[jfw]

feel free to add viz comedy tips - but this one is genu-iiiine bona fiiiiiide

ok, in an attempt to be less of a destroyer of the planet, and to assuage my guilt at regularly frequenting the corporate evil that is tescos - i keep meaning to stop using plastic bags

unfortunately, being an amnesiac moron, every time i go shopping i always fail to remember to take any of the thousand bags i have lying round the house with me - purchasing a "bag for life" means i have some slightly more durable bags to add to the ever increasing bag mountain. i try and fail miserably to remember to put bags in my car in advance/on stand by.

i don't know about other supermarkets - but i finally realised that tescos in abbeydale (sheffield) has its plastic bag recycling right by the door (not over at the far end of the carpark with the other recycling) - so as i go in i can get some used bags right there (a quick glance lets you check its reasonably clean enough for your pristine and generally over packaged goods). i even managed to persuade some other shoppers to put some of the used bags in their trolleys too.

so now all i have to do is try to get the bag mountain from my house back to tescos and reused (at much less energy than being recycled).

so though i am seriously considering ordering some organic veg in a box ( a la lucyA) i know i will still go to tescos - if you're the same check out the bag recycling point at you local supermarche.

PS my other new year's resolution is to actually turn off my computer at work when i leave - i normally have so many things open that when it comes the time to leave to catch the train - i just run off (enviro-kudos to me for getting to work by train and bike though eh?)

[SA Chris]

That's a good call on grabbing bags out the recycling. I reckon 99% of them will be totally unused.

I'm going to start composting and get aveggie garden going.

I am still campaigning for a bike shed at work so I can cycle the 4 miles to work (although I car share at the moment anyway). At least it will help fitness.

[Eddies]

FAT partygoers. Your overloaded plate is more likely to go undetected if you don't sing, whistle or hum with delight at the buffet. 

[jfw]

OBESE Radio 1 breakfast DJs. Why not discuss with your colleagues on air how you intend to spend your £600k salary? Your listener demographic of 16-25 year-old van drivers, warehouse workers and sixth-formers will really appreciate the insight..


MUMS. After your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practise joined-up writing.

[Sloper]

When stopped for speeding ask the officer 'if he hasn't got anything better to do, like catching burglars'.

[Jim]

Back to bag recycling, I got a reusable bag from carrefour, which I have to say is excellent for the 60 cents it cost, and I have left it in the boot of my car. I kept forgetting to use it a couple of times and I really had to make the effort to rememeber to take it in with me, but once I started doing it a few times it is the first thing I think about before going shopping. Just need to get into the habit.

also don't eat yellow snow

[Somebody's Fool]

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy a normal one and put some frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

[Johnny Brown]

or walnuts, in nige's case.

Sellotape rice krispies to your car tyres for that million-dollar gravel drive effect when you arrive home.

[webbo]

don't nudge your granny while shes shaving.

don't try wiping your arse with a broken bottle.

[Bonjoy]

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

[Johnny Brown]

Put coloured beads into your children's food so that you can identify their stools should the need arise.

[webbo]

Put coloured beads into your children's food so that you can identify their stools should the need arise.

i'll try this one on the cats to see which one keeps shitting in the bathroom floor.

[Falling Down]

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Or even better; Pat the vacant seat with the palm of your hand whilst wearing a 'come sit next to me' grin.

[webbo]

Put coloured beads into your children's food so that you can identify their stools should the need arise.

i'll try this one on the cats to see which one keeps shitting in the bathroom floor.

too late one of them shat behind the telly last night.the missus walked in the living room and sat down to eat her tea and shrieked "the cats poohed behind the t.v." teenage daughter replies"i saw that".cue me to go ballistic"why didn't you do something about it" "i forgot"

any tips on how to change the behaviour of 13 year old girls.

[jfw]

any tips on how to change the behaviour of 13 year old girls.

one of those electric shock collars??

so your cats haven't died from having beads lodged in their intestines? did said 13 old daughter manage to identify the guilty cat??

[webbo]

any tips on how to change the behaviour of 13 year old girls.

one of those electric shock collars??

so your cats haven't died from having beads lodged in their intestines? did said 13 old daughter manage to identify the guilty cat??

the collar sounds a good idea.for the cat or daughter.
i haven't to establish whether she actually sat and watched the cat shitting." dad leave me alone you're such a stresshead"