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Therapy (Read 5360 times)

SamT

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#25 Re: Therapy
March 24, 2023, 09:09:11 am

Following this thread closely.  :-\


erm, sam

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#26 Re: Therapy
March 24, 2023, 09:32:52 am
My two penneth is therapy/having some chats with somebody whose job title is therapist/what ever sounds least threatening, is really useful. For me the idea of choosing a therapist was daunting 'how do you get the right one", and I went with the person at the top of the list of therapists in my area, to avoid the procrastination of activly choosing somebody.

Also, I don't think it needs neccesarily to be a long term thing. I saw a therapist for 6 sessions and got a lot out of it, somebody else I know met with a therapist once to talk about a specific issue and was able to move on. Depends on you really.

DavidM

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#27 Re: Therapy
March 24, 2023, 03:06:11 pm
My experience for what it's worth...

I think with therapy you ultimately have to go in with an open mind first accepting you need help without judging yourself as weak or not "normal." Also be willing to try a "few" if it's not working with the one you are working with and you are not see improvements after a number of sessions. It's worth investing a little more cash with someone who knows their field depending on what your condition is as various therapists specialise in certain mental illnesses. Take time to research who you want to work with. When I say invest I mean it because you often feel guilty about the monetary component especially with other family financial commitments but you really can't put a price on peace of mind and wouldn't think twice about fixing a physical ailment in same fashion.  A general therapist can help but in my case it took 3 before I really got a hold on what was going on and I haven't been back since 2018, successfully navigating stressful life events which would have in the past likely flared it all up. It's also worth considering an intensive retreat style where you go for a few days to really work on yourself away from the pressures of life if your situation allows, this really helped in my case. Obviously the success of the therapy depends on how hard you work at the techniques employed to assist your condition but in my experience you get the a lot in the first few sessions to work on. Outside of therapy itself you have to look at the whole picture holistically to see improvements alongside the sessions. I had major leaps in recovery when I looked closely at myself addressing things that made my mental health worse. If it doesn't support your mental well being it probably needs to go or be reduced considerably. You have to do everything you can to move the dial in your favour to feel better and often this means sacrifice however the rewards outweigh the things forgone. In the midst of the worst of it, it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it really can be done and you can come out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever. I wish you good luck the OP.

Wellsy

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#28 Re: Therapy
March 24, 2023, 04:00:24 pm
I have had therapy, and it absolutely helped me.

When I was a child I had a very difficult time of things. Without going into details, it left me as a very anxious, angry, frustrated and inarticulate person who was desperate for validation but struggled to connect. My biggest symptoms were regular bouts of deep depression, anxiety, a lack of willpower, reckless behaviour and what I can only describe as a deep seated fear in lots of situations which I struggled to overcome or control.

Therapy hugely helped me deal with my relationship with myself and others, my childhood etc. It also helped me deal with the anxiety and depression, and the reckless behaviour. I still get the fear and I still struggle with validation at times but I'm getting better, and I'm much better at connecting with people. I just needed someone to listen and care really, and that's what I got.

Falling Down

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#29 Re: Therapy
March 26, 2023, 01:59:06 pm
Pleased to hear that your first session went well Yossarian. That's very encouraging.

Thanks to everyone who's shared their own experiences so transparently. It helps to demystify if for anyone else wondering about whether to give therapy a try. 

Yossarian

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#30 Re: Therapy
March 30, 2023, 12:14:46 pm
There have been some very thoughtful and obvs self-aware replies above, and glad that this thread might help some people who are / were curious that this sort of thing could be beneficial.

I've just had my second session on zoom from our gite in Font.

My main reasons for starting were various patterns of behaviours (stated in the first post) going back years, generally based around a combination of feeling under-equipped for being a grownup and a general sense that everything I touched turned to shit. Quite a lot of the latter was later explained by an ADHD diagnosis. Much of that was responsible for the deterioration of my relationship with my ex wife, but there was also a good deal of emotional inexperience too, because my marriage was the only relationship I've had that lasted more than a handful of weeks.

Anyway, I had talked about starting when things stated to get back, didn't, and now regret that. What precipitated me finally getting around to starting was when my ex told me she had started seeing a new guy (we were going to be meeting at a fairly traumatic funeral, so it made sense to meet him properly beforehand) which sent me off into a load of introspection - some quite positive but also a lot of pretty sad / negative stuff) and I realise that, after 3 1/2 years since agreeing to separate, I'd really not moved one very far at all.

The thing I've learned so far is that it's actually possible to discuss and process current problems and navigate a route through them (eg learning to steer self-criticism about how you dealt with events in the past into positive lessons that might / could influence future behaviour) whilst also considering deeper / more ingrained behaviours / issues that go back a long way.

I think I was slightly sceptical about how much I would get across per session - not from a value point of view, but because in my head there is a lot of stuff that needs addressing. But my experience so far is that it feels like we're just naturally covering quite a wide swathe. I imagine when particular subjects / significant historical periods are identified we might focus on them a bit more specifically.

largeruk

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#31 Re: Therapy
March 30, 2023, 03:15:50 pm
Respect to everyone. The level of personal bravery and honesty on display is staggering. It takes real courage to face up and fess up - whether it's on a bulletin board or with a counsellor. As Yossarian says, there's a huge amount of self-awareness being shown which I can only personally aspire to. More power to everyone's elbows.

I like the analogy of seeing therapy as a bit like taking your mind to the gym. Most people generally don’t think twice about accessing a gym or talking about different workout routines or rehab exercises (this board has a lot of such threads). However, this isn't always the case when it's about accessing therapy or talking about mental health. Its changing - for the better imho - but it still seems that talking about our physical health doesn't have the same stigma attached to it as talking about our psychological health.

FWIW my experience has been that it's important to be able/learn to have some self-compassion. We're all flawed, we all fuck up, we all have regrets, we all feel guilt and/or shame and it's all too easy to get locked into a self-destructive emotional death spiral where we increasingly see ourselves as 'less than', shit, no good, stuck etc.

Self compassion, for me at least, has meant being open to my own struggles, not avoiding or disconnecting from them; but rather than wallowing in or being weighed down by them, trying to feel and do better with a little bit of kindness and trying to non-judgementally understand personal pain, inadequacies and failures as part of the larger human experience.

Like anything that's hard and worth doing, it's a work in progress...
« Last Edit: March 30, 2023, 03:28:04 pm by largeruk »

seankenny

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#32 Re: Therapy
March 30, 2023, 06:48:54 pm
I realise that, after 3 1/2 years since agreeing to separate, I'd really not moved one very far at all.


Brave post Yoss and I’m really pleased to hear you got started, it will soon be a habit, not always a comfortable one but a valuable one.

As for three and a half years and not moving on, please don’t beat yourself up. My mum had a really bruising marriage to and divorce from my dad, she totally didn’t have the tools to handle it due to a combination of growing up in the 50s with an emotionally distant mother, being in the first generation where divorce was common, and having her hands full with me and my brother. I’m pretty certain that she hadn’t really come to terms with it 35 or 40 years later, in fact the only thing that seemed to work for her was getting dementia - and really, that’s a tragedy. I’m sure you’ll end up in a better place than my mum and all the other people who get stuck in things for half a lifetime and more.

 

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