[lagerstarfish]

Sounds like a great idea.  Remind me, what are the rules of Pro-Celebrity high balling?

Pairs spot each other

As many pads as they can carry

The celebrity chooses which routes will be attempted - the climber chooses the order in which they will be attempted.

Partners must alternate routes - they must top out before their partner starts the next route

Initially a score is given for the total number of E points scored, a secondary score is calculated on the approximate Font grade total and a third score is given by the Judges for entertainment value (falls, banter, swearing etc)

The judges panel will consist of some or all of Grimer, Davina McCall, Borris Johnson, Kylie Minogue, Sean Ryder, Jonathan King Johnny Vegas and Stuart Hall.

Guest judges will be dragged out of the pub each week (Grieve and Picalli are tipped for this season)

The scores will be presented in imaginative and colourful ways by Peter Snow and Ian McCaskill

The scores will not count for anything because members of the public will be allowed to make their unenlightened fuckwitted opinions count for something via the farce that is a phone-in-voting scam - the presentation of the scores will provide hours of faux suspense to make sad couch potatoes feel like they have some excitement in their lives

Tick marks are strictly forbidden on all routes

All proceeds of the phone in scam will go to Edale Mountain Rescue Team

A long and ultimately fruitless discussion about the use of our natural resources for mass entertainment will be hosted on UKC

A similar one will appear on UKB, but will quickly evolve into something more interesting

The combined length of these threads will be used to calculate the vigour with which the losers are humiliated whilst being ejected from the competition.

The inevitable thread(s) on how many E points each route is worth will be measured to calculate the value of the winners' Carribean cruise

Full rules are available on the organisers' web site www.lagerstarfishentertaiments.co.uk

[BB]

Frankly, I'm amazed that Lagers put in all that work and didn't attach a bill at the end!

[Dolly]

That link you put in returns a DNS error Lagers

[Jaspersharpe]

Frankly, I'm amazed that Lagers put in all that work and didn't attach a bill at the end!

Just wait til someone attempts to use the idea.......

[slackline]

Domain is still up for grabs though

[Norton Sharley]

Quality.

[lagerstarfish]

Frankly, I'm amazed that Lagers put in all that work and didn't attach a bill at the end!

Frankly, I'm amazed that Lagers put in all that work and didn't attach a bill at the end!

Just wait til someone attempts to use the idea.......

By publishing the idea on the internet I can legitimately claim that it was my idea   

I'm waiting for a phone call from S4C to arrange filming a pilot programme

[Jaspersharpe]

I don't think that Boris Johnson should be allowed to judge himself. It's too much like real life.

[lagerstarfish]

Sloper was always going on like he could only be judged by himself, so I thought his partner should be allowed the same privilege

He'll only shoot himself in the foot anyway - if he realsises that he is judging himself at all

[Norton Sharley]

They won't get that far, they'll still be doing u-turns about which problems to do in which order.

[lagerstarfish]

If they do turn up with a pair of Fabbris and take turns shooting each other in the foot, they stand a good chance of getting through the first round of phone-scamming

[SA Chris]

All proceeds of the phone in scam will go to Edale Mountain Rescue Team

Sounds unrealistic. It's normally a percentage of the proceeds going to charity. That percentage being about 1%.

[Jaspersharpe]

I think lagers meant all proceeds "after costs".

[SA Chris]

has this program been given a name yet? If not I propose Celebrity Masterchuff.

[psychomansam]

I'm being lazy and can't be fucked to read what everyone else has said.

The best thing you can do with a climbing film is treat it like any other film. Go check out some top notch documentaries like dancing with the devil on 4od, or something amazing on a totally arbitrary topic like king of kong. There's a top doc on wordsearch competitions I saw once... The point is the subject matter doesn't even matter if you can make a good doc.

So get these:

1. Character development
2. Story
3. Feel

Character development in a climbing film? Lets see people training to achieve goals, getting down, getting up again. Show the climbers as real twats like the rest of us, not sponsored icons. Show their other halves sharing/suffering from their passion (especially if they're hot).

Story - this follows on from character development. Nice to see them achieve something in the end, but I'd be just as impressed by a good climbing film that had the guts to show a failed project.

Feel - that's the shit that comes from good camerawork, good editing, good lighting, good sound, but also think about dialogue, humour, random shit. Add in some film noir. Do shots of the environment not just the climbing. . Or surround all the climbers by hot naked spotters. Just do something that isn't dull dull dull.

p.s. If you do insist on showing us yet more hard 'cutting edge' climbing, there's absolutely no point showing us someone going up a climb and saying look look it's E9. Show us why, show us the crux move a few times, show us close-ups of the holds. Throw some shit from the crux onto the landing zone so we can watch it smash.

Do all that, and i might even pay for it.

 

Edit: I just read what everyone else has to say. Far better idea. Can we accidentally drop some rocks on Boris?

[Jaspersharpe]

Feel - that's the shit that comes from good camerawork, good editing, good lighting, good sound, but also think about dialogue, humour, random shit.

I always thought it was something to do with Chad Greedy.

[SA Chris]

shakading.

[andy popp]

But seriously though: what's unique to British climbing but isn't gritstone (which has been done to death on film anyway)? Sea Cliffs! I imagine the filming logistics might be horrendous, but there's certainly plenty of stuff at relatively modest grades on some really bizarre looking and photogenic rock. Mousetrap Zawn springs to mind.

And lo, it did come to pass!

[andy_e]

  good thread resurrection.

I'm still waiting for this though.

Can we see some punters in godawful mountain hardware pants struggling up wet severes at stanage? I think the music should be out of the "overrated artists" thread and between the shots of climbing should be kittens playing with balls of string.