[user deactivated]

Irreverence In the GlobaL climBing Community

I have written this deeply poignant articlE to highlight a number Of serious issues that I feel need Addressing. My new Internet Based climBing publication UFCK standing for United FloW Based ClimBing Kindom will hopefully be going to press soon

It’s come to my attention in the worldwide climbing community that some participants just aren’t taking the sport seriously enough. There has become a distinct lack of respect for fellow community members and contempt for the mediums of rock and plastic on which we test our limits. Sporting Ambassadors are viewed with scorn and disdain and their positive and deep understanding of the ‘process’ through goal centred commitment to flow and capacity illuminates us to the nuances of operating at the LimiT. With this in mind I have developed an important and deeply insightful set of limit based process guidelines which I hope will be strictly enforced by appropriate sporting bodies and the headMasteR and his DepuTies possibly through the  medium of internet based shaming and very very serious articles.

Guidelines:

1. Remain unwaveringly positive at all times
2. Cultivate an atmosphere of global respect in community through acknowledging inter and intra psychic variables and preferences within the sporting subsets
3. Engage in at leasT 5 meditations per week, acknowledging that movement on the chosen medium can also be an enlightened process of channeling floW
4. Learn the language of ProcesS, Limit, and capacity. Espousing great insight ThrougH the medium of Instagram
5. Develop a DEEP understanding of the goal Based rhythms and part with a Mighty sum of currency to help YOU become a better person   
6. Purchase at least 2-3 gigantic foam mattress and Invite as many people as Possible to engage in a global send train of worldwide Significance
7. Ambassadors approach your duties with the Upmost of respect for process, flow and medium. Accumulate a dedicated following But guide your herD wisely. ALWAYS capitalising on FloW Based opportunities to Gain following and Increasing the material currency floW to your bank accounts
8. NEVER under any circumstances leave the house under threat of Rain. For fear of Eroding ANY rock based global commodity and risking shaming by the heaDMasteR and his deputieS.
9. Refer to Process, FloW, Commitment, processes, Limit and flow in all flow Based internet Psychobable. Reaching a deeper Understanding of ones self within the community At large
10. Wear briGhtly coloured Clothing at ALL times

Hopefully those in charGe will heed this call to Flow based Limit ClimbinG and encourage the Development of a serious level of Respect in the Hope that any inter and intrapsychic involvement on A Global community Based scale will Sell a few more fucking chalk Bags. Please add to this list if you have any flow based Limit wisdom to impart. 

[tomtom]

Something about random use of capitAl letters would be helpful. 😃

[user deactivated]

soRRy a discombobulating Habit I picked up from an north wales Based anti ambassador

[Fiend]

Something about random use of capitAl letters would be helpful. 😃

Trepanning or electric shock therapy ideally.

[Oldmanmatt]

Something about random use of capitAl letters would be helpful. 😃

Trepanning or electric shock therapy ideally.

In the region of ~2000 Amps?

[lagerstarfish]

yeah, stop the splattered capital letter thing, please

thanks

 

[andy popp]

PleAse.

[lagerstarfish]

PleAse.

don't you start

those of us with pattern seeking disorders have a hard time taking bad typing in good humour

[user deactivated]

SuPrised u guys bothereD reading it 😉

[moose]

iNtriGuIng -----------X------------------------------------------------irkSomE

[user deactivated]

StoP diverting from the GuiDelines

The GlobaL FloW LimiT ProcesS ManiFesto of UFCK

[Bonjoy]

Anyone else remember paTruL?

[36chambers]

instructions unclear, hand stuck in toaster.

How do I get more instagram follows again?

[user deactivated]

Develop FloW baseD ProcesS Goals working towarDs operating at Your LimiT. OpeN your mind To alloW currency to FloW between youR bank and that of your Chosen ambassador anD their leaders. It is only from and through this enLightenment and a new Age of global Community understanding and respeCt will follow. Failing that just make up some bullshit and keep on tagging

[user deactivated]

Anyone else remember paTruL?

The anti Hero’s AnTi hero

[Nutty]

Failing that just make up some bullshit...

Like a vertical axis of the experience of holding two crimps?

[SA Chris]

Anyone else remember paTruL?

Thank you, I was trying to remember that NaMe..

[user deactivated]

Failing that just make up some bullshit...

Like a vertical axis of the experience of holding two crimps?

No, this Bulshit must hold at least some footing inter psychically to Be undersTood or considered acceptable by The wider gloBal climbing community. In thiS way Maximum currency can FloW towarDs the headMasteR and his deputieS and the Training proViders and the Ambassadorial sub community. I shall proviDe a brief made Up example:

‘Projecting for me involves a deep process, when I’m operating at my limit from move to move, I can feel the flow and connection both to the rock and the community supporting me, today was a big day, a massive breakthrough, I have been stuck for many weeks wrestling with negative energy surrounding the movement from my van to the base of the crag, today I was finally able to hang off the first bolt of my project. This might sound silly to everyone but it was a start, a small but perceivable process driven accomplishment. I feel it is these details that after years of effort are the important part of the bigger picture. I remained positive, drew on the positive energy of the global community and felt positive with today’s progress’

It Is Then important to hashtag

E.g. #climbingsmallstepsbigdreams
#Whenoperatingatyourlimititsdthedetailsthatcount #givemeyourcashandobeytheprogramleaders

I hope that helps Nutty, thanks for your input #anotherlevelofinsightgained

[user deactivated]

With the first issue of UFCK soon going to press, we here at the OnMag have absolutely fucking zero Material. This is a pleading to felloW UKB’ers and prospective consumers of UFCK, if you have any news worthy news BarrinG any old bollocks about ‘for’ and ‘by’ please Message me with the Details

[Yossarian]

[DAVETHOMAS90]

this Bulshit. 

the headMasteR and his deputieS

#anotherlevelofinsightgained

Hey, what happened to MR DT? I was rather a fan of that one.

[user deactivated]

I’m afraid You toO are a PuPil risking detention for a Level of disrespect and Frankly a BAd attituDe

[teestub]

Dan is your current choice of capitalisation based on the spongebob meme format? Didn’t know you were down with the kids!

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=spongebob+mocking+meme

[user deactivated]

I haven’t got a fucking Clue wot you’re on about

[DAVETHOMAS90]

I’m afraid You toO are a PuPil risking detention for a Level of disrespect and Frankly a BAd attituDe

Naughty by Nature had a track out titled OPP.

You dahn wid da hood too?