-smelling cave that you only go to when it rains, whose only purpose is to make muscle bound limestone freaks feel like a hero, and to tweak A2 pulleys.
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Yo Dave, you can't say Harvey Oswold is shit when you havn't done it-especially when everyone who has done it rates it! I will agree that Hampers Hang is a pile of toss, as well as a certain problem at Stanton between Big Brother and Little Brother(sorry percy).
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Yo Dave, you can't say Harvey Oswold is shit when you havn't done it.
watch me!
i would have done it if the holds weren't such nasty share peices of shit - first go i tagged near the jug i remember then was too agonised to pull on properly. its only 1 basic indoor-type move anyway, and its in a shit hole. If you ask me all the people that rave about it do so cos they're under the beleif that they've just easily ticked a V8, rather than the quality of the problem. :lol:
anyway, like ben moon said, you don't have to have climbed something to say how shite it is.
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its V6 innit? and we dick around in other caves? i thought it was quite cool. good crimps and footholds to bonza jug.
anyway the shittest problem must be on peak limestone somewhere: bear claw? to be honest you flick through the lime pages in the guide, stop at any page and that would be it.
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Dear oh dear Dave-or are you just bitter cos you havn't ticked an easy V8 :wink:
Harvey Oswold is a quality problem, and one of my favourite in wales(and it's been V6 for a while now). The piece of rock it is on is very impressive, certainly not a shit hole, and the move is powerful, commiting and very satisfying...all in all, not worthy of your attack one bit!
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word cofe
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I'm with Stu on the Trackside boulder. Practically every problem on it is an eliminate in some way, except Trackside and that's not very good. And as Stu also says the only decent ish semi-independant problem is totally height dependant, even if I do harbour fantasies of mantelling it.
Also on disappointing blocks is Remergence buttress. Most useful in the rain, but then the landing fills up with water. The only decent problem is the warm up - Blind Date is horrible and thrutchy, Blind Fig is nice but a total eliminate, submergence suffers from polish and anyway where's the fun in shuffling along 10cm from a puddle, Remergence as a problem is just bad, and Blind Date has a cheating method that brings the grade down to about font 6b, and the original method is just plain painful. Then there are the traverses - the ron one shuffling along under the overlap is cramped and horrible and strips the skin from your fingers (AND eliminate again). I've not done the other one. And then you've got to cart you sodden and muddy mat back to the car, so you get filthy, the car gets filthy, and you get told off whe you get back home.
Sorry, I know there's a lot of fans out there, but I just don't get the attraction.
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its V6 innit? and we dick around in other caves? i thought it was quite cool. good crimps and footholds to bonza jug.
anyway the shittest problem must be on peak limestone somewhere: bear claw? to be honest you flick through the lime pages in the guide, stop at any page and that would be it.
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whatever guys....its falling on deaf ears thy knows :wink: . All in know is its the least enjoyable problem i've ever been on in NWales (cromlech roof crack excepted) and i've been to parisellas a few times. Was V8 in NSoul though weren't it, so i bet a lot still think it is maybe.
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and Blind Date has a cheating method that brings the grade down to about font 6b, and the original method is just plain painful.
Sorry, I meant Blind Drunk
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don't worry about it Scouse, everything dave fails on is automatically consigned to the "it's a pile of shit anyway" bin :wink:
hmmm, there's tons of shite eliminates, and people seem not to like traverses, so we need the worst non-eliminate, straight-up problem.
I nominate....
that B6 right of talk to me martin - awkward, painful and generally just plain nasty.
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don't worry about it Scouse, everything dave fails on is automatically consigned to the "it's a pile of shit anyway" bin :wink:
hmmm, there's tons of shite eliminates, and people seem not to like traverses, so we need the worst non-eliminate, straight-up problem.
I nominate....
that B6 right of talk to me martin - awkward, painful and generally just plain nasty.
That b6 is cool! I love it, my fav at Burbage South...
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I know Kim, I know...
That B6 is actually one of my favourite grit problems-I think I've always just found it alright.
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I nominate....
that B6 right of talk to me martin - awkward, painful and generally just plain nasty.
Ive always quite liked that one. Nice satisfying sloper catch, followed by a fat hand jam, looks good too.
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Out of my tree start at the Tor is fuckin grim, and on grit the B5 start to Green Death-what a bag of shite
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instantly outvoted! :shock:
oh well never mind....
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don't worry about it Scouse, everything dave fails on is automatically consigned to the "it's a pile of shit anyway" bin :wink:
I nominate....
that B6 right of talk to me martin - awkward, painful and generally just plain nasty.
Yo Mr Kettle, i think you're really black.
:owned:
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Out of my tree start at the Tor is fuckin grim, and on grit the B5 start to Green Death-what a bag of shite
OOMT start, how minging is that. Well said, it might just be the most vile thing i've ever done.
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The main problem with that b6 is the sharp pebble on the starting hold...if your left hand pops then this can easily be the result (can't it underground :D )
(http://ukbouldering.com/media/images/jimFinger.jpg)
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I absolutely hate pebble wall at almsciff, but thats probably cos ive had a gazillion goes at the bugger! :evil: Not a fan of banana finger direct because before i could do it i must have taken a gouge out of my shin at least once in two goes! :crying: But my worst of the worst goes to either one of three (all from the peak and all personal!) Millers tail, cos its shit polished shit, that tricks you into thinking its a good problem by being in the graded list! Alaska at Burbage South because i have long legs which means i can barely even reach the start holds from the sitter! or Strawberries at Curbar. Yep there is my choice, Strawberries because it pisses the shit out of me that i still cant do it!
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Yo Mr Kettle, i think you're really black.
hey, I've done it twice I'll have you know and disliked it both times!! :D
but everyone else seems to love it....
laurie, banana finger direct is quite unpleasant i'll agree but pebble wall is lovely :D I know what you mean about strawberries, but once you get it it's actually quite nice, honest!
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There's a problem called Pill Thrill i think on Pil Box wall on Pen Trwyn. Its a shite non existent line and you fracture your skull on the pil box if you fall off! I can't believe the problems your all going for Blind Date, Harvey Oswald! Theres so much worse out there! I agree with Dave S about that problem at Stanton. Peak limestone is pretty shit(apart from cragx) but i quite like it.
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My nominations are as follows
1. the fucking pocket thing at the tor that crosses the weedkiller traverse, totally minging horrid polished crap
2.jerrys traverse on bubbles wall, stoney. tried it again recently, remembered why ive only ever done it once, polished and painful, a nice combo
more to come i can tell you
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Agree with LJ that pebble wall at almscliff is gash but what about Basher's problem at Raven tor, b6 goin on b12 :? Also what about cock o' the rock- k-wality line!
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dont suppose its that classic but twister on the pebble
that puddle really winds me up
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Agree with LJ that pebble wall at almscliff is gash but what about Basher's problem at Raven tor, b6 goin on b12 :? Also what about cock o' the rock- k-wality line!
i was gonna mention cock o' the rock, either piss easy, impossible or anything in between depending on which stone of the wall you start on :?
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r we french???
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The amount of attention Jerry's Traverse at the Plantation has attracted over the years has always amazed me. This is a 'locals' problem - fine if you live in Sheffield, but essentially an over graded, arse-drag eliminate (why can't you use the jugs out left at the end?)
Powerband - another over rated 'locals' problem, with silly rules about what sequence you can use at the end (I was told that my sequence was not 'approved'!).
Shite mini problems like Lo Lo at P Ysgo and that bollocks sds to the left arete at the PYB boulder (sorry CJD - but this is utter wank).
Just about every problem on the Snowdon Lady Boulders (OTE featured this bag of toss with numerous photos - I subsequently met a number of very disappointed punters clutching copies of the mag.)
So what makes a shite problem?:
1. it must be an eliminate of some sort and it should not follow a natural line of weakness or even look vaguely attractive
2. the rules must be very silly and confusing
3. the rock should be suspect/snappy/sandy/dirty in some way
4. the holds should be painful and awkward
5. the landing should be bad, sloping or very muddy/boggy
6. the grade should vary wildly, depending on a slightly different interpretation of the rules
7. it should have some chipped or glued holds and plenty of eyesore brush marks
8. it should smell of piss
9. it should feature an awkward semi-crouching start on bizarre specified holds
10. it should feature a violent slappy move to a razor sharp hold, guaranteed to slice yer hand open
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Is there one singlularly hideous problem that satisfies all 10 points <shudder> ?
There must be one out there somewher....
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So what makes a shite problem?:
1. it must be an eliminate of some sort and it should not follow a natural line of weakness or even look vaguely attractive
2. the rules must be very silly and confusing
3. the rock should be suspect/snappy/sandy/dirty in some way
4. the holds should be painful and awkward
5. the landing should be bad, sloping or very muddy/boggy
6. the grade should vary wildly, depending on a slightly different interpretation of the rules
7. it should have some chipped or glued holds and plenty of eyesore brush marks
8. it should smell of piss
9. it should feature an awkward semi-crouching start on bizarre specified holds
10. it should feature a violent slappy move to a razor sharp hold, guaranteed to slice yer hand open
:lol:
I'm sure something at minus ten must fit a lot of those....
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Is there one singlularly hideous problem that satisfies all 10 points <shudder> ?
There must be one out there somewher....
Hmm, Shit at Higgar satisfies most of them. Apart from the sharp crimp and the bad landing. It stinks of piss, has an awkward start, is an eliminate, etc etc
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Is there one singlularly hideous problem that satisfies all 10 points <shudder> ?
There must be one out there somewher....
Hmm, Shit at Higgar satisfies most of them. Apart from the sharp crimp and the bad landing. It stinks of piss, has an awkward start, is an eliminate, etc etc
Granted it's a sit start. But in what way is it an eliminate? It finishes up piss, but hasn't smelled of it when i've been there. Other than being a sit start it is pretty good by my reckoning, comfy holds, good rock, interesting moves, varied, what more do you want.
Anything in Tom's Cave at stoney seem's nearer the mark.
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Is there one singlularly hideous problem that satisfies all 10 points <shudder> ?
There must be one out there somewher....
Hmm, Shit at Higgar satisfies most of them. Apart from the sharp crimp and the bad landing. It stinks of piss, has an awkward start, is an eliminate, etc etc
Granted it's a sit start. But in what way is it an eliminate? It finishes up piss, but hasn't smelled of it when i've been there. Other than being a sit start it is pretty good by my reckoning, comfy holds, good rock, interesting moves, varied, what more do you want.
Anything in Tom's Cave at stoney seem's nearer the mark.
Eliminate in the fact you cant use the big ledge for your foot out left :roll:
Ignore me, iam just bitter as both the guys i went to do this with flashed it and i couldnt even do it after multiple goes :-( Could get right foot up...
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Shit may not be great but that last move on piss is ace, however you get there.
a truly shit problem has to be on limestone. Polished, horrible crimping, mudbath underneath - Tom's roof has to take the prize. What a pile of wank.
Check out how psyched Adam Wainwright is in one summer.
However I have heard Parisella's is just a bigger version.... :wink:
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So what makes a shite problem?:
1. it must be an eliminate of some sort and it should not follow a natural line of weakness or even look vaguely attractive
2. the rules must be very silly and confusing
3. the rock should be suspect/snappy/sandy/dirty in some way
4. the holds should be painful and awkward
5. the landing should be bad, sloping or very muddy/boggy
6. the grade should vary wildly, depending on a slightly different interpretation of the rules
7. it should have some chipped or glued holds and plenty of eyesore brush marks
8. it should smell of piss
9. it should feature an awkward semi-crouching start on bizarre specified holds
10. it should feature a violent slappy move to a razor sharp hold, guaranteed to slice yer hand open
Fuck - now you've focussed my mind I've realised that the UK's WORST problem is the slopey traverse at bonehill:
This problem is polished, painful, arbitrary, is always plastered in chalk and has very, very poor moves. The landing is always muddy. The crux is keeping your ARSE of the ground, never mind your feet and for some reason you're not supposed to heel hook. AND if you have more than two goes you need a blood transfusion.
I will accept no argument, the search stops here.
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So what makes a shite problem?:
1. it must be an eliminate of some sort and it should not follow a natural line of weakness or even look vaguely attractive
2. the rules must be very silly and confusing
3. the rock should be suspect/snappy/sandy/dirty in some way
4. the holds should be painful and awkward
5. the landing should be bad, sloping or very muddy/boggy
6. the grade should vary wildly, depending on a slightly different interpretation of the rules
7. it should have some chipped or glued holds and plenty of eyesore brush marks
8. it should smell of piss
9. it should feature an awkward semi-crouching start on bizarre specified holds
10. it should feature a violent slappy move to a razor sharp hold, guaranteed to slice yer hand open
Fuck - now you've focussed my mind I've realised that the UK's WORST problem is the slopey traverse at bonehill:
This problem is polished, painful, arbitrary, is always plastered in chalk and has very, very poor moves. The landing is always muddy. The crux is keeping your ARSE of the ground, never mind your feet and for some reason you're not supposed to heel hook. AND if you have more than two goes you need a blood transfusion.
I will accept no argument, the search stops here.
that the thing left of the wave? Or am i in the wrong place?
If so agreed, shite!
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(http://www.javu.co.uk/Climbing/Guides/DartmoorBouldering/Bonehill/bone-markslopey.jpg)
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1. it must be an eliminate of some sort and it should not follow a natural line of weakness or even look vaguely attractive
2. the rules must be very silly and confusing
3. the rock should be suspect/snappy/sandy/dirty in some way
4. the holds should be painful and awkward
5. the landing should be bad, sloping or very muddy/boggy
6. the grade should vary wildly, depending on a slightly different interpretation of the rules
7. it should have some chipped or glued holds and plenty of eyesore brush marks
8. it should smell of piss
9. it should feature an awkward semi-crouching start on bizarre specified holds
10. it should feature a violent slappy move to a razor sharp hold, guaranteed to slice yer hand open
Now I've never been, but from what I've seen from photos, doesn't this describe every problem at the Dumbarton Boulders??
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Surprisingly, the actual climbing at Dumby is quite nice.
It's just the place is a hideous shitehole. Really, the boulders should all be relocated somewhere that's not full of mental neds, syringes, glass, etc.
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(http://www.javu.co.uk/Climbing/Guides/DartmoorBouldering/Bonehill/bone-markslopey.jpg)
Ooooh. Feel the quality :guns:
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Now I've never been, but from what I've seen from photos, doesn't this describe every problem at the Dumbarton Boulders??
Yes. It also perfectly describes the Wirral's answer to Dumby - the Breck!
However, the Bluebell Traverse is still a candidate for Best Traverse Award IMHO.
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Stuart Little wrote:
the UK's WORST problem is the slopey traverse at bonehill:
Granted this may be shit. But at least its in a nice place. There are some good problems are Bonehill n its a good place to chill.
If we're really going for the holy grail of shitness we need a bit more.
So:
1. You've heard of it , maybe even seen a vid.
2. You've travelled a fair way.
3. There's fuck all else there (climbing wise)
4. There's shit loads else - council estate, burnt out cars, kids nicking your chalk bag.
5. Sharp crimps for hands
6. Big footholds too polished to actually stand on.
I think ambience is a big part of it. If you're stupid enough to waste good conditions at the plantation getting a wet arse on jerry's traverse, good luck. At least you're not polishing up deliverance :wink:
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Hey Johnny
You really do have a problem with crimps don't you?
Were you locked in Pexhill for years as a small child? :lol:
I LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV Crimps!!! They rule
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Were you locked in Pexhill for years as a small child? :lol:
no, that was scouse D ......the perv :wink:
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Hey Johnny
You really do have a problem with crimps don't you?
They really make my fingers hurt :cry:
Now that just can't be right; slopers never hurt anyone, right :wink:
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Hey Johnny
You really do have a problem with crimps don't you?
Now that just can't be right; slopers never hurt anyone, right :wink:
You should try hanging them with mutant, Dupytron's Contracture hands. Ive had to resort to putting super-glue and tissue paper re-inforcement on to prevent bleeding jesus hands :nopity:
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I'm with JB on this one: slopers rule, simple as that.
I only crimp if I have to, not ever because I want to.
I hate crimps, they're unnatural, just like the skinny freaks with no body tension that you see hanging on them :twisted: - let them all rot in hell!
(Glad I got that off my chest - feel a lot better now.)
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Now that just can't be right; slopers never hurt anyone, right :wink:
I'll take that as a wager.
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Theres nothing worse in life than sliding off a big minging sloper! You know where you stand with a nice bony crimp.
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Them crimpers in that cave at cratcliff middle are pretty sharp, good problem tho. I vote for slopers - they rule, until you run out of skin (except the slopers at hampers) although grit slopers in summer are just horrid
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Good to see 5 pages of problem slagging compared to only 3 of biggin em up.
In the best british traditions... :wink:
...wonder what an american psychologist would make of it:lol:
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Stuart Little wrote:
the UK's WORST problem is the slopey traverse at bonehill:
Granted this may be shit. But at least its in a nice place. There are some good problems are Bonehill n its a good place to chill.
If we're really going for the holy grail of shitness we need a bit more.
So:
1. You've heard of it , maybe even seen a vid.
2. You've travelled a fair way.
3. There's fuck all else there (climbing wise)
4. There's shit loads else - council estate, burnt out cars, kids nicking your chalk bag.
5. Sharp crimps for hands
6. Big footholds too polished to actually stand on.
I think ambience is a big part of it. If you're stupid enough to waste good conditions at the plantation getting a wet arse on jerry's traverse, good luck. At least you're not polishing up deliverance :wink:
sloper traverse established cack but on the other hand the the ripple wall at bone hill is one of the most enjoyable problems at its grade i have done, fuck knows what gaskins was on when he done the sitter though. :roll:
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Any of the problems where the New Statement is - it's that shite I won't even name the place. :shock: Ilkley.
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Sorry, that should be Statesman, which looks not bad.
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no way is roaches arete crap - pure kinaesthetics up that admitably slippery feature
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i think its only because he-man started the topic. anyway, having not read any other entries, bullworker = shit. bens roof= shit anything MO has done=shit
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anything MO has done=shit
Wash your mouth out with something nasty! Bin Laden's Cave is a Peak classic.