[grumpycrumpy]

Been sat. for ages ..... With all the extra time insomnia gives you you could knock up a wind farm ....

[SA Chris]

i would, but I'm too tired

[grumpycrumpy]

Ah bless .... Start small , I could give you a lend of grumpy minor's meccano set if you fancy .....

[grumpycrumpy]

Or come round to mine .... I've spent most of the night playing with the scalextix that I just bought off ebay .......

[SA Chris]

Cheers for the offer, bit of a hike though. Been up since 6, and got to bed at 1. Watching dull surf dvd (the bruce movie), even thats not putting me to sleep.

Can I nominate dull surf DVDs for room 101 btw. In fact all dull DVDs.

And the wind. Again. It was dead still at 1, but back again this morning.

[andy_e]

And the wind. Again. It was dead still at 1, but back again this morning.

Too many beans?

[Jaspersharpe]

Steve Wright on Radio 2. I'm only listening because it's preferable to the utter shite pumped out by Radio 1 in the pm (Edith Bowman is back for fucks sake) and R2 play some decent records but please banish this unfunny prick to Room 101 asap. His humour was just about passable in 1988 (or maybe that was just because I was only 14) but now it's just pathetic and he just can't help himself from singing over the end (and sometimes the middle) of tunes he plays like an embarrassing uncle at a party. Fuck off now Steve and leave the afternoon show to Radcliffe or Evans.

[jern]

His humour was just about passable in 1988 (or maybe that was just because I was only 14)

Yes it was because you were 14. I was 16 and it was truly shit then (the 'posse' for fucks sake...), however two years previously it had seemed, as you say, passable.

The man is a weapons grade tosser.

Into room 101.

[Houdini]

People w/ toilet seats that won't sit upright against the wall or cistern without clattering down mid-wee, nearly beheading the old chap and forcing one to spray the room in fright.

Sort it out.

[butters]

An excellent suggestion there Mr Houdini.

I suspect that he has already been nominated but after having to endure the hideous spectacle of the name dropping twat that is Tim Westwood being interviewed on TV last night I will add his name to the pantheon of people to be entered to the hallowed grounds of Room 101.

bluebrad

[slackline]

Dumbass companies who have oxymorons for company slogans.

For example....

Intelligent Business Intelligence

That doesn't make you sound very intelligent at all, it just makes you sound like a bunch of  's

[Jaspersharpe]

I nominate the fucking wankers who run the management office of the estate our office is on. Not content with charging us the best part of £200 a month for gas and electricity, now, on the coldest day of the year so far, they decide to fuck our central heating up so that the radiators are emitting about as much heat as a mouses fart. Then, despite us informing them first thing, the "maintenance crew" (which consists of two blokes who are generally only any good at staring at things and rubbing their chins) are yet to turn up as they are otherwise engaged PUTTING UP FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES! GAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

[Jaspersharpe]

It gets better.

So finally this morning the Chuckle Brothers turn up at our office but not to fix the heating, to investigate the strong smell of GAS that is everywhere. While they're at it they fuck about with the heating system a bit and get the radiators working. Great, but now we have to have all the windows and doors open because we're breathing fumes in as they dig up the road outside to fix the gas leak or whatever it is. So I'm still sat here freezing, in a coat, but now I'm also being poisoned. CUNTS!!!!!

 

[dave]

a nice jacket potato will warm you up.

[Drew]

Aren't there legal limits on temps in the workplace?

[lagerstarfish]

Aren't there legal limits on temps in the workplace?

It took me a few minutes to work out that you meant "temperatures". I was wondering what on earth the age or quantity of temporary administrative staff had to do with this thread.

I would like to see the entry on the invoice to Jasper's clients that describes the costs incurred due to him having to go to the pub instead of being able to work on their accounts because of the antics of the Chuckle Brothers. I understand that this might be standard accounting practice in Rotherham, but don't think that HMR&T have issued guidelines for the rest of the country yet.

[Jaspersharpe]

Well they finally found the source of the leak and decided it might be a good idea to evacuate the building. This being at 3 pm when we'd been sitting in the middle of a massive gas leak all day. Unbelievable. These people actually get paid to "manage" the estate. Anyway it's fixed now and the heating's working, thank fuck.

lagers - what a good idea. I'll work on how to incorporate that into our invoicing.

[dave]

Aren't there legal limits on temps in the workplace?

in normal office jobs its not supposed to get under 16 degrees. bizarrely theres no upper limit.

[dave]

heres another one for room 101 - those cretinous 118 adverts on the start, end, and middle of the Simpsons on channel 4. and also the advertising executives who clearly thought they were amusing or clever.

[andy_e]

What is marge's favourite food?

Celery.

I mean, what the fuck? Wha? I... I can't even begin to explain how fucking stupid that is. Send them in, along with the inifinite re-runs we've all seen.

[lagerstarfish]

The Chuckle Allowance is an allowable expense (since 03/12/08) for the purposes of calculating corporation tax and in some cases the income tax for sole traders. Initially introduced in South Yorkshire to allow for provision of temporary comfortable surroundings for accountants in the event that the traditionally incompetent maintenance technicians of that region cause the usual work place of the accountant to become uncomfortable and/or dangerous. The allowance can be claimed for up to 3 periods within any one tax year up to a total of 72 hours of each accountant's time.
Only 50% of the accountants hourly rates for the Chuckle Period can be charged to the client (and subsequently claimed as a tax free allowance), but 100% of costs incurred within the temporary accommodation can be claimed.
Suitable venues for Chuckle Working include lapdancing clubs and public houses. Although as yet untested, it is generally thought that fast food outlets would not be covered by the scheme. Any food purchased within other venues is allowable.
The allowance can only be claimed if backed up with an amusing video of the incompetent workmen trying to explain their inadequate response to the situation - it is expected that these will be posted on HMR&T website with the aim of cheering people up.

[Bubba]

After having spent over an hour and a half to get the 20 miles back from work I nominate:

Stupid cunts who can't drive and feel the need to travel at 15mph everywhere just because there's a whiff of slush on the roads. There is marginally less grip than a normal wet road yet these fuckwitted sheep tip-toe along scared that they might get a tiny bit of wheelspin. Wankers!!

I'm reserving a special corner of the room for those who display such behaviour in 4x4s. They should be repeatedly fisted with a barbed glove until disembowelled.

[Jaspersharpe]

The irony is that these will be the same cunts who don't slow down at all when the motorway is like a lake.

Good work lagers, looks watertight to me.

[dave]

Send them in, along with the inifinite re-runs we've all seen.

n!gg@ please! you must be tripping. simpsons re-runs get better everytime, they're a work of art. why don't we put the mona lisa or the ceiling of the cistine chapel in room 101 too? damn philestines.

[Johnny Brown]

The ceiling of room 101 is like the cistine chapel, but in HDR.