[tomtom]

better make sure its not a left handed oddle...

[Will Hunt]

A left handed tool wouldn't be ideal, but if the ships are down I think you'd manage.

[Oldmanmatt]

Over the weekend, whilst doing Xmas prep type stuff, my nine year old wandered out of Whittards holding a plastic shot glass; recently drained of some sickly hot white-chocolate gloop.
We moved into Millets, nextdoor and little miss, strode straight up to the assistant and said “Excuse me. Where are the Pina Coladas?”

Baffled assistant and parents, mumble “whaa?”

“Coz my face gets so cold, playing football.” She explains.

I catch sight of older brother, pissing himself with laughter, trying to hide behind a rack of jackets.

He set her up, apparently, told her the wrong name.

“What was she supposed to ask for?” Asks his mum..

“Baklavas” he said.

[galpinos]

Peaked/ peeked my interest.

Someone at work used the term "Get shut on 'im" yesterday which I think is an eggcorn of "Get shot of him" with a bit of language-mangling local dialect thrown in.

My mother says "to get shut of" to mean "get rid of", again, she's a Lancastrian so can't necessarily be trusted.

[Will Hunt]

Can I interest anyone in some genuine Chester Draws?

https://www.gumtree.com/search?search_category=all&q=chester%20draws

[bigironhorse]

Can I interest anyone in some genuine Chester Draws?

https://www.gumtree.com/search?search_category=all&q=chester%20draws

That's beggars belief.

[SA Chris]

Who would name a piece of furniture after a Fast Show character?

[andy_e]

A written one I forgot about. "I was attacked by a viscous dog" always makes me wonder if the dog flowed after them as they ran away.

[SamT]

 

Terminator 2 stylee

[cheque]

Steve McManaman said “point black range” while commentating on the Man City match last night.

[dontfollowme]

On the radio yesterday: Throw the kitchen sink in

[cheque]

This is a subject that needs handling with kid’s gloves.

[tommytwotone]

Malapropism, not eggcorn I guess, but my (4yr old) daughter accused me of "telling porcupines" the other day...

[spidermonkey09]

Americans say "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less" - I don't know why, but it really does my head in. I want to explain why its wrong every time I hear it.

This just makes no bloody sense.

Continuing on the slight tangent of 'sayings said wrong,' the one that winds me up the most if when people say 'the proof will be in the pudding.' No it ****ing won't. The proof of the pudding will be in the eating.

That and 'generally' and 'genuinely' used interchangable; eg 'I generally do believe you' or 'Genuinely I go shopping at Tesco.' Nightmare.

[SamT]

Someone in our office just said "cremating evidence".

 

[Oldmanmatt]

I’ve probably shared this somewhere else on here, but, hey ho.

On the US and us, “two nations, separated by a common language” theme...

Was once based in Port Canaveral, Florida, and used to frequent the base taxi rank (sorry, I mean “Cab”) with my felllow Jack Tars.
This being in the days, when a Cabbie invariably had a Marlborough Red hanging off his lips.
Queue my mate tapping on the glass and requesting of the driver “Oi mate, can I bum a fag?”


We had to get a different taxi.

[tomtom]

You have to be careful not to be misunderstood when you’re rooting for someone in Australia...

[Oldmanmatt]

Well, almost on topic.

[Will Hunt]

Malapropism, not eggcorn I guess, but my (4yr old) daughter accused me of "telling porcupines" the other day...

This has reminded me (how could I forget) that my wife has a chronic and debilitating condition where she mixes bits of common phrases and similes. I.E, she never says "these are dry as a bone", she always says "these are dry as old boots".

The summit of this condition was when she turned to me and smugly declared, "put that in your bumhole and pipe it".

[JamieG]

A friend told me a good one this morning. Apparently she only just realised it is 'pay-per-view' not 'paper view'.

[SamT]

Ive only just realised Eggcorns is from Acorns..

 

[SA Chris]

Malapropism, not eggcorn I guess, but my (4yr old) daughter accused me of "telling porcupines" the other day...

This has reminded me (how could I forget) that my wife has a chronic and debilitating condition where she mixes bits of common phrases and similes. I.E, she never says "these are dry as a bone", she always says "these are dry as old boots".

My old boss once said "I'll put all the eggs out on the table" and "I scratch my back, and you scratch yours"

[fatneck]

I don't think this is an eggcorn or a malapropism however one of our volunteers informed me the other day upon hearing that I was feeling sore from climbing that I needed;

"Rubbing down with a pork chop"....

She had no idea where it came from but apparently her old boss used to say it a lot...

[mr chaz]

Our Sal has somewhat of a repuation for this at work:

'as white as the ace of spades'

'slept like a light'

'whatever swings your boat'

'a reconstructed cheesecake'

'30 degree burns'

'390 degree turn'

'every night's a school night'

'calm your beans'

'hold your beans'

'she'd go to the opening of a stamp'

'that'll kill some birds'

 

[tomtom]

I don't think this is an eggcorn or a malapropism however one of our volunteers informed me the other day upon hearing that I was feeling sore from climbing that I needed;

"Rubbing down with a pork chop"....

She had no idea where it came from but apparently her old boss used to say it a lot...

Does rubbing down with a pork chop come with a ‘happy ending?’