[comPiler]

Things I Will Remember About Oz
17 April 2014, 5:32 pm

Gritstone is nearly perfect isn't it? All that friction, the fluid motion. A shame it's so small. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was somewhere with massive grit crags. Somewhere with a bit more variety; multi-pitch grit, steep grit, sport grit. A place like that would be all the rage, wouldn't it?

I've just returned from a two week climbing trip in the Blue Mountains. Alright, it's not Stanage, but the rock is as close to quarried grit as makes no difference. I'm sure geologists would quibble, but this is grit in all but name. Originally I had planned to write a few blogs whilst I was there but it turns out Australia isn't a civilised country and it's really hard to find coffee and wifi after 5pm, so I didn't bother. Instead I am blessing you with this summary of things I remember about the trip, in a handy list format.

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]The Blueys. Great rock, lots of trees. And a whole heap of rain.[/td][/tr]

[/table]

• The Scenery
  
  Look out from Centennial Glen and gum trees recede into the distant haze, whilst black cockatoos screech from the branches. On the walk in we've navigated waterfalls, leeches, snakes; if a pterodactyl flew past I would be only mildly surprised. Charles Darwin was unimpressed, finding the scenery "exceedingly monotonous; each side of the road is bordered by scrubby trees of the never-failing Eucalyptus family; and with the exception of two or three small inns, there are no houses or cultivated land". Pff. What did Darwin know? He didn't even see a Kangaroo - which brings me to number
• The Wildlife
  
  Kangaroos, Snakes, Echidnae, Wombats, Cockatoos, Kookaburras. The wildlife in the blueys was probably the best thing about the whole trip. And the sounds of the birds from our campsite in the morning added to the whole 'lost world' vibe of the trip. Even the ravens sound exotic to british ears; their loud caws trailing off to a sigh, as if they've been punctured and are slowly deflating.
  
  
  [tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]Roo spotting in the Megalong Valley[/td][/tr]
  [/table]

[li]The Weather

Hmm. Less enamoured here. For the two weeks we were there we had two days without rain. And we had all sorts of rain. We had drizzle. We had bowel-shaking thunderstorms, which we got to watch from an enjoyable distance and a disconcerting proximity. We had monotonous downpours, sudden squalls and even one very isolated shower, when it rained from a 100ft patch of cloud drifting past us in an otherwise perfect cobalt sky. When it wasn't raining, we were treated to gritstone climbing in 20 degree heat and 100% humidity.

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]Lovely.[/td][/tr]

[/table]Still, thanks to the impermeability of the rock and general steepness we still got to climb every day we wanted. Which brings me to number[/li]

[li]The Climbing

It was steep, it was rough, it was tough. There were rock overs, massive sideways dynos, the crimpiest crimps that ever crumped. I absolutely loved it. I also got completely and utterly shut down. I didn't climb anything harder than 29 (8a), didn't onsight anything harder than 27, fell off a few 24s. Worst performance ever, but some stellar routes made it a great trip. My favourite was probably Super Duper Goo - the route in the previous blog post. I didn't quite get the beautiful light that Steve Mac is enjoying in that photo, instead I swung through the roof in zero visibility and a raging thunderstorm, but it was epic and memorable nonetheless. Other favourites were the mega-steep The Way of All Flesh and Don't Believe the Tripe, and everything on the gorgeous and subtle vertical walls of Porter's Pass.

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]One taped finger for each day on.[/td][/tr]

[/table]

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]The Tube, Centennial Glen - 24[/td][/tr]

[/table][/li]

[li]Sydney

Probably one of the only cities I could imagine living in. We had some lovely days out in Sydney, with the only downside being the assault we received at the hands of the Seagulls in Manly. [/li]

[/list]So - that was Oz. I'll definitely go back as soon as I can afford it, and just hope that I won't get such a spanking next time!

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]The morning view from our tent. It rained 10 minutes later.[/td][/tr]

[/table]

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]Classic connies at Diamond Falls[/td][/tr]

[/table]

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]The in-aptly named 'log of death' at the Freezer[/td][/tr]

[/table]



Source: The Spherical Cow

[comPiler]

Opening the account
22 April 2014, 9:59 am

For about three years now I've had one particular route in the back of my mind. That's because it's the best hard sport route on UK limestone, bar none. To be honest, many of the hard sport routes in the UK are minging - the holds are too small and nasty, or the rock is a bit poor. Some of the best climbing are on traverses (like Dog's Dinner) or arbitrary link ups in Parisella's Cave or the Tor, but it's hard to get psyched for them, unless you are Alex Barrows.

The exception that proves the rule is Rainshadow. Steve Mac put up this masterpiece in 2003, and it's seen two repeats since then. It is flipping amazing. The rock is damn near perfect and the moves are funky. Most importantly all of the holds are nice - no grim crimps here!

[tr][td][/td][/tr][tr][td]Steve Mac on Rainshadow. Screenshot from Gresham's Training DVD.[/td][/tr]

[/table]The route climbs Raindogs (best 8a at Malham) to a poor shake below a Font 7c+ boulder problem through the roof, with burly 8a/8a+ climbing to get to the belay above. It's a BIG step up from anything I've done to-date. Together with Tom Randall I've been basing my training over the last three years around getting into good enough shape to do this route. To be honest, a lot has gone wrong over that time period, and I had to sit out almost all of last year, and a few months of this one, due to finger injuries. Maybe that will prevent me from realising my goal this year, but the time has finally come to start trying, and see how close I can get.

This weekend I spent three days on the route. It's amazing, but so, so hard. The roof boulder problem is so beta intensive, it took me the whole weekend to work out a sequence. I'm using Steve's heel-toe sequence, which no-one else uses, but after trying several different pairs of Sportiva shoes I've got the knack and think it's the way forward. Raindogs at least is easy, but there's a heartbreaker move at the very top that's got me really worried. The whole deal may be too hard, and perhaps my ego has written a cheque my body can't cash. Too bad. I'm supposed to be back at work, but I can't think of anything else. I see Rainshadow holds in my cup of tea. I load google to search for work papers and somehow find myself watching Rainshadow videos. For better or worse I'm committed to this project! See you at Malham...

Source: The Spherical Cow

[comPiler]

They shoot horses, don't they?
5 May 2014, 6:07 pm

My connective tissue is rotting. I think it's a standing joke amongst other climbers that I'm always injured. Certainly when I meet people I haven't seen for a while, the first question they ask is 'are you injured?'. Currently I am nursing: one finger injury, occurring on the day after F-BO; torn knee ligaments, occurring on the day after the CWIF; and a sprained ankle, which came on during a gentle walk. All this makes me feel pretty decrepit. There's nothing like being old to make you feel old.

The *good* news is that all my aches and pains are manageable enough to begin training once again, so with a Coach-Randall-Approved Rehab™ plan I'm hitting the campus board again (don't worry Mum - feet on and open handed) to get fit and get awesome. By Saturday I even managed to reduce the swelling in my ankle enough to get a rock shoe, so I hobbled into Malham for a session on Rainshadow.

There was a good scene at Malham on Saturday, by which I mean that the entire sodding world was on the catwalk, strutting around as if they had as much right to be there as I did. Rainshadow is going well, although progress is incremental. I'm getting more solid on the crux moves, and got some good beta from Ryan P, who is looking very tidy on it. Probably because he climbs the crux bulge in seven moves, where I take twelve. For me I still need to take it easy and not try big links, in case they break me.

On Sunday the wife and I went to the Barn, for their amusingly-named 'Barn Wars'. Because it was May the 4th. Ha ha. Jules wants to get in as much comp practice before the British championships as possible so local comps like this are an excellent chance to refine strategy and learn to work sequences etc. Obviously I would have won, had people who were better than me not turned up. Nathan Phillips won, who is injured - though clearly not as injured as I am. Dave Barrans didn't win. I hope this makes him angry enough to try hard at next weeks World Cup in Grindlewald... Jules won the ladies comp despite being tired from a load phase of her training, and won a very generous £200 prize which she spent on shoes. Typical girl.

Then, since it was a bank holiday we spent monday shopping in Sheffield and doing a bit of gardening, and then had a nice evening watching the World Cup on YouTube and making Ravioli. Which was nice. And that's about it. Stayed tuned for more blog posts, in which I sustain more injuries and not much gets climbed.

Source: The Spherical Cow

[Nibile]

Very nice.
How did you make ravioli?

[Tommy]

Apply can opener to Heinz, turn at least 20 times and microwave in separate bowl. Right?

We are British you know 

[SA Chris]

Naw, them Littlefairs are dead sophisticated like, they buy it in a bag. From Aldi n'all.

[Stu Littlefair]

Flour, eggs and a rolling pin. With bolognese in them. You pricks.

[Nibile]

 

[Nibile]

Next time you can try and put ricotta and boiled spinach, mashed togeter, inside the ravioli; and the ragù (sorry but my DNA does not allow me to call it Bolognese) as the dressing.
If some of the ricotta and spinach mash is left over, simply make balls with it, roll them in flour, add some oil and throw them in the oven. Then add tomato sauce, or ragù, or butter and sage, or parmesan, and thank me.
'kinell I'm hungry now.

[Wood FT]

good bitterness coming out of this Stu, keep it up

[Stubbs]

Nibs, you should do a series of 'Cooking with Lorenzo' videos!

[Stu Littlefair]

Nibs - thanks for the tips. They sound amazing. Sadly I can't bring myself to call anything ragu since in the UK it's the name of a horrible pre-made pasta sauce.

[Stu Littlefair]

good bitterness coming out of this Stu, keep it up

Cheers guy, but if you think that's bitter, wait till I get started on Barrows onsighting 8b

[comPiler]

In Praise of Alex Barrows
9 May 2014, 8:51 am

I think we've known each other long enough to be honest. I'm Alex Barrows' biggest fan. Ok, he's a ridiculous looking, freak of a human being. And admittedly he has ruined climbing in Parisella's Cave forever. And, since you bring it up, the "Climbers Against Barrows" T-shirt was rather funny. And his little poodle is quite annoying, but there's more to Alex Barrows than this.



I think it's time to acknowledge that Alex is a nice guy. He's cheerful and friendly and doesn't have a bad word to say about anyone. Reading for a PhD in Physics suggests he's at least moderately bright. Unlike me, when confronted with a different opinion he genuinely tries to understand why it might be right. He's helpful to other people at the crag and has a infectious, bounding enthusiasm more climbing. I genuinely struggle to think of someone I'd rather go climbing with than Mr Alex Barrows.

More than this however, it's time I admitted that he's actually quite good at climbing. Having now climbed 3 8c+'s his sport climbing track record is pretty much as good as it gets in the UK. Alright, two of them were boulder-problem traverses of dubious worth but we have to respect difficulty wherever we find it. Moreover, word on the street is that he has just onsighted not one, but two, 8b's in Rodellar. In typical modest fashion he didn't let anyone know about this (apart from posting on Facebook and updating his 8a.poo scorecard from the crag), so I'm telling you now. In short, Mr Alex Barrows is one hell of a climber.

In summary I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologise to Britain's hardest climbing Will Ferrel look-a-like and say - Alex Barrows, we salute you.

Source: The Spherical Cow

[Wood FT]

what the fuck Stu, what the fuck

[reeve]

Account hacked?

[Ally Smith]

Crikey! 
How big is his head going to get after all that back slapping?

And I quote "Arms like lead balloons, kneepads like swimming pools and an ego like you wouldn't believe. Climbed like shit on the bottom part but thankfully got it together on the upper bit. Stamina cave climbing - just my bag. Fought like a mutha fucka and screamed like a little girl taking the victory jump! Made up."

[Nibile]

A poodle? A fucking poodle? Jesus fucking Christ.

[Ally Smith]

A poodle? A fucking poodle? Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm sure the attack poodle will be along soon...
 

[Stu Littlefair]

what the fuck Stu, what the fuck

I couldn't live the lie any more.

[Stu Littlefair]

A poodle? A fucking poodle? Jesus fucking Christ.

This is an oblique reference to three-nine, Alex's constant companion and 'attack poodle'.

[Wood FT]

what the fuck Stu, what the fuck

I couldn't live the lie any more.

we all like him, but we all made that pact in the damp S6 cellar for a reason, to save him from himself. You'll be the upfall of him, mark my words. Stickers on his trousers by the end of May.

[Stu Littlefair]

we all like him, but we all made that pact in the damp S6 cellar for a reason, to save him from himself. You'll be the upfall of him, mark my words. Stickers on his trousers by the end of May.

maybe i've bought Alex Barrows shares, and I'm just hyping the brand before releasing the Alex Barrows(TM) signature range of kneepads?

[Nibile]

A poodle? A fucking poodle? Jesus fucking Christ.

This is an oblique reference to three-nine, Alex's constant companion and 'attack poodle'.

Sorry, I hadn't gotten it. The idea of Alex's frame walking a poodle was just too much. Feeling (slightly) better now.

[Wood FT]

we all like him, but we all made that pact in the damp S6 cellar for a reason, to save him from himself. You'll be the upfall of him, mark my words. Stickers on his trousers by the end of May.

maybe i've bought Alex Barrows shares, and I'm just hyping the brand before releasing the Alex Barrows(TM) signature range of kneepads?

sell out, I'm changing my display pic.