check this out - its a gem:welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com
29 April - ABC News Australia reports that Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) has been at his aunt's house in Baghdad for the past four days, and has asked US troops to arrest him so he can be "protected". Adel Murad, of the Patriotic Union of Kurdistan, says US troops have refused because he is not on their "most wanted" deck of playing cards... al-Arabiya satellite channel has offered M.S.S. a new job as a commentator and analyst. "We want to benefit from the experience of Mr Sahaf and his analysis of the current situation and the future of Iraq," said the station, without giving details of the job package...
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up toarrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in thecraft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak andheat it. So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said"Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You'reclosest". You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out thenight before and shoot the fox. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, Isaid "Did you get my drift?". So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint,this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions". I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull afast one". So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said"Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". Hesaid "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays". But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to packmyself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it wasWedgie Kray. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a redrose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I askedfora-ROMATIC duck". But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competitionand I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar. So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about yourcarpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-oover's witness". You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholicconverter. So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller",he said "Not you again". So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and therewas a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as acondiment". Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran,even he's a witch. And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he'sbisatchel. So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. Isaid "Are you two an item?". So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, Ithought "That's a turtle disaster". Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't wantyour type in here" A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don'tstart anything" A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is thissome kind of joke?" A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food inhere" Dyslexic man walks into a bra A seal walks into a club... A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pintplease, and one for the road." A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to thebar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in thelobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nutsboasting in an open foyer." There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in tendifferent puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to afamily in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain,they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to hismum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished shealso had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. Ifyou've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Many people will be alarmed that sex with dead people is not currently a crime.
