UKBouldering.com
the shizzle => diet, training and injuries => Topic started by: Nibile on February 01, 2017, 11:21:04 am
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At the ripe old age of 45, having done some sort of structured sports and training since the age of four, I thought I'd seen it all.
I thought.
Functional Patterns appears to be the latest trend on the market. And while its inventor is probably a marketing genius with a collection of Ferraris, the system in itself resembles some sort of LSD induced activity with the added bonus of getting seriously hurt.
This video made me want to buy a Stealth bomber and carpet bomb every Functional Patterns gym in the World.
https://youtu.be/-MIweO9f23A
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Ah ha! But to be able to afford a stealth bomber you'd need to own a Functional Patterns gym. Ain't life a bitch..
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... the system in itself resembles some sort of LSD induced activity with the added bonus of getting seriously hurt.
In all seriousness, the system could easily be replicated by going out and doing some half-gnarly winter climbing somewhere with a long approach; bolting new sport routes on very steep cliffs; and then having a fight down the pub. It's just an attempt to cash in by giving stupid city-types the chance to do what climbers can achieve for a few fuck-alls.
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lots of twirling going on there.
Reminds me of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DzcOCyHDqc
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Ah ha! But to be able to afford a stealth bomber you'd need to own a Functional Patterns gym. Ain't life a bitch..
Ain't life a bitch.
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I've got to say, in many ways it looks like the old style Navy PT sessions. We did lots of stylised club swinging, rope climbing, loads of Medicine ball stuff etc. A lot of it was based around Cutlass fighting and 18th century boarding techniques. It was phased out in the late 80's but I was on a display team at HMS Sultan and got to learn a lot of it. That and Field gun, also a fucking tough, but fun way to get strong (I ran on the Brickwoods team, a lighter version of the full Royal tournament affair).
So,to a limited extent, I can see what he's getting at. But, on balance, Pete's right; yuppie fodder.
All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. I always forget to put those smiley things...
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It's got a strong jihadi training camp video vibe to it. It would make a nice recruitment video for all the new alt-right neo-Nazi paramilitaries that we can look forward to seeing in the near future.
The gym and the logo look like part of the set of a film about a dystopian totalitarian future.
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Hehehe, reminded me of those "gym fail" videos.
https://youtu.be/V7BqUAC0ToY
If you do anything with the right intensity etcetera , one can get stronger
But functional patterns? If you intend to punch people wile jumping on a bouncyball while swinging a kettle bell, sure..
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I'll put this up for Nibs, since he might not have seen it before. One of the daftest sports ever invented. The black arm bands are because the Admiralty had decreed the number of injuries and even deaths that occurred during training for this, justified stopping it entirely. Pah! Clearly 18th century artillery exercises were vital for the modern RN!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=32s4qCCFnmk
All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. I always forget to put those smiley things...
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Ahaha that was brilliant even if I didn't understand what was going on at any moment!
Still better than Functional Patterns though.
At least you can shoot the cannon at the end.
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I used to do a bit of teaching at HMS Raleigh, and the senior rate tasked with looking after me had been on the Field gun team. He lost his little finger and the corresponding part of his hand back to the wrist. Of course he complained bitterly about the pansies who'd stopped the competition.
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The original post looks like a yuppie version of traditional persian weight lifting
https://youtu.be/QPEe7uTuuho (https://youtu.be/QPEe7uTuuho)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pahlevani_and_zoorkhaneh_rituals (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pahlevani_and_zoorkhaneh_rituals)
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resembles some sort of LSD induced activity
Doesn't look like any trip I've ever been on.
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:lol:
It was the jumping around while waving kettlebells that got me.