[SA Chris]

Though I recognised that "look"



It'll be da diddly qua qua before we know it.

[andy popp]

I bet the blokes on the far left and right (drummer and bassist at a guess) can't believe their fucking luck. It would have been a lifetime of shite pub bands if only they hadn't met Chris Martin.

[SA Chris]

Too right. I bet the image was his (or maybe Gwinnie's) idea, and they are only too aware that they look like twats.

[Falling Down]

The guy on the right looks like he might be a world champion powerballer...

[dave]

the guy on the left looks like scouse (compelte with the hat) trying to work something loose from between his teeth whilst attending a napoleonic war re-enactment society.

[Bubba]

What a bunch of cocks. Whenever I hear Chris Martin's whinging, out of tune, weedy little voice come on the radio I have to change channel. I loved this rant that somebody posted on reddit:

Men who listen to Coldplay albums are equivalent to women who buy Dido albums.

In fact, they probably date each other.

They go to the cinema to see shit like 'You, Me and Dupree'.

He's either a Manchester United or a Chelsea fan, though he's never actually been to a game in his life.

She spends her time flicking through the pages of Heat magazine, thinking it constitutes putting down 'reading' on her list of hobbies.

He has an acoustic guitar because some day he wants to be like Chris Martin. He'll get around to learning a few chords any day now.

She drinks cheap white wine.

He drinks Stella.

The have sex once a week and have a repetoire of 3 positions. When he's drunk, he'd like to get nastier but she'll never let him.

He drives a second hand low-powered BMW 3 series yet still thinks he's the shit.

She drives a Ford Sport Ka, or a Peugeout 206 convertible.

A fun weekend for them is going to Ikea for an afternoon to buy more cheap crap to fill their apartment with.

He sometimes watches shemale pr0n on his Windows laptop, but always clears his cookies.

She thinks she might have chlamydia from a one night stand she had a couple of months before they met, though she's too embarassed to see a doctor about it.

They eat microwave meals all the time, but she attempts to cook at the weekends. It's always crap though.

'Having people over' constitutes getting in 4 bottles of white and a slab of Stella, listening to Dido and Coldplay CD's on repeat while your (soon to be ex-)friends secretly seethe and plot inventive ways to kill you.

Your son will be called Zach. You will try to convince him that Chris Martin in an 'amazing songwriter'. He will see through your shit and hate you for the rest of your life.

All because of Coldplay.

[Norton Sharley]

 



 


Fortunately I scored zero on the Coldplay quiz, but only just ...

[dave]

[Jaspersharpe]

[runt]

  so that's why 3 series drivers are the bane of my life, or at least a mild irritant

[LucyB]

the guy on the left looks like scouse (compelte with the hat) trying to work something loose from between his teeth whilst attending a napoleonic war re-enactment society.

  That should be in the 'shit, isn't that...' thread.

[fatkid2000]

Got to agree Bubba - I heard a coldplay song this morning - and it sounded just like the same shit as the last album. I heard this rumour that their new album was suppose to be good - but from what I've heard it still sounds like Chris Martin moaning all day.

[fatdoc]

What a bunch of cocks. Whenever I hear Chris Martin's whinging, out of tune, weedy little voice come on the radio I have to change channel. I loved this rant that somebody posted on reddit:

Men who listen to Coldplay albums are equivalent to women who buy Dido albums.

In fact, they probably date each other.

They go to the cinema to see shit like 'You, Me and Dupree'.

He's either a Manchester United or a Chelsea fan, though he's never actually been to a game in his life.

She spends her time flicking through the pages of Heat magazine, thinking it constitutes putting down 'reading' on her list of hobbies.

He has an acoustic guitar because some day he wants to be like Chris Martin. He'll get around to learning a few chords any day now.

She drinks cheap white wine.

He drinks Stella.

The have sex once a week and have a repetoire of 3 positions. When he's drunk, he'd like to get nastier but she'll never let him.

He drives a second hand low-powered BMW 3 series yet still thinks he's the shit.

She drives a Ford Sport Ka, or a Peugeout 206 convertible.

A fun weekend for them is going to Ikea for an afternoon to buy more cheap crap to fill their apartment with.

He sometimes watches shemale pr0n on his Windows laptop, but always clears his cookies.

She thinks she might have chlamydia from a one night stand she had a couple of months before they met, though she's too embarassed to see a doctor about it.

They eat microwave meals all the time, but she attempts to cook at the weekends. It's always crap though.

'Having people over' constitutes getting in 4 bottles of white and a slab of Stella, listening to Dido and Coldplay CD's on repeat while your (soon to be ex-)friends secretly seethe and plot inventive ways to kill you.

Your son will be called Zach. You will try to convince him that Chris Martin in an 'amazing songwriter'. He will see through your shit and hate you for the rest of your life.

All because of Coldplay.

that's the sort or cynical, evil, twisted and correct view of the world that i fully endorse... in fact i cant believe i didnt write it.

[Jaspersharpe]

Coldplay's music is like McDonalds food (steady Fiend, I'm not going there). Generally when I first hear something new by them I think "this is actually quite good, way better than their usual rubbish!". Then after three listens (max) I'm sick of it. It's the instant hit of very basic songwriting, underneath the veneer it's just hollow, bland, tasteless crap.

Chris Martin walked out of an interview (Radio 4 I think) the other day because he didn't want to talk about the meaning behind some of the songs on their new album. He always gets shirty when people start trying to discuss the substance of his writing. Wonder why?

[SA Chris]

Coldplay's music is like McDonalds food (steady Fiend, I'm not going there). Generally when I first hear something new by them I think "this is actually quite good, way better than their usual rubbish!". Then after three listens (max) I'm sick of it. It's the instant hit of very basic songwriting, underneath the veneer it's just hollow, bland, tasteless crap.

The easter eggs of modern music? Shiny appearance, then a thin layer of chocolate with nothing inside.

[saltbeef]

The easter eggs of modern music? Shiny appearance, then a thin layer of chocolate with nothing inside.

except the chocolate is actually shit, but still hollow and lacks substance...

[Baron]

Chris Martin could afford a lot of Easter eggs.

[saltbeef]

are they part of his and gwyneth's macro-biotic diet?
he's still a cunt

[Joepicalli]

I always get confused between coldplay and radiohead are they the same group? Back in my day music was all shouty and loud and had no tune "youth of today" and all that.

[SA Chris]

The easter eggs of modern music? Shiny appearance, then a thin layer of chocolate with nothing inside.

except the chocolate is actually shit, but still hollow and lacks substance...

Ok, Kwik-Save easter eggs then?

[GCW]

I always get confused between coldplay and radiohead are they the same group?

No way.  Radiohead are in a totally different league to Coldplay.

[webbo]

I always get confused between coldplay and radiohead are they the same group?

No way.  Radiohead are in a totally different league to Coldplay.

which divisions of the hull sunday league are they in.

[SA Chris]

That new song was on the radio this am. The lyrics are toss.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman calvary choirs are singing

Was the roman cavalry really known for their harmonies?

[dave]

I'm sure the first ascent of Calvary postdates the roman invasion of these isles by about 2000 years.

[Jaspersharpe]

Coldplay are shit. Pendulum are shit. So imagine how shit Pendulum covering Violet Hill by Coldplay would be!? Well thanks to Radio 1's "live lounge" now you don't have to as yesterday this awful event was brought to life.

Chris Moyles played it again earlier this morning and mentioned the text I sent in slagging it off. I don't normally send texts to radio stations but really, this has to be heard to believe how bad it actually is.

[SA Chris]

Coldplay are shit. Pendulum are shit. So imagine how shit Pendulum covering Violet Hill by Coldplay would be!? Well thanks to Radio 1's "live lounge" now you don't have to as yesterday this awful event was brought to life.

The Horror, the horror. Doing cover vesions of recent (non-classic) songs is the music equivalent of sucking dick.

[travs]

Bloody hell Jasper do you do any work? From what I can see you spend your life writing on UKB, climbing, training for climbing, going abroad to climb, taking your kids climbing, and now sending texts into radio stations! Next thing we know you'll be training your kids to use a mobile phone so you can leave them at home and go out climbing on your own.

[GCW]

I can't stand Moyles either, so a shit cover of a shit song on a shit show   :vomit smiley required:

[lagerstarfish]

I can't stand Moyles either, so a shit cover of a shit song on a shit show   :vomit smiley required:

     

[Plattsy]

Coldplay are shit. Pendulum are shit. So imagine how shit Pendulum covering Violet Hill by Coldplay would be!? Well thanks to Radio 1's "live lounge" now you don't have to as yesterday this awful event was brought to life.

Huw Stephens is covering for Zane Lowe this week and he played it last night in the "Hottest track in the world today" slot. I couldn't believe just how bad it was. My ears were bleeding.

Chris Moyles played it again earlier this morning and mentioned the text I sent in slagging it off. I don't normally send texts to radio stations but really, this has to be heard to believe how bad it actually is.

Never thought he'd mention a text I sent in once but he did and I almost didn't realise he was talking about my text.

Bloody hell Jasper do you do any work? From what I can see you spend your life writing on UKB, climbing, training for climbing, going abroad to climb, taking your kids climbing, and now sending texts into radio stations! Next thing we know you'll be training your kids to use a mobile phone so you can leave them at home and go out climbing on your own.

Sounds good to me.

[Jaspersharpe]

It's called efficient time management. 

[saltbeef]

what did your text say?

[Jaspersharpe]

It said. "This is the worst thing I've heard in the last ten years of listening to the radio. Is it 1978?" Or something like that.

[Plattsy]

what did your text say?

Not sure if you mean mine or Jaspers. I told Moyles that his attempts to take the piss out of Pete Doherty (just after Pete had had another major incident) were amateurish and surely he could do better than to take the piss out of someone evidently struggling with substance abuse/addiction.

His riposte was really lame and I told him that too although he never mentioned my second text.

[Bubba]

Coldplay are shit. Pendulum are shit. So imagine how shit Pendulum covering Violet Hill by Coldplay would be!? Well thanks to Radio 1's "live lounge" now you don't have to as yesterday this awful event was brought to life.

The Horror, the horror. Doing cover vesions of recent (non-classic) songs is the music equivalent of sucking dick.

I agree - new depths have just been reached.

[Jaspersharpe]

Think this is the offending performance (fortunately I have no sound at work). You have been warned........



Who are all these cunts saying it's good?! 

[SA Chris]

For once I'm glad I can't get youtube at work.

[grumpycrumpy]

That's probably the worst thing my ears have ever been subjected to , and I've sat through a Geri Halliwell soundcheck ......

[i.munro]

It said. "This is the worst thing I've heard in the last ten years of listening to the radio. Is it 1978?"

1978 steady! IIRC the nearest equivalent in 1978 ( guitar-y 4 piece, successful in the states tendency towards cod-military outfits) would have been ....

the Clash.

[grumpycrumpy]

Hate to quibble , but The Clash weren't exactly successful in the U.S. in 1978 , known perhaps , but successful ,no ......

[Jaspersharpe]

It was a knee jerk reaction and I plucked the year from vague memories of being a little kid and hearing awful vocodered lyrics over rambling prog rock. I thought some old timers might take umbrage. No offence intended. 

[Bubba]

and I've sat through a Geri Halliwell soundcheck ......

You poor thing - was it as bad as I imagine it was?

[i.munro]

It was a knee jerk reaction and I plucked the year from vague memories of being a little kid and hearing awful vocodered lyrics over rambling prog rock. I thought some old timers might take umbrage. No offence intended. 

No offence taken but I think 1975 might have been more what you were after.
I'm pretty sure that 90% of music is crap in any year but I remember the early 70's as being
really bad.

[SA Chris]

One year on, still cunts.

[BB]

That made me guffaw out loud! Resurrecting a 1 year old thread just to remind us all that Coldplay are still cunts is a masterstroke. 

[SA Chris]

Was a result of Jasp's link in Rm 101, so can't take much credit.

[Jaspersharpe]

They are still cunts though. Look.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/aug/21/chris-martin-natalie-imbruglia

Which basically amounts to Chris Martin saying "I'm so fucking great I can't believe it and neither can anyone else".

[SA Chris]

Imbruglia, best known for her two years on Neighbours being really fit

[butters]

Martin also contributed a song called Whiny bag of bollox. "[When] he sang it to me, I did one of those ugly cries like a fox with its leg caught in a gin trap because it's so beautiful awful.

[Falling Down]

Imbruglia, best known for her two years on Neighbours being really fit

I once met the girl who waxes Imbruglia's fanny 

[SA Chris]

Did she wax lyrical?

[Jaspersharpe]

Imbruglia, best known for her two years on Neighbours being really fit

I once met the girl who waxes Imbruglia's fanny 

What a job.

[AndyR]

Imbruglia, best known for her two years on Neighbours being really fit

I once met the girl who waxes Imbruglia's fanny 

Does she have any photos?

[Falling Down]

Sadly no. I did make sure I shook her hand though...

[SA Chris]

And still they persevere.

I only really really hate Coldplay at this time of the year at the moment. 2 offences against music;

1) Christmas Lights
2) That shitty cover of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Releasing a song trying to deliberately get it included into the annals of "Modern Christmas Songs"
is commercially exploitative and only done to guarantee you get a nice little royalty cheque every Christmas from now on, in spite of your waning popularity.

Cunts.

[tregiffian]

Stick with Harold Darke.

My 86yr old chum used to sing
                                                  "Hark the herald angels sing
                                                    Mrs Simpson stole our King"