Don't you start! There IS NO SUCH THING as a hypothetical ascent. I had an easy day out on Gable at the weekend. However, I'm claiming a hypothetical ascent of a hard route on Esk Buttress instead. Because, hypothetically, I might have done just that. With a bit of luck this will bring me the fame and peer group adulation I crave as a sad little fucker. OK? No, I thought not.