[lagerstarfish]

People who have car alarms that go off repeatedly at night.
I am specifically thinking about the one that kept our street awake last night - including a very angry and pregnant Mrs Starfish - waking up to the horn blasting out over and over again, she looked out of the window to discover that the car was parked right outside our house. Ooh the foul language and imaginative curses that flowed from her pretty little mouth  (I put the pillow over my head and went to sleep - only waking occasionally to listen to more angry ranting).
Oh, no, wait a minute.... who's car was that parked outside our house this morning? It was Mrs Starfish's car. In her pregnancy-addled brain state she had not recognised her own car, forgotton where she had parked anyway and had also assumed that her car did not have any kind of alarm (because it had not gone off before) so it couldn't possibly be her car; I had foolishly thought that because she had looked at the car that she knew it wasn't her alarm going off. Oh how I howled with laughter when I told her. She did have the decency to put a note of apology in the windscreen before scuttling off, red faced, to work. I've charged the battery up again, so it'll probably happen again  (I suggested parking it on the next street, but this would be wrong apparently)

I don't want Mrs Starfish in 101 - she can't help the fact that pregnancy has destroyed her mind.

Car alarms, they can go in.



*edit*
Mrs Starfish has just read this and is now crying with laughter

[GCW]

Mrs Starfish - waking up to the horn blasting out over and over again

You should learn to control yourself overnight, Lagers.

[lagerstarfish]

 

 

[Jaspersharpe]

At last, conclusive proof that they are definitely sisters. 

[lagerstarfish]

Anyone who has put up Christmas decorations already. They must go in 101.

Last week I noticed that the football club on Bramall Lane have a Christmas tree up in their entrance lobby.

[Jim]

Can I nominate christmas to go into room 101.
What a load of ball licking shit

[SA Chris]

I'll take the time off (4 1/2 days for Xmas, 5 for New year) but not the happy happy deck-the-halls shit that goes with it. And the subtle raising of prices and cunningly timed release of new CDs/DVDs/Games/Books just before Xmas. Load of balls.

[grumpycrumpy]

hole in the wall







c,mon

Hole in the wall ?... Slight cracking in concrete , less than a day to rectify ...... Definitely not justifying the vitriol from a couple  who had managed to get one of the best deals I've ever heard of in't building trade ..... No money upfront , any problems are your problems not ours etc etc etfuckingc ....... Cunts ..... Sorry for the delay in replying to this but I've been in't Smoke working on the opening ceremony for the Westfield Shopping Centre ...... Something else I'd like to nominate .....

[Plattsy]

Chuck in Christmas cards an all. Birthday cards I understand but Christmas cards are a complete waste of resource and time.

Also chuck in carol singers. If you think that by standing outside my house singing "Little donkey" is going to make my night and prompt me to fish out some cash you're very much mistaken. If you want to sing a carol go to church where I can't hear it.

Whilst I'm at it. Chuck in the people at work here who seem to think that because I'm 6ft 2, I'm the only person in the office capable of putting up Christmas decorations.

[Jaspersharpe]

hole in the wall

Hole in the wall ?...

Hole in the wall is a shockingly dumb idea for a tv programme that somehow got commissioned by the BBC. Yes that's THE BBC.

Methinks this is what soaps was on about grumpy.

[grumpycrumpy]

  Fuck my old boots , that's actually a tv programme ...... Jesus , yet another reason not to pay my license fee ..... (  cheers jasper ....easy mistake to make with mixup of polish builder programme though  . I mean it was the next post and my brain is still addled after working nights in a europes' largest shopping centre etc etc ..... feeble excuse feeble excuse ad infinitum )

[Houdini]

The fuckpatch who runs Hendre in Tal-Y-Bont:  Malcolm something.

Malcolm Something, you are a shithead.  Before you enter ROOM 101, I want you dead.



Fuckpatch.

[Bubba]

Houdini, are you slowly losing it

[lagerstarfish]

The fuckpatch who runs Hendre in Tal-Y-Bont:  Malcolm something.

Malcolm Something, you are a shithead.  Before you enter ROOM 101, I want you dead.



Fuckpatch.

Please explain 

[Houdini]

Houdini, are you slowly losing it

Yeah 

Malcolm Fuckpatch thinks it's OK to run club nights in a listed building (more appropriate for weddings) that cannot be insulated (even if he tried).  He charges for venue hire and takes all of the bar takings (making it impossible to make any return on nights there); uses a shit, crude limiter on the PA (which works intermittently) meaning one can chat amiably 80cm from the speakers while some poor fucker plays dark techno as the crowd bray for just a tiny bit of volume; and has the effrontery to make a nuisance of himself w/ his headtorch by getting in the way of the DJ as he's trying to do his thing under the worst imaginable circumstances; and the men's were under 2" of water and piss all night - it's only a matter of time before there's an outbreak of fucking cholera.

Malcolm Fuckpatch is a profiteering shitbox who should allow the venue to be employed properly or just stop and get back to weddings.

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire (though I might shit on him).

Questions?   

[grumpycrumpy]

Fuckpatch ? .... Is this summat you put on when you're trying to give up fucking ? 

[GCW]

I presume it's the mix of faeces, blood and fluids left in a patch on hOUD's bed after a particularly heavy session.   

[robertostallioni]

More of an Ass Bandage than a 'fuckpatch' I know, but Americanisations are everywhere now.
Roll up , roll up. get your fuckpatches while they're hot.

[220bpm]

Right, after the supremely shitty last 8 hours I've had to endure today, I nominate the whole fuckin Oracle database system and that obnoxious wanker Larry Ellison who is (ir)responsible for bringing this gargantuan cock-sucking piece of software into existance  

ps - as a Celtic fan, I might be back with some Man Utd related items tomorrow  

pps - robertostallioni - wtf, lol

[Munkii]

i would like to nominate jonathan ross or however you spell his twatty name.

he thinks he's funny, he's paid to abuse people and talk about shit that nobody cares about, i hate his voice and he's NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slackline]

i would like to nominate jonathan ross or however you spell his twatty name.

he thinks he's funny, he's paid to abuse people and talk about shit that nobody cares about, i hate his voice and he's NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best throw in most TV and radio talk-show hosts then.


  actually not too bad an idea (although I feel Stephen Fry should be excused).

[grumpycrumpy]

More of an Ass Bandage than a 'fuckpatch' I know, but Americanisations are everywhere now.
Roll up , roll up. get your fuckpatches while they're hot.

They already exist !..... Bugger , I was going to try and make my fortune by developing 'fuckpatches' and flogging them to Catholic priests .....

[SA Chris]

Insomnia. It's a headfucker.

And wind at this time of year, it's fucking relentless. Maybe I should take up kiting.

[grumpycrumpy]

Insomnia's great .....

[SA Chris]

Not the faithless song btw. it's sat ffs. And i was drinking last night.

Still fucking windy too.