[Jaspersharpe]

If this describes you - you are a CUNT. 

Brilliant! 

[Wood FT]

Great blog. Nail on the bonce.

[dave]

Ahhh all along a thought they were trainee suicide bombers.

[Johnny Brown]

Are you seriously saying that you cannot do hard enough moves withough having to add weight? You're not trying the right problems. Use smaller holds. Worse feet. 

Quite right Dobbin. By worse feet you of course mean 'no heels', right? And whilst we're at it these idiots should keep their thumbs off the fucking holds, eh?

[Fiend]

Well at least them using thumbs makes it harder for them to match....

[comPiler]

A new start
8 May 2012, 9:32 am

"Halleluia" they thought - he's stopped blighting us with his vitriolic rants about weight vests, showing off and how good Ned is. No more the pointless gossip about who linked which hold to which on the beastmaker board, the self obsessed drivel about endless failure, or random musings on the perils of filling your splits with anti hydral. The Maclellan witch hunter, cast from the blogosphere, has finally hung up his boots? They wrung their hands in anticipation. Well no, sorry. He is/I am back. Once again. With the ill behaviour.   

The building work dragged on into an eighth week. It felt like longer that men wielding power tools had been creating plumes of dust in the house. It feels now like that was all of a different world - one where she was still pregnant, and everything was as normal - just that she didn't walk far or drink gin. We were driving down Carterknowle road that evening, and as we crashed over a speedbump, her waters broke. 10 days earlier than the due date, a week away from the end of the building and everything was covered in dust and in boxes! We just wanted to collect up the waters, push them back up and seal the baby in for a few weeks.   

We'd been whispering to it that it wasnt to come until the 16th - a week after its due date, but it wouldn't listen. It (cos he was still an it at this point) had been wrestling and kicking away at his mother, desperate to get out, but we weren't ready. There's a risk of infection from having your waters gone but not being in labour, so we ended up getting induced in jessops on wednesday the 28th. We had wanted to have a water birth, for her to be active during labour, and to stay at home as long as possible, but all this goes out the window when being induced, because you're hooked up to a drip and can't move about. Plus, as labour is being brought on by a synthetic version of the hormone, it suddenly comes on at full tilt, so you don't get chance to build up to it. We were warned to expect it to be hard, and consider all the pain relief options. It's not a competition, so we took them. And things went from being fraught and her suffering to her chatting with her dad about colour schemes for the house!   

After a pretty chilled labour, we started pushing at about 11pm. They ended up suckering him and giving him a little pull to get him the last bit out, and at 12:46am on Thursday the 29th Harry Jack Morton hatched. As he was pulled clear of his mum, my eyes caught sight of a little red ball bag - a boy! get in! I couldn't believe it. So many people seem to have been having girls, that whilst I wanted a boy, I didn't expect to actually get one. They put him straight on his mum's chest and he squealed and squealed whilst two new parents looked at him and at each other and felt relief and awe and mild terror! It was like we hadn't realised there was going to be a baby at the end of it all. The world started to spin faster, and it hasn't slowed down since!    

All through pregnancy and labour, the support is brilliant. The staff of Jessops are amazing. They do an incredible job, but at the end of it you are presented with your child and it feels like you've jumped off the cliff - all these people helped you get there, then pushed you off! It's then that the realisation dawns on you that you're gonna have to look after this totally dependant thing from hereafter, that your self indulgent lifestyle of old has gone forever - and we weren't unhappy! People do warn you that things change when you have a child but you just think 'yeah, yeah - whatever, we'll still do stuff' and I have no doubt that we will, but for the first few months its all about them.   

The tide brings a ceaseless stream of visitors, then slowly the frequency abates, and you start to get back to normal. Only its not the old normal, its a new 'dictated-by-child' normal. One of the things people have said which most resonated was that the first couple of weeks were more about coping than anything else, and now six weeks on we're already getting better at it, and I have come to realising that something else a friend said is also true - the days may seem to drag on, but the weeks and months fly past. Six weeks old already. Six weeks, and much chunkier, more alert and almost having a smile baby exists, and its parents whilst not fully competent, can make at least a reasonable show of knowing what they are doing.   

So then, what you really want to know, is during this paradigm shift in my life - how much have I been climbing? well, I figured I wouldnt be going out much, so i bought a kettlebell, and did a few sessions of hanging, but have actually been popping to the wall a couple of times a week, certainly after the first three weeks, and in the day rather than of an evening. But you know what? in the daytime the wall is full of other dads on stealth missions, and the weather's been shit anyway.   

So it's ok fatherhood. At least so far. The feelings of this child has taken over my life and I dont get to choose what i do have been replaced by ones of 'but he is cute though', and dreams of his future and wondering what he'll be into. I chatted to Gill Whittaker last night (Katy and PWhiddy's mum) about how she got them into it, and know the secrets. Nick Brown seems keen to make him the next Adam Ondra, Foley's had a go, and he even did a poo on Ned. 'Doin' allright, getting good grades, future's so bright - i gotta wear shades'...

Source: The Blog of Dob

[SA Chris]

Congrats on the arrival of Horny Mortar

46 mins earlier and it would have been on my birthday.

[comPiler]

Three months old
21 June 2012, 8:09 am

It's not been a bad time to have had a baby and be out of the running to be honest. Since he arrived, don't think I haven't been climbing - i have, just only for short spells, and indoors. Which sounds like its been ok because it's been tipping it down or boiling hot anyway. The opportunities missed have been scarce, and whilst I don't like to be a miserable choad and wish that whilst I can't, neither can you - it's easier to bear than hearing about loads of stuff getting done when you can't go. Which is a point I would like to make - when you're expecting a baby, people are such doom chimps - 'oooh, you'll not be doing this and that when the baby comes' and so on. You will, you can do anything you want - just for less time and whilst tired! Why do people take such delight in doing this? wierdos.

I described fatherhood to Adam as being exactly the same, but without the whimsy. By which I meant you still get to go climbing, and do what you want to do, but the whimsical flights of fancy of before have to be shelved. I reckon even they will come back, but not perhaps for a little while.  Mind you, being the first father's day this last weekend, I did get to indulge myself and take the boy for a walk down Cheedale. Not since the bad old days have i seen a crag that wet (remember, the years when the cornice didnt dry out?). I had heard that people had been on martial music and unleashing, but both of these were nearly waterfalls, and the nemesis start was so soaked i struggled to make out the holds (I was actually looking for the one which had broken, and am now concerned its the crimp jug you bone with your right hand to go back left. Is it?

So, three months old and already been dragged to the wet crag. What hope for the minibeast? He's also been to the Climbing Works. Slept through the first hour, and then had a bit of feed and a kick on the mats by the board. Which, according to Helen - is very like her sessions (this made us laugh). Unfortunately, he also had to suffer the endless tirade which is Alex Barrows. One can only wonder as to the damage which must surely have been done to his little mind as the gangly grade bagger slopped his floppy clown shoes onto the enormous bivi ledge footholds which exist for weak people and warm ups. To compensate, I sellotaped a picture of malc to the inside of his basket, and he fell asleep with a kettlebell in his paw. Hopefully this is enough to reverse the damage.

Source: The Blog of Dob

[abarro81]

All footholds are small when you have feet this big. It's not my fault ok, quit picking on me.

[comPiler]

Sheepsk!n
12 July 2012, 10:58 am

I haven't had any revelations recently, and i haven't been actual rock climbing either - so there's been scant little to reveal to you. Well, there are a couple of things :

Joe le Sage has a blog. Far from the usual droning on about rock climbing tosh, its a cooking blog. Read his musings here : http://jlskitchendiary.blogspot.co.uk/

We took the boy on his first holiday. We went to Pembrokeshire, and stayed in a beautiful cottage. Here's some pictures :  

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]this was our house[/td][/tr]

[/table]

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]The bedroom[/td][/tr]

[/table]

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]bath in the bedroom[/td][/tr]

[/table]

whitesands bay. nice and clean, but only small

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]three musketeers at Barafundle bay[/td][/tr]

[/table]

throwing some fins

cool things we found whilst we were there :

Pant Mawr - amazing local cheese shop

UltraComida - spanish tapas serving deli in Narberth

Melin Trgwynt - welsh woollen blankets

Surf forecast for whitesands on Ma Simes



Source: The Blog of Dob

[butters]

Joe le Sage has a blog. Far from the usual droning on about rock climbing tosh, its a cooking blog. Read his musings here : http://jlskitchendiary.blogspot.co.uk/

That is a bloody good blog that you have linked to there Dobbinator.

[Dolly]

Agree
Have got loads of good ideas from there
And I do like beans as well

[Jaspersharpe]

Although Joe's blog looks really good and full of fantastic, delicious looking ideas I'm still a bit disappointed that it's not just lots of different ways to cook sausages.

[comPiler]

Direct Action
20 July 2012, 9:08 am

I have actually managed to climb outside in the last two weeks. Admittedly, it involved being rained on, but I did actually manage to climb something. Which was nice. 

On the 12th Nick and I went to the Tor and did Wild in Me. This involved stuffing rags into holes and pulling them out before climbing. I.e. pretty desperate. We also went round to Rubicon which was totally (and some would point out) predictably, flooded. The evening finished at Stoney's Minus ten wall, which means I don't have to go there for another five years.   

Yesterday I returned to Kilnsey with Britain's preeminent bum doctor and Keighley's second favourite ginger primary school teacher (about to loose his title). This was a high risk strategy based entirely on the strength of text messages from the dangerous subversive Aaron Deakin. However, when we arrived it was actually good. There were dry holds, and a fresh breeze. I however, had forgotten my harness. Kilnsey is an impressive crag of some rather significant girth, not one which the prospect of climbing with a sling harness appeals particularly. We set about the mandela training traverse - A sideways shuffle the crux of which involves avoiding nettles. Although you wouldn't travel to Kilnsey to go bouldering, this actually turned out to be quite fun. Whilst James and I engrossed ourselves in the real line of the crag, such fanciful creatures as Awesome Mawson and strong blonde lady set about flashing everyone else's route projects, but I could see them jealously eyeing our traverse, wondering how two such fat men could lift such weight, and how we hadn't pulled the crag over.   

Thankfully our Keighley cousin arrived just in time for us to finally exhaust ourselves and for him to be best. Which indeed he was. Delighted to be at a damp midge infested hell hole, he rattled off the Directissima. I also took a turn on the lead, whilst the lilly livered bum doctor shaked and grumbled his way up on a topper. As the medical miracle swore and trembled, Kev and I dreamt up a challenge. Would the Directissima be possible in trainers? well, yes it would. A fun exercise that made you think more about your feet and work a bit harder. Lowering back to the ground, we all had a quick go on Face Value. Kev again in trainers, us two now totally boxed - having a whitey in climbing shoes. Quick pint at the Old Hall and then home.   

Meanwhile, I have an email from our old friend Dick Splinters. Dick's planning to launch a top secret training app on the appstore. I've seen a prototype, and it seems to involve a lot of videos of Dick, wearing brightly coloured Y Fronts, doing implausible things with a campus rung. In one video he appears to nearly get his dog to talk - nearly. Unbelievable. Not sure what Dave Macleod would think about some of his training ideas mind. One of them seems to involve using the campus rung in an altogether different fashion where ones arms come into play only to hold onto the pillow.

Source: The Blog of Dob

[Fiend]

Classic, welcome back Doblog.

[rodma]

Classic, welcome back Doblog.

 

[comPiler]

Some holiday snaps
31 July 2012, 6:49 pm



Source: The Blog of Dob

[comPiler]

What doctors do when they don't have jobs
25 August 2012, 9:56 pm

Here's Rupert and Dylan making the best out of the bad weather, me enjoying a little saucisson on one of my regular big wall missions and finally some insight into my secret training scheme, just before an intense wedge workout.

All work credit the twisted mind of Dr folie

Source: The Blog of Dob

[account_inactive]

Put the one in of Foley pleasuring Joel

[comPiler]

21 December 2012, 9:52 am

The 25th of August! That was when we last spoke, which is in stark contrast to the daily updates of old. And its not that I dont love you anymore, nor have I lost the appetite to poke fun, just a question of priorities. Also, I've actually been working rather than giving voice to my existential debates on the internet. Anyway, enough about that. What's happened since August? Well, firstly, a girl did Mecca. Admittedly one who climbs 8B (yeah yeah, she will soon ok - think of it as future proofing), which prompted me to crank up my trusty ginger sidekick and head to the tor. As is commonly the case these days, he did it and I didnt. Nick took some nice pictures.



The rest of limestone season was driven largely by the prospect of going to Stoney chippy on the way home. Ned tried the Bastard, Jon Welford's visionary testpiece from the mid nineties but only managed one and a half moves, Nick took more pictures, and I did the Sissy again. A far cry from the blissful evenings idling away at the Cornice last year. Anyway, Stoney chippy is indeed a good chippy.



I was glad of the shift of focus to the brown rocks, and unsuprised to discover I was even less competent than before. There were little forays of success, tales of skin mismanagement and more stories of failure. I failed on the art of white hat wearing and great white, but did (and recommend) the Hippo.



I learnt that the weather is so consistently bad, that if you have chance, even if it is for just an hour - you should go out, and to that end I have been collecting projects close to home - i.e. accessible in a couple of hours quick raid. These so far include The art of white hat wearing, great white, monochrome, boyager, Walk on by, full power, western eyes and musee imaginaire (which was the scene of a hideous failure with Bransby the other day).

In child news - he has his first tooth, so although he's been a bit grumpy he's still really good. Nearly nine months old now, and although its all anyone says - it goes so fast. To which end although the first three months are hard work and you do wish the time away a bit, it gets loads better and now he is really fun to play with. Still hard work mind. (ours in nearest the camera in this pic)



Anyway, happy xmas! hope you have a good festive yuletide and that you consume a river of port and a mountain of mince pies (i.e. so I can burn you off when I see you at the wall).



Source: The Blog of Dob

[SA Chris]

And Happy Christmas to you Mr Dobinson. Glad the wean's doing well.

[north_country_boy]

Source: The Blog of Dob

You forgot to mention that you have lost/had amputated your left foot?!.....

[comPiler]

Winter round up
8 May 2013, 3:12 pm

Often, in quiet moments on the motorway/toilet, I think to myself - I really should write something on the internet. By now though its almost been so long that any post would be a massive rambling monolog which you don't want to read, and I don't want to write. And besides, why should I write anything? that was always the good thing, I didn't have to do it, there was (and is) no agenda, I can say whatever the fuck i want. Or not. The thing with the internet is that you get out of it what you put in. If you lurk quietly reading things, you've invested your time, and you might come away with some knowledge (which may or may not be lies), but by contributing you get so much more back. In my writing this its an ordering of thoughts, and a bit of catharsis. Putting some things down so they get out of my head. The thing is you see, that if I dont write anything, the thoughts and rants still happen, they just get internalised, and I have to deal with them. Why not share the pain?

So then, lets get to it. I had said i wouldn't go to Switzerland this year, and so as expected, when the boys booked their trip i was jealous. Bendy challenged my reasons for not coming, and i had one of those epiphany moments where you think 'actually, yes - thats a good point'. My reasons were that it wouldnt be fair to leave her with the boy whilst he didn't sleep through, only he pretty much does now. I opened negotiations, and because whilst she wasn't back at work - it kind of made sense to go. So, i find myself with a month to train, suddenly about to go on a trip, fat and weak and pudgy after christmas. The last time we went, noone had been able to get out for weeks because of the weather, so we all had shit skin. This time I overcompensated, going buck wild and grinding sheets of skin off in the process. And that's where plans started to become unravelled. On the Thursday before we flew out on the Saturday I went to Earl - possibly the sharpest grit crag in the uk, and it was a bit damp to boot. Then on the saturday night after we had arrived, I applied Uncle Hydral to my already thin dry skin.... If you're not slapping your forehead with your hand now, you should be. First day, we go to Cresciano. I get two deep fissure splits in the pads of both index fingers. On the first day! Major error. Still, you live and you learn hey? We did some fun rock climbs, had a nice trip but really truly and deeply, i didnt come back having done what i wanted to do. However, i believe you only loose out if you choose to think that you do. I prefer to look on the bright side. I got close to doing something i really wanted to do, and did some cool climbing and had a nice time. The end.

Got back, did Famous Grouse. Felt dead hard, hilarious video on Faceache with gravity defying leg flick. Nearly did Walk on by, but nearly is nowhere, and ultimately I didn't. Got quite excited about art of white hat wearing, but also came away empty handed. That was a problem where I got to the top with one plan in mind, only to realise that there was no way it was going to work.

Started trying Ben's groove sit at caley. Left it too late in the year to get on that one really, and although thought i was gonna do it, basically climbed up to the crux, fell off, then could do from there to the top. i.e. i didn't actually do the move. Mina tried to rope me in to careless. Blew her out to go on WoB with Neddy. That was the day she did it! error.

Went snowballing which was cool, but lets be completely clear - you are still soloing, just from a bit higher ground. Remembered about wanting to do chip shop brawl just as the snow all went. Had massive revelation that the only reason anyone does trad is because its all piss, just a bit scary.

Finally, jasons roof. Mina did it in a session (good effort!). I went on a mission after work and thought it was 8b. Couldn't do some of the moves. Watched her video and slowly it came together. She climbs it really well. Went from not being able to do sections to having two overlapping halves, and then to redpointing, and to actually nearly doing it. Went back a week later, which was too soon. Skin scabbed over from the week before, scabs fell off, i bled and it was just too painful. Imagine the scene, Neddy, Jon Fullwood, Sam Whittaker and the Folinator all wanting to know what to do. I style out to the lip, getting to the jug but slipping off, and we all think that its definately on for me. Neddy then nearly flashes it. Sam and John pull it out of the bag, James forges a path, and I get out there another 4 times but never finish the deal! Beautiful walk out. John and Ned do a new problem. Neddy does sidewinder.

Have a week off from trying, to go to the county, where I finally manage Cubby's lip. The yorkshireman is still 8b. We go to Hepburn, and I wish we had gone there first. Preparation H is possibly the best problem in the country! I wobble up Northern Soul which is super cool.

Manage to get back to crookrise the week after, and expect to smash Jasons straight away. Not so, still have to fight for it, and in the end when i do it, it takes its toll of flesh and I climb it really badly! you will see when i get round to the video. So now thats that, the end of the brown rocks (???). Pretty psyched for bolt clipping. we will see what the summer holds.



Source: The Blog of Dob

[Fiend]

Welcome back DOB!

[Jaspersharpe]

+1