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only joking (Read 364008 times)

Duma

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#1175 Re: only joking
May 05, 2016, 10:30:43 am
Very good!

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#1177 Re: only joking
May 09, 2016, 03:36:48 pm
Rock climbers enjoyed excellent weekend of gruelling misery

I said some of this almost verbatim this morning when asked about my weekend.

Judging by my colleagues the alternative appears to be eating crisps and watching x factor.

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#1178 Re: only joking
May 11, 2016, 12:40:04 pm
Rock climbers enjoyed excellent weekend of gruelling misery

I said some of this almost verbatim this morning when asked about my weekend.

Judging by my colleagues the alternative appears to be eating crisps and watching x factor.

I have the same discussion every Monday morning,

Colleague: Get up to much this weekend?
Me: Same as always, climbing on both days. Yourself?
Colleague: You know, the usual, Netflix...

No joke, she's claimed to have watched an entire series in one sitting!

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#1179 Re: only joking
May 11, 2016, 12:53:12 pm
Rock climbers enjoyed excellent weekend of gruelling misery

I said some of this almost verbatim this morning when asked about my weekend.

Judging by my colleagues the alternative appears to be eating crisps and watching x factor.

I have the same discussion every Monday morning,

Colleague: Get up to much this weekend?
Me: Same as always, climbing on both days. Yourself?
Colleague: You know, the usual, Netflix...

No joke, she's claimed to have watched an entire series in one sitting!
I just feel more smug having spent my money on petrol driving North to a crag, occasionally achieving a tick which I can add to my logbook.  :) Rather than on a night out in London, achieving a headache and a wasted day

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#1180 Re: only joking
May 11, 2016, 07:35:55 pm

Oldmanmatt

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#1181 Re: only joking
June 17, 2016, 01:28:20 pm



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Oldmanmatt

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#1182 Re: only joking
June 21, 2016, 05:12:41 pm



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Oldmanmatt

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#1183 only joking
July 06, 2016, 07:13:55 pm
Why Dads should not be allowed to go to school prize givings...








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« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 07:42:36 pm by Oldmanmatt »

Oldmanmatt

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#1184 Re: only joking
July 07, 2016, 09:23:47 pm
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."
"The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife increasingly agitated:
"Oh he did did he???"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
"And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora......."
"The gardener did."
Wife: "So........FUCK !!........ OK,.........how much do you want?"


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Wood FT

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#1185 Re: only joking
July 20, 2016, 03:04:55 pm
An Ice Cream seller was today found on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands, Police are saying he topped himself

Oldmanmatt

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#1186 Re: only joking
November 06, 2016, 10:37:05 pm
That friend who just loves to improvise...

And just doesn't get why he scares people.




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#1187 Re: only joking
November 12, 2016, 06:11:55 pm
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#1188 Re: only joking
November 12, 2016, 07:12:10 pm
NSFW  :

Showed this to my wife, her response...

"That does look really badly swollen"  :slap: :lol:

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#1189 Re: only joking
November 16, 2016, 04:11:31 pm
Just saw this on VDiff...



Quite accurate, except Dartmoor Granite is off the scale to the right.


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Oldmanmatt

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#1190 Re: only joking
November 23, 2016, 08:00:42 pm
The ultimate no-hands rest?

Stand on a cloud!




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Oldmanmatt

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#1191 Re: only joking
November 28, 2016, 08:24:14 am



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Oldmanmatt

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#1192 Re: only joking
December 05, 2016, 10:13:59 pm


[emoji13]


All posts either sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or mildly mocking-in-a-friendly-way unless otherwise stated. I always forget to put those smiley things...

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#1193 Re: only joking
December 16, 2016, 05:58:15 pm
We only have the one child said Gerald. Jackie didn't like it. She screamed all the way through.  And that was just the conception.

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#1194 Re: only joking
April 11, 2017, 02:53:06 pm
At the doctor's.
Doctor: "You should stop masturbating."
Patient: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I'm visiting you."

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#1195 Re: only joking
April 11, 2017, 03:23:46 pm
 :lol:

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#1196 Re: only joking
July 25, 2017, 02:29:31 am
Lady goes into the haberdashers (this is a 1920`s joke) and asks brightly
"Am I in the right place to get felt?"

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#1197 Re: only joking
July 25, 2017, 01:58:07 pm
A women walks into a bar and says "I'd like a double entendre please"

So the barman gave her one.

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#1198 Re: only joking
July 25, 2017, 07:52:01 pm
I had an X-ray earlier today - and they found six plastic horses in my rectum. The doctor described my situation as stable.

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#1199 Re: only joking
July 25, 2017, 08:58:46 pm
Did they warn you not to engage in any further horse play?

 

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