[jern]

OK....many years ago I was told that the some-time training guru Smythe advocated knocking one / spanking the monkey  (whatever) out prior to the redpoint / send to gaurentee success due to a massive surge of testosterone which the act of self pollution would produce. At the time I just pissed myself imagining climbers scurrying furtively into the bushes and returning dishevelled to crush, but just  left it at that. For some reason this popped into my head again recently and it got me thinking:

1. Did he indeed advocate this? (I don't remember reading it in OTE)
2. Would it be effective? One for the trainng gurus. (I reckon all you'd get is a few minutes intense self loathing then you'd drop into a deep sleep in the bracken with your Prana's round your ankles only to be discovered by outraged ramblers)
3.The crunch. Anyone tried it? Anyone done on the catwalk on a Saturday afternoon in July?

Thank you for your time.

ps. Feel free to move this shit to the shitheap  / training if more appropriate

[Houdini]

Jern, this is as true as it comes. 


I can vouch for it's effectiveness. 

[Jaspersharpe]

The oldskoolbullshitometer is off the scale today.

[Houdini]

Don't listen to him Jern, he's bitter because he's a jaffa.  In fact, it's why Jasper gave up climbing.  He couldn't keep up w/ Malcolm et al who were all really good at this technique.

Of course, no-one wastes valuable soluble protein and it was normal to see fights over who would get to eat the fructose and magnesium-rich ejaculate.

[BenF]

There's material for another UKB t-shirt design though.  Surely.  I'm trying to think of something not too rude.

[Jaspersharpe]

Don't listen to him Jern, he's bitter because he's a jaffa. 

Exhibit A says you're wrong. And he's coming to disembowel you with some car keys.......

[Paul B]

Training guru dobbin tried to convince ed and I on saturday that the way to stay warm was nakedness, the idea was dropped pretty soon after I mentioned the amount of bikers passing the crag 

[Percy B]

Oh yes - many an enduring image for the UKB t-shirt. How about Ste McClure hanging from his toes half way up Malham shaking sticky white coconuts from his purple love tree before a summit push?

 

[jern]

There's material for another UKB t-shirt design though.  Surely.  I'm trying to think of something not too rude

What would Smythe do?

Design could be as the Jacky one, slightly modified.

Any significant ascents assisted by this method? Do the big name pro's use the services of a fluffer? We need to know.

[Houdini]

Of course, the elite climbers of today are addicted to the stuff.



Back in the day, the catwalk at Malham was full of wankers jostling for a piece of the action  

[Nibile]

seriously: i have noticed that i've had many excellent sessions in the gym, and moreover climbing days, after making love with my girlfriend. i don't know what kind of testosterone rise you get from knocking one off but i'm sure it's pretty high after making love.
on another note, ex-ddr female trainers used to plan their athletes to get pregnant at the right time before big events like the olympic games; they would keep training during pregnancy and when the time was right they made them abort. the increased levels of sexual hormones, without pregnancy, were recruited by muscular fibers for last minute monstruous gains.
sorry if off topic.

[account_inactive]

What do you know of the crunch?

[magpie]

Do you think it works for girls?

[Nibile]

What do you know of the crunch?

[Jaspersharpe]

sorry if off topic.

It's actually bang on topic Nibs as the true quote from Smythe was....

"Sex makes you strong. Wanking makes you weak."

I'm not sure if he employed any SCIENCE in making this decision but that is what he said. I like the way it's been altered by the chinese whispers of time though. 

[Nibile]

Do you think it works for girls?

i don't know, because my g/f rarely boulders. but one could set some experiments...
 

[webbo]

i thought the thread on training for bishop was going to similar to this thread.

[magpie]

Do you think it works for girls?

i don't know, because my g/f rarely boulders. but one could set some experiments...
 

In the interest of science, it seems the right thing to do 

[dave]

shirley you'd be better off punching the clown after the send, as an incentive/reward?

[carefultorque]

At the time I just pissed myself imagining climbers *scurrying furtively into the bushes* and returning dishevelled to crush...

Ahah, scurrying furtively is so old-skool.  It's all about wanging it out and dropping a few blobs on the boulders in full view.   :-\Or so they tell me.

[andy_e]

I'm sure I heard a story about gelder shaking his snake before a hard send once.

This thread is a pile of 

[lagerstarfish]

Jerks off for power? It all makes sense now.
I had previously missheard this as "shirts off for power" - what a stupid error   

[leek_lad]

Oh yes - many an enduring image for the UKB t-shirt. How about Ste McClure hanging from his toes half way up Malham shaking sticky white coconuts from his purple love tree before a summit push?

 

Split my sides!

[leek_lad]

Just makes me feel all mellow and soppy. 

 Surely the way is to browse the pages of playboy thus building the urge......therefore incresing the testosterone???!!!!

[mini]

Shall we start the Peak Razzle Fund here? Free faff mags at all crags NOW!

[Cookie]

I used to compete at a highish level in another sport, and found that relief of sexual tension was helpful. Not immediately before an event, but either the night or early morning before.  I think it helps to relieve undue anxiety as well as keeping the mind focussed on the sport, even if only because the sexual side of things has already been satisfied.  And if it works for ladies I'm pretty sure it'd work for men too.

[Eddies]

Ru's next guide should have hot chicks in the photos instead of men, then blokes wouldnt have to take grumble to the crag!
Probably a good idea to laminate the pages aswell.

[account_inactive]

Shall we start the Peak Razzle Fund here? Free faff mags at all crags NOW!

Maybe pr0no Paul could help?

[SA Chris]

Whatever happens just make sure you avoid a "hair gel" moment.

[c.j.d.]

 Smythe used to stand on a coffe table in striped underpants, on a stack of books,  in his living room window, just to get gravity right, before jacking off and then weighing himself, just to get it spot on.  Truth.

[Jaspersharpe]

That must've been when he'd moved to Wales eh Chris? The place does strange things to people.

[c.j.d.]

Okay, the only bit thats not true is the wanking bit.  Answer to your question Mr Sharp - he was living in Llandudno, Deganwy Ave at the time.  Llandudno definitley does strange things to a person!