[Fiend]

Yes, a thread that should be light-hearted and inoffensive enough for even Dan C.... Inspired by the cordless fans / giant forensic tents around problems with portable air-con and dehumidifiers / tales of Mo bringing a cool box to the fan and taping icepacks to the holds, etc etc, this got me pondering:

What is the most outrageous / ridiculous / extravagant / plain unfeasible tactics you've used or witnessed for the sometimes-elusive "sealing the deal"??

Bonus points if it involves several kilograms of additional equipment or many hours of preparation for the tiniest percentage of increased chances.



(OP's note: I don't really send much. The best I can do is that I once tried to do Matinee at the Roaches, and I was so concerned about using all my chalk on the green and greasy start, that I secreted an extra block of chalk under my beanie to crunch into my bag on the mid-height ledge. Did it work?? Did it fuck. I failed dismally for other reasons, not for lack of chalking)

[tomtom]

Knee pad on the top of my shins for scumming the edge of a lip I had to surmount.

That’s probably pretty tame in the grand scheme of things. Certainly more pleasant than climbing in just my pants (I’m looking your way Shark....)

[Will Hunt]

I was so concerned about using all my chalk on the green and greasy start, that I secreted an extra block of chalk under my beanie to crunch into my bag on the mid-height ledge.

Simply beautiful.

[JamieG]

I've tried to do a problem at Carrock Fell in just my pants. I was wearing jeans and couldn't get my foot high enough for a rock over. Not that the pants-only tactic worked, I still couldn't do the problem, but I got my foot on the hold.

[Alex-the-Alex]

Citric Cend Solution: Paul made me stab my fingers in an orange after an hour of sloppy ploppin off a slippy crimp. He swore it was an old trick he knew of, though you could see the twinkle in his eye as I lathered up. Stuck though. Placebo or effect I dunno, but it got me up the arete and left me one of my proudest new lines 

Havnt tried lemon or grapefruit yet   

[Yoof]

Apparently the citrus thing is something gymnasts have done for a long time. Opens the pores in your skin and clears them out so that you can refill them with non-greasy chalk.

Further to that gymnasts wet their hands before applying chalk. Always wondered if this might help, but haven't been brave enough to try.

Inexpensive, and low effort, but I noticed the cooling-your-hands-on-a-rock-before-pulling-on tactic employed by some mega-wads pre-doing 8C+s. Could maybe be levelled up, using a plastic bag and a river?

[andy_e]

Who was it that sat in a hot bath drinking six cans of Stella the night before going out to try something hard, in a desperate attempt to lose enough weight through dehydration to get them up it? They were so tired that they had to be carried to the crag or something.

[turnipturned]

Not sure if this is a tactic or just an necessary to get it done.

But a week before a session on Monks life, I would sand down my pinky every night so that it was skinny enough to fit in the pinky mono. Before each goes I would carefully lick the side of my finger so it would slide in but at the same time leaving enough chalk on my pad.

[haydn jones]

Who was it that sat in a hot bath drinking six cans of Stella the night before going out to try something hard, in a desperate attempt to lose enough weight through dehydration to get them up it? They were so tired that they had to be carried to the crag or something.

James Thornton when he did the ace. iirc he skipped breakfast for 2 espressos too. It worked.

[haydn jones]

I've do e the plastic bag in a river tactic at cornice. Problem is it condenses in the bag quickly and starts to feel damp.

[tomtom]

RMan taught me the trick of washing your hands (and drying) before applying chalk just before your attempt.

It ‘feels’ better but never sure if it’s actually made a difference.

[fatneck]

Many moons ago back in the bad old days, I ended up at Wimberry with a small leftover bag of Columbian marching powder determined to finally do Think Tank. I tanked up and managed the crux first go, but was a quivering mess by the time I got to the jugs. My Franklin satellite was back at the start, my balls had fully retreated into my body and my heart was doing about 200+bpm. I bailed onto the grass, packed up and staggered back to the car with tail firmly between my legs and vowed never to try the problem again - I still have never done or even touched Think Tank...

[36chambers]

Who was it that sat in a hot bath drinking six cans of Stella the night before going out to try something hard, in a desperate attempt to lose enough weight through dehydration to get them up it? They were so tired that they had to be carried to the crag or something.

James Thornton when he did the ace. iirc he skipped breakfast for 2 espressos too. It worked.

No wonder they didn't call it a day when it started raining

[Fiend]

But a week before a session on Monks life, I would sand down my pinky every night so that it was skinny enough to fit in the pinky mono. Before each goes I would carefully lick the side of my finger so it would slide in but at the same time leaving enough chalk on my pad.

This is the winner so far! Body modification plus the micro-tactic of only licking the side of your finger 


If I have any more, they're certainly all chalk-related. Like belaying on a cold day in gloves (reluctantly) but filling the gloves full of chalk dust in the hope my hands would stay warm but also semi-dry. That didn't work either.

Oh I just remembered. When I did Wall Of Flame (amazing route) with Steve P (RIP), it was a semi-warm autumn day and I was so concerned about toe pain I slathered my toes with voltarol an hour before setting off.

[36chambers]

Many years ago, on a particularly cold and miserable day at the cliff, in a last-ditch attempt to send The Bulb, Footwork ate a hot chilli just before pulling on. In the hope it would ignite some sort of unknown superhuman strength. He started coughing and crying mid-problem and fell off early into a pitiful heap on the ground.

[petejh]

When Pete Robins redpointed Liquid Ambar he led it on an 8mm trad rope to save weight.

[Will Hunt]

Many years ago, on a particularly cold and miserable day at the cliff, in a last-ditch attempt to send The Bulb, Footwork ate a hot chilli just before pulling on. In the hope it would ignite some sort of unknown superhuman strength. He started coughing and crying mid-problem and fell off early into a pitiful heap on the ground.

 

That is just so Ben. I love love love him. Not climbing related but I remember a time when I lived with him and he had a cold but was going over to see his girlfriend. He wanted to get rid of his common cold before heading over and I found him stood at the kitchen sink forcing down raw sprouts and raw garlic, gagging as he did so. He said something about boosting his immune system.

And then there's the story about the witch doctor, the verruca, and the chick pea...

[Will Hunt]

Who was it that sat in a hot bath drinking six cans of Stella the night before going out to try something hard, in a desperate attempt to lose enough weight through dehydration to get them up it? They were so tired that they had to be carried to the crag or something.

Not sure about the six cans bit, but there is definitely a story about Phil Davidson being carried into Kilnsey(!) after a serious bit of dieting.


It was also at Kilnsey that Steve D told us about Stallioni's latest dieting method. I think he'd ordered a big bag of powder off the internet. Steve's eyes widened. "It's just a big silver bag with no ingredients on it, just some pictures of flowers. And inside, the powder is divvied up into little sachets - you have one of those a day with water and that's all you eat".
I was incredulous. "He's lost loads of weight though", Steve insisted.

Yes. Because he's presumably living off a diet of ground glass!

[remus]

A friend of mine was on Lean Machine at Boulder Ruckle and got so desperately pumped/runout that he was in dire need of a rest. In a moment of inspiration he licked his hand so he could lubricate it's entry in to a jamming rest that was definitely too small. It worked, though if I remember correctly he had some nerve problems in his hand for a few months afterwards.

[spidermonkey09]

Having scraped through the run out section on Calvary at Stanage above some blindly placed and likely terrible gear, I reached the rest. Brutally pumped and with freezing hands (it was around February), I got a lot of weight off my arms by wedging my helmet into the rooflet above. I also had a hand warmer in my chalkbag which successfully thawed out my fingers. My right forearm was particularly bad and in an effort to dissipate the solid pump that had developed, I resorted to gnawing on my own arm. It did the job, I depumped and clawed my way to the top.

[tomtom]

Thinking of Turnips finger sanding reminded me - when I was working the Keel, I kept cutting up the inside of my left wrist quite badly. To make taping it easier I shaved all the hairs off my left wrist.

[Doylo]

When Pete Robins redpointed Liquid Ambar he led it on an 8mm trad rope to save weight.

And no chalk bag 

[teestub]

when I was working the Keel, I kept cutting up the inside of my left wrist quite badly. To make taping it easier I shaved all the hairs off my left wrist.

I just wore a sweatband!

[tomtom]

when I was working the Keel, I kept cutting up the inside of my left wrist quite badly. To make taping it easier I shaved all the hairs off my left wrist.

I just wore a sweatband!

:D I don't have any... but kind of relieved it wasnt just me with that issue...

I started taping up my thermal so it covered the area - but (a) that was daft and (b) wore a hole in the  thermal

[Hoseyb]

I taped my elbow like a jamming glove to work the marginal armbars on the Beast in Me.
I regularly slog up to the boulders in winter with a hot water bottle in a wine cooler bag.
Always had gaffer tape strips on my climbing helmet to stick down marginal gear on adventure slate climbs.
Mainly I just hum the indiana Jones theme tune to myself....