[Sloper]

Pk the market is open,

Let's have your trading options on the following:

a. The beefsteak flapper on day one of the trip.
b. Sprained ankles resulting from fucking around when not climbing.
c. Broken wrist caused by a fall from a slack line.
d. Ring pulley injury caused by not warming up.
e. The ubiquitous font elbow/.

[Serpico]

Pk the market is open,

Let's have your trading options on the following:

a. The beefsteak flapper on day one of the trip.
b. Sprained ankles resulting from fucking around when not climbing.
c. Broken wrist caused by a fall from a slack line.
d. Ring pulley injury caused by not warming up.
e. The ubiquitous font elbow/.

f. Crushed ego from failing on a blue.

[Houdini]

g.  Psychosis caused by two weeks on the couch as Font floods . . .

[philo]

h.  broken leg falling off helecopter

[Houdini]

i.  Windmilling arms in February too close to rock.  Remove large area of skin from top of hand   

[webbo]

j.liver failure from too much cheap french wine.

[lagerstarfish]

k. eaten by panther

l. catch rabies

m. hideous car crash near Paris

[GCW]

n.  Twisted knee from a slip on a wayward lump of Brie/Camembert
o.  Some muscle injury from mucking about whilst pissed- in-gite bouldering/ arm wrestle/ other stupid blokish show off stuff.

[Houdini]

p.  Sore bronchi from climbing near drifting Spaniard hash-clouds.

[webbo]

p. arrested by french police after posting pics of manly drunken frolics in the gite.

[neil h]

Q. Turffed out of you gite for being drunken english trashing the place, then having to sleep in the forest and get eaten by wild boar

[Duncan Disorderly]

Pk the market is open,

Let's have your trading options on the following:

a. The beefsteak flapper on day one of the trip.
b. Sprained ankles resulting from fucking around when not climbing.
c. Broken wrist caused by a fall from a slack line.
d. Ring pulley injury caused by not warming up.
e. The ubiquitous font elbow/.

I've already managed to get quite a few shares in e. before I've gone!!! Do I win?

:D

[neil h]

Duncs you wanna try living here for font elbow, I think I should win that one, anyway, can you bring me 2 lapris brushes at the weekend   

[BenF]

R.  Bruise from slipping on used condom whilst walking into Cuvier.

[SA Chris]

S. Trenchfoot from wearing wet shoes for 4 days.

[Duncan Disorderly]

Duncs you wanna try living here for font elbow, I think I should win that one, anyway, can you bring me 2 lapris brushes at the weekend   

I'll bet, you bought shares in Neurofen and icepacks then?

Got your brushes....

See ya there.

:D

[Jaspersharpe]

t - Full body seizure the day after attempting to follow local Bleausard round circuit of "les plus beaux problèmes" at Sabots.

u - "Sailor's Mouth" after cocking up easy mantel (yes that's MANTEL) having done all hard climbing on project.

[BenF]

mantel (yes that's MANTEL)

Careful Jasper, Chris is lurking...   

[i.munro]

Hmmm sailor's mouth sounds like something that requires a trip to the clinic & antibiotics...

[neil h]

Hmmm sailor's mouth sounds like something that requires a trip to the clinic & antibiotics...

especially after cocking up 

[andy_e]

Sailor's mouth sounds like something that shouldn't be heard on TV before 9pm...

V. shoulder injuries from holding up trout for too long

[Plattsy]

I'm backing g & j this weekend.

[Fiend]

w. Shredded sides of knuckles from trying frustrating problems with sharp pockets.

x. Ruptured stomach from attempting to match Neil & Unclesomebody's pizza eating prowess.

y. Night in French prison after getting flashed speeding multiple times.

z. Lifetime in French prison after spontaneously murdering an entire horde of irritating English student climbing club tosspots with terrible haircuts, braying voices and a bloody guitar at the crag.

a1. Premature destruction of planet Earth due to excessive petrol usage.

b1. Overactive bile gland due to extreme jealousy from missing out on Sloper's six course dinner feast.

c1. Hernia from spectacular temper tantrum after being "that close" to classic testpieces.

...all highly likely.

[Jim]

d1. broken cock after attempting to enter worm/dense/somebodys fool* at high speed in the dark in a formula1 room

* = delete where appropriate

[cider nut]

e1 Getting a black eye by falling out the car onto the corner of the door in the ferry on the way home (did this on my first trip)

f. Crushed ego from failing on a blue.

Try blue 7 at Cuvier. Would be curious to know the real grade!

[Nibile]

f1 say stupid things to moustached italian climber thinking he is me and getting punched.

g1 invite uncle to try your 3 years long project, see him crush it, go away, hide on top of a boulder to assault him while he walks back to the car, slip from said top of boulder while jumping to kill uncle and break something.

[Fiend]

g1 invite uncle to try your 3 years long project, see him crush it, go away, hide on top of a boulder to assault him while he walks back to the car, slip from said top of boulder while jumping to kill uncle and break something.

Did this actually happen??


P.S. Well done ms Nut, it was a striking look...


P.P.S. D1 is no surprise but still somewhat disturbing.

[jfw]

e1 Getting a black eye by falling out the car onto the corner of the door in the ferry on the way home (did this on my first trip)

f. Crushed ego from failing on a blue.

Try blue 7 at Cuvier. Would be curious to know the real grade!

is this the chimney? its awesome - tell me you did it o queen of thrutchyness!

[cider nut]

UKB worries me - people seem to know me, but I don't recognise their usernames!

Alas it wasn't the chimney, as I didn't know there was one, and now I'm wishing I did as I would have had a go! Let me know where it is, and i'll add it to my wishlist. Blue 7 is just this good looking short problem on sloping half moon ledges, but it seems to be nails, nobody it my group could do it.

[cider nut]

This is blue 7, badly edited photo - http://img.ukclimbing.com/i/83820.jpg
Hope that link works, can't remember what it is about UKC that doesn't display properly.

[Fiend]

What it is about UKC is that they don't allow hot-linking to the images.

Thus: http://www.ukclimbing.com/images/dbpage.html?id=83820

That's a cool photo, although pity about the mats overlapping the climber.

It looks like the solution would be to pull hard on the holds. Although no doubt some wizened old Bleausard would come along and prattle about le footwork and la balance etc etc.

[Nibile]

it's just left of biceps mou, isn't it?

[jfw]

the one i am thinking of is blue 9 its left of angle incarne - go look at a picture of angle incarne on bleau info - its that chimney!

[jfw]

it's just left of biceps mou, isn't it?

cidernut's pictured problem (Blue 7) is in area c of this topo http://www.drtopo.com/bleau.pdf

[cider nut]

Cool, will check out the chimney next time I'm there.

Re. blue 7 - yeah, it's on the bottom middle boulder in the area c rectangle.  It's called Le Coq Droite and it's only meant to be 4c <cough>

Now I'd best stop dragging this off topic, back to injuries, my favourite topic (after squirms)

[BenF]

z. Lifetime in French prison after spontaneously murdering an entire horde of irritating English student climbing club tosspots with terrible haircuts, braying voices and a bloody guitar at the crag.

So you were there last week then?  Last week friends I was with saw local climbers walk into an area smiling, see the hordes and then walk straight out again looking grumpy (fair play though, it was Sabot).  One mouthy English fool in a "uni climbing club font 08" t-shirt was even witnessed attacking a problem he'd failed on with a large stick.  But that's the charm of Font at Easter eh?

 

[SA Chris]

I'm so glad I don't get any holidays at easter any more.

[Fiend]

z. Lifetime in French prison after spontaneously murdering an entire horde of irritating English student climbing club tosspots with terrible haircuts, braying voices and a bloody guitar at the crag.

So you were there last week then?  Last week friends I was with saw local climbers walk into an area smiling, see the hordes and then walk straight out again looking grumpy (fair play though, it was Sabot).  One mouthy English fool in a "uni climbing club font 08" t-shirt was even witnessed attacking a problem he'd failed on with a large stick.  But that's the charm of Font at Easter eh?

That was on the Saturday, at Sabots (and is no exaggeration - although it's worth pointing out that Apremont / Isatis / Elephant were perfectly quiet on previous days). Apparently your sister was there. But I don't know what she looks like. I do know what you look like, but didn't see you.

[Jim]

blue 7 is grade 5, get your feet high and smear. The chimney left of angle incarne is 9d, you need a medal after doing that chimney.

Go try the blue circuit at sablons, some really tough quality problems, especially blue 10

[a dense loner]

oh my god shut up about blue 10. i'm surprised your body's not fucked

[neil h]

you seen your video dense http://ukbouldering.com/board/index.php/topic,8951.0.html

[Houdini]

BLUE!!

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha haha aha aha ha ah ah ah aha ah ah aha ah ah ahah a !!!!

Next it'll be that savage Orange!

Dense was definitely talking about a black problem...

[Richie Crouch]

No injuries to speak of, but a couple of ticks seemed to have become attached to my body. Off the docs in the morning to make sure everything is ok, as I pulled one off before being told it is a bad idea and to get them removed properly ???

[fatneck]

Glad to hear that Rich. Although with your "bad blood" I have to say I'm surprised they stayed attatched to you for so long!

I wouldn't bother with the docs, the commonly percieved idea is that if you don't remove them properly, the mandibles (jaws) get left under the skin and cause infection. In my experience, this is bullshit and you may as well just pull 'em off. Good luck, let me know how it goes!

[Houdini]

Aye, twist them off and use TCP on what's left.  You don't need a GP.

[Percy B]

Pair of tweezers as far down on blood-sucking little fuckers body as pos - right next to your skin, and pull out perpendicular to your skin with slow but firm presure until its out. It's possible a bit of it might get left behind, but this is rare. Check the wound for any tick shrapnel and use your tweezers to remove these bits too. Clean the wound and leave it to heal. If you feel ill then go to the docs, otherwise don't bother. If you get a bit stuck in, don't panic. It'll come out of its own accord.

This advice is all well and good until you have a tick firmly embedded where your perineum and scrotum meet. In my experience this is a part of the body which its very difficult to get to and is obviously a very sensitive region. Then I would suggest either locating friends who owe you a huge favour, or steal a small mirror from a ladies handbag, locate some tweezers and get a stick to bite down on....

[The Sausage]

my mum gets loads walking the dog. she says she just pulls them off, and if there's any bits left she just snips herself with scissors (!) and gets rid of the rest. she is somewhat crazy though, so i'm not recommending it...

[Richie Crouch]

Cheers for the advice everyone, I'll try the tweezer treatment and antiseptic cream in the morning when I am sober!

[saltbeef]

alternatives are smear them in vaseline, they then can't breath and willfall off as they suffocate, nasty but then you don't end up with the head stuck in you. or heat the bastard up with a match or lighter don't use a combo of the two techniques as you'll effectively have a napalmed tick melting into you.

[SA Chris]

I was told both of these methods are a seriously bad idea, as they make the tick regurgitate their stomach contents which can cause infection. But I am not a doctor, so could be wrong.

If you are in areas where they are common, the little plastic hooks (in two sizes) for removing them are a really good idea to carry around. Otherwise a twist with tweezers (or nailclippers) are OK.

[Paz]

an entire horde of irritating English student climbing club tosspots with terrible haircuts, braying voices

Cardiff?  Cunning Ugly Monkey...

[Paz]

One mouthy English fool in a "uni climbing club font 08" t-shirt was even witnessed attacking a problem he'd failed on with a large stick. 

Was he really tall with curly hair in a pony tail and an impressive beard?

[jfw]

The chimney left of angle incarne is 9d, you need a medal after doing that chimney.

is this the confirmed grade? can i have a chocolate medal? - i was nearly sick from the effort when i did it...

[a dense loner]

ha ha. no i didn't see it. not had time been working like a dog since i got back.

for the sake of people that have seen it, i was telling a story that happened to me at work. i was playing the part of the nice little old lady that was talking to me. can someone someday edit something that makes me appear nice, probably not

[Monolith]

Well I have a video of you pissing on a rock if that's slightly less deflammatory?

[BenF]

Apparently your sister was there. But I don't know what she looks like. I do know what you look like, but didn't see you.

I do know what my sister looks like, I also know what you look like, having met you both.  You didn't see me because I wasn't there.  I also didn't see you because I wasn't there either.

[neil h]

ha ha. no i didn't see it. not had time been working like a dog since i got back.

for the sake of people that have seen it, i was telling a story that happened to me at work. i was playing the part of the nice little old lady that was talking to me. can someone someday edit something that makes me appear nice, probably not

I might re edit it so you look like the good guy

Now you seen it it will disapear forever

[cider nut]

blue 7 is grade 5, get your feet high and smear.

Really?  I would have thought feet high was the last thing to do when hanging off slopers!  I'm just weak, I can't do *anything* once I've hung the first sloper, although can hang it straight off every go.

Will try for my chimney medal next time


Ticks - http://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/page.php?id=398