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 fiendblog (Read 379494 times)

kingholmesy

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#875 Re: fiendblogThe Novelty Wears Off
July 15, 2019, 10:33:25 pm
The Novelty Wears Off

Swerving past the reliable accessible honeypots of the Pass and Tremadog, dragging friend and foe through boulders and bilberries for the promise of some 10m hollow-starred hidden gem that Martin bloody Crocker soloed in the rain after shunting and then completely misgraded without the slightest concern for what it would actually be like for the mid-grade leader??


I've not done many of his routes apart from a couple in north Devon & Cornwall, but have come to get the impression that Crocker was (is?) a beast and that I should treat the grading on his routes accordingly.  Is this a common experience?

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#876 Re:  fiendblog
July 16, 2019, 08:15:22 am
You’d think you’d have learnt to spell Rhinog properly after 24 visits.  ;)

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#877 Re:  fiendblog
July 16, 2019, 10:54:14 am
BOLLOX!! You're right.

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#878 Re:  fiendblog
July 16, 2019, 11:53:35 am
Holmsey - I might have submitted that irrefutably accurate description. But the moderator had to approve it too...

Crocker used to be a bit of a hero of mine for his exploration and productivity. The more I read into it and read between the lines, the more I realise that Crocker is a very specific character - let's a say a Gibson-style obsessive but actually doing good quality routes. Crocker does what Crocker wants, sometimes that coincides with producing great routes for others to repeat, sometimes it produces stuff that is....somewhat less feasible. His Rhinnog output is very much in that line, lots of stuff done for getting first ascents that suited him at the time, which often provide a quite different experience on repeating (often good and sometimes easier, sometimes not). Another example is his exhortation that fixed gear has been only used as a last resort there - but he's littered The Silver Screen at Bodlyn with multiple pegs on all his E6s, at the same time filling the area with E2-5 solos that are comfortable for him but could have been much better leads with a peg.... He is very definitely a beast though.

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#879 Re: fiendblogThe Novelty Wears Off
July 16, 2019, 01:18:47 pm
The Novelty Wears Off

 During the course of the conversation on ethics, exploration, and everything, the sentence cropped up <i>"no offence but I'm not sure I'd entirely trust your word on particular routes....".</i> Honestly. Really! I was mortified. As if my route / crag judgement isn't entirely objective and scientifically accurate??


 :lol: While we're on the topic, was it you that amended the UKC description of Demolition to "a fine bold E5 onsight rather than a miserable no-star top-rope exercise"?


It's only E5 if you don't fall off, if kingholmesy's experience is anything to go by.

kingholmesy

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#880 Re:  fiendblog
July 16, 2019, 02:06:58 pm

Holmsey - I might have submitted that irrefutably accurate description. But the moderator had to approve it too...


As Danny alludes to, I did have a particular motive in asking.  Having fallen off my onsight attempt earlier this year and broken my arm, I reckon E6 is fair.  Not that I don't accept full responsibility for my own actions of course!   :)

I know you onsighted Demolition (and I know others who have too), but reckon you must have been going better at the time than you realised, cos I think it was the same trip that you onsighted Andromeda Strain (given E5, 5c) and amended the logbook description to say that the individual pitches are only E3 and E4 - I am now taking that with a pinch of salt before attempting it!

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#881 Re:  fiendblog
July 16, 2019, 08:01:29 pm
Great effort going for the proper way on Demolition and I'm sorry you hurt yourself on it, even if that's part of the game of course. I still don't really know about grades at that level, I suppose they get a bit more climber-specific at one's limit. Although if there are E6 6as on grit that are that survivable, I've yet to see them.

Yes Andromeda Strain. Fantastic route. Still one of my best climbing experiences doing that. I stand by those pitch grades - the second pitch is "only" E4 5c in it's own right i.e. serious but not terminal....ON IT'S OWN that is. Given the overall situation you're in (I didn't change the overall grade), taking an E4 5c fall / injury off it would lead to all sorts of complications / embarrassments and might be best avoided.

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#882 Re:  fiendblog
July 17, 2019, 12:01:56 am
That sounds like a fair summary of Andromeda Strain. The thought of getting on it is both terrifying and compelling. Given that it’s only 15 minutes from my house it’ll stay on the list, but for now I’m puntering around on E1s getting back into climbing.

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#883 Re:  fiendblog
July 17, 2019, 12:13:32 am
Ps part of the issue with Demolition is probably just that I’m a bit rubbish on granite - which is a shame seeing as there’s so much of it down here.

Just as well the Atlantic coast is so good.  :bounce:

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#884 Re:  fiendblog
July 17, 2019, 09:14:26 am
Holmsey - I might have submitted that irrefutably accurate description. But the moderator had to approve it too...

Crocker used to be a bit of a hero of mine for his exploration and productivity. The more I read into it and read between the lines, the more I realise that Crocker is a very specific character - let's a say a Gibson-style obsessive but actually doing good quality routes. Crocker does what Crocker wants, sometimes that coincides with producing great routes for others to repeat, sometimes it produces stuff that is....somewhat less feasible. His Rhinnog output is very much in that line, lots of stuff done for getting first ascents that suited him at the time, which often provide a quite different experience on repeating (often good and sometimes easier, sometimes not). Another example is his exhortation that fixed gear has been only used as a last resort there - but he's littered The Silver Screen at Bodlyn with multiple pegs on all his E6s, at the same time filling the area with E2-5 solos that are comfortable for him but could have been much better leads with a peg.... He is very definitely a beast though.


Good effort as always on your exploration of the lesser-know corners of Wales but have to disagree with your, stereotypical, comment about Gibson's contribution. Both Gibson and Crocker have produced a great many very shit routes. Both Gibson and Crocker have produced a great many very good routes. Perhaps climbing on bolts more than you I see Gibson's routes more than you do. There's undoubted snobbery in climbing when it comes to views on Gibson as he doesn't fit the mold- a good thing. But when it comes down to it I think littering your first ascents with pegs because you're obsessed is no better style than bolting routes that shouldn't have been bolted because you're obsessed. From an obsessive FA'er.

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#885 Re:  fiendblog
July 17, 2019, 09:38:26 am
Hey Pete. Yeah fair enough that comment was quite trite. Although I climb a fair bit in Peak Lime quarries so I do appreciate the full spectrum and variety of Gibbo's creations! And that includes ones that are genuinely good and I respect him for developing - so no I'm not a stereotypical GG-dismisser.

But I do think they are both very specific - and arguably fairly demented - characters who simultaneously contribute a vast amount to climbing (MC via diverse and hardcore hidden gems, GG via very extensive consumer-friendly climbing) but also have some shortcomings due to their relentless obsessions (MC via wanting total control over his crags and not getting how routes will be for others, GG by bolting endless choss to make up the numbers).

I'd say though, that the average quality of MC's output is higher - but then again not necessarily as useful to the average climber. 30 3-hollow-star E4-7s on Cadair Idris verse 30 zero-to-1 start F6a-bs in some Wirksworth chosshole  :devangel:
« Last Edit: July 17, 2019, 09:54:15 am by Fiend »

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#886 fiendblog10 year moratorium.
July 21, 2019, 01:11:26 am
10 year moratorium.


As some eagle-eyed viewers may spot, I am quite keen on normal traditional climbing i.e. looking at the book, looking at a route from the bottom and maybe side or top, pulling on to it and trying really hard to get to the top first time - let's call this "onsight" climbing, without prior knowledge nor experience of the route. I'm less a fan of the spurious ego-wanking attainment-entitlement toss-wittery of picking something you want to achieve or tick but you're not actual capable of, not trying to improve to be capable of it, and avoiding the whole issue by inspecting or practising it - let's call this "pre-failure", without even giving it a normal attempt to fail on gracefully. I even sometimes vocally promote the former over the latter (subject to the usual disclaimer about it being less applicable to cutting edge "beyond current onsighting levels" routes and especially new routes, because despite the gargantuan levels of idiocy required to mis-extrapolate that, some people really are that stupid - you know who you are).

So far, so unsurprising. Also unsurprising is that I promote the former in a "spirit of the law, not letter of the law" sort of way. It's all about the experience - the best, most rewarding, most honest, most true-to-self, experience. There's lots of potential nitty gritty about the ethics - or style, if anyone gives a flying belay-ledge-shit about that linguistic distinction - that roughly codify that experience. Lots of potential UKC "Peak vs Peaks"-style cure-for-insomnia pedant-debates about "if a mate throws up a cam you've forgotten, is it onsight?", "if you downclimb to a rest ledge and take your shoes off to rest your feet is it onsight?", "if you ab down, wirebrush the fuck out of it and preplace the gear, but you'd shot a testtube of crack into your ringpiece* before doing so, is it still onsight?" etc etc (* - nb a prerequisite for taking part in such debates).

In fact it's a grey area, with the shades of grey being fairly obvious to anyone with half a brain who gets that experience. But still they are many and varied and shades and sometimes one gets strange results...

Take a climber. He has just climbed a cool bold route. He abseils down to strip the spaced gear as his partner doesn't fancy seconding it (the same partner that despite being a much better climber neglected to mention that he had previously been rescued of a rest ledge on his attempt ahem). On the way down he casually glances across at an adjacent much harder route, spying the crucial mid-crux RP placement and noting that it seems good, as does a sporadic hold. He doesn't test the size, pull on the holds, nor attempt any sequences - a literal quick look. Yet so much crucial information is revealed that would make a massive difference to the confidence in climbing it. Enough of a different experience so of course he walks away, does a couple of boulder problems, and drives home.

(That was me, doing Pillar Of Judgement, and looking at Judge Dredd at The Nth Cloud)

Take a climber. He's at a crag choosing a route. He looks at his friend's guidebook and picks a mild testpiece. He sets off from the bottom, pulls on some holds, places some gear, works out some moves, cranks through a pushy bulge, reaches the top. All good honest fun. Except when he comes to "tick" the route in his own, battered and abused, guidebook, he notices the shock of "X - PF" . He's previously failed on the route, presumably pumping out and not committing on the crux bulge, presumably slumping and lowering off the gear. He has been there, on those holds, placing that gear, pulling those moves. But not only can he not remember enough to constitute any prior knowledge, he couldn't even remember having tried and failed at all. He calmly rubs out the cross and replaces it with a tick.

(That was me, doing The Prophet at Cummingston)

What does it - all this 3rd person verbosity - all mean?? It means that the concept of the retro-flash, the amnesia-point, letting the onsight grow back, is very real. And if you're honest with yourself, and have genuinely forgotten any prior knowledge that could change the journey, the experience is very real. Honesty is the key, as is forgetfulness - I seem to do okay at both.

This relates to my current situation insofar as I'm back down somewhere where I've previously climbed a lot, and thus as a cowardly punter naturally previously failed a lot. Dividing my existence into pre-Scottish-exile and post-escape-from-the-frozen-North, there is an elegant decade gap between climbing and failing back then and climbing and failing now. Thus my 10 year moratorium - if I failed on it in my previous incarnation, I almost certainly can't remember anything useful, so it is fair game in the spirit of the ethical law.

Bring on the retro-flashes!


Source: 10 year moratorium.

petejh

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#887 Re:  fiendblog
July 21, 2019, 01:15:04 pm
Cheating bastard. This should go into the 'outrageous tactics/tricks for THE SEND thread'.

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#888 fiendblogTrwyn Maen Melyn
July 22, 2019, 01:00:56 pm
Trwyn Maen Melyn


The rock type is apparently "Gwna Melange" (unless Pantontino made that up in a sleep-deprived guidebook-editing haze) and the crag classic is The Bardsey Ripple. If you think these sound more like exotic Welsh ice-cream flavours, then that's a fair view of what to expect from the crag - imagine ALL the rock types of the Lleyn mixed together and frozen into a concreted wave of the upmost weirdness. But somehow it has the highest ratio of "surprisingly solid" to "looks alarmingly semi-detatched" in the area, quite fortuitous given the angle. The guidebook descriptions needed sorted for a couple of routes and some of the stars are estimates but it really is a lovely spot. Approach etc via Lleyn CC guide or North Wales Rock, check BMC RAD for bird bans but they don't seem to affect this bay.


Headstrong E2 5b *
Start from the giant block (the white speckles are quartz not bird poo), and follow a line leftwards out to the edge of the wall. An easier lower line might be possible.

The Incredible Surplus Head E3 5c **
Start from the giant block, climb steeply up to bisect TBR, continue even more steeply up via the head and finish leftwards with much pump.

The Ideal Hom Experience E2 5b **
A good irresistable line. Ideally start at the base of the corner behind the blocks, or at high tide from the block itself. Climb the steep corner via the featured rightwall to bisect TBR, continue via an undercling to escape rightwards into a bay, the far corner being the obvious exit.

Isis In Orbit E3/4 5c **
Another good, very direct and steep line. Bridge up between the boulder and the right wall of TIHE, then continue up the wall on various fangs and boulders to regain TIHE at it's crack and undercling. Climb direct into a well-positioned niche and pull out directly through the steepness to finish.

The Bardsey Ripple E2 5b ***
Brilliant and bonkers, traversing the intrusion to take in the best of the crag. Start in the cleft of QB, bridge up then drop down and swing swiftly leftwards to gain a groove. Follow this then escape around the left rib to gain the intrusion, and follow this all the way to the left end of the crag with much exposure, elation, rope-drag etc.

Stoned Immaculate E2 5b *
Superceded by TIHE and TBR, but should still be fun. Start as for TBR to the groove, the continue direct to gain the bay of TIHE. A direct finish from this might be good. The "bouldery start" described in the book would be much harder and more serious (E4 6a and paddable?).

Queer Bar E3 5c **
Another great line. Start in the mighty cleft and squirm up it to get some respite above, the continue through the obvious bulge above. Can be very greasy, giant cam useful.

The Ungradeable Donkey E3 5c/6a *
A shorter route, but varied and interesting. Start a few metres up the ramp from QB, at an RP slot and high hold. Crank past the bulge onto the slab of rock that's escaped from Holyhead Mountain. Continue to the break then climb up the interesting crunchy groove to pop out rightwards. An easier start is possible just right, while the "start as for Queer Bar" described in the book is illogical and would be much harder.

The Eyes Have It E4 6a *
Climb the obvious diagonal break from right to left, with a very steep finish.

The Bardsey Shuffle E7 6b **
Wild and aesthetic. Start as for TEHI until the TUD groove, then break out left onto the very steep wall via the giant embedded eyes to finish up the crest.


Source: Trwyn Maen Melyn

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#889 Re:  fiendblog
July 24, 2019, 08:27:37 am
Lovely - I had one of my finest sea fishing experiences ever down there - special place!

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#890 Re:  fiendblog
July 24, 2019, 08:50:07 am
There were some fishermen right there below the crag. They thought we were bonkers. I don't know if they caught any fish.

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#891 fiendblogA Decade Of Disability.
September 01, 2019, 01:06:29 am
A Decade Of Disability.


"But you're not properly disabled"

"But you're lucky in many other ways"

"But you can climb F7a, squat 100kg, etc"

"But there are people who are seriously crippled"

Etc etc.

I know all that shit. I also know my own situation and that's what I'm writing about. If you don't think I've got something to write about, imagine this:

  • You've been running sporadically for a dozen years, just gentle road runs. You go out one evening. It's a good evening - clot sites don't ache too much, lungs aren't crawling up your throat. You manage 1.5 miles / 2.5 k, maybe 16 mins total with a 45 second walking section in the middle....it's a good evening. 
  • You go out another evening, same run, it's fucking murderous - legs like lead, lungs like drowning, it takes 2 x 1 minute walking sections and you barely make it. 
  • You walk in to The Cromlech - the easy left hand way, no rack, just one half rope and everything else minimised, walking poles for aid. 4 rests? 5 rests? 6 rests? Something like that. 
  • You've stopped speculating on whether this - fitness - will ever progress, because it physically cannot. There is no possible major improvement.
  • You go to a Rolo Tomassi / Gojira gig, spend too long standing around, moshing from the waist up. Your legs ache for a couple of days after, you keep looking down and checking the engorged collaterals, hoping they're still working.....because if they're not, there's no plan B, no other venous return.
  • You watch your weight creeping up and up and your physical climbing prowess creep down and down - an inevitable consequence of limited aerobic training options, unfortunately combined with difficulty dieting due to digestive issues, and difficulty focusing on remaining possibilities due to depression.

It's now the 10th year anniversary since I was released from hospital after spending a few weeks incarcerated while my sudden DVTs were investigated. A whole fucking decade eh. Looking at the decade, I've done pretty well. I've done some amazing climbing and exploring, some decent training and gymming, one disappointingly singular skiing trip that went great, and a reasonable amount of approach walks all of which have been distinctly inhibited and arduous but I've hauled my rotting carcass up there and usually up some rock face once I've recovered.

As I often say to people about living with this, yes, very minor but yes very real issue: I spend 50% of the time just not thinking about it and getting on with stuff, 25% of the time thoroughly frustrated and pissed off at it, and 25% of the time happy and satisfied that I've done so much despite it.

This year, this anniversary (unlike the first year anniversary celebrating a fairly smooth catching up), the percentages are maybe skewed the other way towards frustration and pissed-off-ness. I'm still going, yes, still on the rock after hobbling in to get there, but things are going fairly mediocrely at the moment, factoring in the digestion and depression. Heavier than ever and as unconfident as I've been in recent years. Probably just a natural lull, but frustrating as I've stacked the odds in my favour with the move to Manchester (now THAT is worth celebrating) and a fairly sensible injury recovery, and not really capitalised on that in terms of proper climbing pleasure. Still, I'm keeping myself going with redpointing bollox (fairly fun and physical), and still aiming for a decent autumn....



Source: A Decade Of Disability.

SA Chris

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#892 Re:  fiendblog
September 02, 2019, 09:58:00 am
Ski season is coming. Make it happen..

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#893 Re:  fiendblog
September 02, 2019, 10:49:54 am
Wise words!! I really should, I do miss it a lot.

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#894 Re:  fiendblog
September 02, 2019, 11:20:30 pm
Great blog post.

Count me in for the skiing, Dolomites maybe?

But you can shove your horrible limestone repointing up your arse...

Also counting the days for grit season starting again, its been a few months of downer for me on the climbing front, but I'm starting to feel the draw again. It is so uninspiring in the central belt. I'm really looking forward to some cool dry connies down south (and north).

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#895 Re:  fiendblog
September 03, 2019, 10:49:51 am
You've definitely been a good part of the fun and exploration in the last decade  :icon_beerchug: Yeah would be ace to see you down here on the grit...

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#896 Re:  fiendblog
September 03, 2019, 11:03:32 am


But you can shove your horrible limestone repointing up your arse...


Isn't that what they do to old buildings?

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#897 fiendblogMix And Match.
September 26, 2019, 01:00:10 pm
Mix And Match.


Sorry for the lack of updates. I've got a couple of vaguely philosophical things to write but also blogger's block about actually putting sweaty fingertips to keyboard. In the meantime I have actually got to Wales a bit more satisfyingly regularly than previously during summer, and even finally managed to climb at South Stack after a month and half of trying to rally any troops to join me - and of course had wonderful route experiences that have fully confirmed why it's so important to visit this area once the bird bans are off. Truly the best "roadside" (not cafeside as it's currently being rebuilt) adventures in the UK. I've only done Rapture Of The Deep and Natalie so far, both highly entertaining and excellent Type 1 fun, and both in warm mid-September weather that gives me hope that any settled spells in mid-October will provide even better conditions to prolong the pleasure.

In contrast, I've mixed and matched those jaunts with an essential "double celestial phenomenon" Llanberis Pass tick of Quasar and Pulsar, both the polar opposite of the South Stack sheningans, and both great in their own more predictable and more powerful ways. It's been really nice to dip into such variety of the single / two pitch trad climbing spectrum. On the other hand my stamina is still completely fucked from a winter / spring without training and compounded with too much redpointing which is fine for 3 minutes of rehearsed power-endurance and absolutely rubbish for actually hanging on to anything for more than 5 seconds, so I'm not really doing anything properly challenging, but I'm doing the right sort of stuff at least.

The side-dish to this surf and turf smorgasbord (a big fat rolly polly seal at Gogarth, a mocking stalking sheep in the hills) has been a flavourful serving of blocs, courtesy of an exceptionally extensive menu in the North Wales Bouldering "put one's deadlifting training to use" book. I've tagged a bit of exploring onto trad trips and had a disproportionate amount of fun out there - there really is classic quality on the Welsh boulders, as long as you stay away from the Cromlech and Cave, of course. I hope the current tiresome sunshine and showers bullshit will abate enough to continue that too. In the meantime, some random images....








Source: Mix And Match.

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#898 fiendblogLevels of engagement.
September 29, 2019, 01:06:54 am
Levels of engagement.


This is something I have been pondering on for a wee while. When we go out and climb, or attempt to climb, a route, it's often not as simple as that. There are ways to dabble and test the waters, and ways to be fully committed to a determined ascent, and ways in between. Simultaneously subdividing yet simplifying, one can characterise 5 (possibly not definitive) levels of engagement with a route:

1. Just looking:
Visiting the crag, seeing the route in the flesh, inspecting from different angles, learning about aspects and angles and conditions, and quite probably pondering deeply on it all.

2. Playing around on the start:
"Playing around" as in starting the route with a distinct possibility and likely intention just to see how it feels, learn a bit more, and cleanly downclimb and leave a more determined attempt until another day.

3. Engaging without expectations:
Starting the route but this time continuing without a fixed expectation of success, only an expectation of giving it a good effort and seeing what happens, balancing out a desire to succeed if possible with an acknowledgement it might not happen.

4. Getting to the top:
The "normal" one. Climbing the route - cleanly, onsight, of course - and (hopefully) succeeding in getting to the top and doing the whole thing, without any particular standards of smoothness or elegance.

5. Climbing the route "well":
Not just getting to the top, nor just underperforming and climbing so far within your limits that something looks effortless. But rather, having a good challenge, and doing a good job of doing it right: the optimum tactics and attitude, a good battle, and a pleasurable experience.

All of these have their merits, whether it's for being a canny climber, going on a journey, aspiring to good style, tackling a challenge. But of course there's different mindsets, different rewards, different suitabilities for different situations. Getting stuck in particular approaches may not always be as beneficial as flexibility.

One thing I've personally noticed is how I tend towards particular engagements more than others - and why:

I do a lot of 1 and 2, ostensibly under the guise of clever tactics and gathering information, but often more honestly because I'm scared of committing, scared of the challenge, scared of the stress, scared of failure (even though deep down I know how wonderful fully engaging will be). So I convince myself I've done something useful while "onsight inspecting" a route and walking away, and sometimes that is genuinely the right decision, sometimes it's avoiding the issue, and often I don't know which.

I also, when I've got bored of the faff and run out of reasons to put things off, do a fair bit of 4, once I've got the level of challenge and conditions (personal and external) just right. Often with a fair bit more faff up and downing en route, the usual panic and sketching until I realise that it's okay. And that's still great in itself. Very rarely, I engage with 5, where I get things right and do a "bloody good job old chap" and feel that my personal performance and pleasure on that route was spot on. That's nice when it happens, but there's plenty of mental clutter and clart that gets in the way of it.

One level of engagement I almost never do outside is 3 - engaging without expectations. Inside, sure, I mix up many route sessions with a couple of 7a++s where I deliberately set off saying "I'm almost certainly not going to do this, but I'm just aiming for a massive pump and a good fall" (often swiftly followed by actually doing it). Outside, only in redpointing do I say similar "I'm going to give this a good burn, climb as well as I can, and if I don't get to the top, I'll have got the sequences smoother, maybe refined my beta, and got a good workout". In fact I said EXACTLY that the other week when I was trying Haslam (without the off-route rest ledge) at Trollers, on my 5th redpoint burn of my 2nd session. I actually did the route, but success on the route paled in comparison with my success in my attitude before starting.

But for onsight trad....engaging without expectations.... Hmmm. Where I might fall and fail and blow that precious onsight?? (Or, maybe, might have a clear-headed enough determination to do it??) Gulp. I haven't mastered that yet. I don't think I've even tried. I did briefly have it in mind a month or so ago on a minor, tricky, and very inspiring route. I said it to myself before I set off, but the idea lasted until it got a bit tricky just on the cusp of no return, and I managed to grovel back to the ground and my comfort zone of Engagement Level 2... Sure there were some factors like tiredness from bad warm-ups and sore skin. But at some point it would be beneficial to try it seriously (serious fun?!). It's a tricky one because firstly onsighting routes is genuinely, deeply, and fundamentally the most pleasurable to me - it's no shallow ethical posturing, it's a real gut feeling about how right and rewarding that experience is. So it's hard for me to be as casual and carefree about that aim as might be ideal. Secondly, it's a difficult balance - I'm always treading a fine line balancing out challenge with the likelihood at success, and I've got pretty good at that tightrope act (no, not that sort of "tight rope" you bellends), in particular aiming for and being inspired by challenges I have a decent chance at. Choosing routes that are tricky (and safe) enough to engage without expectations, whilst amenable and desirable enough that I stand some chance of doing them and thus can give them a good determined effort (rather than flopping off at the earliest "I know this is way beyond me" opportunity) will take some of that off-resorted-to pondering.

But you never know, I might get there some day. Always something to learn, even if it's an old dog struggling with new tricks....


Source: Levels of engagement.

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#899 fiendblogTwo Years Of Total Yuck.
November 01, 2019, 07:00:21 pm
Two Years Of Total Yuck.



Hopefully this won't be reposted in 8 years time and entitled "A Decade Of Disease" or some such horseshit. It's now two years since I contracted gastroenteritis and never fully recovered - and still am not, although I am recovering (very slowly, mostly the nausea bouts have been sparse enough that I can stockpile prochlorperazine - at least until last week when I had two sleep-deprived nights in a row, ugh). Still it's been two fucking years and I'm not exactly thrilled about that, apart from generally feeling unpleasant, I feel like a reduced version of myself. Fiend V2 (post-DVT), sure there's 30% remaining leg fitness and 15% additional weight gain, but the spirit and sanity is generally intact. Fiend V3 (post-GE) ...is not quite himself. Not so much a shadow of his former self, but a slightly greyscale version.

People often highlight the silver lining benefits of going through injury and illness and indeed that is sometimes the case. For me, going through DVTs encouraged a fight and determination that I was previously convinced my flaccid moral fibre lacked. The bad soft-tissue leg injury at the same time as GE - I found patience dealing with it, and doing a steady job of healing, and trained my upper body well. Double tennis elbow - frustrating but I found some cool slabs.

The GE and subsequent "Post-Viral IBS Of The Upper Digestive Tract" (a catch-all term for something in your upper gut is b0rked and no the NHS has no idea what to do with it), well let's look at the pros and cons of that:

Pros:

+ Learnt a bit about the sensitive and complex workings of the gut that I never wanted nor previously needed to know.


Cons:

- Reduced sense of self
I just don't feel like myself. A bit wishy-washy maybe, but it's a constant feeling that I'm not me, I'm me with this disease inside...somewhat unclean (even more than normal), and inhibited.

- Reduced reliability
Because I can struggle to plan in advance of my insides are bad, and have to change and cancel plans.

- Reduced energy
Just more tired and less physical (and sometimes mental) energy.

- Reduced levels of activity
Due to less energy but also timeouts due to queasiness / indigestion, and making less big plans than before.

- Reduced pleasure in food
Mostly being on a much more restricted diet, with occasional general wariness about eating.

- Slightly increased weight
You'd think a restricted, healthier, lighter diet would help me to lose weight, but no. I've gained a bit, presumably because my body isn't digesting food properly and putting on weight rather than giving me energy.

- Inconvenience of trying to eat on the go
Obviously convenient snacking isn't usually healthy, but hey it's convenient and works fine as part of a normal diet. Unless of course you can't do it. Food out and about is more of a pain.

- More susceptible to stomach bugs
For obvious reasons.

- Increased food expense
Having to avoid cheap staples and cheap enhancements, and buying more "luxury" healthier food to make it remotely palatable. Added to the cost of nutritionist, naturopath, counsellor, etc......

- Increased depression and vulnerability
A combination of feelings about many of the above factors, along with a direct emotional effect of when I have nausea bouts, which can be debilitatingly prominent and upsetting.

- Reduced sociability
Because a fair bit of my socialising revolved around good food and good coffee. I'm not a boozer, but I relish sharing a good meal, a fun pub dinner, a nice strong coffee and pastry. Or rather, I did...

......

(In fairness there's a few things it doesn't seem to affect - I don't seem any more prone to illnesses like common colds, nor injuries (the tennis elbows were down to plain stupidity), and my cognitive faculties are fine as are my sleeping habits (despite needing a bit more)).

None of these issues, apart from maybe the lower energy and depression, are major in themselves, but culmulatively they actually make the post-GE situation more inhibitive and harder to cope with than the at-the-time "life-threatening" and subsequently "crippling" DVTs. Thus is the nature of the gut (and brain).

Yes this is me moaning again. Yes get a whole fucking orchestra of tiny violins (they can be the soundtrack to you clicking the Back button on your browser). Yes people are in much worse situations - and they can write about that themselves. But for me, as a dedicated climber, this is part of my situation and part of my climbing (which partly got wiped out by it in spring/summer 2018 and bits of early summer this year). Do all those cons above sound good and beneficial for the climbing lifestyle?? Errr. No.  Am I getting "used to it" and plodding on?? A little bit. Am I still healing?? A little bit. Am I healing quicker than I'm getting used to this bullshit situation?? I fucking hope so. I've accepted being Fiend-with-DVTs, I've no intention of accepting being Fiend-with-perma-PVIBSOUDT - because that greyscale version really ain't me.

Well maybe just occasionally...




Source: Two Years Of Total Yuck.

 

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