UKBouldering.com
the shizzle => shootin' the shit => Topic started by: JamesD on May 21, 2010, 01:23:27 pm
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Thought this could make for an interesting thread.
So tell us, what is the worst idea that you've had, that seemed like a good idea, right up until after the moment you decided to execute it?
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In broad terms that kind of falls into this; might like a read if you missed it as it's been dormant for a while.
http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,5617.0.html (http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,5617.0.html)
I once almost killed myself making a home made zipline, age 11ish.
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One of my classics:
Snowboarding whilst drunk, after a few breakfast lunch time jaegertees, at a bar which was rather too conveniently placed at the top of one of my favourite fast steep red runs (which apparently was only graded red because it wasn't quite long enough to be classified as a black), I thought it'd be great idea to hammer down it as fast as possible.
One sizable mogul, a few feet of air, and a nasty edge catch later...... I woke up dazed, bruised, with a nose full of blood and a nasty concussion.
It turns out you don't react as quickly to unexpected 30+mph take offs when pissed....who would have thought eh!
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Have done similar after vistiing a "shack" in the woods and being given some fungus based snacks by a random there. Luckily I was wearing a helmet, but goggles needed replacing.
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Sleeping with my ex whilst drunk whilst my current gf was 6 months pregnant, thus conceiving another child meaning I have ended up with 2 daughters who are only 6 months apart in age.
Beat that :oops:
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Sleeping with my ex whilst drunk whilst my current gf was 6 months pregnant, thus conceiving another child meaning I have ended up with 2 daughters who are only 6 months apart in age.
Beat that :oops:
:o
My worst mistake was probably sacking in a job that retrospectively I really liked and moving to Perth, Australia for what seemed like a dream job but was in reality rather :wank:
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Sleeping with my ex whilst drunk whilst my current gf was 6 months pregnant, thus conceiving another child meaning I have ended up with 2 daughters who are only 6 months apart in age.
Beat that :oops:
Really? That's hard to beat, did you get binned because of it? So the Cumbian reputation is upheld!
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Lending Pat King my mountain bike
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Really? That's hard to beat, did you get binned because of it? So the Cumbian reputation is upheld!
Tis true. Thankfully I still have my testicles connected to my body and a roof over my head. Took a lot of explaining and a lot of grovelling though. Alcohol is NOT my friend.
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As a child, bracing myself inside an empty oil drum and having mates roll it down a steep grassy hill. The folly became obvious after the first rotation but bailing was impossible.
Golt's effort is clearly unbeatable though.
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having dessert first
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LOL @ Golt, good skillz.
Fatdoc's "Escape From Verdon" has to be there somewhere.
Ummm I don't think I have any?
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having dessert first
Can't go back to savory now?
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Non life threatening instances
picking up a pretty blue jellyfish by the long stringy bit
getting on a chairlift with a French family just as the LSD started to take effect - are they talking to me? are they really talking in English? am I making any sense to them? am I speaking French or English? are they buying my act of pretending to be on the phone laughing hysterically at a very funny joke? thank fuck for goggles and my ability to board whilst tripping.
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getting on a chairlift with a French family just as the LSD started to take effect - are they talking to me? are they really talking in English? am I making any sense to them? am I speaking French or English? are they buying my act of pretending to be on the phone laughing hysterically at a very funny joke? thank fuck for goggles and my ability to board whilst tripping.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Golt, maybe you should have been carrying a few of these in your wallet
(http://condomgalaxy.com/images/durex-dry-nonlub.jpg)
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Tis true. Thankfully I still have my testicles connected to my body and a roof over my head. Took a lot of explaining and a lot of grovelling though. Alcohol is NOT my friend.
Or is it that your knob and brain are closely entwinned???
Not the first man to blame the drink for some tiger behaviour.
:beer1: :hug: :devangel: :kiss1: :shag: :oops: :spank: :shrug: :please: :boohoo: :wall:
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Ultimatley I have nobody but myself to blame. At the end of the day I have 2 healthy kids, I pay my money to the CSA and see my other daughter every week. Things could have been a lot worse and I'm glad they aren't.
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getting on a chairlift with a French family just as the LSD started to take effect - are they talking to me? are they really talking in English? am I making any sense to them? am I speaking French or English? are they buying my act of pretending to be on the phone laughing hysterically at a very funny joke? thank fuck for goggles and my ability to board whilst tripping.
That sounds worryingly familiar. Also on one of the last days of the season starting with Jaeger bombs at lunch after a full morning of powder riding and nothing to eat, drinking through the afternoon, and visiting more "shacks" going on to rugby tackling my (female) boss at the annual snow volleyball tournament, and then trying to chase down a fully grown bull moose on a mountain bike with a point and shoot camera in the dark round the field in front of where we lived. so I could get a photo.
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Oh God. I must have lots of these (not that I can compete with Golt......luckily).
First one off the top of my head (as I can see the scars from here). NYE 2001 I decided it would be a good idea to help my mate set some fireworks off outside the party we were at. It might have been but as it was just past midnight I was totally off my face on vodka, pills, coke and fuck knows what else. Hence, I picked up a large rocket, lit it and watched in amazement as the blue touch paper ignited and seconds later sparks started gushing from the back of it, all over my hand.
I recall my mate shouting "Jaz, let go!!" at least three times before I realised what was happening, let go and sent the rocket careering into the window of a house across the road. Fortunately, it didn't damage the window. Unfortunately I had severely burned the backs of all four fingers on my right hand.
Never one to leave a party early, I consulted a nurse who was there who said I should be ok if I kept it iced so I spent the rest of the night wandering about with my hand in a jug of iced water. It didn't hurt until the next day.
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i was on my wayto west coast ireland for a camping / surfing. i had got my board and tent etc on the train at Dublin. the train was not due to leave for another 90mins. so i followed the conductors advise and have a few pints of guiness at the platform bar and then he muttered something else i didn't quite catch.
after 3 pints and reading my book i looked up and saw my train moving away!!! :o
i dropped my pint on the table and ran out after the train along the platform. it was slowly moving away and not heeding my pleas to stop.
i thought i should jump through the open window! that way i would not lose my board, tent wetsuit etc..
unfortunately i couldn't get through but luckily the cabin door was open so i ran faster up to it and jumped in about 4m away from the end of the platform.
my heart was pounding out of my chest, the guiness cousring through my viens and into my head.
i ran down to where my board was and sighed / puffed with relief. i was feeling quietly impressed with my indiana jones effort.
'whoa, i didn't lose my gear" stoked!!!
little did i notice the train was empty except for 3 train workers fuming and standing over me.
what the fuck are you doing?????? Jumping on a moving train, you get yourself killed!!! said the once kind conductor who suggested i have a pint or two.
I said that i saw the train leaving and it had all my gear on it.
the conductor then replied, did n't you listen when i said that we were taking the train for cleaning before leaving and your stuff will be safe with us???
that must of been the bit i didn't quite hear.
when the train got back to the station after cleaning, the station master then stormed into the train and ripped me a new arse hole the size of ireland.
well i still think i'd do the same if i saw my gear leaving on a train without me .....
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Jasper, was that me who told you to leave it in water??
cant remember, but for some reason it does seem vaguely familiar
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No she was more attractive mate.
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In no particular order
At age of ten deciding to get a stuck bit of toast out of a toaster with a knife,....while it was still on!
On site soloing a HVS at Symonds yat before I had actually lead any HVS's (although soloing a route on Lliwedd at 6am in the morning without a guidebook or any idea what anything was came close but it panned out alright in the end!)
Coming home from clubbing and thinking the bath had blocked, deciding to then dismantle nearly the whole bath and surrounding area before coming 'too' .
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Does believing in god count?
I did also wear a partly neoprene base layer down a 700m deep cave while on expedition in dachstein last summer. Severe arse chafage! But it was mainly a mistake because of the piss taking.
That was nothing compared to taking my SRT kit (rope gear+ harness) off on the same trip and leaving it somewhere "obvious". Suffice to say a 24 hour caving trip turned into a 42 hour trip
Hopefully that's a good couple of years worth of spackiness! Still never been rescued thank god, it's barely worth the mockery.
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Boxing day last year, I was out drinking in Perth. When we went into the "club" (a loose term in Perth) it was starting to snow. We emerged 4 hours later, slightly worse for wear and there was now 4" of snow on the ground and the general chat was that the taxis were running about 3 hrs late and wouldn't take me back to my parents anyway as it's about 6 miles on country roads.
Ahaaa, I'll walk, he says... Not wanting to wake up the parents (I was 26, so should know better) I started the long walk home and bumped into an old school mate, who was going halfway. Anyway, once I got on to the quieter roads a few cars passed and I tried to thumb a lift. No luck. Two guys in their early 20s even took it upon themselves to shout at me out the window: "what the f**k are you doing walking in this weather, f**king idiot". Thanks, fvckers... :furious:
When I got home, at about 5:30, all the doors were shut and I didn't have a key, so I curled up in the conservatory and shivered till the morning. :yawn:
I really should have realised that walking home is a terrible idea. I'd done it 2 times peviously, the first time someone else died on the same night, doing the same thing, somewhere else in Scotland and the second time I was absolutely blind drunk after being at a mate's funeral (he died in Glencoe, scrambling). My then girlfriend was on the phone, annoying me and apparently, as I don't remember, I got so annoyed I threw my phone in the field, never to be seen again. Just before that I nearly got knocked down by a fire engine. I was found by the polis in some old biddies garden in the next village and got delivered home. I remember telling the copper about the funeral, apparently this was enough to let me off with just a ticking off... :oops:
Moral of the story. Stop drinking so much... :alky:
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all you guys who know me , know i could write about 10 pages of this stuff.so i am gonna leave it locked away in the dark place where it resides
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going to thailand.
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Might be in the middle of one of these ideas right now. Time will tell :devangel:
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Go for the easy pink.
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Thought this could make for an interesting thread.
So tell us, what is the worst idea that you've had, that seemed like a good idea, right up until after the moment you decided to execute it?
I notice the thread instigator is carefully keeping his beans in his tin?
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Haha, ok i'll drop another one....
Sex in the living room, in a shared flat, near the doorway early in the morning/late at night....not always the best idea!
Anyway, Me and the missus got home late from a club, we were both pretty horny so went at it in the living room, and I had her bent over the sofa, when one of my flatmates decided that he fancied a spliff at 4am in the morning, anyway he burst into the living room knocked me off the missus onto the floor, she fell back onto me, she screamed, he screamed, I started laughing uncontrollably...we were both laying on the floor, pants by our ankles, looking like stranded turtles, and my flatmate ran back to his room faster than usain bolt on a speed binge.
Good times :) glad we don't live there anymore though!
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That really doesn't sound like you regret that very much...
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Taking a job in medical management, 18 months in and extrnal auditors are comin in, I'm gonna lose the trainees drs, I have no one to fulfil the rota, service reviews are threatening healthcare to a point where trusts will close.
14 hr workin days... For near fuck all.
I'd rather be in the Verdon...
Golt, that's the post of the year mate
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A number of years ago I was out having a convivial evening in London when we decided to move on to another bar in search of some female companiship, the door staff took exception with my attire and refused us entry.
I retorted with the line 'well who's your fucking tailor' and the doorman responded 'are you taking the piss' to which I replied with an unnecessary degree of truth 'yes, but I thought you'd to too fucking stupid to notice'.
Just as things started to get emotional a friend dragged me clear and the old bill came around the corner.
Other events include elbowing a DS from Essex Police in the face twice (playing rugby) and lashing out about £400 on foie gras to resell at a profit (resulting in a minimal financial loss and the gain of about 4kg) and unintentionally bending a flag poll during a drunken attempt to win a bet with a bullshitter at a divisional training depot a day before a passing out parade.
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From the blog:
However we don't like leaving an area without trying our best at ticking an epic or two. If you've been to the tarn you'll know that a large number of companies offer canoeing down the river Tarn. The price of such an outing outraged the both of us and that was how we came to be at the top of the river (after hitching) with a supermarket "SHARK BOAT" and two flimsy looking paddles that would probably work better as spatula's. It didn't start well, the boat bottom popped on the first set of rapids and we were left spinning around shouting at each other (sangria being towed from the back for maximum refreshment). As the day or should I say late evning wore on it was clear we hadn't left enough time for what we thought was a 7km journey (actually it was 13km). The river is shallow and the boat didn't really work well. Most of our time was spent in a crab like stance to equally load the boat, letting the river take us wherever the hell it wanted.
After what felt like an age we started planning our exit strategy, the road seemed close but it had a large wall and often barb wire between us and it. We carried on. As the light began to totally fade we quit and ditched our badly damaged "SHARK BOAT" at the local château. Two bedraggled figures, soaked to the bone didn't make a good team for hitching and thus we had to walk the majority of the remaining 6 km or so barefoot on the tarmac, me in swimshorts, her in a Bikini. About 1km from our van a local stopped, he'd obviously seen similar stupidity before. All he said was "En Vacance?" laughed and then dropped us off.
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on a DIY front... fitting an electric shower, stop for 1/2 time coffee, turn on electric for the coffee machine.... drink coffee, tell mate to turn off electricity again, back to the shower, touch red wire.... big flash, catapult self out of shower cubical right acrss bathroom and end up laying in the bath....
Also touched a back box whilst wallpapering in a house in Wales which was live with a similar result...
now tell me... how come i can 'jump' up and across a room using only my leg muscles (and a bit of electrricity) and not dyno for toffee
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Fuck me. Apart from anything else, this thread's enough to put you off drink and drugs..........
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Fuck me. Apart from anything else, this thread's enough to put you off drink, drugs and DIY.............
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14 hr workin days... For near fuck all.
This is obviously some new, strange definition of "fuck all" that is quite different to mine ;)
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I thought "fuck all" was universally accepted as being £2.50.
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I thought "fuck all" was universally accepted as being £2.50.
Approximately, once normalised to compensate for global downturn in market.
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TBF,
it really is.
The recompense in hrs worked in management means I would earn more if the time i spend trying to keep this dept afloat if I spent it flipping burgers would make me better off, less stressed, and less grey.
I do however fully man up to the fact that my base salary is a wad.
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all you guys who know me , know i could write about 10 pages of this stuff.so i am gonna leave it locked away in the dark place where it resides
You can do better than this.
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Other events include lashing out about £400 on foie gras to resell at a profit (resulting in a minimal financial loss and the gain of about 4kg)
Gaining 4kg of fois gras, or is that how much heavier you were after troughing the profits? ;)
and unintentionally bending a flag poll during a drunken attempt to win a bet with a bullshitter at a divisional training depot a day before a passing out parade.
related to the above?? ;)
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about 18 with a bunch of mates, we managed to get our hands on a load of acid. 8hrs walking the streets laughing at just about anything. the urge for a joint was now pretty strong, so the logical place to build one was outside the police station where my uncle happened to be stationed. needless to say the police took issue with us building a joint outside of the gaffe. who was the police that came out? my bloody uncle! we ran off. two days later my uncle comes round to our house for a little chat about drugs being used in the neighbour hood. wonder what brought that on?
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Going on a night out, invited anonymously, for 'The Sporting Gentleman of the College'. Read Bullingdon, a few doors down, called the Chevrons. Banned, obviously (blocking the quad drain and filling it with petrol - lit, of course, throwing a TV out of the JCR window which was closed at the time, that sort of thing).
Funny how every member of the group that night was summoned to the Dean's office on the Monday.
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Indeed, at one point in a less than glorious academic career I was being castigated for waking up a senior academic and his family, including the 16 year old daughter. . . . when he mentioned this I heard myself say 'well you should of sent her over to party' or similar . . . I was part of the way through the sentence when I knew the world was going brown, smelly and expensive and yet I was compelled to finish the sentence.
It didn't end well.
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when i used to mountainbike alot, one day it seemed a good idea to try and go down a flight of stairs with my bike without touching the brakes.
i swear, it seemed good!
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Just remembered this from a couple of years ago :oops:
For what seemed like the millionth time, my TV watching was interupted by yet another showing of the same bit of home video footage of Madeleine McCann taken before her parents sold her to the Nike factory she disappeared. As I cursed the excessive amount of media coverage that Mr and Mrs Maddie were hogging I noticed that at one point it looked like young Maddie was mouthing "Fuck You". Suddenly I had a potential way to vent my frustration at the whole sorry media circus. I wondered how other people might react to my observation - would people find this observation sickly amusing? So, I downloaded the bit of video off of some tabloid website and cut/stabilised/speeded up the relevant bit. I put a little subtitle at the bottom saying "fuck you" and rendered it in a format suitable for uploading to Youtube. Before upping it to a new account with a suitably offensive username I decided to turn it into a gif to use as an avatar.... on this forum; with a bit of personal text that read Maddie says "fuck you".
"Hmm, I wonder what people will make of this very bad taste bit of internet foolery" I thought; then went to the pub. On the way there it struck me that many people would actually find my actions very offensive. It crossed my mind that I might cause some distress to other forum users who do not all log on to revel in the ugly, primitive, juvenile and offensive ramblings that can sometimes be found on UKB.
On returning from the pub I thought I'd better remove the avatar. Unfortunately some damage had already been done. Dire indeed.
http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,8458.0.html (http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,8458.0.html)
I never did get round to upping it to Youtube and now only use the footage as evidence to show visiting Jehovah's Witnesses when enthusiastically explaining my various conspiracy theories (as soon as they get to the bit about how all the bad things in the world are just like it says in Matthew 24)
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I hope I gave you a wad point at the time for that, Lagers :thumbsup:
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I hope I gave you a wad point at the time for that, Lagers :thumbsup:
No, but andi_e did.
I can't believe I didn't get puntered off the scale,
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For anyone who might have been wondering the deleted picture on that thread was an intentionally badly knocked together Paint job of Dunney wearing a hat with 9a+ written in scrawl on it. This was an idea that seemed like a good idea at the time and still does in my little mind.
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Found it:
(http://i50.tinypic.com/w1z252.jpg)
:whistle:
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gat?
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Word.
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intentionally badly knocked together Paint job
Whatever girlfriend, just accept you aint no Picasso.
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I would hardly have reposted the fucking thing if it was my finest work now would I. :wall: ;)
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It's secretly ironic.
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Found it:
(http://i50.tinypic.com/w1z252.jpg)
:whistle:
I rather think JD would be pleased with that, I've never seen him look as good.
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gat?
I never cruise LA without a gat in my lap
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I never cruise Broomhall without a gat in my lap
[/quote]
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Taking a job in medical management
Just saw this.
You deserve everything that's coming your way :P
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This thread is very entertaining if only for the display of incredible lack of judgement :lol:
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Taking a job in medical management
Just saw this.
You deserve everything that's coming your way :P
Sod off...I'm trying to right a 1000 wrongs.. and i'm sure you appreciate my predicament.. unfortunately I'm like.. not..
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Trying to right one thousand wrongs is very commendable.
Unfortunately, the nature of management means you become a manager. Which means you run with the policies of the team.
Be a rebel. There's nothing as fun as playing the game, but on the other side, turning their managerial bullshit inside out and fucking them with it.
Mind you, I'm having fun fucking the system for 2-3 years, then it's GP job time. :-[
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gat?
Why has he got a hat with "gat" written on it? :lol:
2 years and it's still obviously GAT. Fuck's sake Pat Sharpe, get a graffix editing program.
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2 years and it's still obviously GAT. Fuck's sake Pat Sharpe, get a graphics editing program.
:whistle:
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I would have thought the fact that the last time I wanted to manipulate a picture was two years ago was evidence enough that I don't need a graphics editing programme.
And the king of mullets spells his name the low rent way, without the e.
(http://www.chelthockey.org/assets/pat-sharp.jpg)
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don't think funhouse presenter, think napoleonic war hardcase.
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Golt you are a legend.
Of course, you're a fool too, but I guess it worked out in the end!!
I once thought it was a good idea to get mashed off my face on ecstasy-pipes and watch Fast and Furious back to back three times . I did then hallucinate a nun standing in the corner waving a flag before falling asleep at ten o'clock the next morning.
hmmm.