[SA Chris]

My hovercraft is full of eels.

I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched.

[tomtom]

My hovercraft is full of eels.

I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched.

   

[lagerstarfish]

back on topic

(apologies to everyone)

Legendary Climber

[andy popp]

That's genius.

[grumpycrumpy]

My bike's back brake block's buggered .......

[BB]

My back plates are like Scammel wheel nuts.

[Stubbs]

I ate the whole wheel of sheese

[andy_e]

I am the one and only, nobody I'd rather be.

[rginns]

The neighbours cat that I've been feeding for the last few months was not waiting for me on the doorstep when I got home.

The bedroom light feels dimmer than normal. I'm sleepy.

[andy_e]

Climbing without the effort is like climbing like Probes, every movement slow and controlled, honed by years of experience and carried out by power.

[tomtom]

I am Michael James, the first son of Mr Leonard James, a British Farmer based in Zimbabwe. My father is now dead as a result of his incarceration by the Zimbabwean Government under President Robert Mugabe who ordered the white farmers in Zimbabwe to vacate their Farm Land and go back to their country.

But my father, due to his large investment in the Farm Land refused to quit Zimbabwe for his country. Based on this reason he was arrested and imprisoned and as a result of his protracted sickness [Diabetics] he died in Manfe prison on 19 sept 2002. May his gentle soul rest in perfect peace.

After his death, all efforts by my mother who is a Zimbabwean to secure most of my father's investment was frustrated by the President Mugabes Government. Towards this end my mother discovered an original certificate of deposit for a trunk box containing the sum of USD9,000,000.00 ( Nine million U.S.Dollars) deposited by my late father in custody of a security trust company in Dubai, UAE. The money belonged to the White Farmers Association [W. F. A] which my late father was the Founder/President with the help of my maternal uncle who was a Comissioner in Zimbabwe.

We are able to trace the security trust company to Dubai [U.A.E] where the box containing the money is presently deposited, declared as Family Jewellries and Antiquities as to avoid raising any eye brow from the authority here. All documented proofs in respect of this deposited consignment are in my pocession.

As it is, I am looking for a reliable partner who can help me safe-guide and invest this money very prudently in his company as advised by my mother. 20% of this money will be given to you while 5% will be set aside for miscellanous expenses that we may incure during the process.

Also note that this transaction is 100% risk free, you may also be required to come to Dubai if need be on indication of your interest. Please confirm your interest on this transaction and contact me on my email address; newcustomer@lagerstarfish-industries.com

[slackline]

 

[SA Chris]

I once got a Kit Kat that was all chocolate.

[tomtom]

No wonder handbags were carefully searched as the public entered -- the Fashion Week security team did not want PETA or other animal rights activists to spoil the party. In a departure for Mendel, models also wore his footwear, resplendent in full-length, deerskin cuissardes under satin or velvet skirts. Mendel said he transforms fur, perhaps the most ancient material for warm clothing, into an easy-to-wear item. "It isn't as heavy as in the past. I break it down, I mount it on silk, I mix the leathers," he told AFP. "Today I have a fashion house," he said, but the materials are something that he literally grew up with, playing as a child in the special refrigerated room where his father and grandfather kept their furs. "I took naps in piles of sable," he remembered. He has lived in the United States for 30 years and is a New York Fashion Week veteran, but still nervous. "All the excitement is overwhelming, but it's truly a pleasure, I don't know. I'm still waiting for the results -- the crowd's reaction -- what they are going to think about the collection," Mendel said before his show. He needn't have worried. "The drape of it was great, all well done!" one man reacted after seeing the creations.at Hillingham at eight o'clock. It was a lovely morning.

[SA Chris]

I'm having a large piece of butter shortbread with my morning coffee.

[account_inactive]

My cat looks like Elvis

[lagerstarfish]

I'm having a large piece of butter shortbread with my morning coffee.

getting your excuses in early?

[Jaspersharpe]

Excuse me, is this the crossword clue thread? (4,3)

[SA Chris]

Fuck Off ?

[lagerstarfish]

Choking on my cock provides palindromic joke (3)

[esde84]

Excuse me, is this the crossword clue thread? (4,3)

Fuck Off ?

I though that if you guess the answer you are supposed to post a new clue.

eg.
Topic Creator told to fuck off for having phallic cranium(4,4)

(Corrected spelling)

[SA Chris]

Fuck Offf?

[Jaspersharpe]

Topic Creator told to fuck off for having falic cranium(4,4)

Dick head told to learn to spell phallic. (4,3)

[nai]

ROFL LOL?

[esde84]

Topic Creator told to fuck off for having falic cranium(4,4)

Dick head told to learn to spell phallic. (4,3)

Lesson learnt, reply corrected.